adult with an eating disorder

[rabbitfawn]

hello everyone! i am usually a lurker on mumsnet but i decided to make an account. im a student in university, and i’ve relapsed with my eating disorder.

to cut a long story short, i have physical health monitoring by the GP and have had my initial assessment with services. my blood tests are slightly abnormal and i am a red on the MEED rating (previously marsipan) due to risk.

i’ve been told after my initial assessment, that i will definitely be seeing a dietician (although whether that will be this year they don’t know), and that therapy is something they need to discuss further. i’ve been given the practical advice of 2 bowls of cereal a day (in order to maintain????) and really no other practical advice.

i am worried that my physical/medical risk will increase, and am not sure what to do. even though my gp knows i am at risk, my physical health monitoring is every 2 weeks, and i’ve been told to just focus on the day by day. i feel stuck with no real support in the interim, and i’m really worried that things will get worse (even though i really want to recover).

any advice would be very much appreciated. 💗

Hi have you got any family/friends support?

You sound really poorly, two bowls of cereal will not be enough to maintain on even if you're on complete bedrest.

You need to be eating 3 small meals and 3 snacks a day and gradually increasing this.

Have you tried reading any of the self help books/blogs? Tabitha Farrah is very good.

Ultimately the only way to recover from anorexia is to keep eating, even when you feel like eating will kill you. You have to reprogram your brain that food is not something to be afraid of.

It's bloody hard but you can do it.

I have friends support but there’s not really much they can do. They try their best to be encouraging and supportive.

I’m really struggling with my physical health getting worse and I feel stuck mentally with reprogramming my brain. Like a catch 22 - I know I need more nutrition to reprogram my brain, but to get more nutrition I need to reprogram my brain.

I’ve read a few of Tabitha Farrar’s blog posts and found them really helpful in terms of getting a small inkling in - some glimmers of hope. However I’ve reached a point with my health in that I don’t think I can do it on my own - without support to actually get adequate nutrition in to my body. But all i’ve been told practically is the cereal 🥣. and to just wait for support… but it feels like things are deteriorating and people are waiting for something in plain sight 🥲

Forgive me - I know very little about ED bar the basics, just wondered if something like huel would help you get nutrients in without feeling like you are eating a big meal?
I'm so sorry you are facing this.

yes it might help. i keep on meaning to go and get something similar but then the ED kicks in and i feel guilty :( i will try and try again

What are you eating currently?
As a parent of a child recovering from an eating disorder and another that has recovered I have some idea.
As a previous poster said 3 meals 3 snacks and you must eat every 3 hours. There is no way around this.
Without knowing how bad you are now and what you are currently eating, it is difficult to say what amounts to start with.
But Start gradually and increase the amount per meal every 5 days or so.
You say that you have slipped with your disorder. So you have been down this path b4. What did you do last time to recover?
You will most likely need to add extra nourishment to your food. Soo adding cheese, cream, etc to foods.
Peanut butter on apple, bananas toast.
Smoothies made with yogurt, juice, porridge oats and fruit etc. Can be a good start.
Goodluck. Remember the eating disorder is not your friend it will rob you of your ability to complete college. It will affect your health, fertility your bones, your heart health etc.
Your eating disorder will affect your relationship s and friendships . You will become, difficult to be around, moody selfish. This is the road to no where and it could ultimately rob you off your life.
Food is medicine. Food is your friend. You are your friend. Kick this negative voice out of your life once and for all. Choose a healthy existence, you deserve it. Do not listen to the disorder.
3 meals 3 snack every 3 hrs . No exercise. NO walking around. I really do wish you the best.

Thank you. I didn’t do anything specific the last time to recover - I don’t think it ever really went away, at least not mentally.

Thank you again for the advice

Are your parents helpful? Could you move in with them for a while?

Anorexia is a lethal condition and you sound very unwell at the moment, would inpatient help be an option?

Ideally you need someone to feed you, to take all the decisions away from you and just put the food in front of you and you have to eat it.

Has medication been offered? Sometimes antidepressants can help with the anxiety around eating.

Read
www.bodywhys.ie

What is your current bmi?

my mum is as helpful as she can be, but she still maintains that this is just a diet, and “you’ve gone too far, you can stop now, don’t be silly”… comments etc.

i think inpatient would be an option in an ideal world, but i seem to be in a weird situation where my risk, whilst being deemed “high/immediate risk to life”, by my own GP, does not necessitate hospital admission or even weekly blood tests according to my GP.

i don’t want to be sick or harp on about risk, and i take no pleasure in the appointments or being ill in the first place :( i feel like im being “care-seeking”, and attention-seeking, but it’s so confusing to me… how i’m both deemed “very unwell” objectively… but also not given the help deemed necessary by the guidelines…. that i want…

i want to get better, i have the motivation but i don’t feel i can do it on my own - i feel like i need more support to help me make the first steps— particularly in regards to the amount i’m eating. like the first nutritional steps…

sorry for the repetiveness or going around in circles 🥲

What is the main thing / ED voice stopping you from eating at the moment is it fear of food, fear of weight gain, something else ?

fear of gaining weight mostly, but also just the guilt everytime i eat. the feelings eating brings up

Would possibly careful input from the gym and nutritionist from that angle help do you think? Starting to see your body as strong and food as fuel to keep it so?

Have you tried calling ABC? I found them incredibly supportive while I waited for my therapy to start.

could your parents help pay for private therapy?

i’ve just had a look at their website - they seem really helpful - thank you for sharing 😊

Tabitha Farrah talks about the feelings of guilt as being the brains misguided way of stopping you doing something you have wrongly trained it to believe is dangerous.

I think noticing those feelings but not reacting to them is the way to go.

You can almost challenge yourself so say I'll eat this biscuit and I bet my brain will say this and make me feel these feelings.

It's hard but you have to go through that pain barrier.

Feelings feel overwhelming and all consuming but they do pass and they are actually harmless.

You can override them.

Hi I’d like to say well done for talking about what is going on for you right now. My dd has anorexia and I’m not as experienced as some of the others on here. I am working with a very experienced Eating Disorder coach, who’s taught me how to get my dd to eat when dd was at the point of only eating small quantities once a day. I am here reading and listening to you. I just want you to know I am one more person, who cares about your well being and understands how courageous you are being right now.

What do you eat every day currently? Be honest and for how long?
This is vital as advising you to have to much food to soon can be unhelpful too.

usually in the morning i’ll have a yogurt or mushrooms if i feel i can do it, and then maybe another yogurt in the afternoon. at dinner time i’ll have a bit of soup or some quorn fillets with vegetables. although on bad days it’s really not been much food at all.

before coming back to university for this year, i ate a bit of breakfast with my parents, and also a bit of dinner. tried to stay under 500 calories.
all in all i’d say it’s been around 4 months like this. obviously gotten worse since it started up again (the ed has been on and off for 5 years - this is the longest time it’s been “on”)

thank you so much @Mummyoflittledragon

❤️ Can I clarify, you mean you’ve tried to stay below 500 calories for the past 4 months? And before that were you maintaining your weight?

Can you also explain where the breakfast cereal idea is coming from? It’s just you haven’t mentioned cereals in the foods you are currently eating. And which yoghurt exactly? Ie sugar and fat content.

i’ve tried to stay below 500 calories per day (sorry if my message isn’t clear !) and before that my weight had actually increased over a year.

the cereal idea has come from the professional who did my assessment at the services. two bowls of cereal in addition to what i’m eating. they implied it would get me to maintain my weight, as they don’t want it to get any worse.

muller yogurt or sometimes the yogurt skyr things.

You sound very unwell OP, can you get a friend to go toA&E with you, they should be taking this seriously and getting you proper help. Or get the courage to take yourself and try not to downplay anything. If you had any other serious illness I’m sure you wouldn’t hesitate to go to hospital. Sending you strength to get through this, you are not alone.

Have you spoken to the university at all - they might have some therapy services or other student support that could be of use? Probably not from a nutritional/actual health POV but they might have someone who can support you emotionally while you're waiting for other options

Go to A& E they will assess you and do your bloods. Your bloods will tell them a lot. This will dictate the quantity of calories to start with. It's important you eat and frequently. Even a few spoons of peanut butter in between would help stabilise you massively