How did switching from state primary to private go?

[Forster]

Ds is in year 2 and we are considering moving him to private school from year 3.

Primary reasons are smaller class sizes and sport which he loves. I want him to have more opportunities to play tennis, cricket and rugby. Currently none of these are played at his very good state primary.

He is extremely happy and settled at his current school and this is the dilemma and although my head says do it my heart is not so sure.

Anyone else done this or decided not to do this.

What does your ds feel about it?

If he says he is happy where he is then leave him there.

If he is happy to switch then go for it.

If he wants to stay in the state primary, are there some sports clubs locally which he could join?

If he is thriving where he is I'd be inclined to leave him at the state school and look at local out of school activities. I live in South Yorkshire and DD goes to an excellent (top 100) state primary school. A lot of her friends do the following activities at local sports centres: swimming, fooball, gymnastics, ice skating, tae kwon do, tennis. Is it worth the hugely extra expense just to do rugby and cricket? Can it not wait until high school?

We did exactly this and have never regretted it, what DS has got out of it is an awful lot more than just the opportunity to play extra sports.

DS was sad at first about moving and didn't want to leave his friends, but he spent a taster day at the new school and saw immediately how much fun it was going to be. It all depends on individual schools though.

He has really blossomed there and is very happy. Academically he is thriving and well as the sport he plays two instruments and is in the choir, he does drama and climbing and kayaking. Every day I am thankful we can afford to send him.

If you haven't done so yet take your DS along to see the new school and see how he gets on, then take it from there. If possible see if he can spend a taster day there to get a real feel for it. If he hates it then you would probably be best to leave him be.

He has a great network of friends but tbh I don't feel he is thriving. My worry is he will miss his friends, his environment and his younger sibling who will still be in in the school, though we would probably move our other dc at year 3.

I would move him to be honest. After school clubs cannot replicate the fixtures, teaching and facilities a good private school can offer. I think the transition at year 3 is much easier than at age 11 from my own experience.

Lots of people do this with their DCs in yr 3 round here. He will soon settle and make lots of new friends.

If you feel that he is not thriving now then I doubt if it will get better and now is the time to move him. He will then be in the main intake at the private when everyone is looking to make new friends.

It is never a good idea to make school decisions mainly based on friend networks as DCs are very flexible at this age and will soon make new friends.

As they are local your DS will still be able to see his close friends from his first school.

I know the friend thing is irrelevant, it is just mother's guilt.

I think at that age, you get to be the ultimate arbiter of what's best for your child.

And I should say, that many children have joined DC's school from state and have all thrived, apart from one.

Forster, don't feel guilty, your DS will make friends quickly and have great fun at his new school.

Really, within weeks (possibly days!) he will be thanking you, you'll see

We did it - DS was going in to Yr 4 and DD was going in to Yr 2.

Worked out fine for us but our reasons for moving them were based on the fact that we have two little odd-balls (different reasons but both interesting and complex characters) and we knew our lovely, little state primary wouldn't 'catch' them - they were both going to fall in to a big, black hole if we didn't act. Not the state primary's fault! The indie school they go to has much smaller classes and can cater for them better.

Worked well for us so far.

Had exactly same dilemma at end of Y4. DD had huge group of friends and was happy at state primary but she wasn't doing well academically (dyslexia, no extra support etc)

After a huge amount of soul-searching we moved her to a small single sex private school with v. small classes. Apart from the odd teething problem based on the small pool of girls to make friends with, it has definitely been worth it so far.

It has also made me realise that actually whilst she was happy socially at the previous school, she was miserable and had low self-esteem in academic terms. Now she feels motivated and has made enormous progress with her work. She loves the more varied currculum and the new school are really good at focusing on her strengths whilst helping her with weaker areas. I'm not sure where she'll go in Y7 yet but I know this was the right choice for primary.

She has also managed to stay in touch quite effortlessly with her closest friends from her old school.

tricky one.

My DS is in year 3 and not exactly thriving, he is on IEP's for reading and writing. he CAN read and write fine, but often "chooses" not to bother. So there is a big problem with his attitude, which is gradually improving though.

my DP wants to send him to a private school as that will stop DS from slipping through the net.

He is currently at a very good state primary, BUT it is a class of 34 (!) and his teacher is not in the class for almost 2 days a week (management responsibilities, not impressed by this) when he gets a sub.

anyway, as I do not work, I just help him at home with reading,writing and times tables and he seems to be catching up fine. He is smart enough, just lazy.

However, I cannot stop thinking that he might benefit from going to private school.

My main concern is that he might get teased by those very confident private school kids as he is shy and quite young for his age.

He is happy where he is. And I am happy to take him to sports after school myself.

But what to do?! I guess I don't know either...

We moved house this year, and made the decision to put our DCs into a private school (they are yr 2 and 4). Obviously, the decision was easier for us because we were moving away so they would have had to change school anyway. Both my two are fairly quiet children and tended to get "lost" in the big primary classes, now they are in classes of 12 and are really thriving. I was a bit worried about DS1 as there were only 3 other boys in his class, but actually this has worked out perfectly, they are all very close friends and he fitted in straight away (I think the other boys were thrilled to have another boy so welcomed him with open arms ). The school has big grounds and its own pool so both DCs get to do sport at least three times a week as well as matches etc which is great. Like you said, there was no chance of this at their old primary, which was otherwise outstanding. They got one 1/2 hour swimming lesson a week and about 3/4 hour of PE at their old school and no chance to do anything like rugby or cricket.

Presumably if you are staying in the same area, your DS will still be able to keep in touch with his old friends? I know it seems a long way off, but once he finishes primary you'll probably find that his current friends go off to different schools anyway so changes in friendships are kind of inevitable. Maybe I'm generalising but it does seem that boys are less likely to have one very best friend like girls quite often do - maybe that will make it easier.

From my experience I'd say do it.

I did it with my DS and have seen many others do it. My only regret is that I couldn't afford to keep him in private secondary education, but he got into the local Grammar easily and is thriving.

Chandon - my DS2 struggles with his reading and writing and he has come on absolutely leaps and bounds just this last half term. Like yours, he was in a large class (30) and I think that because he was very quiet and didn't cause any trouble the teacher just let him sit at the back doodling rather than making him work! We had a taster day at the private school and they saw straight away that he would benefit from 1:1, which he now gets (the most he got at his old school was a 1:4 session about once a week). He now has to read with the TA every day for 5-10 minutes which is great and I am so pleased. The school is very supportive, and he is not the only one who gets extra help - it's not a v.academic school (there is no entrance exam) and most of the children have been there since nursery age so they haven't "filtered out" the less able ones IYSWIM! I guess it depends on the school he's at and the private ones near you, but I think it's worth looking into. I was a private school "virgin" and didn't know what to expect but the children and the school-gate mums are not as scary as I thought they'd be

Livinginthe80s, that is something to think about.

I don't know how the OP feels about this, but it is a complex issue and it is hard to be honest with yourself about it.

If I am honest, I think DS would do better at a school with smaller class sizes.

But I am also a bit weary about private school "culture" as the friends I have with children in private school all go skiing, off to the Maldives etc etc, their kids have all available toys (mine do not even have any kind of computer game yet, just because I did not think it was necessary), that is just not my lifestyle IYSWIM, neither is it something I aspire to.

I know lots of Private school kids, and their manners always strike me as very good, but they also often seem spoiled a bit.

What if he starts wearing his rugby shirts with the collar up?!

Chandon, I really do think it depends on the school - most of the parents at my DCs' school seem to be fairly "normal", working parents who can afford the fees but are not super rich. There are a few with designer handbags who go to far flung destinations at every school break, but the majority turn up at school in their jeans (non-designer!) and trainers, driving their very ordinary hatchbacks!

Oh I hate the turned up collar thing too - DH does it and I always tell him he looks like Princess Di - funny thing is he's from even more working class roots than I am

OP - in Y3 your DS will move to KS2, have you checked whether there will be more sports opprtunities then?
For example, my DSs only started playing rugby and tennis in Y3. Prior to that DS2 played rugby at the local club.

Chandon - I bet there are more parents at the good state schools going to the maldives, kids have all latest gadgets etc.

A lot of us private school parents are struggling to pay fees so these things go by the wayside.

There are some in the super rich bracket, but most are not.

He is very keen on sport. School does not do cricket, rugby or tennis and will not in KS2. Already checked this.

The school gates thing is not an issue, IME it is tricky at the best of times wherever you go to school.  At our current primary there is a huge range of incomes and types.

My advice would be to go and look at the schools, narrow down the choice and then taks your DC.

Word of warning though, when you see how different it can be you may want to move your other dc.

We started with DS1 in year 3 with the plan to move all at that point however DS2 followed within 7 months (extra learning support needed) into year 1 and DD will start in reception.

For us even though they were at a small state school (8 in DS2 class) there truly was no comparrison

oh and don't worry about differences in lifestyles if you get the right school it won't matter - we have everyone from super rich musicians to lawyers to travel agents to everything. Parents are not treated differently and neither are the children, the school simply would not allow it.

Good luck

We are considering lots of these issues too. I do know kids at private school who are not super rich jet setters. I went to one where there were a couple of very wealthy girls in my class but most much more modest backgrounds and a few in council houses. We never went on holiday and had no car or TV but I never felt left out at all. There are lots of private schools with a big range of people and lovely unpretentious children. I would favour one where the children are polite and lively but not too sophisticated.

Thank you this has really helped me to weigh up the issues. We have a taster day booked for beginning of December.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes!