Teen Eating Disorders - Thread 6

[myrtleWilson]

Hello everyone, and welcome to anyone looking at these threads for the first time..

Here is a link to thread 5 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4360801-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-5

We've seen such an increase in young people facing eating disorders and these threads are testament to that.

With that in mind, we thought we'd try to include at the start of each thread some resources that have helped us along the way to date. No one resource will be a panacea but hopefully this list will be a useful starting off point for any newcomers and a reflection for others. It is our first go at sharing a list of resources on a thread so it won't be perfect!

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

anorexiafamily.com/?v=79cba1185463

www.youtube.com/evamusby

www.youtube.com/channel/UCa7G1P5WQopVMc9qTSP_lgA

www.orri-uk.com

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/

www.stgeorges.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Junior-MARSIPAN-Risk-Assessment-Framework.pdf

@Girliefriendlikespuppies DD has signed on a full playing contract next season with Arsenal. She has done so well. This time last year I was having a melt down in our caravan exhausted from thinking about, planning, making and ensuring consumption of food.... it is possible to recover fully!!!
Sorry to hear about the school issues. We were lucky that shcool has been great but I do often wonder about going in to give unofficial 'training ' to their MH team. Well not training really but the lived experience. Maybe you could offer that to get them onside? I am left with so many books I think I would like them to have them.

@sunshineandsuddenshowers there are ED team type meal plans which are unremittingly dull! We never used them. But you could prob find one on line with a relevant cal amount (they tend to start low and build up). I did find that my DD liked eating more or less the same breakfast and snacks everyday (security and familiarity?). Our meal plan was this
Breakfast: fried or boiled egg, toast and butter, fruit and yoghurt (full fat)
Morning snack: piece of fruit and home made cake of some description
Lunch: things like a fish finger roll and baked beans or a tuna mayo toasties (good for hiding LOTS of butter) and salad or a jacket with tuna, beans and salad or beans on toast or soup, roll, salad and chicken breast etc PLUS pudding of a yoghurt (ff)
Afternoon snack was fruit and; popcorn or bag of crisps or nuts or raisins or malt loaf AND a glass of milk
Dinner: whatever we were having ensuring good amount of carbs
Evening snack: smoothie made with ff milk and yog, oats, banana, strawberries and a bit of honey

When my DD came home for lunch I would have it as ready as I could to allow time for eating. And yes if it wasn't eaten she didn't go back. Ditto breakfast.
Distraction can help; TV, games, chatting etc but ultimately the food is non negotiable.
As others have said they need the snacks. I was told no longer than 3 hours between food. So we had breakfast at 7am, snack 10am, lunch 1pm, snack 4pm dinner 6pm snack c 9pm
Lots of detail sorry..
Also was it you who said their DD was a veggie? If it is a recent conversion it could well be an ED thing. In which case recieved wisdom is to knock it on the head. If not then as animal fats are really beneficial for recovery I guess its lots of full fat milk, yog, cheese, cream (in smoothies, pasta sauces, mash etc etc)

So glad I found this thread.

So my 15 year old daughter hasn't been diagnosed with an eating disorder as of yet but she barely eats. When she tries to eat, she says she can't eat it but she is hungry. Sometimes she feels sick when she's eating but she has never been sick or anything. Should I be concerned about this?

Also I think you said she had brothers? If they are teens how are they not snackers!!! I find it impossible to get enough calories in my boys from meals alone....they are always in the cupboards or fridge. This was a helpful example to DD. They eat without inhibitons or question and we try to do that as a family. Ie there is never judgement about eating. Even if its a 16 year old lad eating a bowl of dry coco pops merely 30 minutes after you served him pie and mash!!!!!
However DDs snacks were her 'medicine' so therefore I didn't need to eat them.... we all ate the same lunch and dinner though (when home) and yes the cream in mash isn't that good for a 50 plus year old woman!! (Delicuous tho!!)

@RosieRooster83 hiya I would say get to the GP to rule out anything else that could be wrong. Has she lost weight? When did this start? If she has been eating less than 500 cals a day for over 2 days and you can't get an urgent GP appointment you could go to A and E. Look up Marsipan guidelines as this is what they should.look at. Low cal intake over this length of time plus can get v dangerous v fast. I don't want to be alarmist but get her medical help.
What does your gut say? Do you think she has an issue with food or has a different medical issue. I should have listened to.my gut more.

I should have listened to my gut more. *
*
Yep. Me too.

@RosieRooster83 I echo what @NCTDN and @Lottsbiffandsmudge say, trust your instinct - you know your child best. We were fobbed off by the GP over six months, we suspected that there was a problem however GP said DD was in a healthy weight range - we regret not forcing the matter with the GP - DD ended up in hospital. Early intervention is important, be your DD’s advocate irrespective of her thoughts that there may not be a problem, and if it’s not an Eating Disorder then great but if it is you are doing everything you can.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies how do you confront when / whether your DD is self harming? Our DD has worn long sleeves for the last month and DH and I haven’t seen her arms for that long. Previously she has head banged in the middle of a rage but we are not aware of any self harm (apart from of course starving herself). We were going to ask her outright to show us her arms, is there another approach (bearing in mind she is not currently speaking to us)?

D1 I think I'd ask to see her arms out right if you're worried, also do sweeps of her bedroom to check for blades or other sharp objects. It's part and parcel of keeping her safe.

So dd got drunk last night for the first time, we were at a friends wedding with lots of booze about. It's nice in a way to see 'normal' teen behaviour! She hasn't eaten brilliantly throughout the day as it was mainly buffet style food which she struggles with so I'm guessing the drink effected her more than usual anyway!

Hi all, could I pop in and ask for advice please? A dear friend has a 16 yr old Dd suffering from anorexia. It came out of nowhere last October and she's now in hospital for the second time, she's very sick indeed. I know the child quite well and will be visiting her on the ward tomorrow. Her mum is beside herself and has engaged every agency available but nothing is making an impact- as people at the sharp end could you advise me on what's best to say to the child and what to avoid? Again, sorry if this is inappropriate.

@billydilly knowing what to say is very tricky. If she's in for a second time, does that mean she is refusing to cooperate?

@NCTDN yes, she's consumed with feelings of self-loathing and can't seem to engage. She has had every form of therapy available and her school are fully engaged too. I'm scared of saying the wrong thing but so want to help..

I think of it was me I'd go along with the aim of giving mum a break. Take a board game so you can have mindless chit chat but she might open up a bit?

That's good advice, thank you. All the best to everyone on this board too.

Hiya , just wondering for my nearly 18 year old DD who is 167cm , so nearly 5’6 that is I think, her arm circumference measurement is 23cm which is just over 9inches. These measurements mean nothing to me, so wondering if others know more?
she has anorexia and currently refusing to be weighed so they have resorted to this which she reluctantly agreed. Let me know :)

Billy do not comment on what she looks like, do not try and talk about the ED, do not ask questions like 'why are you doing this?'

Talk about other, normal things to remind her that life is out there. Take craft activities or games to help distract her when she eats.

Just to help your understanding, anorexia is a biological reaction to starvation so no amount of therapy will help. The only thing that will help is food and weight gain. You might want to point your friend towards the EDSUK fb page if she needs support.

Thank you so much, that's really helpful. My instincts told me to be as upbeat as possible; she's such a sweet girl and we get on well. Thanks for the recommendation too, I'll pass it on.

@billydilly yes as others say, keep the conversation away from looks, food, health - crafts were helpful when my DD was in hospital - nothing too taxing, painting a ceramic dinosaur money box pleased her. It was hard watching my capable daughter painting childlike, but bear in mind anorexia affects their cognitive ability so avoid anything too taxing.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies thank you for the advice, we had a dramatic day with self harm and expletives / violence and now the silent treatment. School holidays are worse than DD being in school. What worked best with your DD regards to self harm coping strategies, ice cubes, punchbag, sensory - my DD is black and white and not speaking to us anyway so not sure what we can do.

Hello, glad to have found this thread. DD is 14 and is anorexic. It started a year ago with some food restriction but became a full blown ED in Autumn. Her weight plummeted and she narrowly avoided hospitalisation. After a long wait and postponed appointments CAHMS finally assessed her in January and then put her on the waiting list for Family Based Therapy which just started. While waiting for treatment we have been lucky enough to be able to afford some private therapy / psychiatry etc. DD also has anxiety / some depression and OCD and has been prescribed medication for this. She has been so unhappy. However, she has made a lot of progress recently & gained decent weight since October and is considered low risk now. I have done so much research and spent so much time working with her. The medication has helped too. I am mentally exhausted though. DD has 3 siblings. I am lucky that DD is very cooperative and we have a very good relationship. She looks just about healthy now as she does eat but she still feels guilty about it, counts calories, tries to exercise it off etc. She is such a kind lovely child. Full recovery from anorexia is not easy to attain but I really hope we can make it there.

D1 I don't do an awful lot tbh, I do sweep her room and remove any sharp objects and I try and distract her if I see her beginning to get overwhelmed. Her self harm hasn't been too dramatic though, mostly scratches and pinching her arms. She has punched walls a few times
and her knuckles looked bad for a while.

I think Myrtle had some good techniques, a traffic light system. The problem I have is that if I suggest anything like that dd will just roll her eyes and walk away.

She is still determined to have an ED and even though she eats well and is a decent weight would not want anything that helped her to get well iykwim 🫤

That said she's had a good day today, been out with her friends, been swimming and told me she tried a bubble tea and finished it (not sure I believe her but I'm going with it for now!)

Thank you @Girliefriendlikespuppies for the insight, I have seen the traffic light system but like your DD she would ignore it, she doesn’t want to engage with us at all.

Hope you are all coping with the bank holidays, it feels that DD being in school is easier than being at home. I have a question for those who have undertaken the autism test for their DC - did you use CAMH or go private? Looking back DD displayed autistic traits before her eating disorder, however these traits are sometimes magnified by the ED. Six months in recovery, just weight restored but cognitively anorexic, from your experience could she realistically undergo the test for autism now or have to wait? Going to ask the ED nurse on Monday but I know they have a long waiting list for testing, we are fortunate to be able to pay for the test privately which would be quicker - but too soon maybe?

Well, we have been away for half term, and have had a week of respite. DD ate properly/largely for at least 80% of meals, and has been far more herself than for ages. I feel a revelation is brewing, though I don’t know quite what it will be. Nor do I think we are in any way through this stage - but it has been so lovely to have DD ‘back’, and getting cross when her crisp share was eaten.
in terms of food and siblings - well, my boys just don’t really snack… Eldest does eat a whole second dinner every other evening though! The veggie thing long predates ED symptoms, and would be hard to dislodge. My gut says I would do a lot of damage if I tried…
Next steps are I think to find some good therapeutic support, to help her cope with this stage of being her…

D1 my dd was assessed for autism last year and was told she was borderline but we didn't get a diagnosis. It's infuriating tbh.

If your dd is still very much in the depths of the ED I would be tempted to leave it a bit longer although if you want to get diagnosed by the NHS that's likely to take years anyway!!

Do any of your kids talk about death/wanting to die/suicide almost routinely? My dd so frequently says she wants to kill herself I don't even flinch anymore 😕 I don't think she actually does want to die but that seems to be her first go to whenever anything remotely difficult happens.

She's actually done okay over half term, eaten fairly well and we've got on okay.

She's only got 3 weeks left at school 😳

@Girliefriendlikespuppies yes it’s sad when they say they want to die - to realise just how unhappy they are. DD is vey unhappy, I’d say more angry than sad, always in her room, comes down for meals and doesn’t speak to any family member but does her hobbies and music up there.

Half term eaten OK but the only communication is when she wants something from me.

We seem to have had a bit of a breakthrough in the last couple of days.

Yesterday she came home from work, had her dinner and then without any prompting from me went to the kitchen and helped herself to a curly whirly!! Then got up again and got herself some biscuits.

Inside I was doing cartwheels but outwardly I remained poker faced and kept the conversation firmly about what we were watching on the telly!!

Then today she bought herself a packet of mints and ate some and also helped herself to extra food after dinner.

We have had a dip in mood tonight, she was anxious and made a few comments about having ate too much but I'm still hopeful that maybe we've turned a corner.

I've no idea what she weighs but I think she's possibly nearing 110% wfh which lots of parents on the fb group have said is the figure their child needed to get to when they saw the switch in behaviours.