Support thread 12 for parents of young people with an eating disorder

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Suddenly noticed the old thread is almost full and thought I'd make a new one.

Hi it definitely can be anxiety related, when I had severe anxiety as a teen constant nausea was the main symptom.

The only way through it was to eat small but regular meals, even when feeling sick. The longer I went without food the worse the nausea got.

Is she on any medication? Some meds can make you feel sick and there are anti emetics to help with the nausea.

@Mummyoflittledragon

@Girliefriendlikespuppies

thanks for your replies. She did manage to get through her breakfast finally and she did get through the rest of the day and she was really positive even upped her food intake. She isn’t on any medication so it deffo can’t be that. I know when my anxiety kicks in I feel sick and get like a butterfly feeling which she did mention when we spoke about it again yesterday afternoon. So I’m pretty sure it’s anxiety

Mumofellie I would have thought severe anxiety could cause nauseous feelings even when not around food but if she is low enough to be close to hospital admission I would want her checked out in case it is something else. Better to be overly cautious when they are so ill. If you haven’t seen someone already I would go to A&E for bloods ECG etc

Ah, I’ve just seen your update. Glad things picked up. X

@Shanghai101 she has bloods every week and only had them done on Tue and they were all good

I am glad your dd is doing ok @Mumofellie

My dd is very angry with me today as she didn’t believe we’d follow through on no dancing. She’s not eaten. She only ate 500 calories tops yesterday. She is invited to a party this evening and it was supposed to be a sleepover but I said no to that, we will collect her… I fear it is going to be a long day of waiting to see if she will manage to eat. Idk if this is going to put her last gcse exams in jeopardy. It’s so hard.

@Mummyoflittledragon thanks she is doinv ok she is having three meals 2 puddings and 3 snacks a day but her weight isn’t going up so we need to change a few things again which DD struggles with. She did really well yesterday so hoping it carried on and the sickness from the anxiety or whatever it is gets better as we move along. She knows if it does start going up she may be admitted to hospital again or a mental health unit so hoping that’s pushing her on. so sorry yous are having a bad day I really do hope it gets better. Will there be snacks/food later at the sleepover. Will she eat something there?? My DD was supposed to be going to a sleepover in April when we had our first assessment but because she was that poorly and she got admitted straight to hospital that day she wasn’t able to go to the sleepover so hates CaMHS for spilling things for her x

@Mumofellie

I have never had to deal with the sickness anxiety with DD, although the Ensure did made her sick and she refused those.

DD has a trek bar as her bedtime snack and if we are going out I have them in the car in case we get caught out, they are almost 200 cals each and high in protein, not sure if they have been tried or not for your DD?

Weight gain is hard for our children, I wish it was easier.

DD also hates CAMHS she said they ruined her life. No sleepovers, no school, no shopping dates with friends. It will come back, it just takes time.

@Dinnerisburnt no I’ve never heard of them DD does have protein bars 2-3 times a week as they are over 200 cals will look into the trek bars. Ye Dd was same with CaMHs they ruined her life as she had to drop out of college. We’re hoping she can start back in sept so have 3 months to to do as much as we can so she can start back. DD wouldn’t even entertain the ensure drinks at all she just said she would rather eat so from first day she was admitted she just ate what she was given thankfully

@Mumofellie

I am hoping DD will be back at school in September too, she has to resit Y12 as been off school since November, it’s going to be hard but she wants to get back to education.

Trek bars and Grenade bars, I buy them in bulk now!

I hope she gets back to school in September. My daughters starting year 12 again in September hopefully, ow right us my DD likes some of the grenade bars

@Dinnerisburnt
@Mumofellie

I hope both your dds will manage to restart. My dd is supposed to be starting year 12 in September. It’s all a bit of an unknown. Right now she appears relatively well albeit it is a bit of a knife edge.

As for the party / sleepover, dd has stayed in the end. I spoke with the party girl’s mum and she agreed to keep an eye on dd and have a chat with her about looking after herself. She is really lovely. The plan was to sleep in the garden and it’s too cold. Dd agreed to sleep in the party girl’s bedroom with another friend, who gets cold as well. She also said she would eat something so if she has, she will have eaten better than coming home. I had a text from the mum at 11.20pm to say dd was inside and going to bed. So I’m feeling better about that now.

@Mummyoflittledragon ow that’s good that she listened to you and stayed indoors. I hope she had a good sleepover and managed to eat something. My DD has planned out her eating today and asked if it was ok which is said it was and she has upped her breakfast and dinner and then she’s asked if we can go out for tea so if today goes to plan then it will be a good day today. I’m really hoping what CAMHS said to her on Thursday is starting to sink in.

Yes it was good she listened. She is still vile for the most part though. She is refusing to eat again today. I know she will eat eventually but it’s 4pm. She thinks she can go on like this for some time hence and really doesn’t realise she’s reaching the end of being able to do stuff.

That sounds really positive with your dd. I hope mine will get to that stage soon and I know there is a lot of hard work ahead. I hope your day had turned out well.

@Mummyoflittledragon glad your daughter listen lastnight. I hope she’s managed to have something to eat now. Has your DD ever been admitted to hospital? Did u say that she’s under CAMHS

@Mumofellie
Shes eaten maybe 500 calories now. Not great calories though. Houmous, carrot sticks and grapes. Her go to. That’s it for the day. She’s never been in hospital and with her seizure condition and extreme medical anxiety it would be catastrophic. This is something I was intending get some form of therapy for her after her GCSEs to cope with this and the increased anxiety etc so I’m really hoping I can keep her out of hospital.

@Mummyoflittledragon ow yes sorry I remember u saying now. I really hope she gets through her GCSEs. Would the threat of hospital cause seizures just wondering if u manage to see someone CAMHs may suggest that and that may be enough to turn things round

@Mummyoflittledragon

Hope you don’t mind my explanation…..

so, your DD is picking and choosing when to eat and what she eats?

Mine did exactly this, it got worse and worse until she was on 300 calories a day, she was logging and still does every single thing she eats and drinks. Her X and TikTok account (which she has blocked me on) supports both her anorexia and recovery, multiple accounts. ED’s are sneaky, eat enough to be able to do the things they want and then starve themselves.

DD is now not allowed to miss breakfast, lunch, dinner or her three snacks a day. She doesn’t go out without a proper plan of what she will eat and drink as her ED doesn’t leave her alone, and she can’t eat unless someone tells her to, it’s a full time job getting them well again.

If your DD is diagnosed and she gets a meal plan, then you will be in a similar position, all her freedom and choices will be gone. You take control completely of meals and snacks, you can start this at home, it takes a huge amount of work and planning!

I have found that allowing DD to eat with her headphones on and iPad in front of her got her through the difficulties in the beginning as she refused to eat as a family, this is better now but still isn’t allowed to eat or prepare food alone or unsupervised. CAMHS told me very early on that if you don’t see her eat it, then it hasn’t been eaten and that is so true.

I am sorry your CAMHS appointment didn’t get you any help. I think we were in a much worse place as came to them via A&E, and I can’t fault the team we have been assigned to, the private route where I am is £5k a week and more like a luxury retreat than a hospital, I am not sure DD would want to leave that level of luxury and get better and we don’t have the budget for that kind of expense 😆. She hates CAMHS and it’s the driving force to her getting better so she never has to see them again.

Anorexia tore our family apart, FBT is putting it back together. We have done a multi family course and individual sessions, I have shed tears whilst DD sat there rolling her eyes and mocking me, she is much kinder to me now thankfully!

I appreciate the other health issues your DD has and hope your appointment this week in the private sector gets things moving in the right direction.

@Mumofellie
The woman at CAMHS said dd would have to go to A&E if she didn’t eat for 24 to 48 hours but that’s pretty standard. Dd professes not to care. I think she would when the time came. Extreme stress can cause them.

I am worried that there may come a time when she has a seizure and her heart stops that her body doesn’t have the energy to restart her heart…

@Dinnerisburnt
The people we are using aren’t anywhere near in that ballpark. This is home care and will be costing a lot lot less. I am concerned about the refeeding stage and hope that I will be able to manage it. I have chronic fatigue and chronic pain so looking after dd is going to be much more of a challenge for me than many. I know her freedoms are about to be curtailed and the potential violence. I am disabled from the chronic fatigue and pain. She could easily seriously hurt me.

Dd won’t eat when stressed. She hates being watched but prefers to eat with friends. At the moment, if I take food to her bedroom and leave her to eat, she eats better than if I sit with her watching. She does eat downstairs some of the time. She’s actually a very honest person most of the time. I know this may change if her activities are curtailed. Right now she doesn’t hide food. If she doesn’t want to eat the food, she just ignores it rather than attempting to throw or flush it away. That includes if she is only allowed out if she eats. My best bet may be to be in the bedroom, which is adjacent to the bathroom whilst she eats to ensure she isn’t managing to get rid of the food.

I am really concerned about CAHMS wanting to do tests on dd. It will induce a seizure. As she is malnourished, I am not 100% certain her heart will automatically restart under these circumstances. I’m obviously not medically trained but I’m not stupid. The body stops coping at some stage. My gut feeling is not to even contemplate giving consent unless a cardiologist can confirm dd is not in any danger of this happening. There is no way they can put a needle in her arm for example.

I meant to add Dinner that I’m glad your dd is kinder to you now. I know mine will be when she is eating better.

@Mummyoflittledragon your in a right awkward position arnt you. I really hope things change soon.
like @Dinnerisburnt says my daughter was same she was having one meal a day in the end she broke down and told me on a Thu that she had not drank anything since the Monday and was only eating one meal a day for over a month. Luckily being admitted made her eat more so she could get out of hospital and now the threat of being admitted again is hopefully gonna keep her out and eat more. She is having loads a day now but the calories arnt enough hence her weight maintaining and not going up.

@Mummyoflittledragon I am so sorry you really are in a shit situation, I wish I could offer you helpful advice. A&E, CAMHS and the cardiologist can’t help you, you must be very stressed and worried 😞

I did the taking food upto the bedroom, I found so much of it under her bed and in the bedside unit, I hope your DD’s ED isn’t making her do the same. They do the most unexpected things, nothing surprises me anymore!

Thanks @Mumofellie . Yes it is a very difficult position to be in especially as dd is in complete denial. Gosh that was extremely dangerous. Your poor dd. You must have been so worried when she told you. My dd was almost as bad your dd for a couple of weeks in March but her friends managed to turn it around over Easter.

Yes, @Dinnerisburnt it is very worrying. I will have to check on the hidden food front. I hope not but thanks for the heads up.

Anyway the message about no dancing full sto- has been delivered. She had an exam this morning so I didn’t discuss it with her again as she probably would have refused food or got distracted etc. She’s just screamed at me, physically thrown me out of her room and said she’s not going to eat at all if she cannot go dancing. She has been told she could dance properly if she could eat enough as per guidance from CAHMS. I also offered for her to just mark the dances - ie go through the steps only not dance them as she hasn’t eaten enough. She doesn’t want to do either... or rather cannot do the former. So obscenities, screaming and violence.

yes it was horrible @Mummyoflittledragon luckily we arnt there anymore but still only just started our journey and a long long way to go. My DD was same and hid food in her room so I’d deffo recommend checking when u can.
My Dd is pushing herself at the minute as she wants to start her driving lessons again and that stopped as soon as she was admitted and we have told her they can’t start until she gets out of the danger zone. We’ve had a really good weekend but then she’s woke up this morning in a tight mood so I’m thinking the ED isn’t happy with how well she’s done over the weekend so told her not to let the ED spoil her happiness and how well she is doing to which she snapped at me and said it’s not the ED.
have u stopped the dancing for now then? Hopefully you DD will realise when she can’t dance anymore and start to make changes

@Mumofellie
If your dd is eating this well, hopefully she will be able to restart soon. Because of my dd’s medical condition she won’t be able to drive. this is another reason to get help for her anxiety around medical setting as these are really the only places she has seizures now.

Dd went mad about not being allowed to dance today. She stomped out and went on a 6000 step walk. I let her do it and when it appeared she still wasn’t coming home I collected her. She wouldn’t put her seatbelt on. So I had to do it and shout. Then she tried to escape when we got to the house so I shouted at her and pushed her to the door to go inside…. told dd she could go dancing tomorrow if she eats. But not getting her heart rate Tomorrw’s classclass is for her exam. I’m walking a tightrope of trying to keep her eating.