Opinions please on Boarding schools but as a DAY pupil

[allnightlong]

Just wanted to garner some opinions from others who may be more informed than DH and I.

We are trying to decide on Schools for DD and it's quite likely she will attend an independent school. Many of the schools (we're looking at Edinburgh Independents if anyone has an opinion on any of those schools) are boarding schools but admit Day pupils too.

We are absolutely certain that our DC will only ever be day pupils as DH boarded for a time and hated it and refuses to ever consider it for our DC.

Our concern are just from looking at the prospectus that Day pupils in boarding schools seem to have VERY long days by Prep school age, well past 5/6pm due to the set up for the schools. Is this view justified?
If so does it put presure on the day pupils t spend most of their time after formal leasons on the school premises?
Another concern is that by the age of 11+ DC will then prefer to actually board.

Is there a divide between day and boarding pupils?
DH can't really remember but his school was mostly boarding school pupils at the time, his cousin who's boarding school was more mixed says there was a definite divide between them to the point of all out hostility.

This is just going from my experience which was a long time ago, left in 1988, but there was a huge divide.

I think now though that a lot of schools do flexible boarding, so can board a few nights a week rather than full time, I don't know whether that makes it easier.

Same as arentfanny

Big divide between day and boarding, the days are indeed longer, and I eventually ended up boarding in the school that I lived less than a mile away from. This was simply because to be what felt like a full member of the school, boarding seemed to be necessary.

So the DCs go to independent day schools. We might send them to board in the sixth form but certainly not before.

I left school some time ago (not saying when!) and was (boarding) at a school which was majority boarding. I know the day girls felt quite left out: a number of them boarded in the 6th form because things were generally set up for boarders and they felt they missed out by not boarding.
No hostility though, and as we got older I did envy the day girls because they had more freedom on the weekends than the rest of us, for example.

I was a boarder and most day pupils I knew felt thay were missing out on friedships and fun in the evenings. Several ended up as boarders for that reason.

So pretty much confirming what we thought that the Boarding schools are mostly centred around the Boarding pupil.

I'm not wholly against our DC choosing to board (weekly) if they chose to 11+ but really do not think DH will change his mind.

Enquire if they do flexi boarding, a lot do now.

I also have a friend who's son is a day boy and he is fine.

Although very long days, sometimes she doesn't pick him up until 9pm.

One of the schools I've been looking at mentioned an 8pm finish for a typical day pupil in prep at that sort of finish he may as well stay the night!

DD is only 4 so it'll be many years before the boarding issue came up. Ideally we'd like her to be a day pupil.

So any one got a recommendation for a day only independent school in Edinburgh?
As lovely as the broachers and open days are we're quite aware thats only the glossy advert and not always the reality.

DH has commented to me that he reckons most of the extra-curricular activities were geared towards boarders in his school to the extent he never even knew they were happening.

One of the reasons we like some of the schools is the wide range of activities after classes, but not to the extent of only picking up DC to bring them home to bed.
I wonder if boarding pupils then get first choice over activites over day pupils?

It's not so much the activities - I'd be surprised if they weren't open to all - it's the gossip during prep, the sneaking out after lights out, the casual socialising in one another's rooms ... Makes the boarders very close and tight knit

I have friends with DDs who are day girls at a predominantly boarding school, the same one I went to as a day girl many years ago, and from what they say, things have changed a bit - day girls are encouraged to join in whatever of the weekend or evening activities they want to, they have a night or two free boarding per term so the girls get the occasional overnight-in-the-dorm experience too, and generally it sounds more integrated than it was in my day.

I found it similar to the other posters above - big social divide between day girls and boarders, and long school day plus Saturday mornings made it harder to do any non-school activities. I moved to a day school for the sixth form.

Basically, I wouldn't dismiss mainly boarding schools out of hand - go and have a look, ask them how they deal with the day/boarding issue, and if possible talk to some other parents of day pupils to see what they say. Of course, some families where both parents work see the longer days as an advantage - everyone gets home the same sort of time, and homework has often been done at school - but if that isn't a draw for you, then it may not be the right sort of place.

I agree with Quattrocento. I loved being a boarder and made lifelong friends, but I haven't stayed in touch with any of the day kids

My school was a boarding school, but most of the the boarders were overseas students, and most of the day students were fairly local.

It was more of a cultural divide really. I never felt that I was missing out on boarding life.

Aye I would agree with the lifelong friends thing. At the ripe old age of 43 I still number some of the friends made at school as amongst my closest. We've often talked about this and it's the same for all of us. Hugely bonding experience.

Quttro & crystal I can see how the other boarders can become like family to one another, creating a natural divide rather than an intentional one.
The life long friendships sounds lovely that's what I'd hope for if they were to end up boarding if DH ever get over his own terrible boarding experience.

exexpat thats what I've been hearing too that boarding schools have change and it's much more transient who is a day/flexi/full boarder but part of that worries me that all the encouragement to join in until late in the evenings and weekends will eat into family time.

which schools are you looking at?

AFAIK most of the schols in edinburgh are predominantly day schools with a few boarders.

I think that's very different from a boarding school that takes a few day pupils.

I think you are going to have a very long day with any private secondary, boarding or not. I know I did activities until 5/5.30 most days then 3 hours of homework.

Actually, lots of secondary schools will have after school activities followed by several hours of homework at home, so in my experience 'home time' is virtually non existent once the dc are on the GCSE, A level treadmill

My son is a boarder at a predominantly boarding school. There is no hostility towards day pupils but neither do they seem to socialise with each other. I do feel sorry for the day pupils as they dont seem to have any close friends at school, not even with each other outside school. There is a definite bond between the boarders which does not exist, even in a milder form, between boarders and day pupils. The school try to help with this, for example day pupils can stay in communal lounge till 6pm, but the daily life of a boarder is so very different to a day pupil that I think there will always be a divide. My son was a day pupil at another school till 13 and has been boarding at this school for 4 years. Personally, I would only ever send a child as a day pupil to a school which was mainly or only a day school. By the way I was very against boarding but felt at age 13 my son was old enough to decide what he wanted and the school he preferred is too far away to commute daily. He has always known that if ever he doesnt want to board he can come home and he could go to a local day school but as he preferred this school (for lots of reasons) he has always said that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. He does come home every weekend and of course has very long school holidays. He was home schooled until age 10 and I have had huge problems with missing him (he has gone back this evening after a lovely xmas break so apologies for rambling but the adjusting to him not being here has not got any easier over the 4yrs!)

Bucking we're looking at pretty much all of them for the moment.
We are most interested in:
George Herriots

Fettes the facilities look amazing but DH has heard that some of the teens can be a bit wild.

Clifton Hall I liked it but DH felt it wasn't really worth the fees nothing particually special.
George Watson's College come across well too.

St George's school for girls this is one of my favorites but so keen due to it not only taken boarders but also hadn't considered single sex with a DS too it could turn into a bit og a logistical nightmare.
But if DD was to go then we would probably consider an all boys school for DS so would be interested in Merchiston Castle or any other boys schools.

We ruled out Cargillfeild and Loretto due to distance.

darlean & Crystal I have an pretty good idea of the day to day life of those in private education and DH was privately educated it's more of a concern about the presure to board or stay very late at prep school age by secondary school that's fine being still at school in the evening but it's a very long day for a 7/8 year old.
Few day independent schools would expect a pupil to till be taking part (excluding a late sports match) in school activites late into the evening regularly.

heriots and watsons don't board. st georges has a small percentage of boarders approx 50 girls iirc.

did you look at erskine stewart melville or edinbrgh academy?

fettes fees are a lot higher.