What is wrong with me? Unhealthy habits.

[SpringSunshine09]

I'm just wondering if anyone can relate or if anyone has any advice or understanding?

I'm desperate to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle - I need to lose about 3 stone. I feel like I am slowly killing myself with the way I am eating - multiple takeaways a week, big portions, cheese on everything plus sugary and high fat snacks. I would imagine my arteries are just cheese strings now. I have 2 amazing children who are very little and I desperately want to set an example to them and also to optimise my chances of being around for them. So it makes me feel very guilty that I keep failing myself and them. I always fear that I am going to die young and then just carry on living like this anyway - what is wrong with me?!

I do well for a week or two but always revert back to the same way. It's a joke. I hate the way I feel and I'm very all or nothing, so I often think there is no point in making an effort with my hair, clothes or anything else if I'm this big. It's like I'm in a constant state of waiting - saying 'when I lose the weight I will...'

I just don't understand why I can't just be consistent and get healthy, If not for me, for my children.

I think I'm looking for some people to relate to and also some real insight into why this is a problem and how I can finally crack it. I'm in my early 30s, 8 months PP so that and lack of sleep does factor in too at the moment. To be honest having takeaway food so easily available is one of my biggest barriers. I have always had a very all or nothing relationship with food and exercise and I just want to crack it for good. Any tips would be great - please go easy on me, I want to learn, I want to do better.

Can I turn this around and reverse the damage I've done to my body?

Hi @SpringSunshine09 I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Do you have any triggers which you can observe? E.g you eat more/go back to the bad habits when you're sad, angry, bored? It might be worth trying to find the cause (even if vague) and start from there.

You can definitely turn things around, so many people have done this! However, from what I've seen, they needed an external help/motivation. It might be worth consulting a dietitian or a psychologist to help you get on the right path. Any long term change starts with the mindset. Then the plan follows.

It doesn't have to be a hard battle. In most cases it's just swapping the bad foods for something more healthy and increasing your exercise routine (which in turn should boost your endorphins). A simple 30mins walk a day, listening to an audiobook or music, can be the first step to build a new routine.

You could limit the amount of takeaways to one per week (and that would be a great treat / something to look forward to). I'd recommend Hello Fresh - they deliver products to your house so you can cook a healthy meal. I've done this with my son and it was fun cooking together.

You're young, you seem aware of your problems - I believe you can do it.

Thank you for your lovely message and advice - It gave me hope. I am definitely an emotional eater so will have a think about my triggers etc. Thank you again for the advice x

I think it might be the all-or-nothing thinking that’s scuppering you. My issue is clutter/housework: I’ll do a massive declutter and clean like mad (shiny taps, dusted skirting boards etc) and wear myself out, then it gets a bit messy and I just go “oh sod it, what’s the point?!” and it gets awful again. Recently downloaded the organised mum method app and just doing half an hour a day and then stopping is a revelation - it’s gradually getting less and less of a hovel in here, and I’m not burnt out and feeling like if I can’t get it perfect then I may as well not try.

i wonder if there’s some way you could introduce a similar system for diet/exercise so instead of having to get it perfect every day, you do something small and achievable each day that nudges you nearer where you want to be? I’m suddenly realising that a quick half-arsed move towards something repeated consistently is actually way more effective than the crash-and-burn cycle of trying to get things perfect then giving up because perfection is actually impossible

I wonder if intermittent fasting might help you? I've stopped snacking in the evenings, so I eat with the children at 5.30 then nothing til a slightly late breakfast at around 9. It's so easy to eat mindlessly but knowing I just can't means I just don't.

So sorry you are going through this. There is a way out, have a look at this website

https://gillianriley.com

It's not easy, but it really is very simple.

I had been thinking that once I was slim, I would feel so much better about myself.

Turns out, it's works the other way round.

Looking after myself, eating well, raises my self esteem so I feel better about myself and want to continue that so I eat healthily most of the time.

As PP mentioned, trying to eat perfectly is a trap, but eating well almost all the time will bake you feel loads better, because you are looking after yourself.

Hope you get a handle on your own life. All the best.

Another thing that's helpful is I try to have boiled eggs and cooked chicken in the fridge, so it's just as easy to have an egg as a snack or a chicken salad or noodles for lunch is quick because the chicken is ready cooked - I bung it in the oven when I'm cooking something else.

And meal planning so not resorting to takeaways.

Just want to say I am in a very similar boat. Uber eats is my biggest problem- so easy to order rubbish. I'm 9 months post partum and when things are tough it's just so easy to comfort eat. I feel like rubbish afterwards and promise it'll be the last time and the next day I'm back at it. I'm carrying an extra ten kilos and it's really showing (bloated face, arms, belly). Not sure what to do as going to gym isn't really possible with baby. Feel rubbish and uncomfortable in all my clothes.

I'd recommend low carb.Im a newbie at it but ive lost half a stone in a month and don't get hunger pangs as often.
I'm a big carb lover but because I don't eat them anymore I know i "cant" have pizza,mcdonalds biscuits etc" It's helped my unhealthy relationship with food.

I honestly could have written this post op. Absolutely all or nothing in everything I do, always have been, so I'm either eating like sparrow or pigging out on everything in sight. I'm exhausted from it and want to just eat normally and not be so preoccupied with food. Also need to lose 3 stone but can't seem to do it healthily. I'm looking into therapy but it's bloody expensive! Solidarity xx

Willpower is often cited by people who feel bad about giving in to temptation but once you realise that the food industry and processed foods have formulas to tap into what your body craves and will continually drive you to eat more you realise you are just responding to your body's natural reaction to high sugar, processed carbs. It's like a vicious cycle.

I would strongly recommend reading the fast 800, I've lost nearly 3 stone and completely changed the way I view food. I still have a bit of a treat now and again but I tend to avoid the crap as it makes me feel a bit shoddy.

You need high fats (full fat yoghurt, nuts, full fat cheese etc) to satiate your hunger pangs, olive oils, fish, veggies and avoid high sugar, processed foods, white carbs and intermittent fasting helps loads.

I wish you luck, if I can do it so can you.

Thank you so much for the compassion, advice and solidarity - you have all helped more than you know. Definitely feeling inspired to try and chip away at this all or nothing mentality X

Please ignore anyone putting forward suggestions of a diet that’s worked for them, fasting or cutting carbs etc - that doesn’t get to the root of the problem and even if they work for a bit you will be back where you started if you don’t address changing the mindset and get some real support.

if you can afford it get some support either from a personal trainer (not one of those muscle men who shout at you in the park but one who specialises in nutrition and exercise) who can create a personalised programme and hold you accountable - it’s too much to expect yourself to do it all alone believe me - and find someone who specialises in the psychology of disordered eating or read up on it and see if you can work out your triggers.

play the long game and don’t focus on the weight - focus on health. It’s definitely not too late to turn things around - it’s honestly amazing what you could do in 6 months if your consistent.

I have similar history. I have lost weight with a diet group, but that's by the by. To keep the weight off and really manage my eating habits, there are a couple of things that may help.

1. Jake Linarden's pages, like this one breakbingeeating.com/stop-binge-eating/

1. Why we eat (too much) (I'll post the author and a link in a minute). There's a long running thread.

Basically your body and society are stacked against you, which makes it incredibly difficult to make healthy choices the multiple times in a day that you need to.

3 stone is very little- you really can do it, you know. Stop beating yourself up and punishing yourself, that just makes it worse. I'll post again with a couple of practical tips, and that link.

Why We Eat (Too Much) Thread 5 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weightlosss_chat/4452191-Why-We-Eat-Too-Much-Thread-5

This book tells you about a good way of eating, and is great at explaining why it's so hard to 'just' make good choices.

Tips for losing weight, and dealing with disordered eating:

1. Plan meals and snacks ahead of time. You are much more likely to eat well if you know what you are eating when. Boiled egg for breakfast, yogurt mid morning, beans on toast at lunch, apple mid afternoon, chicken curry for tea, cheese and pickles mid evening.
2. Eat mainly protein and veg.
3. Any day that you eat better than you used to, is a win. Honestly it doesn't matter if you have a day that goes wrong, as long as it's not every day.

4.Enjoy what you eat. If you buckle and grab a bag of crisps, sit down and really enjoy them. None of that stuffing them in like if you eat them really fast, they don't count!

I know it's tough! I'm happy to cheer you on if you want someone to check in with! I've lost 77lb, and am working on maintenance at the moment. In an ideal world, I'd probably lose another 28lb, but I'm not sure that's either achievable, or advisable. I need to reinforce my success so far, not pressure myself to reach perfection!

@picklemewalnuts
77lbs loss is extraordinary, bloody well done!
And you're right, society is stacked against us making the healthy choice.
I estimated that in order to buy a piece of fruit at my work I would need to walk at least half a mile to find somewhere that sells it, whereas if I wanted pre- packed food, sausage rolls, sweets etc it's right on my doorstep so preparedness is definitely key!
You can do this OP and you will find a way that works for you.

@Bonnie90x

Absolutely all or nothing

I recognise your description in my own life and have been looking out to tackle this.

At the moment, I am in a 'nothing' phase. However, I'm trying out an approach to try and break that perfectionism, by occasionally, very deliberately eating something 'off - plan' but only ever eating a small amount

For example, if have feel a strong desire for chocolate, usually day to day I ignore it knowing it's only an idea not really my body needing chocolate. If I give in to it, I'll want more. If I ignore it, it will eventually go away.

Occasionally, though, I'll have a square of chocolate. And then stop. Frankly, the stopping after a small amount is much more difficult than not having any. It's useful to know, because I have done it, that I can have one chocolate and not eat the rest of the box.

And it's not all or nothing, either.

How would you feel about trying that?

Would giving up a certain food work for you? I recognise a lot in what you said. I gave up bread. It was the hardest for me to do as I love bread.
Then I gave up breakfast because I didn't like anything as much as toast and had read about intermittent fasting. It made me make better choices for lunch as I couldn't have a cheese sandwich and I started to lose weight slowly.
Do a meal plan for the week that consists of quick and easy meals. Prep them in the morning so they're ready to go and not much effort when you're tired and hungry later in the day.

Thanks so much for all your replies.

@picklemewalnuts wow that's amazing! Very inspiring - thanks for all the tips and I really appreciate having someone to check in with X

@FinallyHere that sounds good - I think that would probably be the sort of approach I need to take. Thank you

@ConfusedByDesign meal plan is a great place to start thank you. I will have a think about what food I could start with giving up!

Ps does anyone have any advice about whether intermittent fasting would work with breastfeeding? X

Don't do intermittent fasting when breastfeeding it's not recommended

Might not be relevant to you at all. But I used to eat like you describe. Overeating, binging sometimes, carb heavy junky foods. A few stone to lose. Could never lose it.

Then I was diagnosed, at 37 years old, with ADHD.

I am not physically hyperactive. You'd never realise. It often presents very differently in adult women than you'd expect, way outside of the well known stereotypes.

Have a Google of ADHD and binge eating, lots of info out there. Mine stopped almost overnight when I started ADHD medication.

@mymindisamuckingfuddle that's really interesting. It is something I have never even considered because I think I have always had a stereotypical idea about what ADHD is. But I just read up about how it can present itself in adults and I could relate to most points to be honest. Do you mind me asking how you came about finding out you had it?

I am not physically hyperactive either, but my mind feels like it's in a fairly constant state of chaos and overthinking. My house often looks like my mind too 😬. I hate mess but I just can't seem to stay organised and on top of anything. I guess that all or nothing attitude plays out in all aspects of my life. I definitely zone out a lot in conversations too, which people often comment on and I really don't like that about myself.

Well @SpringSunshine09 I had no idea at all. My child was diagnosed with autism at three. I started learning as much as I could about that to help her, and I slowly realised that actually I am autistic first of all. Then that led to me researching ADHD too when I decided to be formally assessed. So much of it it, for both conditions for me that I got assessed for both. Diagnosed for both too.

That's the very short version, but yes for me it's not a hyperactive body but a hyperactive brain. It's not a deficit of attention, rather an abundance of it, so much that you cannot focus on one thing. The binge eating (dopamine seeking), the impulsive behaviour (interrupting, sometimes overspending, impatience in queues/traffic) the executive function difficulties. So much more.

But finding out, and getting appropriate medication, has been life changing.

Why don't you adopt this tactic:

fill up on healthy things to reduce craving for bad things.

Get a nutribullet, and make smoothies of fresh fruits and veggies, and stick to one each morning.

Your hunger will decrease.

Give yourself time. If it doesn't work and you still eat crap, just carry on the process, these things take time.

Implement an afternoon one also, this will decrease hunger.

If it doesn't work and you still eat crap, just carry on the process, these things take time.

Now you're on two smoothies a day and maybe you eat a little less crap.

Now implement one whole apple after the smoothie, your hunger will further decease.

What else will happen is your gut will begin to repair and will begin to stop tolerating junk, it will make you feel worse and more instantaneously than before when you eat, say, a Cheeto.

You will gradually stop wanting junk.

This process worked for me.

Switching to a healthful diet is life-changing. There's just nothing better than your diet being streamlined to contain 90% healthful foods. You will look better, feel better, and live longer.

Thanks so much for sharing your story @mymindisamuckingfuddle definitely something I'm going to look further into I think.

@andtheycalledthewindmoriah thank you for this, does this mean smoothies as an extra snack or to replace a meal? I've got to strike a bit of a balance with breastfeeding. But I'm assuming you mean add it in because it might reduce my chances of snacking or gorging?

Yes, I did mean that it that way you put, in your last line there.

So, instead of these slimfast things or whatever, you make yourself a very healthy smoothie. Something you can enjoy, but that will be personal, the thickness will be personal.

Avocado and strawberry for instance will fill you up, with good fats, and vitamin C, (which we need to replace daily).

There'll be a million recipes online but obviously making them up is pretty intuitive because you know what you like.

avocadoes and nuts are great for breastfeeding as they contain lots of good fats and so will give you many calories and it's all good stuff.

It's a gradual process but that's okay isn't it?

I breastfed for five years and getting enough food into me was actually a real bane. So it's something you can forgive yourself for.

It's all about attitude.

Instead of 'I need to go on a diet' think 'I have a diet, and I need that diet to be the best it can be, one that makes my body run smoothly'

And instead of 'I cannot even look at a cookie today!' it should be 'I can eat whatever I want, as long as my core diet is a healthful one'

And I think smoothies are a really good way to kickstart this.

Happy to help further.