Teen Eating Disorders - Thread 5

[myrtleWilson]

Welcome everyone,
Our last thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4279530-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-4?watched=1&msgid=111172926#111172926

That we're on thread 5 in about a year is a reflection of the incredible increase in mental health issues, including eating disorders amongst young people over the last couple of years.

With that in mind, we thought we'd try to include some resources that have helped us along the way to date. No one resource will be a panacea but hopefully this list will be a useful starting off point for any newcomers and a reflection for others. It is our first go at sharing a list of resources on a thread so it won't be perfect!

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

anorexiafamily.com/?v=79cba1185463

www.youtube.com/evamusby

www.youtube.com/channel/UCa7G1P5WQopVMc9qTSP_lgA

www.orri-uk.com

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/

www.stgeorges.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Junior-MARSIPAN-Risk-Assessment-Framework.pdf

People to look up on social media
Hope Virgo
Ro-Recovering
James Downs
Cara Lisette
Adam Fare
BarefootRebel
Ilona Burton

Girlie hope Covid is not too bad for your DD

Betty - great news on a gain!

dark how are you doing?

I get really stressed as well moom, some days are better than others depending on how battle ready I feel. It also helps if I have leverage that's easy to use (phone, seeing friends, taking the dog for a walk etc). It is stressful though I thought I was going to be sick on Saturday getting her to drink the pissing juice!!

I also had her tell me again that she doesn't want to get well, I just don't get it.

Anyway she's gone to school and I'm enjoying 5 mins peace before works starts!!

Girlfriendfingers crossed your DD’s behaviour improves now she’s back at school. Are you confident that she will eat her food there, given her recent reluctance?

Moomare sorry to hear you’re having a tough one. As for flat out refusal, as Girlfriend said, can you take away phone/privileges if she refuses again? It is really tough to deal with these highly charged episodes and having to be so ruthless completely takes us out of our comfort zone. But needs must. I know for a good while DD (or rather the ED) absolutely despised me, she wouldn’t come anywhere near me for love and affection and pulled away from my touch constantly. At that point I did feel like our only interactions were me presenting her with meals and her snarling back at me. It was really hard and I was upset at first. But then you learn to separate the ED from your child and come to realise that their bad reaction is a good thing because it means that you’re winning! Hang in there and it will get easier.

So I weighed DD again this morning and she is back to what she was so it looks like it was purely dehydration. Phew what a relief!

Hi everyone, welcome @Bluebuddha10 ☺️

@Rollergirl11 I'm glad it was just dehydration!

@Moomarre I'm sorry you're having a tough time, just hang in there.

DD1 is still saying the pain is awful, but her behaviour suggests she's feeling a bit better.

In terms of weight, yes, DD1 was 37kg at the end of January, and she's fluctuating between 53-55kg at the moment, so 16-18kgs gain over the course of 7 months, but now maintaining.

Meals can still be difficult, but it's reassuring to know that she's at a healthy weight.

Roller God knows, however experience tells me her best weight gains have always been when she's at school regularly so I suppose so.

Hi all

DD has been discharged from hospital today - she was there for two weeks and four days. Thank you for encouraging me to take her to A and E (shame about Epsom hospital but St Peter's were brill).

So the negotiations and push backs have already started "can I have an Anzac biscuit for my pudding?" (in hospital sponge and ice cream. Anzacs, home made, have around 118 calories, so I said no). Well I'm not having this and I'm not having that and it isn't on the meal plan etc etc. She said she won't eat a hot lunch and I've said I'll balance out her meals in the day to accommodate that so she needs to trust I'll give her what she needs. "I don't want what I need, it's too much". Unfortunately despite our asking, they didn't give her juice with meals in the hospital and she's pushing back against that too so I will raise it at CAMHS ED meeting tomorrow. CAMHS have refused to give a meal plan but I do have a copy of the hospital one. I suppose I can always call the ED bluff and tell her we'll stick to the meal plan rigidly which will mean hot lunches every day...

She knows if she doesn't' comply and doesn't put on weight steadily she will be referred for a tier 4 bed. I can't see that we can avoid it if this is her opening salvo. Older sister is happy to see her but worried about stressful meal times. As am I TBH.

Tonight I'm doing chicken kievs, potato gratin, sweetcorn and glazed carrots, with a fondant chocolate pudding to follow.

Does anyone have any good lunch ideas? Particularly with animal fats added (you can see I've been reading the EDS UK Facebook page). I'd guess I need to aim for around 600 at lunch.

Anyway hope you are all ok and I'm bracing myself for a rocky ride.

Welcome home @DarkBlueEyes. You're doing great and a bit of pushback will be expected.

Lunch ideas... What will she eat? Pancakes are good, of course. Omelette (with cream added)? Welsh rarebit? A standard cheese sandwich can be 600 cals if it's made with butter!

Lunches here are;

scrambled eggs made with duck eggs, double cream and butter with two thick pieces of toast with butter,

homemade soups which tend to be roasted veg in olive oil blitzed with double cream and a couple of stock cubes I serve with those part baked baguettes with butter on

Toasties tuna and cheese is dds fav

Cheese on toast with ketchup

Those part baked baguettes with various fillings, they're lots of calories and I give dd a whole one cut in half. Weirdly cutting them in half makes them look loads smaller than just giving her a whole one!!

With all these lunches dd will also have another thing like a yogurt or piece of cake. She is also meant to have a glass of juice although most of that gets chucked down the sink 🙄

I'm glad she's home dark keep going, don't back down and get pushing the food in.

Thanks all. I think I did ok tonight. I got some fondant puddings from Lidl. They're really small but 407 Cals and I added a few tablespoons of cream too. Then a hot choc for snack with 2tsps galaxy hot choc, ff milk, 2 tsps scandishake and 2 tsp cream. She said it tasted nice.

I've just made some Bircher muesli with oats, ground linseed mix, ground almonds, cream, maple syrup, apple juice, grated apple. It tasted phenomenal and lots of fat in it. Anything else I could add? DH will have it too with added nuts but DD won't have nuts or seeds.

You're doing fantastically, @DarkBlueEyes. I always think small changes you can consistently keep to are far better than radical changes that you only get away with once or twice.

@DarkBlueEyes I'm glad there's an upward trend- just stick to your guns. How are you? I know you've found this all so tough (understandably).
DD wouldn't eat anything from your lunches list as there's still a huge list of fear foods which include cream, butter, cheese etc. So lunches here tend to be a chicken sandwich or some rice with chicken or prawns and veg. (Plus pudding and drink). It's obviously doing the trick though as weight is steadily increasing and she's gone from 69% to 89%. Being back at college has definitely helped DD as there's a need for her to eat iyswim.

@DarkBlueEyes

Thanks all. I think I did ok tonight. I got some fondant puddings from Lidl. They're really small but 407 Cals and I added a few tablespoons of cream too. Then a hot choc for snack with 2tsps galaxy hot choc, ff milk, 2 tsps scandishake and 2 tsp cream. She said it tasted nice.

I've just made some Bircher muesli with oats, ground linseed mix, ground almonds, cream, maple syrup, apple juice, grated apple. It tasted phenomenal and lots of fat in it. Anything else I could add? DH will have it too with added nuts but DD won't have nuts or seeds.

This is amazing - well done!! Lidl and Aldi are brilliant for puddings.

Great news that your daughter is home @DarkBlueEyes.. you sound as though you’re doing brilliantly.
I thought we’d had a good week. I’ve been adding cream to shakes and her hot chocolate, she’s had two poached eggs and avocado for lunches, she’s had custard and hummus yet her weight this week was 48.8kg… exactly the same as the week before. She’s screaming at me telling me that being off school is making her worse, yet she’s not gaining the weight to get back there.

I went to a beat training course tonight which was helpful. They referred me to the Jenny Langley red/blue balloon video. I genuinely in the pit of my stomach feel that we’re making her worse. I don’t know what to do. I could cry.
Her hair is thinning and she just looks so tired and pale. I feel like she’s giving up. She has no purpose in life any longer and the ED is winning.

44.8 kg not 48.. I wish!!

@Bettybarkalot123 was the training in person or online? Sounds interesting.
Did you say that after half term she's going to school?

I always add golden syrup and a ton of butter to flapjacks sometimes a spoonful of hot choc powder or dark chocolate cut up small. Tastes amazing!! Also desiccated coconut.

Yes it was an online training session.. it was brilliant. I’d highly recommend it.
A return after half term is what we’re aiming for but she probably won’t be at 85%wfh.. not at this rate anyway. Her mock exams are in November and she really wants to do them .
She’s been so happy over the weekend. I heard her singing a couple of times. But she’s down again now because she hasn’t gained and is worried she won’t be able to go back after half term.

@Bettybarkalot123

Great news that your daughter is home *@DarkBlueEyes*.. you sound as though you’re doing brilliantly. I thought we’d had a good week. I’ve been adding cream to shakes and her hot chocolate, she’s had two poached eggs and avocado for lunches, she’s had custard and hummus yet her weight this week was 48.8kg… exactly the same as the week before. She’s screaming at me telling me that being off school is making her worse, yet she’s not gaining the weight to get back there.

I went to a beat training course tonight which was helpful. They referred me to the Jenny Langley red/blue balloon video. I genuinely in the pit of my stomach feel that we’re making her worse. I don’t know what to do. I could cry.
Her hair is thinning and she just looks so tired and pale. I feel like she’s giving up. She has no purpose in life any longer and the ED is winning.

Betty you sound like you're doing brilliantly as well, don't get too hung up on the numbers and a maintain is good. Your dds body will have a lot of catching up to do.

I think it's normal to feel a bit gas lighted by the ED and start doubting everything you're doing but honestly you sound like you're on the right track.

Dark sorry I misread your last post and thought you were asking about flapjacks not musli 🙈 I need to go to bed!!

@Bettybarkalot123 I'm probably going against the grain with this, but we took the decision that DDs mental health was deteriorating worse than her physical health by being stuck at home. We were fortunate that she had no physical side effects apart from feeling cold, so weren't concerned about her collapsing or anything once away from home. But with that in mind, we allowed her back to college at 80%on the understanding that there was no physical activity. It depends how much you can trust them and how much support school/college can give I suppose.

Thanks everyone.. reassuring as ever.
School have offered to call the ED team to discuss dd returning. I’ve not pushed it as I didn’t know if it would help or make things worse. I guess we will have to just keep pushing on. It’s just this terrible feeling that we’re making things worse for her.

Betty I think that's normal, in some ways you do make them worse mentally by pushing the food (at least in the short term) but what's the alternative? Food is the only medicine that will heal her body and brain.

We have to keep going, keep feeding.

But it’s not working. She’s not gaining any weight. I don’t know what to do. She’s at breaking point mentally and we’re not seeing any reward for it. How can her weight be exactly the same as last week. We will just have to keep going.

I'll do a proper post in a bit but just to reply to @Bettybarkalot123 - don't be too disheartened by the weight- Dd once went 3 weigh in consecutively weighing the exact same weight - not a gram of movement. I think their bodies have so much going on that the energy going in gets expended differently at times. Keep on keeping on and the gain will come

Thank you @myrtleWilson you’re right. I need to stop focusing on the weight and focus on her state! Her physicals are improving and up until yesterday her mental state seemed to be, ever so slightly.

Hello all, I'm here reading alot as have a daughter in a similar position, I don't post much but the support is amazing, just reading about it make me feel less alone in the battle.
just wanted to share this link , it might have been shared before but its really helpful for me to plan effectively since we are just on a waiting list for help and I'm struggling with feeding.
www.eatthismuch.com/diet-plan/3000-calorie/vegetarian/
Just in case anyone hasn't seen it before.

I just feel that I can’t look after her anymore. I’ve just lost it and really shouted at her to eat. I said some terrible things and now she’s gone off with the dog. I just feel I’ve reached my limit with what I can cope with. She’s so nasty to me, she controls and questions everything yet I’m fighting for her to get back to school. I’m just not a strong enough person to cope with this. I feel like just giving up and letting her know how it feels to have no one that cares.