Support thread 10 for parents of young people with an eating disorder

[Lottsbiffandsmudge]

Hi guys
Here is our new thread. I will add a link to it in Thread 9

@Curlyhairedassasin DD has stopped pacing as her weight increased. Sorry that's not much help.

Happy new year warrior mums!!

Really hoping it's a good one for all of us and our kids.

Curly the compulsion to move is closely linked to low weight, the primal part of the brain thinks it's time to migrate as there's not enough food 😕 I think distraction is the main way to stop this but I appreciate that's not easy in your circumstances. Can you factor in car rides, cinema trips, craft activities that involve sitting down?

In the meantime keep adding in as much food as possible.

Thanks Girlie, I try to watch stuff with her and just put her into the car for a longer ride.

I didn't realise that the pacing is related to the low weight and certain primal instincts. That's useful to know.

Happy new to you all! I hope its one of recovery and positivity for your DC.
You are all doing amazingly well in very difficult circumstances.
I have decided to take a break from mumsnet for a bit.
I found this and previous threads invaluable when my DD was v ill and during her recovery. I had a break when she was a bit into WR and came back once DD was fully recovered to try to help others as I had been helped before.
But I think I now need to try to move forwards in my own recovery from the ptsd her AN has left me with and I think this thread is maybe contributing to my finding it hard to leave the AN behind and view my DD differently. I am not totally sure if that's true but I think I owe it to DD to try to stop viewing her as a recovered anorexic and start viewing her as my daughter again.
Before I sign off I just wanted to say again that recovery is possible. It never ever felt like that when we were in the middle of the storm, but it is. Everyone's journey is different but ultimately we all fight as parents to try to do the best we can to facilitate that recovery. Advice on here is just that, advice. But it comes from a place of lived experience, which in my view is invaluable.
I truly wish all of you the best in the world. You are amazing mothers and just by being here are demonstrating your iron will to do the best you can.
Forgive yourselves. Fail some days, succeed on others. But then get up and do it all again. I know you can.
With my love to you all.
Lotts

@Lottsbiffandsmudge I understand where you're coming from. Thanks so much for your support and advice, this thread has been really useful for me and I'm sure many others. Wishing you and your family all the best xx

Lottsbiffandsmudge

I think we can all totally understand your need to step away at this point, and I really hope it helps you to continue to heal and move forwards.

Thanks so much for all your support & advice.

Wishing you and your dd an amazing 2024 and beyond xx

Totally understandable @Lottsbiffandsmudge. Thank you for all your advice and support and wishing you and DD all the very best for the future x

I wish you and your daughter all the luck in the world @Lottsbiffandsmudge thank so much for your advice and support xx

I think this is very wise, you don't want to stay in the middle of the storm for ever, thank you for your support.

@Lottsbiffandsmudge Totally understand. Thanks for all your kind advice and support. Wishing you and your daughter a happy future. You are both amazing!

Thanks @Lottsbiffandsmudge for sharing so generously even after your DD was well into recovery. Your posts have helped me enormously over the last six months or so. And you give me hope that one day I too will be signing off from this thread and my DD will be getting on with her life.
Happy New Year to you and your family and to all the other wonderful women on this thread, following silently or actively engaged.
Lotts, wishing you all the best as you heal from the trauma that is AN.
Shanghai X

lotts, you helped me tremendously last year. All the best for you and DD!

@Lottsbiffandsmudge completely understand, and just wanted to add my thanks too. I think there is a particular kind of ptsd that parents, and perhaps even more so for mothers, experience when their kids have an ed. I'm really grateful for you sharing your experience and support with us, and I hope we are in the same position of being able to look back from a place of recovery too. Best of luck with everything xxx

@Lottsbiffandsmudge thanks for sharing your decision. It was a really uplifting post. It’s so important for us still in the thick of it to know there is hope. I actually read your post to my DD who is trying so hard at the moment to recover and she was moved and heartened by it. Recovery does happen!
You have always been such a supportive contributor and I join others in thanking you and wishing you and your DD all the very best in this new chapter.

Have any of you experienced a sudden and extreme spike in behaviours after a long time of just swimming along with only minor hiccups?

DD has been on her (crappy) meal plan but for the last few months managed to eat it without too much stress (unless we tried to increase things, butter gate etc).

We haven't made changes but in the last 2 days behaviours suddenly increased. She cries, doesn't wanna eat, this morning she screamed for a good 20 mins, hit me with the phone, kicked me in my abdominal area, threw a knife (butter knife, nothing sharp) at me, bit me. The full programme basically. Exactly the same behaviours we had (in conjunction with extreme food restriction) before she was admitted to hospital last year.

She ate all the food in the end but it was hell and I have no idea what suddenly caused this massive switch in behaviour? Anyone had this and any idea what could have caused this? I am in bits.

Hi curly, we had a massive switch after Boxing Day refusing so much and taking forever to eat it, lots of shouting and I hate you, lots of tears too and general distress. We were at the clinic on Tuesday and they really hoped things would be getting easier and they put it down to his brain taking longer to catch up as he'd gained 1.7kg in a week. Yesterday I had a different child, my happy giggly child 💗 eating well with little refusal and asking us just to be quiet and give him a minute before he continued. Today so far seems similar to yesterday but last week was completely horrific and I was at my wits end. He couldn't even get dressed or choose a game to play everything distressed him not just food. I'm wondering if your dd has gained too or the ed isn't liking being challenged?
I also was thinking about you @Glitterfarti as the psychologist said it's still too early to diagnose but they are wondering whether it's anxiety related and coming out in his food as that's something he can control. I thought about your dd and how they won't help as they feel it maybe anxiety over an ed and wondered whether you were any closer to someone helping you?

@Proseccoismyfriend That gives me some hope. I cried all morning. I am just a big mess. I do not know if she gained weight. next check is next week. I binned the scale at home. I have been giving her granny's milk with double cream for a while which should add about 200-250 cals per day. Maybe that pushed the weight up a bit. Hopefully it is just that. I really don't think I can go back to the 2023 situation. I'd rather take DD1 and move out. I am a total wreck after this morning.

I'm hoping it's the milk trick and she's gaining. Everything crossed for you. Honestly last week DH and I were discussing who would leave with dd while we ride this storm, I sobbed everyday especially when people said merry Christmas. Nothing merry at all in our house. These last two days are a different story, I'm keeping everything crossed for you. You're doing amazing

@Curlyhairedassasin that sounds awful, I really sympathise. I would interpret that behaviour as the ED being very pissed off, so you're definitely doing something right!! It's not easy bearing the brunt of aggression like that.

We were advised to add skimmed milk powder to milk drinks, to boost calcium, protein and calories I think. I'm unsure about the calories but I can find the handout they gave me if it's helpful. I also have a 1000 calorie muffin recipe if she will eat muffins?

@Eyelashesoffire - she eats nothing home made. nothing at all. it's just all sandwiches, yoghurts, fruit, canned fish etc. but nothing where I could hide calories in.

@Curlyhairedassasin no advice but sending virtual hugs.
im not sure if your daughter attends school but I wonder if worries about eating in school / missing out when friends are back in school could have caused issues?
in our house regardless of the cause of the worry the impact is wanting to eat less.

@NotAllGood. Thank you. She was a bit calmer this afternoon. She has been back in school since the beginning of the school year and is flying there. It's the one and only thing that actually works for her. Will see how breakfast tomorrow goes.

@Curlyhairedassasin sorry to hear, that must have been so upsetting. Hopefully as others have suggested her weight is increasing with the extra calories and that might be rattling the ED?
I wonder if it could also be a bit of post-Christmas release? Clearly this can be a stressful time around food as well as changes to routine generally (no school, or prospect of going back to school after time off), different people in and out of the house etc). I've found my DD has been more volatile than usual, and I do think it's a reaction to things being a little out of sync for her, I'm hoping it will settle down as things get back to usual. Maybe your DD is a bit dysregulated after the festive period and it's coming out as you've described..?

Thanks @GrannyRoberts. She just had breakfast and it was much better than yesterday. Hopefully it was just a blip. It really threw me. We have s weight check next week so will see if it went up. no changes to the plan other than your fortified milk which should add about 2000 cals per week (which I hope will make a difference 🤞🤞🤞).

Could I ask about PIP application please.
In Sept DD is planning to go to uni.
She has made great improvements in the last year. WFH 76% to 96%.
Generally more happy etc (but certainly not fully recovered).
She doesn't really need it at the moment and looking at the questions probably wouldn't qualify for it.

However once at uni I was hoping on some sort of monitoring (we have agreed to contact welfare at uni to see what support they offer). And if things go pear shaped I was hoping she could maybe get some private support/treatment (it took 7 months from me contacting Camhs to getting treatment and I've heard it's even longer for adults).
In which case pip might come handy, for her to have. Also so she wouldn't need to ask me. (I'm happy to help her anyway I can but it took me 6 months to find out she was purging).

However waiting to apply for pip till she relapses would be too late to be useful.

So a bit lost about what to do