should i keep my son in pre-school an extra year?

[lauran84]

My son is 3 years 10 months and has been in pre-school nursery for 6 months.I have been told on numerous occasions that my son wont be ready for school in August even though he will be 4years and 7/8months when the school year starts.

I have been told by his keyworker its because he is immature and wont sit long at ring/group time in nursery.

Has anyone else had the same advice and have they followed or refused this?

Ireally need some help.

there's a list of acronyms.. but DD is darling daughter. DS is darling son, H is husband, W is wife and so on

at the end ot the day, he's young, he is immature by the very nature of his age

it sounds like this nursery is not really doing all it can and is writing him off, so maybe looking for somewhere new is a good idea

best of luck!

the trouble is if you keep them back at pre school they miss the foundation year at primary where this is exactly the kind of behaviour and skills they are developing. they then go straight in year one where expectations are higher and they really have to sit etc.

the year when they are 4 at school is a continuation of the pre school curriculum and all about preparing them for the school and more formal learning. it's all play learning and not much sitting around but they get used to the environment, expectations etc and being in a class.

i think a child would miss out a lot by missing that year and have a great leap to make going from pre school to the 2nd year of primary school.

i'd also question the nursery's motives. presumably they're not over subscribed if they're wanting to keep school aged children on there.

they don't miss anything in Scotland if kept back, just start later.

it is actually quite common to defer here.

so they leave school a year older?

that's what i thought it would be here till i looked into it and found out they just miss the foundation year and go straight in to their age bands year so quite a big disadvantage as the kids all know each other and are used to the school and have had a year there getting up to school expectations.

yes they leave a year older. My DD will be 5 in October but hoping she won't start school til nearly 6 (she has quite severe SN thiugh)

I think the keyworker is wrong to say that he is 'immature' and not ready for school unless she has some serious evidence to back it up.

It is quite a serious thing to say without backing and aslo if it is the case then steps need to be taken about his 'immaturity'..

However I don't believe for one minute that they is anything worng with your DS. I work in a preschool / playgroup and there a number of children who can't keep still in cicrle time etc - so what do you do about it - change circle time and engage the children, make story time more exciting - use more visual aids, puppets , narrator using different voices etc .

Children this age will not sit for long.

Ask the keyworker for written evidence - some observations and ask what is she going to do about it and her next steps will be.

I think it is very strange to make that judgement so early in the school year and not make sitting down in circle time one of his targets for the year.

My son (who is an August birthday) changed a LOT in his nursery year and the first few weeks of Reception. For example he refused to wipe himself until he started in Reception and learned to dress himself in the summer holidays before Reception.

Personally I would apply for the place and assess things closer to the time. Has the nursery suggested how you can help and explained how they are helping him?

Ok went into my sons nursery today to be informed of an outing coming up and was asked to go along as she feels my son would need one to one on such a trip.

Spoke to the nursery teacher and have had no evidence of what she is doing to help my son to enjoy nursery in the appropriate way.

I got myself really upset about all of this as no one wants to hear such things said about thier children.

However i am considering moving him to another nursery as i think a change of keyworker would only confuse him as his now keyworker would still be in the same class.

Good luck with what you decide Lauran. I am in Scotland too. My DS1 is in P2 and although he was a late November birthday he was a little prem and would probably have been a January birthday. I didn't keep him back but P1 was a little tough at times. He is a very lively and energetic little boy and his teacher queried whether or not he is hyperactive. Despite that I'm glad I didn't keep him back. He is a bright child and I think he would have been really bored at his nursery if I'd kept him back a year. On the other hand, I have a friend who has two kids who are both February birthdays. The older one she sent to school at 4.5, the younger one at 5.5. I think she felt there were disadvantages to being the youngest in the year and that the older one did struggle sometimes. I don't personally think it matters too much at that age whether a child is at school or not provided they are being stimulated in their environment. I think my DS1 was outgrowing his nursery and wouldn't have gained anything from another year whereas if he had been somewhere else he may have got a lot out of it. After all, on the continent many children don't start school until they are 6 or older.

I am sorry to hear that things did not go well at the nursery today. Would it be possible to speak to whoever is in charge of the nursery? They may be able to ensure that his keyworker acts more positively towards him. Also, would it be possible to speak to the headteacher of the primary school that he is going to? That may help you to decide whether or not you want to hold him back or not. As AgentProvacateur has said, it is very common to do this. To be honest, I've been surprised at just how common it is. I am Scottish and don't remember anyone being held back when I was a kid unless they were really quite ill. Now it seems that it is quite common for kids that are January / February birthdays to be held back for a year.

Good luck

"you know, i would apply for his place anyway.

when it gets to september, if you decide he isn't ready then you don't have to use it do you?

and if he is ready then all well and good!"

I'm sure I recently read someone saying the opposite in a similar thread! Isn't it the case that in Scotland it's essential to apply for deferral now if you think you might want it, and if you change your mind then you can later choose to send the child to school at four after all... but if you don't apply for the deferral now then there will be trouble if you later decide to defer?

I'm not saying this is the case, just asking!

from looking at my local authority website you need to enrol your child with the school and then fill in the form to defer their start - it then needs to be returned to the school by the end of January.

lauran84 Fri 26-Nov-10 22:37:02

Ok went into my sons nursery today to be informed of an outing coming up and was asked to go along as she feels my son would need one to one on such a trip.

Most nursery children need one to one for visits we always ask parents of nursery and reception children to accompany their child if possible so don't read too much into it.
3 year old children are meant to be immature I would look at other nurseries if this is something you are seriously considering.

I have to go along with ds on his nursery trips too - we went to the safari park and next week we are going to a pantomime. It is quite usual to go along on trips when they are nursery age.