Support thread 15 for parents of young people with an eating disorder

[Mummyoflittledragon]

New thread. The old one is full…

@Weightlossworried there does just seem to be a way that they work whereby you have to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks and if you don’t you’re punished. I’m not sure how in the modern world there hasn’t been more progress made as to how to actually help people.

September is a while away and you are in control. I would do as you say, make lots and lots of notes tomorrow. Smile and wave as they say - or nod in this situation and then go away and make a plan once the meeting is over. We will be here thinking of you xx

@Weightlossworried
As Pearl said and Girlie has before, just take what is useful from them. They have a script they adhere to. And they can’t or perhaps to a degree won’t deviate.
Just as an example, I have chronic pain. I discovered they follow a protocol. They start with x painkiller (antidepressants actually), then progress through the protocol if that doesn’t work or the patient can’t take them. The next. Then the next. Ditto the schedule of antibiotics. I told the GP I wouldn’t be able to stomach x antibiotics, please give me y. Absolute refusal. That isn’t first line. No one will give me that. I took one to try and on swallowing, I realised I was in for a bumpy ride. I booked and paid £££ for a private GP and he gave me y antibiotics.

To a large degree their hand are ties. They aren’t allowed to think.

What @Mummyoflittledragon they aren’t allowed to think and almost become robotic and start to agree with what they’re saying. I’ve also found that the majority are fairly young, and are keen to impress their managers etc. They also seem to weirdly enjoy making you feel awkward and upset. I’ve no idea why they don’t see the bigger picture etc or what success they have. I think they discharge people at a higher weight, but I’m not sure it is their hard work!

That sounds incredibly frustrating @Mummyoflittledragon

Yes, I think they're actually extremely risk averse. To the point where they daren't be positive about anything in case it encourages us to think we're doing better than we are. In fact the therapist told us about a coffee morning they're doing for parents next month - great, it's always helpful to speak to other parents. However, she warned that they don't want us to contact each other outside the group. It's a bit silly really feeling like they need that level of control. They're obviously scared of not being able to control the conversations we'd have outside of their supervision.

@Weightlossworried yes, they don’t want you to find friends like us who agree with you. Especially as you will have the same caseworkers. Surely it makes total sense to meet people in the same situation?

They used to hate it if we spoke to people in the waiting room! Mad hey!

I can't believe they didn't like you talking to each other in the waiting room @Pearl97 that makes me want to make conversation next time I'm there.

Our appointment went ok in the end. The psychiatrist was there, the nurse and the dietician. (that sounds like the start of a bad joke) I think as much as I regretted opening up to the therapist, it was probably the right thing to do because they'd clearly taken it on board. It was like talking to a different team to last week. They're changing things up so we see the psychiatrist more and he's going to prescribe her medication. He wants to weigh her monthly instead of weekly and just do obs fortnightly. I'm feeling quite positive. I even got an apology for the hospital threats. DD is in her post appointment shutdown so I don't know what she makes of it all yet.

How's everyone else been this week?

@Weightlossworried I am soooo pleased. I don’t think it’s coincidental that you went in feeling more n control. I really hope you continue to feel in control and able to tell them what you need.

You know now how your daughter is after the meetings, maybe try and try and enjoy the time to yourself. Watch some trash TV. May I recommend millionaire Nannie’s on Disney plus if you have it. It’s been an excellent source of time out for me! Really glad all went well, thanks for updating us, I have been thinking of you xx