Teen Eating Disorders Thread 7

[Lottsbiffandsmudge]

We have managed to fill the previous Thread here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/4471980-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-6?page=40

So I thought I would start a new one.

Everyone supporting a young person with and ED is welcome here for advice (non professional but lived experience) and support.

Hoping everyone can find us...

@BagpussSaggyOldClothCat yes. And it was such small gain. I've just spent an hour crying in the kitchen floor with her, fighting over a carton of apple juice. I'm done.

Hi all, thanks for the welcome and tips. I think I've caught DS at the start of a regression, and following some long chats on Monday night (he's very open) he's turned a corner and now eating a good breakfast (porrige, golden syrup) good snack at school pick-up (iced belgian bun and innocent smoothie) as well as having a snack just before bed, after his supper. He seemed brighter yesterday after just 36 hours on this.

Thanks to @lovewinter for the links - I read the 1st one this morning about the anorexia valley and recovery valley and it resonates. His behaviour has regressed since growing taller and losing weight. We've never managed to get to 100% wfh but now I'll aim for over the minimum weight he should be.

Three Questions for you all -

1. When do you tell schools and ask them to intervene re participation in sport - so far I haven't mentioned it formally, only to the school nurse and form teacher. He's mortified at the thought of school knowing.

2. We had let DS take part in sport as long as he was eating properly. However now that we know he's lost weight we've stopped all out of school sport until he gains 2kg - which is still 4kg under where he should be. Should we push for a larger weight gain before allowing out of school sport? Sensibly I feel like the answer would be yes, but I know this would stress him out. Does that make me an enabler?

3. Do you all count calories for your child's daily intake?

4. How often do you weigh them? We'd avoided doing it at home and he was only being weighed at CAMHS but since we haven't had an appt for 8 weeks+ now, I did weigh him this week and he's dropped weight. But do you routinely weigh them?

@D1ANA22 in regards to eating sugary fatty things it may be a sign she is actually listening to her body because she has deprived herself of those things for so long she will crave them ? Although I appreciate I don’t understand the situation fully !

I do agree with @BagpussSaggyOldClothCat Christmas is hard for everyone involved with an ED try to think how far u have come not compared to the ideal situation and have faith you will get there eventually if it’s not this year because think of the amount of progress you managed in one year you can definitely do it all the way.

in regards to positivity An D has decided she wants to get better although I have heard that before ! But she did eat two mince pies for dessert last night ! And we are now at 74% WFH but having to push her to 7,000 calories to get about 300 ish grams of weight gain a week.

also not related to ED but just feel proud and it’s positive so maybe I can share ! And don’t want to brag in real life but my youngest has been selected to compete for England in a junior international meet next year and to celebrate my eldest ( they are oddly the closest out of my girls despite the age gap) said she would go out for dinner with us and she managed dinner ( not a safe option either!)and dessert yes there was tears at home but she held it together until home so she didn’t ruin it for her sister.

Swatty can they blind weigh her? For my dd knowing her weight was so damaging and set her back massively, in fact she never fully recovered from about a 1kg gain 2 years ago which ensured we had the shittest Christmas imaginable. I insisted she was blind weighed after that.

Love thats brilliant well done to your dd!! And well done on getting 7000 calories in, that's incredible.

I'm feeling marginally better in that my temps down but so washed out. I've been a bit more on it with dds food again though as I'm worried she's lost weight (based on my eyes!!) So back on it with the butter and cream.

They do blind weigh her. But because they didn't put the meal plan up, she deduced that she had gained. She also thinks they have lied to her for the past 6 weeks when she didn't gain anything.

Ahh I see, this is why I think you need to be in control of the meal plan not them. There were times when dd had gained when I would come out and really push a very high calorie pudding or snack just to show dd that the weigh in didn't mean any easing off and also to give dd no hint of any gains or losses.

I know some parents take their kids straight to macdonalds or similar after a weigh in to literally take the beast by the horns.

Take heart on a gain though, that's good, well done.

Dd is going out with a dog walker tomorrow for work experience so I've told her she has a to have two extra snacks. Even that's probably not enough but dd seemed to accept it okay (will see if she actually eats them though!!)

Lovewinter that's amazing news for your dd and even more amazing that your poorly dd is being so supportive of her sister even though it's so difficult. You should be really proud of them both ❤️

@lovewinter thanks for your comment, I do hope that DD is listening to her body.

Hi, how are we all doing?

We had our appointment yesterday and dd has gained a small amount. We don't have to go back until after New Year which is a relief for both of us. She seems a bit more cheerful today. I'm hoping 3 weeks with no camhs, plus college holidays coming up, will give us a chance to boost her mental state.

I found this and sent it to dd and she said she found some parts helpful so I thought I'd share it here.

paolapetrinut.com/blog/9-tips-for-a-merry-christmas-in-eating-disorder-recovery/

We're okay, I'm slowly coming out of the other side of flu and feeling very behind re Christmas now.

Dd went to the pub after college Ystd with some college friends and had a cider, she was then seen swaying at the bus stop by a teacher and thinks she's going to get suspended now 🤦‍♀️ will have to wait and see if the college say anything next week.

I was just pleased she was doing something normal and teenagery 😂

Girliefriendlikespuppies

Oh that made me smile, bless her. I'm sure the teacher will turn a blind eye, we were all young once!

I would appreciate feedback (and probably some reassurance) with regards to the next steps - DD (Yr 11) has been observed at lunchtimes in school for nearly a year now - she choses her meal and sits on a designated table next to the teachers with friends. She has a priority access to the dining hall so is first in to select her meals with her chosen friends. She's at 108% wfh, no compensating behaviours and eats a full range of foods - it is only liquid calories that seem to be a (small) issue.

The plan is that DD continues with priority access to the lunch hall and can now sit anywhere in there - staff will let us know that she has attended the dining hall each day and the serving staff will ensure proper food choices are made. DD has her obs taken by the school nurse as often as we request - any changes to weight are picked up then. This plan is with the aim of DD achieving autonomy ahead of her going to college next year where meals won't be observed.

DH and I are very anxious - as @myrtleWilson has previously pointed out - we do need to switch from crisis mode to a stage where any hiccups are dealt with as feedback to support DD's recovery - but it is so hard to loosen the grip, I am a pretty pessimistic person even before DD's illness.

So am I missing something - should I be doing something else as well. It does feel like an experiment letting DD eat unsupervised but I also understand that this is where she needs to get to - no 16 year old wants to be singled out in the dining hall.

And @Girliefriendlikespuppies I thought that was great to hear of your DD engaging in teen life - my DD is a year younger and quite immature (lockdown and illness have stunted her emotional development) and I would be (strangely) pleased is she went to a bar with her college friends (sensibly of course).

For those struggling this weekend with their DC's I hope you find some time for your own comfort, my go to at the end of the day is naff TV programmes - thank goodness for Netflix.

@D1ANA22 I can't advise as I'm nowhere near that point, but I'm very pleased that you are!

We've had a good weekend here - hoping the increased meds are now kicking in, and DD showing more acceptance of the meal plan she's on, so less fighting. And I went out for the day on Saturday, and left them all to it. I so needed that break! Hope everyone else has had an ok weekend. Bracing myself for the school holidays now.... One week to go.... Aghh!

D1 I think your plan sounds fine tbh, you've been much more cautious than I was with dd (party because the school were nowhere near as supportive 😕) you have got to start trusting them at some point and ime it becomes pretty obvious quite quickly if they do start restricting again.

Thanks @Girliefriendlikespuppies - that's where DH is, that trust has to come back, difficult when DD's ED has hidden food and restricted behind our backs - I'm so worried about going back there again.

What were the tell tale signs if DD starts restricting again? I've lost a lot of confidence due to this illness creeping into our lives and want to make sure my spidery senses are on alert for any backsliding to nip it in the bud.

@SwattyPie good to hear your weekend went well - can't believe how long the Xmas school holidays are this year, things seem to work better when DD is in school.

D1 any obvious restriction when you see her eat, increased grumpiness/anxiety, more sneaky behaviours etc.

Thank you @Girliefriendlikespuppies for the insight - we'll also continue her obs with the school nurse and GP for any changes. Using mood as a barometer may be difficult - with mocks and GCSE's this year I anticipate a roller coaster of emotions over the next six months, although I'd like to think that I would pick up on a downward spiral.

@D1ANA22 your DD sounds like she's making good progress - well done you and her! The journey for parents in moving away from crisis isn't easy (or linear) - we still have moments when I feel that chill of "here we go" . Eating with her friends is hopefully a reinforcing positive experience for her - she'll be noticing how her friends eat without caution or anxiety. I remember DD telling me how she noticed her friends eating crisps at the surprise 18th party they threw for her - she was astonished at the lack of attention they were giving the act of eating - and it helped her non ED brain point out how abnormal her life had become.
In terms of restricting - is she likely to start limiting her choice at the counter or leaving food on her plate? If the former, I'd make sure kitchen staff are flagging it up to HOY or similar. If the latter, would her friends feel able to flag up to a teacher - would the teacher be able to discreetly check in every now and then?

When DD was at school her head of 6th form was amazing - DD was always able to go to her room whenever she needed to and DD took her up on it - I suppose looking back it was another sign of her being ready to recover - recognising when she needed help - but the offer of help had to be there. Your DD's school sounds very supportive.

@SwattyPie glad the meds are kicking in and you've had a brighter weekend! @Girliefriendlikespuppies I too would have been pleased at normal teenager behaviour and I hope the teacher says nothing more than "I hope you weren't' waiting at the bus stop long" - possibly with a raised eyebrow 😉

What do your kids eat for breakfast? DD is on 500 cal, so currently has a carton of orange juice, and some sweet granola with 200ml semi skimmed milk. It comes to the right cal count without having to have a ridiculous amount of cereal. She's keen to move to porridge, but it looks like she'd have to have 2 sachets to make the calories up, even on the golden syrup versions. She finds bfast really hard, so I want more cal and less quantity of food, but she is v scared of anything that contains too much sugar or fat..... Help!

It varies and Dd is trying to up calorie intake to account for marathon training but always 65g of porridge (with added protein powder) and sometimes two pieces of toast with PB and J

To get the porridge up you could use ff milk (doe she need to know?), add raisins and or nuts. Even add cream after it's made? Or ff yog.
My DD often has porridge as a snack and we use plain oats, ff milk and she adds a big spoon of nutella
How about swapping out the fruit juice for actual fruit with ff nat yog on? Feels v healthy. She could have it along side porridge? Or is that too much volume?
My DD eats 2 fried eggs with 2 slices if toast, fruit salad and a small bowl of cornflakes with ff milk

Breakfast was always the hardest meal of the day for dd even before the ED. She would have cereal with ff milk and a piece of toast. She made up for it at other meals.

Porridge with double cream packs a decent calorie punch, definitely ditch the semi skimmed milk for ff. in some shops you can buy jersey milk which is good as well. I've been known to tip double cream into the ff milk bottle....

It is definitely the hardest meal and dd really struggles with it so I make sure every mouthful counts.

Thanks all. Sadly we're having to be completely transparent about everything she's eating, as it was the only way to get her to agree to the meal plans. I won't be able to sneak anything in, but she may agree to a different kind of milk. We've just got back from the weekly weigh in. Even blind and without them making any reference to her weight, she's cried all the way home, convinced she's gained. How do you get them to realize they have to gain at some point????

@SwattyPie I am in same situation. DD wasn't told at her weigh in on Friday, which led her to believe she must have gained, which led to me catching her trying to make herself sick that evening (she didn't manage it).

She'd actually lost weight anyway - but like you say, she will have to gain at some point and she absolutely does not want to