adult with an eating disorder

[rabbitfawn]

hello everyone! i am usually a lurker on mumsnet but i decided to make an account. im a student in university, and i’ve relapsed with my eating disorder.

to cut a long story short, i have physical health monitoring by the GP and have had my initial assessment with services. my blood tests are slightly abnormal and i am a red on the MEED rating (previously marsipan) due to risk.

i’ve been told after my initial assessment, that i will definitely be seeing a dietician (although whether that will be this year they don’t know), and that therapy is something they need to discuss further. i’ve been given the practical advice of 2 bowls of cereal a day (in order to maintain????) and really no other practical advice.

i am worried that my physical/medical risk will increase, and am not sure what to do. even though my gp knows i am at risk, my physical health monitoring is every 2 weeks, and i’ve been told to just focus on the day by day. i feel stuck with no real support in the interim, and i’m really worried that things will get worse (even though i really want to recover).

any advice would be very much appreciated. 💗

Eat porridge made with half cream and half. Full fat milk

thank you. i have bloods and physical with the nurse every two weeks - last week my glucose came back low, but everything else was relatively okay. my heart came back that it jumped up around 30 after standing.
i’m worried that if my bloods will show up okay that they won’t care.., or send me back to GP who will just say wait for monday monitoring.

Once your bloods are OK you are somewhat stable. Can you book in to see your GP weekly rather than every 2 weeks so as he can monitor your progress until you are receiving therapy?
This gas been going on a long time for you. Can I ask your age?
You should know that statistically the faster that you are renourished and out of malnutrition then the higher the success rate of recovery without relapse. But you need to do the work both on the food front and mentally in therapy.
Right now your body is I flight or fight mode. Anything you eat the body is now using to protect its internal organs and brain. Due to this your skin, hair and bones are taking a battering.
So start eating today. Not bits of things. If you have a bowl of cereal have it with full dat milk and FINISH it. Do that with all 3 meals and 3 snacks. You have to make yourself do this have someone eat with you / watch tv anything that will help distract you.
Add variety to your diet also. With your yogurt add fruit and granola etc. Add toast and juice to your cereal. Have a couple of biscuits with drinking chocolate/ coco made with full fat milk.
But seriously you need to start and TODAY.
Think of all the things you are missing out on now in life and I repeat no exercise and no walking.

thank you. just replying again to this
@Thumberline
thank you. i have bloods and physical with the nurse every two weeks - last week my glucose came back low, but everything else was relatively okay. my heart came back that it jumped up around 30 after standing.
i’m worried that if my bloods will show up okay that they won’t care.., or send me back to GP who will just say wait for monday monitoring.

I second this.
I don’t have anorexia but I do have very unhelpful repetitive thoughts and feelings.
The advice I was given was not to try to block them out (doesn’t work, tried that many times) but to notice them and acknowledge they will happen but it doesn’t make what they are telling me true or useful. I now think something like
Oh look, here is my brain giving me misinformation again. Thanks for that brain but no thanks.

What have you eaten so far today? Can we help you to eat anything else?

I am presuming the Muller yoghurt is low fat as having searched Skyr it is low fat. Sweetheart, your brain needs fats to work. Could you start by doing a swap for higher fat content even if that takes you over the 500 calories? You obviously need a lot more than 500 calories…

Op you should only include full fat food in your shopping from now on. Nothing low fat. You are only kidding yourself otherwise. Invest In a good multi vitamin also.

If your heart rate jumped 30 bpm, are you also suffering from POTS symptoms? There is a correlation between the two. https://normalyte.com/blogs/news/eating-disorders-and-pots-a-correlation?srsltid=AfmBOorvSN9NS1xvnht7-PA_-W2RFbuPLFW0tGvcKX-_sY-OHvQ1Y_cg
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33181565/

You can still have brachycardia (low heart rate) with POTS. What was your bpm before and after you stood up?

66bpm lying, 97bpm standing

i felt a bit dizzy after standing! not sure it might be pots as my blood pressure also varies,??

66 bpm is a very decent heart rate. I was expecting lower with your intake, however, it can read higher if stressed. I can’t say about POTS. I was just informing you these things can be linked. If you’re not often dizzy or anything regularly and you were stressed it can perhaps be something and nothing. I’m not medically trained or anything.

Please tell us more about your food intake today as that’s the most important.

so far i’ve had the yogurt, and a bowl of cereal.

What are you having next ?
It's a good bit over lunch?

some soup 🥣

I notice you’re having soup, not Quorn and veg. Please be honest is this because you’re trying to compensate for having had the cereal as I imagine there are fewer calories in the soup? What soup is this btw? And what time do you plan to have the soup?

Agree with previous poster. You should be having bread and butter with the soup too. You need to be Real and Serious about this and your recovery

i might do the quorn and veg but i’m undecided. it’s not really a compensation thing i don’t think, as they’re both relatively “safe options” for me.

I would set an alarm on my phone for every 3 hours for the time that you are awake. When the alarm goes you eat.

If your BMI is 13 or less then you need hospital admission. I don't know if you've been sectioned before but it's very scary to have your every move monitored and no control over anything.
Please try and make sure you don't need to go to hospital. If you can maintain then that is very positive. I don't know your weight so won't comment on how much you should try and gain.
But I know how it feels to be scared. And starving. I have osteperosis and broke my hip and shoulder aged 41. Every day just try a little bit more. A hundred calories of something you like. It takes time but you'll hopefully be able to maintain a non dangerous weight. I wish you well x

thank you. my weight is underweight but not concerningly so.
i don’t really want to go to hospital but i’m finding it really hard to get myself to eat, and not feel guilty.

Can we decide the nuggets and veg? That sounds more filling. How many nuggets do you normally eat?

And I agree with Bobby. You should increase your intake gradually every few days. You’ve made a start today with the cereals in addition. What cereals were they and how much did you eat? Did you have milk with it and was it skimmed or did you manage to buy milk with fat content?

Please remember these feelings of guilt aren’t useful feelings. Let them wash over you. Food is your medicine. Food is showing you self love and self care.

Can you manage some complete nutritional drinks like Huel or ensure/fortisip?

it was the rice crispies and almond milk.

@rabbitfawn I know. Bless you. It's hard. But just a little bit each day. Really savour and enjoy little bits of your favourite food. Just little by little. You don't need to get fat. Just be healthy and strong. Xx

@LadyGabriella ensure saved my life when I was in hospital! But it's very calorie dense which might be off-putting for OP. It really is better to get used to eating more tasty solid foods as that helps slowly expand your stomach. Though supplement is good in an emergency weight gain situation.