Teen Eating Disorders support thread 3

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

Thought I better get a new thread going!

Please come and join us if your teen is struggling with an Eating Disorder. We are a kind, supportive bunch of parents looking to support each other through the dark days of caring for a teen with an ED.

I so hear you @Girliefriendlikespuppies and @Roolet12 . That walks sounds like a lot of mine with DD when a walk was on the plan and it had to be done at break neck speed with me semi running in tears to keep up...and the standing omg... I thought we had cracked that but I wanted a bath yesterday after standing in the freezing cold on the sideInes of a football pitch all morning (and driving a 2 hours round trip) and DD promised me faithfully that she would finish her chores and then sit down. I got out of the bath to check and there she was standing, I know it’s an illness and that I need not to get mad at DD but it is so hard when all you want is half an hour in the tub without worrying about what she is up to. It’s so totally suffocating.
Then she developed a headache at dinner time and struggled martyr like through her chilli which she acted as if was a pile of sh1t. Then she couldn’t finish her smoothie at supper.
I am never sure if it’s a real headache or a ploy. She hardly ever refuses food but She got so defensive and angry that my alarm bells were ringing. Anyway in the end I relented and said she had to have it with breakfast this am so I will see how that goes.
Another club returns this week on Fri eve which is currently her rest day, so we had the chat about giving up one of her other training sessions in the week to keep a rest day and she flew into a rage, KW has advised me to keep the rest day as if we give it up we will never get it back. So that is this weeks battle.
DH has started muttering about her being at the right weight and not putting more on despite the KW wanting 100% and him not attending the sessions. He feels he knows best. Not sure based on what evidence. But there you go. I feel like I am battling him as well as her over it.
On the plus side she has grown 1cm since assessment in early Dec and her blood pressure is normal. We had obs done (except weight) on Thurs

Lots that is exactly what it was like Ystd, she was power walking off in front of me and I'm jogging along behind her in tears trying to catch up. I just hate that the ED manages to take something that should be enjoyable and ruin it. She didn't even say anything to me, I think it's the general attitude of 'don't care' along with her being back to recoiling if I accidentally brush against her 😢

I think I possibly relaxed (stupid me) after the last weigh in where she had gained a kg and the ED has taken full advantage. She refused afternoon snack Ystd as well which she has been reliably having for a few months.

I just get so frustrated with dd, I know it's not her fault she's ill but I would love to see a small amount of willingness to fight against this illness. I think she still thinks the ED is her friend and everyone else is the enemy who just want to make her fat.

Lots your dh sounds fat phobic himself 😕 what exactly is his fear? I think fat phobia is so wide spread in this country it's now considered normal 😕 women and teen girls are not meant to be stick thin, we're meant to have boobs, hips and bums - that's normal and healthy!

Hello all and empathising with the tales of teen obstreperousness. It's so boring and wearying. Today the therapist asked if we argue about things other than food - we don't, in part because it feels like we have no life other than food.

The more I talk to DD the more disordered I realise she is in her thinking. She really doesn't see that she has a problem - no it's the rest of the obesogenic world that's the problem.

It does take reserves of patience that I don't have. I was trying to explain to her in front of the therapist and nurse today that it's not like the NHS is so awash with money and resources that they'd be spending them on her unless they thought it was necessary. And I pointed out that the therapist and nurse aren't in the job for the fame and the glory, so it's because they care. I did ask them 'gosh you must be patient, those with eating disorders can be so vexing' (euphemism for irritating AF). The therapist laughed and says she sometimes loses patience though apparently the nurse is amazing with meal support. Wish they could live in our house.

Oh and both my husband and I are the heaviest we've ever been in our lives (bar pregnancy in my case). DD was telling us that nobody, but nobody in the world, could ever put on a whole A WHOLE kilo in a week. She was in the room with two of them.

Yes @Girliefriendlikespuppies those walks were always silent except for my panting and tears and the tangible hatred from my Dd (ED) after I stick to my guns she eventually slowed down enough that I was able to keep up inane babbling all the way round...no response...
Just yest DD, DH and I went out for an (extra) walk and we had an actual conversation....until I mentioned the rest day...when all hell broke loose.
She is still saying she feels full all the time. I am not sure what that is about. I do wonder if she is at a natural weight for her but I do want some wriggle room for ‘going wrong’ in maintenance. The other issue is she needs so many cals because she cannot sit still without effort so if she was able to be a normal teenager and lounge around a bit I could let her eat less but that ain’t happening.
She drank the smoothie at breakfast with no complaint.
It is easy to relax way too soon I think. I shouldn’t have allowed the extra walk yest but it was so lovely and I needed it tbh. I am not sure what will happen weight wise tomorrow am... if I could get her to 95% I think the pressure from the ED team would relax....they are always holding the threat of reduced sport over her head which freaks me out a bit.
I think DH is fat phobic tbh. He has his own issues with exercise which over the years has bordered on compulsion. He also is totally unable to sit about or stay in the house for a day. DD is just like him. Last week when he was off and supposed to be watching her he wanted to take her biking and to do other things which I vetoed. He is incapable of a relationship with her not cantered around activity. This Ed has brought this into sharp focus for me. I would quite happily never exercise again and I secretly quite enjoy lockdown and the lack of having to ‘go out’ except to national trust properties for a stroll and a cream tea.... god I am sad...
@Valleyofthedollymix the lack of rationality is v difficult. Thankfully with weight DD has got better....except not understanding that standing all the bloody time means she could ultimately end up losing fun sport....oh and that beef is ok but lamb isn’t....etc etc

Yeah I'm nodding along to your posts valley and lots our dds sound really similar in their illness.

Valley it took a long time and about 4kgs of weight to go on for dd to admit she does have an ED. I actually weigh more now than when I was pregnant 🙈

Lots I thought that might be the case re your dh, has he got any insight into his own issues? I sounds a lot like my sil who is a 'recovered' anorexic but still exercises all the time. She does eat a lot though now...

We've had an okay day, we had a day out at the beach. I had words with dd before we left about her not letting the ED ruin the day, we were meeting up with some friends I've not seen for ages. She had a grumble but actually was okay, she moaned about her lunch (too much butter 🙄) and refused an ice cream for a snack (but did eat a cereal bar). We got fish n chips in Lyme on the way home and she did well with that and then agreed to an ice cream for pudding.

Weigh day tomorrow will be telling...

Hello everyone. I'm new here posting but been following your posts recently and I thank you so much for sharing here. DD(17) was diagnosed AN today and we been given the eating plan . She's lost 9kg since starting sixth form this year. It has been horrendous for her and us. Her mood is lowest ever and she has been put on olanzapine. Does that help? My heart is broken to see her like this, and I'm so sad you are all experiencing this too. Thank you for being here x

Welcome @sm701 although so sorry you find yourself here. My dd was diagnosed at 17 - she turned 18 a couple of weeks ago so if there is anything I can help with in terms of an older teen/sixth form challenges please do ask away...

Fingers crossed for weigh day girlie Am glad you managed a decent day out.

lots - what an added challenge with your DH's approach/mind set.

A few challenges for us - the ED is definitely kicking back hard at DD's efforts in recovery. She's gone out to meet a friend tonight and is both anxious about being out and conscious of how much she's missed out. It does feel odd for her not be in the house, snuggled up on the sofa watching tv/movie with us at this time of night...

But in personal good news - I've got my covid vaccine tomorrow. If you're over 40 (possibly over 45) you can book in via the national booking website - ignore the front page saying over 50s - the mechanics have changed once you enter your details...

Hi and welcome (if that’s the right word...) @sm701 sorry you have had to find us.
Feel free to tell your story if that helps. In a nut shell my DD13 was diagnosed just before Xmas with Anorexia and exercise compulsion. She had lost about 6.5kg and was down to roughly 38kg and 77% wfh (weight for height). It started slowly during the summer with an increase in exercise to keep fit during lockdown (she is an elite footballer) and then over the Nov lockdown the food restricting kicked in and she lost the weight v fast. I knew something wasn’t right but had my head in the sand a bit.
Anyway long story short we are now at 94% wfh after 4 months of what I hate to describe as hell (sorry to alarm you) and things are a little easier for her. However exercise is still a major issue along with her anxiety and body image, (mainly fitness based not traditional looks based)
Our story involves olanzapine. She was prescribed it about a month into her recovery and for us it was a game changer.
It immediately helped her eat more (not enough but more and a platform to build on) and Got her sleeping better. This started her on the road to weight gain after a slow first month.
It wasn’t a magic bullet and we still had a a long road to where we are now but I have to say it did really help.
She is still on it now.
But ultimately it’s down to us as parents to try any means to get food in. Many on here hide extra calories (as do I). I use any leverage I can (in my case sport training) to get food in.
It’s tough and I don’t think our journey has been anywhere near as bad as others on here and elsewhere as we have no other issues (other than ocd and generalised anxiety) so please reach out for support her or elsewhere - even if we can only offer solidarity.
I have a,so found the EDSUK face book group invaluable for advice. And the Beat website and support group.

Cross posted @myrtleWilson hope your DD has a good evening.
And yay to the vaccine. I had mine a couple of weeks ago (cos I am that old...). I hope you don’t get any side effects I had a night and day of pretty horrid flu like symptoms but then felt fine...

Thank you so much @myrtleWilson and @Lottsbiffandsmudge for your kind welcome comments. It's been a very bad evening. I don't know if I can sleep for worrying she may do something bad. She's at lowest point and has cried all evening. She's devastated to lose the steps (she's been obsessively doing 18000 a day I found out by walking halfway to school). And has a lot of bad thoughts in her head. They've started her on half a tablet but I'm guessing that is nowhere near what she needs. We failed to get her to have a supper snack but think we doubled her food intake to maybe 1700+ today.

Things have got progressively worse since starting new sixth form (dropping 9kg) and she's wanting to switch schools to more local which I'm looking into as I don't think she can tolerate commuting into school next week ... she doesn't know anyone there very well and it's been so off and on. What a shocker this has all been this last year.
The Josip it's like said their referrals had tripled due to covid. It's all so sad .

Josip = hospital. Silly auto correct!

Welcome Sm701 I'm sorry to hear you've been having problems. It's good to have you here.

DD1 (15) gradually lost weight/didn't gain as she grew, until she was 68% WFH (37.3kg and 165cm). She was admitted to hospital on February 1st, gained 1.7kg in hospital, discharged on February 9th and immediately lost 0.7kg in the week that followed. Since then, we crawled up the scale until she started olanzapine. Now she's put on 5.3kg since admission (10 weeks), WFH 75%.

Today was really bad to begin with. She refused part of breakfast. Refused snack at first, but then did eat it after some leverage. Refused ⅓ of lunch, but then finished it when we said no bike ride. But then, she was really hungry in the evening, so ate a triple cheeseburger, fries and coke. So she ended the day on 3428 calories.

DD1 had a terrible

@Lougle thanks for sharing your day. I'm sorry it has been so fraught but glad it ended better. I'm feeling so sad right now at the future that seems so different now for my dd1. I'm not even sure she'll be back at school next week. I'm going to take one day at a time. Doctor has given her 6 weeks to gain 3 kg or else bring her in as a day patient.

Sorry to read you have all been having such a difficult time - everyone seems a little low and tearful. I certainly am.

Welcome @sm701 my 13 year old son doesn’t have AN - I don’t know what he has (well asides from ASD, anxiety, and a sleep disorder), AFRID I would guess. It’s all very early days of me realising we can’t continue with his eating the way it is.

I was able to spend quite a bit of time with him this weekend as his siblings went to visit their Dad (he won’t go as they don’t get along). He did acknowledge that he is too thin (describes himself as a flesh covered mech) but he’s says it’s because he does not like to eat food so [shrug] nothing to be done. I say he needs to eat anyway he says whilst he acknowledges he is too thin it doesn’t bother him, he’s happy as he is. Hopefully when his CAMHS doctor calls Wednesday I can get some support. Had his blood test results today and they were all fine apart from he is anaemic.

I am quite fortunate as I work in a hospital so I already had both my vaccines a while ago. @myrtleWilson hope you don’t get side effects!

@sm701 I remember feeling devestqted all the time when we ‘found out’ about DDs problems. It really knocks you for 6 and I really feel for you.
I have 2 sons as well and one is in year 12 like your DD and they have all had such a horrid year with all the exam chaos and then a further lockdown in their 2nd term of sixth form. He has also struggled massively with his mental health.
It sounds like you have made a great start though with the calories. If she has a step counter type watch I would try to get rid of it if at all possible. We let DD keep hers and it was so insidious. I removed it in a fit of rage about 2 months in (not recommended) but I wish at the start I had just lied and said the medical prof had told me to relieve her of it. It has helped bring the obsession down a notch.
I would agree with your philosophy one day or one meal at a time

Welcome sm although sorry you've had to find us.

I would suggest no college while you begin the refeeding and if you work you may want to consider taking a few weeks off. Initially the refeeding is a full time 24/7 job 😕 Also start thinking about ways to add calories to everything, you can add butter and double cream to almost anything!! If your dd is really depressed the psychiatrist may wish to add in an antidepressant as well as the olanzipine as they work slightly differently.

I agree with lots that any kind of fitness trackers have to go, we were lucky that my dds watch broke and I refused to get it fixed (caused a huge meltdown but I'm glad I stuck to my guns.)

My dd is 15yo and we're a year on from first noticing her taking healthy eating a bit too far and upping the exercise, she was diagnosed with a restrictive eating disorder (wasn't thin enough for it to be called anorexia 🤬) last August. She's also undergoing assessments for ASD, it's a rocky road still but unfortunately I think that recovery is. This group and the fb group have kept me going (I'm a single parent.)

Myrtle I hope your dd had a nice evening, out of interest do you know your dds wfh now? I'm just wondering if she hit a number that made recovery a bit easier (that maybe wishful thinking on my part!)

@sm701 reiterating everyone else's comments - sorry that you've had to find yourself here, but I've found it to be immensely supportive and informative, a real lifeline.

DD, who's 14, started losing weight mid first lockdown, we think, but I didn't really cotton on until the October half term, when I rung the GP about the fact her periods had stopped (though they were erratic anyway having only started a year before). Was fobbed off a bit and by NY she'd lost a further 2.5kg from a low base and was officially underweight. We got referred and a few weeks later saw a paediatrician who diagnosed her with anorexia. Her WFH was 75% and it's now 80% - though damnit, it actually went down this week despite her weight going up as she'd grown a cm.

Like @Girliefriendlikespuppies and @Lottsbiffandsmudge, it's about extreme healthy eating, not helped by social media. Weight gain has been painfully slow - 3kg in 3 months - and jagged. lotts I can't believe how successful you've been on that front. I think you've been much better about pushing it, I'm a bit lily-livered.

Valley I think (and I really hope lots doesnt mind me saying) that lots dd is taking olanzipine which would definitely help the weight go on. I'm sure you're not lily livered, all of us mums are flipping warriors in my book!!

Have just seen some horrible bruising to my dds arms that she must have done last night 😢 the f*cking ED must have punished her for having a nice day out 🤬

Weight check soon 😐

200 gram increase so in my mind a maintained weight. I'm surprised it's not a loss tbh given how hard work dds been this last week.

Looking at her I think she's grown again and possibly over taken me height wise so wfh maybe down...

We're off to clinic at 2.30pm.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies is right Dd is on olanzapine which really helped. But I have had it easier on the food front than a lot of u because DDs main driver is exercise. Don’t get me wrong she is v rigid in her eating, sticks to the weekly plan we make and doesn’t deviate, resists new foods, won’t talk about them even and is now pushing back as ‘feeling full all the time’. I am ignoring that and making her eat it still...because she won’t eat all the little extras like she used to (Doritos with her chilli and rice, garlic bread with her spaghetti Bol, butter on her jacket, cheese on her fish pie, gravy on her roast, naan with her curry and rice etc etc ) she needs to eat a lot mote volume at meals than she is used to as much as my teenage sons. So the plates she wades through look enormous. I keep saying if you would just have that garlic bread I could give you less pasta but she ain’t having any of it....
but to give you a feel she is eating c 3200 cals a day and managed 200g weight gain this week- I weighed her this am and was a bit gutted tbh. But her father looked after her last week and did too many ‘extras’ like a little walk here a little walk there etc etc. And we are allowing her time in the garden with her brothers - that will stop next week with school but that is another issue as she gained less at school...
So unless she starts adding back in those extras she is not going to be dropping down much food wise even when weight restored.
I am a bit stuck with it all tbh. She refuses to engage with even making a list of fear foods. So I think I may just add a pizza for lunch in next week and just ride the distress.
The exercise is better as it’s organised now but I still can’t get the standing sorted. I need to get tough but after months of distress having her a little more stable is hard to give up. But I guess I need to do it.
Sorry to hear about the bruising as well

Cross posted 200g here too... bloody irritating. I wanted to use Easter hols to get weight on...failed at that....
Kw meeting on line at 2pm. Hoping she is satisfied with weight gain...
Hope your clinic goes well @lougle

I actually think dd eats more at school than she does at home and is generally happier at school. I'm praying by the next half term she's in a slightly better place otherwise our holiday is just going to be bloody stressful 😢

She's gone off to see friends this afternoon, I had a thought that she might be lying to me and she's actually gone off on a mega long walk/run but not much I can do now!

Hope your appointment went well lougle.

It's so draining to micromanage life for them, isn't it?

Clinic went well. We averaged 2867 calories per day this week, but DD1 had gone for 3 bike rides on the tandem I bought from Facebook. Even though she's meant to just sit back and relax, she looked pooped after yesterday's bike ride.

At clinic she had put on 2.2kg, which is great. That takes her up to 81.52% WFH and finally takes her BMI into the 'healthy' range at 3.47th centile. She doesn't need to use her wheelchair anymore and in fact seized the opportunity to push her wheelchair back to the car from clinic.

The psychiatrist felt that we should keep her medication as it is, because she's gaining well and her mood is starting to lift. I suggested that we weigh and do blood pressure at home next week, rather than going in for obs, and I'll email her the results. Then the following week, we'll go and she her again.

The next issue is school. It's been suggested that we try a single lesson at first, then perhaps a lesson plus a break time. Then we'll build up to part time school. Her annual review is in 2 weeks, so the psychiatrist felt it would be good to let DD1 try school before then, so that we know how she copes.