should i change schools???

[trasa]

hello there,
well,where do i start?
my boy is 6 and just started yr 1,
when he was in reception he didnt get on very well,with us been called in lots of time about his behaviour,they put him on an iep,and over all we had a terrible yr,we even had him at the dr,as school thougth he was showing signs of adhd! when we had him assesed for this they were quick to say,no,there is no adhd there at all,hes a normal active brigth little boy,
now that hes started yr 1 it seems to be all happening again,we have been called in twice and the head teacher has said hes not settling at all,is disruptive,wont listen etc,and now hes got a chair in the heads office which he has to go and sit on every time he steps out of line.
over the summer i had a lovely lady come to my houes helping me.giving me parenting advice and tips,over all,its worked really well and our little boy has improved much,
so when the school start calling me in again i was a little shocked,i feel hes never going to get a break there,and that his yr last yr is going to stay with him,
i have discussed this with the head teacher,and she said of course the yr 1 teacher will know about his behaviour from last yr!i feel hes been judged now.should i just take him out of this school,its got me sooo down last yr,and over the summer my confidence rose with lady helping me,since the school called me in its knocked me again,and i dont want my son feeding off that,which is what i think happened last yr..
sorry if i rambled on a bit,i hope you understand all of that,i would like some advice please,x

oh and can i just add last year,the class put colored tape on the floor so that my boy had to sit there and not move during car time and away from other kids,he also had his pockets checked every day as he was putting things into them,ie,fake money,lids,cars,he also had his iep chart up and other behaviour charts up.which are all down now,but since the start of school this yr 1 chart has gone up already,x

sorry,during carpet time! not car time....

Exactly what is it he is supposed to be doing? It all sounds a bit over the top if he is indeed a normal bright active boy!

know,i think they are been ott....
they are saying hes talkig to much,not concentrating,been silly,etc,what am i to do??

It sounds really odd, that kind of behaviour would be pretty normal in most reception children I have met with some improvement by the time they hit year 1...

I would want to see a programme of targets rolled out, eg not talking during carpet time for week 1, not getting up and down for week 2 etc but it sounds like they have already made up their minds how to handle it.

the problem with moving schools is that his information will follow him so I am not sure what you will gain. Have you asked to look at his files with teacher comments etc?

ok,i didnt know that the info follows them... and i didnt know i could see there comment sheets,i do think they have made up thermind on him,i feel for him,coz he was ahandfull last yr but this yr he is better,i really wasnt expecting to be called in,for me,hes listening much better,there are less arugments and hes more willing to do more,so i just dont understand,you see why i think they have judged him?

what school is your son at it sounds very similer to th eone my dd was in last yr

im in norwich?

Its really to read this.

Dont let this knock your confidence though. You have done a lot to help your DS and sound like a lovely caring mum.

Would the lady who helped you through the summer be able to come to meet with the teacher and discuss a plan with you all together?

I would suggest you negotiate some small achievable goals so that the teacher can start to praise your DS, even if its for small things. Ask for them to concentrate on the positive steps.
If the school wont work with you, is there another one nearby? Not sure that moving really is the answer, but if you cant move forward with them a new start may be the best thing.

i spoke with that lady this morning,she running a parenting course which im attending,she was quite busy so i didnt ask her,she did leave her number if anyone wanted to speak later in the week.
the school terrifies me they speak to you like your some sort of an idiot....

Ask the lady, or ask if she can give you advise.
Do you have a family member or friend who would go along with you?
You could ask parent partnership if they could help.

Get someone to go with you and be strong in front of the head. Dont let them trample on you. Stick up for your DS. If you dont, who will!!! (I dont mean that horribly, just something that someone once said to me and I have often needed to remind myself this when it would have been so much easier to give up and let the school win)

You are no idiot and no-one should make you feel like that.....

Good luck!!! Keep posting and let us know how it goes.

positiveattitude THANK YOU!
i do need that,my family all live away,or more like i live away from them,but your rite i need to stick up for him,poor little man! i will let you know,thank you again,x

The LEA has an organisation called APrent partnership, and they may be able to help you too. Just google them.

I'm trying to say this as gently as possible but have you considered that your son actually does have attention issues? The school may be trying to help him and the other students and they need your support.

My DD1 has a little friend who has attention issues and her behaviour in class is very disruptive to the other children. She doesn't mean to be, but she is a very lively and bright little girl who finds it difficult to sit still. We're not talking about a bit of wiggling, she is unable to handle carpet time at allshe just gets up and wanders around the room. At reception age, most children are able to sit on the carpet and listen to a story. I have seen itthey were in nursery together last year and at assemblies, sports day etc her behaviour was markedly different to other children her own age. Her mum is very resistant to the idea that her DD might need extra help and is only coming round to it now that she is really having trouble settling in reception. The school are doing the same things yours is: a spot to sit on at carpet time (not away from the other children but a specific, marked spot) and a reward chart. She has been placed on the SEN register but only to have extra care taken for her, not to have her marked out as some kind of pariah.

It just sounds to me like the school are trying to help your son, not demonize him, and you are throwing up roadblocks because you don't want him to be labelled.

letsblow,
yes i have wondered if my son has attention issues,thats why we took him to be assessed,and why we had a lady in to help and watch him,both these profess people say he is fine,he just likes to push the bounderies,
all last yr when he started school i worked with the school had all the same charts up in my house,and i became very strict with him,and when they mentioned adhd we had him assessed asap,over the summer months however we have noticed a lovely improvment with him,and this is why im wondering why the school havent?i have been trying and not ignoring what the school say,i dont mind your honesty at all,thank you.

I had a similar problem with DS2. It started in Reception and continued through Year 1. At one point I was being called in 2 or 3 times a week. He was disruptive in class, wouldn't sit still, didn't listen, would lash out at other children... He was under the paediatrician anyway so I talked to him about the possibility of ADHD etc (the school seemed sure that there was a problem) but he said that it was highly unlikely as he wasn't like it at home.

I used to dread picking him up from school as I knew I was likely to be called in for a chat. I though about changing schools and about home educating him.

But then, about 6 weeks from the end of Year 1, everything changed. It is as though it all clicked into place. He has a star chart which he actually responds to, he listens and works hard in class, and I don't get called in any more!

Having spoken to numerous friends with slightly older sons it does seem to be quite common in boys of around 5 or 6. DS1 was nothing like it, which was probably why it came as such a shock with DS2.

Hold on in there, it could just be a phase. In the meantime try to co-operate as much as you can with his teacher (even if you are angry at being called in), 99% of the time they are only trying to help.

thats really nice to hear,i have started thinking that he is getting older and thats why he is improving,(or so i thought)which im sure he is as i am the 1st person to tell you when he plays up! i will hang on in there,i think ill have a bit of a chat with his teacher in the morn as he said last week hes settling in fine,he pushes the buttons but is far from the worst,but head teacher yesterday says the opposit,that hes not settling,disruptive,etc,so whats going on?i dont know....

If it's any consolation the schools talk to everyone like idiots in my experience, my MIL is a former head, they didn't talk to her that way because she basically told them in no uncertain terms what she expected of them, not the child, but it's difficult to have that sort of confidence without knowing the system.
We admitted defeat and went private, is that an option ? especially if there's a boys school locally. My experience as a mother of girls is that schools don't seem to like little boys very much and nothing is geared towards getting the best out of them.

Fidgeting is hardly a crime in our day you'd have been told off, your parents weren't called into the school every 5 mins for that sort of nonsense.

I'm a teacher and I've encountered kids like your DS. It's very unlikely that the school is calling you in and putting these measures in place unless they're absolutely necessary. That said, it does seem like the headteacher has quite a negative attitude. Some boys just take a long time to settle down (I've taught year 6 boys who are still not settled) and it is important to keep at it pretty relentlessly until finally it all clicks into place. Like domestic said, there's a good chance that in a few months things will turn around and you'll start to see a positive change, particularly as his class teacher has quite a reasonable attitude towards him (as in, he's disruptive, but we can handle it). I think changing schools would be counterproductive. Do co operate with the teacher as far as possible as this will definitely help.

Have you tried talking to DS about his behaviour? Maybe find out if he has any particular problems with settling?

Trasa was the lady who came to see him an ed psych? It's just, they are LEA employed and in the name os savingc ash are notorious for not picking up on obvious issues (to give an example, a lady came to assess my lad who has been diagnosed with Asperger's. We were sat opposite her facing the window whilst she fed back he wasn't aggressive (he is, exceptionally)- we pointed out he was stood behind ehr other side of window with his hands around someone's neck but she refused to turn around).

However

Assuming you have confidence your child isn't sufferieng from a disorder, I woudl suggest as others did an advocate help-s you to talk to the school in a formal meeting. Setting targets (the IEP should have been exactly that but often not followed through) etc.

My child's behavioural charts on wall though, is per the norm IME. Serves as a visual cue as well as a reminder to a busy teahcer.

Fact is, some heads aren't any good and there's the chance you have one. Now, we've moved school twice (once when mobing, once so another child of mine could attend a specialist school for his autism). Yes the paperwork follows you but on both occasions it took months to do so. In which time your childwill ahve shown him who he is.

And if you are still on an IEP think about telephoning a group called IPSEA for advice (google it)- bloody ahrd to reach but amazing.

The reward chart on the wall can actually work quite well, not only for the child but for you as a parent too. IME teachers sometimes forget to tell you the "good", which is understandable really as they are obviously really busy! But if you pop into the classroom and see that he has had a star then you can use that to praise him. Focussing on the good and not making a huge fuss about the bad can sometimes work (eventually...)

writerofdreams,i have spoke to my boy about why he is behaves badly,he just says i dont know,i just do,and thats all i can get out of him,teacher says if i ask him to do something once i have to then ask him 100 times and its tiring,at can we do????as he has started to listen at home,i completely understand the teacher,6-8mnths ago we were doing the same with him,i was fed up calling his name and shouting,he wouldnt listen,he would almost laugh at me,but hes changing,which is great,what do you suggest we do to help??

Please don't see it as a battle between you and the school, or letting the school win. It isn't in their interests to single out your son or to victimise him-I imagine (or hope) that they believe the actions they are taking are helping both him and his classmates. Tactics such as giving him his own carpet space are fairly widely used , as a teacher I always used to insist on all the children having their own carpet spot, then those who were more disruptive did not feel singled out. Not sure having him sit in the headteachers office is necessary by the sounds of things though. Try going to school and suggesting some behaviour strategies that work for you at home (with one boy I used to give him a behaviour score out of ten at the end of the day to show his mum in private, which would then translate into a reward of her choice at home). But please don't go into the school with a hostile attitude, it won't help your ds. What will help him is if you can try to build a good relationship with his teacher - I know it's hard if you feel they are belittling you, but if you perservere with being polite and cooperative I would hope they will listen to your views. I really really hope this works out for you, I know how hard it can be.

Also, if things have improved at home have you thought what might be affecting behaviour at school-any of the other children egging him on or winding him up for example?

washngo,i just couldnt go in there and kick off,i wish i could sometimes,i just go into a cornor and cry! maybe they think im some kind of pushover,at home we have marbles to reward him,he got 4 this eve for listening,hes also got charts up that work,i just need to find out why there not working in class...