Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention; if you think your problem could be acute, do so immediately. Even qualified doctors can't diagnose over the internet, so do bear that in mind when seeking or giving advice. If you need to talk to someone in confidence, please contact Beat, the UK’s eating disorder charity.
Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention; if you think your problem could be acute, do so immediately. Even qualified doctors can't diagnose over the internet, so do bear that in mind when seeking or giving advice. If you need to talk to someone in confidence, please contact Beat, the UK’s eating disorder charity.
Eating disorders
DD and bulimia, help!!
annierodgers1 · 28/01/2023 02:53
My DD has bulimia which is extremely difficult for the whole family. She is 16 and a sibling of three. I have never experienced any of my children to have eating disorders before. DD will experience cycles of days without eating then days of binging and making herself sick in the toilet straight after. This is upsetting to the whole family and we don’t know how to help.
She is undergoing eating disorder counselling at camhs which she says it helps but she is still making herself sick. We try and stay with her after she eats but she always manages to get away from us. After she is sick, the bathroom always reeks and is horrible for the family.
Any advice on how to help?
lookingforaholiday · 28/01/2023 04:59
Sorry to hear what your daughter and family are going through.
I had bulimia myself in my late teens early 20s, actually if I'm honest I had relapses right through my 20s. I am now mid 30s.
The NHS assistance offered to me was a CD Rom self help programme which I found useless to be honest. I believe I was also offered to attend group sessions but at the time, I couldn't think of anything worse and didn't go.
Whilst my family knew what I was going through and my mum came with me to get help in the first place, I felt like it was completely ignored and not really spoke of. I'm not saying I would have wanted open conversations about it but I would have appreciated open questions asking how I was or if there is anything they could do. The answer would have probably been no but I wouldn't have felt so alone. On that note reassurance that you are there for her, she is loved etc. is important. I would avoid any comments about her appearance etc. Also no criticism, my sibling would criticise me and it just made the way I felt worse.
One insight that I didn't learn until years later is that bulimia can be an outpouring of emotional trauma and attempt at achieving some sort of control in an environment where the individual feels vulnerable. I grew up in a rather unstable family and this made so much sense to me learning about it years on, I had thought it was just about wanting to be thinner etc but it was so much deeper than that. Has your daughter been through any emotional trauma/instability? If so, I would ensure any counselling is dealing with that potentially as a route cause. It also helped me in later life to hear that what I was going through wasn't my fault, I wasn't 'broken'.
On the days she isn't eating try and encourage her to eat something even if small but don't push too hard. Binging is a vicious cycle and made worse by not eating inbetween because being hungry might me more likely to trigger a binge. However it might be helpful for you to understand that whilst binging, at least for me, it's hard to control yourself, it's a bit like a addiction then once is done, a feeling of disgust ensues and vomiting gives a real sense of relief.
There is a book called over eaters anonymous that is aimed at assisting with eating disorders, you may also want to speak to a therapist yourself to see how you can help.
This is a bit of a brain dump but I hope it is of some use. It is of course from my own personal experience and everyone's case will be different. Love to you and your family, especially your daughter x
Soulstirring · 28/01/2023 05:15
It’s a long journey. If I’m honest I had periods of eating disorder my whole teens, bulimia my whole 20’s and large proportion of my 30’s. I’m now 41 and occasionally revert. I was on 60mg fluoxetine for a few years in my 20’s and it really helped break the cycle when it was severe. I was very secretive about it, it sounds as thought your daughter isn’t so much? She is actively asking for help?
myrtleWilson · 29/01/2023 20:52
Hi @annierodgers1 so sorry to hear of your daughter's illness - you'd be very welcome on our support thread - most of us are parents of children with anorexia rather than bulimia but I know we'll offer you lots of support and hopefully useful advice too
www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/4718773-support-thread-8for-parents-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder?reply=123332235
annierodgers1 · 30/01/2023 00:48
Thankyou very much for this, I really appreciate it!
DarkChocHolic · 30/01/2023 12:05
I'm sorry to hear @annierodgers1
Have the onset of similar issues with DD. I don't know if she already has a binge eating disorder but I dread she is heading that way and I feel so helpless
Threeyearsalready · 13/02/2023 06:46
No advice.
DC has had a long history of binging, but started vomiting about 3 years ago . It became more frequent in the last year so started losing weight.
She tries hard not to binge now, which is interpreted by camhs as restricting her intake so have diagnosed her with anorexia.
She will however have eg big dinners. Loves drinking lots of hot chocolate.
I feel it's a tight rope, on the one hand encourage her to eat more (to gain weight) and on the other hand stop her to eat (eg when having second helpings) to avoid her feeling bad for overeating and subsequently start vomiting
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.