Support thread 14 for parents of young people with an eating disorder

[Curlyhairedassasin]

New thread as old one is filling up

I took the comment as warning me not to play games with the ED and to take feeding DD seriously, which was welcome advice and has stuck with me when I've been tempted to let her off or go with switches that are lower calorie.

Our approach and the impact of the camhs team stopping life until a beem assessment has worked wonders on DD so far, but I know its only fragile and we'll probably need lots of different inspiration as this progresses

I think a lot of teen girls also end up with anorexia when at the start they think they’re making ‘healthy’ choices and exercising more. For some this can quickly escalate into full blown anorexia.
I wish there was more awareness around the risks of teenagers restricting food.

That is exactly what happened to us.

And us

Dd could only say she had got into “bad habits”. The tough love of the psychiatrist telling her she would be hospitalised couldn’t sit her GCSE’s or have a social life combined with our firm insistence on eating 3 meals 3 snacks basically snapped her out of it.

I appreciate everyone’s journey on this is different we just have to blunder around and pray we find the method that helps our child.

None of us want to be here and we’re all struggling, so it may be people say things that offend others, and it’s ok to say how you feel, and ok to find things aren’t said in a way that you’re comfortable with.

We’re all here to support each other. I hope people feel supported and feel their views are valid.

@Curlyhairedassasin how are you? I hope you and DDs are doing ok.
We continue to make slow progress here. I think of you often as we’ve been navigating this for a long time now.

Agreed, we need a space to say how we feel, there aren't many (any) places to do that. Fwiw, I've taken the opposite approach with my young adult dc and stepped right back - we got no guidance from services, were never told to supervise meals and they have been discharged. Their diagnosis is not anorexia, although i have never believed that. It's pretty easy for a young person to claim they're not deliberately seeking a low weight and services seem to look at words not actions.

It is terrifying and i have no idea if it's the right thing to do for lots of reasons. But I know that meal plans and supervision increased distress without increasing weight. I am hoping that in the long term reducing distress might enable them to eat for themselves. Their functioning is improving. Their weight is not. I am terrified and alone.

I hate the head tilty stuff you get from services about each family being different and being person centred as it is just a way to absolve themselves from any action, advice or responsibility. But equally i do know that trying to follow a meal plan was killing me and intensified ED symptoms, resulting in ED behaviours that didn't previously exist

I guess if we had answers we would not be here

Hi all
Things are settling down with us to the grind of 3+3, and starting weekly camhs sessions. DDs wfh was nearly 89 this week, up from low 80s (we think) so that's going the right way for now

My question for you wise parents is on how she feels about her appearance. Showers are so stressful for her, she avoids mirrors, doesn't want make up.And in turn this makes her few hours in school anxious as she is so self conscious. I get the AN is telling her she's getting fat, we gently remind her what camhs said about that, and I understand their point that as she's nourished she'll start to see that less.
But for now do I encourage things to make her feel better about her appearance, and therefore her confidence out and about. I'm thinking encouraging her jewellery back on showing her it's not actually tight, adjusting things she'd tightened. Helping her with a bit of make up so she's not looking in the dreaded mirror so long. I plaited her hair today as it needs washing and she wanted me to, but that then got me thinking
I don't want to focus on looks mattering and making things worse, more some self care to give her a boost

Hi @LurkyLurkyLoui remember this with my dd when she started 3 plus 3.

Things that helped were massaging her feet, doing her nails and face packs.

Getting rid of mirrors if you can.

Affirmation's and positive manifestation type cards.

Anything that encouraged self care (bath bombs, nice toiletries, body sprays, moisturisers, getting her hair done or booking her a facial etc)

I also focused on traits that are not appearance based so noticed kindness, her sense of humour, determination etc.

I used to leave little notes around the house, just short sentences of how proud I am of you, you’re loved etc I didn’t think it made much difference and stopped and he asked where the notes had gone, said he looked forward to them and seeing today’s message of hope

Hi @LurkyLurkyLou we found that showering in the dark helped - as well as all of Girlie’s suggestions, especially removing mirrors for a while and noticing other traits such as kindness
Also, I would comment on how nice her hair and jewellery looked. Part of the distress tolerance as recovery progressed was being able to go out without makeup.

@unbuckle its so hard when they are discharged for not cooperating, given that this is a symptom of their illness.
I hope you can get some help. My DD needed 3+3 to gain weight and it did bring out ED behaviours that were not previously there. That is also the nature of the illness.
I found isupport from BEAT and Jenny Langley. Their workshops gave me skills necessary to help DD.

Hello support group.
I'm uncertain how to proceed and would appreciate advise.
My anorexic daughter is eating fairly well after losing lots of wieght summer 2025. (I posted here before). The illness is still strong and she's by no means better but her physical health is less worrying.
Today I found a breakfast from last week hidden in her cupboard. She'd not hidden food for about 4 months now so this is sad.
Should I confront here? She'll know i was snooping and get upset. But I understand hiding food is the illness getting control.
Any advise on how to approach this welcomed!
Her mood is like eggshells - no self esteem and prone to anger.
She is 18 so now with adult services (MANTRA) recently moved from FBT at CAMHS. We have continued FBT privately.
She never would do the 3 3 meals and snacks but did find her own way to eat and now has 3 meals and grazes.
Thank you

I should add, she does want to get better - most of the time at least.

What do you do with a young adult DC who skips lunch every day as at college or working meaning only taking in around 1000/1300 calories per day? Are not open to any ptofessional intervention and clams up when we try to discus. Very underweight and lots of hair loss

I'm new to this but feel you have to mention you think she's hiding food, as not to colludes. Gently maybe, but I feel it has to be said

Can you get her to Dr, possible under false pretences? Ideally you’d speak to the Dr first and outline all your concerns.

DC needs bloods, ecg and observations checking as she/he could be very unwell potentially.

Do they live with you?

Thanks @LurkyLurkyLou
Yes, I feel you are right. I knew the answer really - and needed a push. Ugh!

All you can do is keep trying and hope some of it goes in 🩷 and when she is ready, you'll be there for her.
I'm sharing a little video i like. - the trend for fasting is very unhelpful. So much health advice is just diet culture repackaged www.instagram.com/dietitian.hannah/reel/DSSWC2wjlDx/

I wondered if anyone has any advice on getting the most out of Beat. They're always recommended but I've always found them polite/kind but very unhelpful - no direct advice, just empathy which I really don't need (I know I'm in a shit situation, I need to change it, that's why I'm calling!). I feel like maybe I am not approaching them the right way

@unbucklei found the same tbh, I found FEAST more useful as they had forums etc which was helpful.

I got a lot out of Beat's group support chats. I met on line with a bunch of parents in the same boat weekly, which was good support for me (esp as we were in lock down and I couldn't aee anyone, not that i wouks have been abke to leave DD all that much anyway).
Good place to vent!

I did one of their skills based caring workshops and met a few others in the same boat and we kept in touch via WhatsApp. That was supportive when things were tough.
If you don’t have time to do a workshop, as they can be quite long, see if your local ED Service has a carers support group as that can be helpful for tips too.

Thank you for alerting me to this thread. My 18 year old daughter has had a binge eating disorder for 5 years. She's on anti depressants. She's also suffering from depression, anxiety and very recently has started to self harm. The situation has been utterly heartbreaking not just for her but for the whole family. Her attendance at school is virtually non existent, she has completely cut herself off socially and doesn't want to see any family members. I am finding it so hard to support her and my husband feels she's never going to get better. Our daughter has been through CAMHS, private CBT, a pyschiatrist and now tomorrow is starting private pyschotherapy. It's unrelentingly exhausting.