Support thread 11 for parents of young people with an eating disorder

[GrannyRoberts]

Hi all, here is our new thread. I will attempt to post a link on thread 10.

Dd was commenting about how heavy her bags are for the school excursion and DH just turned around and said to think of all the calories you will burn! I mean WTF!
It is his idea of a joke apparently. I have no words. I am sick to my stomach that she’s going to be active and not eating/staying hydrated and he’s making comments more suited to a pro Ana website than a supportive parent

Oh god Cantfindthewordsddstruggling what a stupid thing to say 🤦‍♀️

Is there someone assigned to keep an eye on her? I hope they keep you informed so you can relax a little. I really hope she has a good time x

@BagpussSaggyOldClothCat don’t think we will hear anything as it’s 2 year levels on the trip so a large number of students. I’ve just got to hope that we’ve made the right call letting her go. So much work in the class has been done in preparation and they do further work when they get back which is why I feel backed into a corner to let her go.

Thank you everyone

After a strong worded email this morning of my concerns I was told to come to a&e and talking about admission on an acute ward
Waiting on obs and bloods

@summertimesadness24 well done in advocating so well for dd. Hopefully you are a step closer to getting your dc the help and support they so desperately need.

@summertimesadness24 I'm pleased they are finally listening to you. You're doing so well.
@Cantfindthewordsddstruggling I feel your frustration! Bet you wish you had something heavy to hit him with! I hope it goes ok and she has a nice time.

summertimesadness24

I'm so pleased you have been listened to and really hope your dd now gets the help she needs x

So we are awaiting bloods and ecg
Obs are fine!

IF they say we can go home ( which I just have a feeling they will ) what do I say ? They say they are looking for dangerous levels regarding her salt levels ? But other than that she hasn't eaten a thing since yesterday evening which wasn't dinner and only snacks

She is point blank refusing to eat anything 😩😩😩

I'd ask them how they except you to continue at home, eating so little and your daughter saying she isn't going to eat. How do you manage this at home? We stayed a week in hospital and it helped us get 3+3 going, being in that environment kept the pressure on him to eat and if he refused at home I'd remind him of the hospital room, bed rest etc and that was enough to get him going

I will ask some questions
I am just guessing that they will say to go home - this is my 3rd trip here in 3 weeks and now it's got so bad where she isn't eating - I hope I don't have to beg them to admit her!

She's saying she can't eat and I'm just hoping being in hospital can get her thinking we can try at home but I cannot get through to her

20 hours with no food at all - this has been the most so far
Last food was a snack at 8pm last night!

I'm trying to offer some little snacks now and then and she's not having it

I'm saying to her if the bloods are ok and they say we can go I will be asking for her to stay in. ( I think now she's refusing this is another form of self harm ) as she's cutting and hurting herself also
I've said it will be sad me leaving and is she sure she doesn't want to try come come and even if it means eating anything she wants ( I known it's not right but after 4.5 hours in a&e I thought she may have had enough and I was just checking to see how she feels ) but nope she's aware I will be pushing for her to stay in and she will not come home if she knows we have to eat 😩

I'm feeling nervous, tired, emotional - this is the most strangest feeling
And I just want to get home to my baby and for her to come home and try at home

Sorry to everyone who has / or who is going through this

Oh summer, goodness this is so stressful and frustrating.

You will have done this already but I guess the thing that jumps out at me is that you know she isn't eating and won't eat, are they basically just sending you away until the impact of this becomes dangerous, in the knowledge that this WILL inevitably become dangerous at some point in the not very distant future? How can that be an appropriate treatment for any condition, but in particular one which has such significant health implications down the line? This hasn't improved since you were at the last appointment on Thursday, what do they think is going to happen if you're sent away?

The responsibility has to be shifted away from you to them intervening now.

Hoping it's ok.

Thank you
I was worrying about not being listened to but didn't have to kick up any fuss at all
She's being admitted

Summer, wishing you strength

Oh that's good news summer. So glad you're not being sent home again, and hope this can be a first step in turning the corner for recovery. Keeping you both in my mind, hope you're ok, I imagine even though this is what's needed it might register as a bit of a shock later. Xx

Summer, I’m glad they admitted her for her sake as I know from bitter experience that being sent home with a child who can’t eat doesn’t change anything when the AN is so entrenched. I hope she can get the help she needs to start recovery. And I hope you can take some time to build yourself up for when she is discharged. Sending you hope x

@summertimesadness24 even thought this is what she needs, this must feel so difficult for you. We’re thinking of you and hoping this is the beginning of a a path to recovery.

@summertimesadness24 well done for staying strong and standing your ground. I hope this is the beginning of the recovery.

Thanks for your reply. Yes she is engaged , she doesn’t like going but she does listen to chams therapist and likes her. I think being young may be advantageous in that way. She has mangaged to have a croissant after 45 mins which is really good for a change of snack as it usually takes a lot longer. She also tried a new flavour of yogurt. So after a shaky start she did really well this week. Just need to keep an eye on the exercise and see what weigh in says this week.

Yes it’s very scary. It seems like a postcode lottery. The nhs guidelines say they need to be seen within 4 weeks when a gp refers a child to chams Ed clinic. This makes me feel very lucky from the first phone call I had with dr reception then gp phoned within an hour asked loads of questions and booked her in to do obs. Gp was fantastic and took it very seriously. I am in Hampshire so maybe just lucky with the support here? Or maybe because she was only 11? Not sure. Scary to think others are just left to get sicker and sicker it’s unacceptable. Reading these stories makes me so sad for the parents as we all know how horrendous and scary it is in the beginning.

Yes this makes sense. She does have two weekly sessions with chams. I was told once weight is fully restored it helps with the brain function around feelings ect. Just got to keep at it bit by bit x

Sending hugs @summertimesadness24 I'm glad in a way she's being admitted as I hope this is the start of recovery 💗

Summer glad they're admitting her, hopefully this will be the turning point for you.

I've just had a row with dd and in protest she's refusing her evening snack 🤬🤬🤬

Honestly it makes me so mad!!!!

We're at a point where it doesn't really matter, she's generally well and eats okay but then she does things like this to spite me and I feel like screaming.

Summertimesadness24 It's the best place for her. I hope you're OK. Please take good care of yourself and let us know how dd is getting on.

Girliefriendlikespuppies That's happened here too and now we have quite an unhealthy dynamic because I try not to upset her in case she doesn't eat.

Bagpuss yes that's exactly it, I should be allowed to pull dd up when she's being rude or ridiculous about something without her refusing to eat just to spite me.

It's just really unfair and frustrating.

I'm wondering if I'm getting some push back after she had a lovely week celebrating her bday.