Teen Eating Disorders - Thread 6

[myrtleWilson]

Hello everyone, and welcome to anyone looking at these threads for the first time..

Here is a link to thread 5 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4360801-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-5

We've seen such an increase in young people facing eating disorders and these threads are testament to that.

With that in mind, we thought we'd try to include at the start of each thread some resources that have helped us along the way to date. No one resource will be a panacea but hopefully this list will be a useful starting off point for any newcomers and a reflection for others. It is our first go at sharing a list of resources on a thread so it won't be perfect!

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

anorexiafamily.com/?v=79cba1185463

www.youtube.com/evamusby

www.youtube.com/channel/UCa7G1P5WQopVMc9qTSP_lgA

www.orri-uk.com

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/

www.stgeorges.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Junior-MARSIPAN-Risk-Assessment-Framework.pdf

@sunshineandsuddenshowers how old is your dd? Does she enjoy school?
With my dd, she loved school/college so the threat of not going if she didn't eat breakfast was huge. It depends if they see it as an incentive to eat.
I started eating snacks so dd wasn't on her own (& piled on weight ). We were told she mustn't go for more than 3 hours maximum without eating and drinking so snacks were essential.

Re weighing and letting them know their weight.
DD was unusual compared to most here. The numbers were never an issue for her. The restricted eating wasn't ever about wanting to lose weight but to do with being healthy in her mind. She hated her body when she was really thin and was pleased to gain weight. So although there are people on here who insist on blind weighing, it very much depends on the individual.

@NCTDN I don't know how much she likes school. She hates routines being interrupted, and hates things being different (but that's not the same as liking school).
Thanks for advice on snacks etc.

Does anyone have any sort of a food plan they can share?

@sunshineandsuddenshowers my experience was that it was difficult to grasp at the beginning, treating my teenage independent daughter as if she was a toddler with set meal and snack times - but you have to and as difficult as it is for them to accept, it is the only way. We are not a snacking family but my daughter now eats snacks regularly each day, this obviously helps weight gain and also shortens the time between eating - eating disorder thinking creeps back in when the body is hungry between meals.

At first it may seem strange and will be difficult, but you have to bully the eating disorder to accept the routine.

We made a mistake by not insisting that our DD clear her plate, we were happy that she was eating - however we regret that now as that rule of leaving something on the plate sticks with the anorexic.

If you get support make sure it is the right support - it may be too early as your DD may need to heal her brain through nourishment before any headwork can be done.

Its hard but there is no reason why things should not get better.

Welcome new comers although sorry you've had to find us.

The fb group EDSUK has some useful resources especially on the principles of FBT and what to ask for when going to GPS or A&e.

I made that mistake D1 as well, it's a major regret of mine as still causes so many issues in terms of has dd left more than usual etc.

I would also add that anorexia is very much a biologically driven illness that is triggered by weight loss and genetics. That's why the main treatment is food and weight gain, the approach of FBT has a good success rate of around 90% recovery after two years.

For me loading food was about getting my dd well as quickly as possible and following the mantra that food is medicine. They need the fats especially animal fats for brain repair and unfortunately there isn't another way to get them into recovery.

If you likened it to your child having cancer it would be a bit like saying well they can only have the chemo that doesn't make them too ill or distressed. Sadly they won't recover on half doses.

I've had a major stress this week with dds school, dds been seeing a new school counsellor who has told dd I am controlling and she needs to wait until she's 18 to be free of me.

I have been so upset, phone calls have gone unanswered so I've now sent a formal complaint via the head teacher today.

Am still awaiting a response...

I'm so very sorry to read what's going on with you @Girliefriendlikespuppies Counselling makes me anxious - it's so unregulated, and so hugely influential... We had some marriage counselling, and some of the things one counsellor said were deeply unhelpful. I hope your complaint goes somewhere.

DD is veggie, which adds an extra complication. I wish she wasn't, but I don't think she'll accept changing that at the moment.

Your advice on what NOT to do is more helpful than I can say. I have just been saying to DH, when she comes back for lunch we need to give her her food (ie we control portion size), and she needs to finish it.

Can I ask - do any of you have children who also have gender identity issues? I really am wondering if this is at the root of what my daughter is struggling with.

@sunshineandsuddenshowers adolescents susceptible to anorexia (ie low self esteem, anxiety, depression) can also have gender dysphoria. This could be due to wanting a new identity away from their current unhappy state of mind. Social media and peer group pressure carry the message that maybe if you’re not happy then it’s because you are in the wrong body. Puberty and adolescence is hard and there is a trend in schools that changing gender solves the distress of this tumultuous time in life.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies we too have to regularly bring school back on plan, I believe that they think we are pathological parents and too controlling. We have to present three snacks and three meals a day, supervised - so yes we are controlling and have to be for our DC sake. I find that schools know very little about eating disorders, even pastoral leaders.

Yeah exactly D1 yes I am def controlling otherwise my dd would be dead/in hospital so 🤷‍♀️ I'd love to be able to hand that control back to dd but anytime I try she shows me she's not quite ready.

There is a link between gender identity issue, also autism and anorexia. I think the rigid thinking, not feeling at home in their own skin/body and chronic low self esteem combination makes for a perfect ED breeding ground.

The school haven't got back to me 🙄 I'm not even surprised, they've been useless throughout all of this.

Lots it's great to hear that your dd is still doing well. How's the football going?

I saw a job advertised which was working with families and eating disorders in an education setting. I think I could really do this job now, but decided it's too close for comfort.

Hi, am in a state of shock. My daughter is12 and in year 7. She had some friendship issues she struggled with last year (6) and she developed anxiety. Starting a year 7seemed like a fresh start. She had some counselling over the summer and then at the start of year 7 at school. She seemed happy at school with a nice group of friends. A new girl has joined her group and has gone off with her best friend (usual stuff, leaving out, ignoring). My daughter says she feels depressed and anxious and has thought of killings herself (by throwing herself out of the window). She also told us she’s been making herself sick for months! She’s only 12 😢 I feel like a complete failure. My poor daughter! Have contacted gp who has made an urgent referral to cahms. Dd wanted to go to school today. I am home from work as couldn’t face it…what shall I do? Have read over the thread briefly an am sending love to all of you who find yourselves in this situation

Summer is your dd eating well generally? Is her weight stable? The good news is that she's told you!

Generally the advice for bulimic behaviours is to have a 1-2 hour no toilet after eating rule, bathroom doors need to stay open and ask your dd to sing when she's in the bathroom.

Encourage 3 meals and 3 snacks a day and monitor how much she's eating.

Definitely speak to GP, she'll need bloods and an ecg as making yourself sick can upset the electrolytes which is dangerous.

I've had a response from the school saying basically dd is old enough to give consent not to share information so please don't contact us again.

I'm so pissed off.

Someone with clearly no idea what she is talking about and who is causing more harm than good and I can't do anything about it.

Fucking great.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies how old is she?

@Summersunhopefully it sounds like you've got in there early enough and know to be vigilant. Good luck getting through this - this thread is a lifeline x

Thanks for the info. That’s so useful re singing etc

Yes, feels such an isolated place! Glad I’ve found this thread

NC 16 😕

@Girliefriendlikespuppies bit of a rant but the FBT approach puts parents in control as they are recognised as knowing their children best, we suffer the outbursts, expletives, violence whilst counsellors have an hours chat with the potential of undermining us and undoing the hard work of the parents and they clock off at 4:30. We are currently being pushed towards individual counselling for our DD and we are dreading it, she does need to talk to someone as she has shut down from us but we are fearful.
@Summersunhopefully I wish I had known of this space when we began our recovery journey, I have learnt so much. Please don’t waste time thinking what could you have done differently - it is a mental illness triggered by biological processes, puberty and the effects of lockdown so don’t waste energy on those thoughts, I did for months and regret that now.

D1 exactly, perfectly put. I have written an email to the school explaining the process of FBT and why as a parent I have to have that control. No response from them.

I need to speak to dd about it but have to pick my moments. I'm hoping dd will recognise this counsellor is not useful and decide for herself that she doesn't want to see her. If not I will put a complaint in but it seems like when they turn 16 as a parent you lose a lot of that say over who they see/don't see.

Dd seems to be struggling again, I noticed she's feeling cold, her skin has really broken out and she's very tired.

It could just be exam stress but I suspect she's not eating as much as she needs. She's now s good couple of inches taller than me putting her at 5ft 9in and has broad shoulders.

I think she is probably still hovering around 105% wfh but maybe a bit less.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies just jumping in and hope that's OK - with my own experience of ED but also as someone who has a pastoral role in a school.

Is your DD still under CAMHS? It is fairly widely understood (I would hope) that having two therapeutic interventions at once is a real no no - for exactly the reasons you describe. People can end up heating different messages, different therapy works differently etc. So if we have a student who is under CAMHS, we don't offer them additional in school support. They would have a named person who they could come and have a chat with, but that wouldn't be therapeutic and anything pertinent would be fed back to CAMHS. If she is still under CAMHS I would be asking them to write to the school, but if not, could your GP do it? FBT is a therapy and it's unethical do have two types of therapy happening at once.

From my experience of EDs, even professionals within the CMHT have said things which contradict the advice I get from the ED team - there is a real lack of knowledge amongst professionals which is pretty shocking, so I get the concern of her seeing someone who is not a specialist. It must be tough if your DD is 16 because she has got more of a say in her care, so I would really push the ethics angle and the fact that EDs are so complex so they should not be being treated by school counsellors (who I think can do a wonderful job but should work within their remit).

I don't see how a child of 16 is classed as being capable of making what are effectively clinical decisions. School shouldn't be saying that I wouldn't have thought?
If there was an academic issue, would they contact you?

Rust thank you for your comment, she's not under Camhs anymore as they couldn't really offer her anything and as soon as she got to 100% wfh wanted to discharge her 🙄

You're right though when you say she's having a therapeutic intervention already in the form of FBT, I hadn't really thought about it like that.

I will talk to dd over half term and see what the says, my sense is she won't want to see the counsellor again anyway but if not I'll have to try and find someone at the school to talk to.

This counsellor doesn't sound great anyway even without the ED stuff, dd said she talked a load of rubbish about a dog she once knew who bit someone and had to be put down when dd said she liked dogs for example 🤔

@Girliefriendlikespuppies school approached us with regards to our DD accessing their school counsellor, and we explained that this should not be considered as DD is under FBT though the Eating Disorder Youth Service. School accepted this, there should not be any adjunct therapy as @Rustnot says. We had also previously met the school counsellor and we know she would not be helpful. DD wants to speak to someone, but as parents we want to determine who that is through interview and to check that the therapists approach matches ours. CAMH’s I find is a bit disjointed and I was concerned when their ‘trainee’ attempted to contact my daughter directly without our authority or us having met them, hence my comments that it seems that we are in control for the hard times but CAMH’s can interfere when it suits, we all need to be on the same plan - the point I will be making at our next meeting.

Our DD is in year 10 so GCSE’s next spring, she has missed some school due to hospital admission in December and FBT at home with continuing appointments disrupting her school life. Naturally her grades have dropped (she is fairly academic) - what experience have you with your DC’s schools with regards to GCSE’s - would DD fall under Senco, extra time in exams or more tuition? We have asked the school but no response as yet.

D1 dds school have been useless throughout tbh, she hasn't been offered any additional support for her GCSEs. Possibly my fault for not pushing hard enough, I suppose in theory I could have insisted she had extra time or the fact she's been so unwell taken into consideration.

Everything with the school has been a battle though.

Camhs suggested the school counsellor when they discharged her as they felt it would be useful for dd to still have someone to talk to. I think I was obviously naive that a school counsellor should at least have some basic understanding of EDs and the treatment plans.