AAAARRRRRGGGHH! Help please, (seriously) with over-achieving DS!

[BecauseImWorthIt]

DS1 did much better than expected in his A-levels. Hurrah!

But he's now decided he doesn't want to take up his university place because he wants to go to a 'better' university. (He had to apply for a lower-ranking university as his AS levels, and therefore his predicted grades, were relatively low).

It's going to mean him taking a gap year, which wasn't planned.

Has anyone else gone through this? How did it work/what did you do?

DH is really worried that he will miss out on a place altogether if he leaves it to apply last year, as so many disappointed students from this year will be applying next year.

He's also really concerned that he won't be able to get a job during the year, as there are no jobs - and the idea of him just slobbing around the house for the next year is obviously not great, and won't go down well with any prospective university.

Personally, I think DS1 is probably right in his instincts - I've seen (used to deal in recruitment for one of the companies I worked in) the snobbery that surrounds choice of university - and he has grades/points that are potentially good enough to get into a top 15 university (instead of one which is currently around 40-50 in the rankings).

Any ideas/suggestions for what we should do? We have to sort this out within the next two days, so no pressure!

Many, many thanks in anticipation.

What subjects are his AAB in? (Sorry, but that also has a bearing on getting into 'top' universities......).

Well done him on doing much better than expected.What a nice surprise!!!!

Philosophy/History - both As
English Lit - B

WWATT - absolutely agree. DS is also going to have to prove that to us as well.

Just seen this - well done your ds, BiWi!!!

Anecdotally, i know of someone who dropped out in first year and entered another (more "prestigious") university the following year. Though I've no idea how he did that, or even if it has any bearing on your ds. He's doing some sort of P. P. E.-type subject.

Still, well done, again.

It has actually always been the case that a degree from the better kind of place is worth more (kind of). Some employers only visit some campuses and so on. Conversely it can be better to get a first from a not so good University than a second from somewhere more prestigious.

Also there are other things you can do to stand out. Work experience especially relevant is one. In another case I have heard of a girl who virtually stalked the recruiters (she turned up at every event they were at that she heard about, so they got to know her).

A gap year done properly (not the modern Grand Tour necessarily) can be one of these. And if your son does well can give him some savings to help with next year too. (If he can learn silver service waitering, this can be one very useful skill.)

Vicar- fret not. Whilst it isn't just snobbery- some university courses are much more rigorous than others and some places better for some subjects than others- people will always be interested in individual circumstances. If your ds's choice was limited because of his special needs rather than because of poor grades then that will be taken into account. It may also be that the university he's at is perfectly fine for what he is doing!

Employers can't afford snobbery- all we want is to find the best people

DS2 is just coming to the end of his gap year. He managed to get a full time job for 8 months and then has travelled (not aimlessly but actually working and learning) for around 5 months. He is much more mature than he was last year, has experienced working life, faced real problems without Mum and Dad to hand and has had a great time.
I'd recommend your DS goes for the gap year and applies for better universities - he will regret his missed chances otherwise.

Thank you everyone for your help, thoughts and suggestions.

Now that it's all calming down a bit here, I think it will be fine. We've selected a few possible universities and I've called some of their admissions people (who were really helpful as well as very lovely when they realised how emotional I was !), so I think DS1 has a good list to choose from. I also discovered that his college will provide him with the same support and help process his application as they would have done when he was attending there, so that's really helpful. Especially as we will now have to re-write the dreaded personal statement!

Now all he needs to do is to find a job ...

So Mr BIWI is coming round to the idea? Good. Otherwise he is telling his son, "I don't think that you are good enough" which is rather disheartening for DS.
Glad to hear that you are re-visiting the PS, that's vital (to up his game and to explain the gap year)
Good luck!

Yes, Mr BIWI is more accepting - and has even softened a little on the you 'you absolutely have to get a job' line, and is embracing the idea of volunteering if DS1 can't find a job.

And DS1 did go out yesterday to local businesses and started the job-hunting process, so hopefully all is going well.

All taking its toll on me though and I had to go to bed yesterday afternoon and early evening because I wasn't feeling well, and I think it was probably stress-related.

But today is a new day!

I did this - got straight As (a few years back, now...), turned down my offer of a place at Cardiff, took a year out and applied to Cambridge. Cardiff very kindly said they'd automatically re-offer me a place for the next year. Actually, I got a place at Cambridge.

Well done!

I think his first choice would offer him a place again (can't see why they wouldn't), but not sure if DS wants to go there now.

Amazingly, the UCAS machine starts again on 1 September! So we don't really have very long. DS knows that he's not going to have a chance to visit any of his new choices before he submits his application, as all the universities have told us that his best chance is to apply as early as possible.

I've re-read this thread this morning, now things are calmer, and am very appreciative of all your advice and general support. I'm usually a fairly controlled/sorted kind of person, and the emotional response to this from me and my DH has really taken me by surprise.

The whole university application process is such an emotional rollercoaster, that 'knowing' that DS had secured his place last week was such a tremendous relief. To then have that overturned was, to some degree, just too much to bear!

One thing is for sure, DS2 will benefit from all of this 'useful' experience.