Support thread 15 for parents of young people with an eating disorder

[Mummyoflittledragon]

New thread. The old one is full…

Same @CuppaTandBicky

This is so hard isn't it? Do you get a break at all or are you with her all the time in hospital? It must e exhausting.

And yes, thinking of you @Mummyoflittledragon and hoping all is ok

@CuppaTandBicky the arguments and the feeling of please just get us out of here were the hardest parts! I had to take it one day not one hour at a time.

@Weightlossworried you seem to have done not so helpful people on your thread. Hope you’re ok. I know what you mean about making things worse but your not. Your identifying your daughters issue, which, like a lot of us thought, is easier not to. You have to though. Friday won’t feel as awful when they know what’s going on and find ways to help you. Xx

Hi sorry @Pearl97 and thanks. Just very busy with dd. I have been thinking of you all and reading. And I’m sorry it’s so tough for some of you. I just don’t have so much energy right now. A lot going on. ❤️ Tomorrow is another day @CuppaTandBicky xx

That’s good news for your dd @Weightlossworried I hope that has given her a boost. What did the consultant say @ThatSparklyOliveBird any good news? How is it going with your dd and thinking about mocks @Raspberrysins

Dd’s French went really well yesterday. She’s in the last business atm. I just have to digest an entire Molière play for next Wednesday and have the ability to spit stuff out. Maybe watch the film she’s studied as well idk. The play is my priority. Typically not one I know. And not short. Oh and give dd a crash course in grammar.

On the plus side, she’s eating better. It feels as though she is at the cusp of wanting to recover. Hopefully. I’m trying not to hold my breath as we were here last September before withdrawing back into herself and becoming massively anxious.

Evening all, sorry for those having a tough day today. We didn't get to see the consultant or the dietician (!) but overall things are a little better here currently, dd is allowed off the ward at last! Small wins, but cheered her up quite a lot. Her meal plan has increased again to a bigger breakfast this morning so think we're now on 2200 calories, she's eating sooo much yogurt! We've had really helpful staff on both yesterday and today which makes a huge difference, for my anxiety levels too, so hopefully a positive evening ahead.
As ever, thankyou so much for listening, it's really lovely to have a place to put it all down, with others who understand xx

@ThatSparklyOliveBird I'm so glad you've had a relatively positive day. I hope you and your DD are having a peaceful evening

@ThatSparklyOliveBird off the ward, I am so pleased. That really progress. You may find they spring a couple of hours home on you very soon! I am so gla dyou keep us upated xx

@Mummyoflittledragon I am so pleased the exams are going well, I wonder if your daughter is now thinking that she may pass the exams ang go to Uni so she is feeling more positive and aware that she will need to eat there. I put on so much weight at Uni, everyone is always eating! Keep going, you are doing so well to help her like this, I can't wait until the exams are over ...for you both! xx

Hi everyone, just checking in. Thanks for thinking of me @Mummyoflittledragon things here have settled a bit since the horrendous weekend. Today DD ate more than 2000 calories for the first time which is a big deal. She also went to school for the morning and is thinking of doing some of her mock exams which start next week. She’s finding it impossible now to make any decisions at all, since having to let go of some control of food she now can’t make any other decisions - so she’s told me to decide how much school she can do. I am officially in my last week of compassionate leave from work , and have my review meeting on Thursday. Thursday is also weigh in day- so everything hinges on this! Part of me thinks it’s too early to put her back into school, but part of me wants to encourage it. She’s not medically at risk as her HR is improved and she’s eating. I was potentially thinking of half days to start with so she comes home for lunch. She told me that lunch at school is too early (11:40!) and that she’s still full from her massive breakfast and snack at that time. She actually said she might not trust herself to eat all her lunch at school because of this.

We’ve had lots of long chats about her thoughts. I’m so lucky that she is able to verbalise everything. I bought the new maudesley method book and have found some really helpful techniques in that. Would recommend. It is a bit less severe than the EM book. I liked one idea to ‘name and shame’ some of their secret ED rules. Then start to one by one break each rule deliberately Turns out she’d had this rule not to ever go over 400 cals for lunch. I’d not realised but she’d been manipulating it somehow before! I also found some secret zero calorie dressings she’d bought.

anyway. I know that compared to some of you we are doing well with this amount of food, and relatively lucky to be at home and not stuck in hospital.. problem is that she hasn’t gained any weight since January so we have been well and truly stuck. She is still extremely malnourished at 79% WFH and extremely malnourished really. For some reason the food is taking a long time to make any impact.

since being at home for 4 weeks she’s barely sat down and can’t rest so I think school might actually help 😅. There have definitely been many moments in the last two weeks where I’ve wished she was in a hospital and it was out of my hands. But hearing from lots of you that isn’t always the case

Hey 2000 cals is great!! The ED consultant said that was what my daughter ultimately needs to be on.

Thanks for the tip about Maudsley.
I have been reading Eva Musby book but a lot of it does not seem to be working for us. My daughter (likely autistic) seems to seek out logic and factual information to support why she has to eat. Just being a firm but fair cheerleader simply isnt working what so ever although I do understand the premise.

Are you going to extend the compassionate leave until she is back at school full days?

I am still really uncertain about work. I need to be earning a full time wage to pay the bills and mortgage but I also will need to be home to facilitate the meal plan. I only have 2 more weeks sick leave and we aren't even home yet. Ed team have suggested compassionate/parental leave but as far as I am aware this is unpaid.

When we were dealing with this my GP immediately signed me off with stress. Work accepted it and they supported me. Meant I was paid.

@CuppaTandBicky im not sure yet if they will extend it. I feel so guilty as I’m a teacher and my colleagues have been covering a lot of my classes. There’s a chance we can juggle someone being able to pick her up at 1:15 between myself , DH and my mother-in-law. I’ll still be able to semi supervise meals. If it turns out dd isn’t gaining weight then we have to suspect she isn’t eating her snack at school and will reverse the decision to return. It’s all in a delicate balance! She is desperate for us to trust her but I’m not there yet.

2000 cals seems good I know but she’s got crazy high metabolism and weight gain seems impossible. To get her to 3000 is the aim and that’s a very large amount of food. Like 3 slices of toast for breakfast and two eggs! She’s managing some overnight oats recipe for breakfast at the moment with flax seed and yoghurt- which is ok for now but still avoids lots of fear foods.

we also suspect ND and have struggled a lot with rigid thinking and rules. The book is helpful at addressing some of this. Compassionate leave for me has been paid so far, the other option is get signed off with stress by the gp but that will be my last resort if needed.

Wow yeah 3000 is a lot to try and convince them to eat. That's at the point when they say "why am I eating way more than everyone else" and it's actually true!

Yeah school is a difficult one but that's good there are three of you to try and share it out. 11.40 is very early for lunch though. I know the lunches at our school are strange too because they stagger the year groups.

We aren't anywhere near the point of considering going to school but she's already saying she really wants to go back and get back to normal, she's missing it. Which is odd because she absolutely hates it. Probably just thinks it's a way to get away from us and stop eating!!