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Original poster

Did you 'settle in' your child at playgroup / preschool?

45 replies

mummylonglegs · 06/09/2005 14:41

I'm curious about what most people think about 'settling in'? My dd is nearly 3 and is starting pre-school playgroup next Monday (first time away from me) where she'll spend 2.5 hours Mon-Fri. I assumed I'd stay with her for a couple of days then leave her for a short while, then a longer while until she got used to it, and while they didn't say I couldn't they said they thought it was best if I didn't as it 'made things harder for the child' to settle.

What did you guys do? What do you think is best?

OP posts:

cupcakes · 07/09/2005 17:13

This has been just the kind of thread I needed today! Have decided after your wise words to visit the playgroup with dd on Monday and then leave quite promptly on the Wednesday when she starts properly. We were offered the option of visiting when she was offered her place last term but it seemed pointless with the holiday between. However, I have found it quite hard to talk to dd about as I think she thinks I am talking about her toddler group.
Glad I read this thread with enough time to arrange a visit!
Thankyou mummylonglegs!

charliecat · 07/09/2005 17:35

Hey MLL found the thread at last! I gave my dds a kiss and left them. Its better that way. Go hide in a bush crying for 10 mins then sneak back to a window and see how shes getting on.
x

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 07/09/2005 19:22

Thanks cc , I just feel a bit bad now that I told her I'd stay with her on the first couple of days. I think I'll do what drop says and see how it goes. I'm such a dork.

OP posts:

emkana · 07/09/2005 19:23

Personally I firmly believe that it can be a good idea to stay with your child until they have "attached" themselves to one of the teachers and are willing to be comforted by them in a crisis. This is what I did with dd - I stayed for the first two or three sessions, staying in the background, but being there nonetheless. After a couple of sessions she was very happy to be left.

Enid, I'm glad our children don't attend the same preschool - I would have irritated the hell out of you . To be fair though, I stayed, but I don't think the other children realized/cared who I was. I just blended into the background, was one of the grown ups among the other teachers and parent helpers, so I don't think it made life more difficult for parents who decided to leave.

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 07/09/2005 19:31

emkana, enid would probably hate me too!

Now I'm in a total dilemma. Ok, just gonna play it by ear ...

OP posts:

stitch · 07/09/2005 19:31

never stayed. dropped them off, and left.
bliss

jenkel · 07/09/2005 20:27

I find with my dd that I need to just drop off and leave sharpish, as much as I hate too. She cries the whole time I am there, the minute I am out of eyesight she stops. Sometimes I lurk outside when the close the door and I can hear that she is happily playing, she just does it for my benefit. I also sometimes turn up a bit earlier and just sit outside and listen and I can hear her playing happily. But depends on the child I think.

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 07/09/2005 21:56

HOw old is she jenkel? I'm curious as to whether the crying when left gets worse or better the older they get!

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bakedpotato · 07/09/2005 22:27

MLL, just remembered: I thought endlessly what I'd want to know in DD's shoes on the first day, and really my main concern was: Where is the loo? I wasn't sure if she would be bold enough to ask on her own, so we asked together first thing, and then I felt better about leaving.

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 08/09/2005 13:27

Yes, bp, those things will be important to dd, so I thought about orientating her well first.

I'm feeling VERY shaky about it today. Dd's always been very clingy with me at toddler groups and today we went to one and she wouldn't leave my side for a moment, the only time she did, to sit and have a snack, I could read her lips across the room repeating to herself 'mummy I want a cuddle and a kiss' across the room. It doesn't bode well does it?

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jenkel · 08/09/2005 13:29

She started nursery at 2, had a terrible time at the beginning, got better around 2 1/2 but only lasted a couple of months, she is now 3 and still cries, but its only the initial dropping off, she is full of it when I pick her up and cant wait to tell me what she has been doing.

Enid · 08/09/2005 13:38

dropped off, showed her where the loo was and where her peg was, gave her a cuddle and left.

really wanted to nip back and peek but resisted.

She is staying to lunch! proper grown up school lunch and she's not yet 3. Picking her up at 2.30 and can't wait to see how it went - they haven't rung me anyway so it can't be going too badly.

littleshebear · 08/09/2005 13:40

I think you should just do what you want to do. If she hasn't been on a visit to the playgroup first then I would stay until she gets used to it. The next day you could go for a while annd see if she's ok, and the next day leave her for the whole session if she is.

My dd2, who is my fourth child started at playgroup this week and this is what I have done/ intend to do. Yesterday when I stayed for the whole session I kept as much out of her way as I could and she was fine - just kept looking over. today I left her for an hour and she was ok. Have been doing a lot of reading/talking about playgroup as well.

I think you have to strike a balance between making sure she is familiar with her new surroundings and ensuring she knows that mummies don't stay at playgroup.

I had big problems with both my sons at playgroup/nursery and looking back it was because I felt pressured to settle them in too quickly. Never mind what anyone else is doing - you do whatyou feel your child needs.

rummum · 08/09/2005 18:53

With my son I stayed at playgroup for a while, I sat and played with the other children/did jobs for the staff ie cutting stuff out... and he just went off and played.. I wanted to see what they did there.. I ended up getting a job there when he left

When he started school the receptionist told me in a haughty voice.."parents don't stay for the visit" so I stayed and listened to the older children read...

Son never bothered if I was there or not

mumbee · 08/09/2005 19:04

With my Ds nursery on the first day they encourage you to stay and help them settle, also have time for the head to chat through the school day and we left 2 hrs later after that I took him into school settle him at an activity and left no problems at all

kid · 08/09/2005 20:26

DS had his 2nd day at nursery today. I took him in, he picked out his name (first time of doing this) and then went and sat on the carpet. I left within 2 minutes and he didn't mind one bit!¬

misdee · 08/09/2005 20:28

dd2 started pre-school on weds. last sept she went to nursery one afternoon a week for a term and loved it. so when i went to pre-school on weds i guessed she'd be ok. she ran off to play as soon as the doors opened. i signed her in, and went. when she came out, i was expecting her to be a bit clingy, but she came bounding out, book people book in one hand, gave me a massive grin and said 'mummy, i had lots of fun!'

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 08/09/2005 21:56

Gosh, it seems generally that everyone's kids have been fine. I wish I could feel confident that dd would. I really want her to as she's an only child and she's very affectionate with other children if they're on the 'gentle' side (dd's rather shy). But just seeing her at that toddler group today I started thinking that if I'm there she'd never just go off and do things, she'll stick right by my side. But on the other hand if I just leave her I know she'll get upset.

What were all your kids like at toddler groups? Did any of you have a leg-clinger?

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misdee · 08/09/2005 21:59

toddler groups? heh, never went to them.

dd1 never went to pre-school, went to nursery just before she tunred 4, and istayed her with her for the 1st session, as they requested we did, but on the 2nd day i stayed for about 20mins, she went to play in the sand and water room leaving me alone, so i legged it. she never noticed i went.

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 09/09/2005 22:59

Hey misdee how's your cook book?

Well last night I got myself so wound up and worried about dd's impending first day on Monday that I only slept for 3 hours ...

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