Teen Eating Disorders support thread 3

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

Thought I better get a new thread going!

Please come and join us if your teen is struggling with an Eating Disorder. We are a kind, supportive bunch of parents looking to support each other through the dark days of caring for a teen with an ED.

Awful lunch time here. DD1 hasn't gone to school as she feels unwell. Says she feels sick. At lunch she chose a Nutella and peanut butter roll. Then she wouldn't eat it, said she'd vomit. I said she couldn't go upstairs until it was gone. Ranting and raving,I don't care about her, she's going to vomit, etc. So I got her a bowl to be sick in if necessary. I offered to make her a smoothie instead but she said that would make her vomit too. Eventually she said she'd have a smoothie. 1 hour of coaxing her through ⅔ of a glass of smoothie. Done now but so hard.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies and @NCTDN I know we're not supposed to say it, but I hate the fact that I've put on weight and am determined to reverse! In the glory days of DD putting on weight, I was matching her gram for gram. I really shouldn't have been following a diet aimed at an underweight teenager.

The obvious thing for me would be to cut out alcohol but I can't face that. Instead doing a version of the 16:8 fasting diet by postponing breakfast until midday and not having lunch on school days. DD doesn't notice as DH does breakfast with her. I've lost 2kg quite easily doing that.

My tragic short-term goal is to weigh within 20kg of DD via a combo of her putting on weight and me losing it (preferably the former, obviously). Not going to be helped by her having lost weight in today's weigh-in, ffs.

Hi, I'm looking for some advice please.

I have a 12 year old DD who is diagnosed asd and fits a PDA profile. She was an over eater and a little over weight. I was very aware of the link between ASD and ED's so I trod very carefully around the issue. However, things have changed. And it's happened so subtly.

About 6 months ago she seemed keen to eat more healthy but this has gradually turned into eating less and less. She started her periods last year, but now hasn't had one for ten weeks. She is now very thin.

She loves k pop and learning the dances. I hear her moving in her room and I thought she was dancing. But by chance when checking her you tube history, I discovered she's been doing exercise videos and then deleting them from her history straight away.

She is also obsessive about going for a walk every day. No matter what the weather.

She still express interest in food, but is very definitely controlling the amount

We have an issue here don't we?

One of dds things was getting out for a walk every day no matter what the weather. That way she could justify having meals.
(Sorry to be blunt)
I wish I'd caught it earlier with dd.

Hi @Mogtheanxiouscat it does sound like you need to be alert. Do you know her weight and height?

@NCTDN thank you... Not blunt at all, I need the facts

@Lougle she's around 5'5". Not really sure about weight, at her heaviest she was 8ish stone. But she's easily a stone lighter now if not more.

Hi @Mogtheanxiouscat sorry you find yourself in this position. Unfortunately it does sound like your DD is tipping in to unhealthy thought processes around restricting food and obsessively exercising. Have you raised your concerns with your DD? Is she aware that you are worried?

DD got the go ahead to return to school today following a really good weight gain. She is really upset about the weight but glad to go back to school. Her school skirts are too big now so she has a valid reason for rolling them now! 🤦‍♀️ She is going to go to an office for her morning snack and face time me and I am going to go in to sit with her somewhere quiet for her lunch. I hope this lifts her spirits and gives her something else to focus on other than eating 6 times a day!

Dear @Mogtheanxiouscat I'm sorry you find yourself here, your DD sounds very similar to mine a few months back. Once they get below a certain weight it is harder and harder to pull them back so acting now is essential, you are doing the right thing. For us, medicine was essential (olanzapine and setraline) and we are only just starting to see some recovery after 7 weeks with the ED clinic.
I would speak to the GP this week, or you may be in an area where you can self refer To an ED clinic. (for example the Maudsley in London covers much of south east London and you can self refer there).
I would trust your instincts. You know somethings not right and acting sooner is always best - the lockdown probably cost us two months more of decline for our DD

@Rollergirl11 we are in a similar position. DD is going to try eating snack and lunch with the deputy today. If are doesn't I'm picking her up at 130. Feels like a pivotal day. Good luck!

@Mogtheanxiouscat that makes her roughly 86-89% weight for height. Weight for height is a comparison with the average weight that a child of her height and sex would be. I think you really need to make a GP appointment. If she was referred to an eating disorders service, they would suggest making her eat 3 meals and 3 snacks per day. She'll need at least 2000 if not 3000 calories each day to put on weight.

Dd was allowed home for snack yesterday. She's home for the next couple of days and if she has gained enough weight on Thursday will be discharged.
Interesting to what so many of you have put, we're not to follow a calorie counting diet at all and not to focus on numbers. Instead we have a guide for portion sizes and suggestions for meals and snacks. Fingers crossed she'll stick to it.

@NCTDN that’s what we were told too, not to calorie count. But I have found myself doing it anyway just to get an idea of what DD needs to gain weight. DD will always go for the lesser calorie option given the chance so you end up knowing what’s in everything and trying to get just that little bit more in. Don’t underestimate the resistance tactics when you get home. These ED voices are sneaky! 🥴

@Rollergirl11 I have had a chat with her about how periods stopping could be linked to her slimming down and we need to make sure she is eating proper meals. I don't think she knows I suspect anything

@sm701and @lougle thank you for your advice and experience.

Should I weigh her to get a baseline? Do I tell her my full concerns?

I would do a 'routine' weight and height. Do you have a place where you've marked her height as she's grown? You could just add to that.

Then I'd spend a few days just observing what she eats and drinks. Has she reduced the range of foods, the quantity, both? I'd offer her 'junky' food (cake, biscuits, etc.) and see what her reaction is.

Then, you can have a sensible conversation with the GP.

@Mogtheanxiouscat you've been given great advice here and it sounds as if you've been quick to respond - I knew something was wrong but was in denial for a few months, which I now obviously regret.

@NCTDN we don't calorie count partly because I'm too lazy, but also because it's really tricky with homemade stuff. Interestingly, she always eats what I put on her plate at supper, I think because she can't know how many calories it has so I try to pile it on there. She obsessively looks at packaging otherwise - I know you can black out the calorie/sugar counts but it doesn't seem realistic and she can always check on the internet anyway.

I'm interested @sm701 and @Rollergirl11that your daughters are having supervised snacks/lunches. DD went back to school without supervision, although the school offered it, because the clinic seemed fine with that and because she struggles socially so we wanted her to be able to spend time with friends. We're now going in every day for lunch as she just wasn't eating enough. We've rather given up with the morning snack so I'll be interested to know how it works with FaceTime or supervision.

We only calorie count because even within the staff teams at the hospital they couldn't agree what a 'serving spoon' was. I'm quite a stickler for detail (if you are saying we need to do something I want to know why and that I'm doing it properly) and when I challenged the dietician on it she admitted that the meal plans aimed for a calorie intake and they were just expressing it in 'serving spoons' to make it easier for parents - fine if they train their staff in what a serving spoon looks like!

@Lougle so I just did height and weight for her and her brother to try to be casual about it. She's actually 6st 10 and 5'5"

Had a chat again about periods and weight, now having ice cream for breakfast. But I'm aware it could be to placate me...

All the measurements that will be done by medics will be in kg/cm so it's probably worth getting used to that @Mogtheanxiouscat. Once you adjust, it's much easier to work with.

My DD was a tiny bit taller (166cm) and initially weighed a couple of kilos less than yours, she's also older so should weigh more. However, her not dissimilar weight did set off klaxons for the GP who immediately got her into be weighed and measured there and then referred us to CAMHS that day.

Have you noticed anything else like very cold hands or hair loss? That and no periods were the physical signs for DD.

@Valleyofthedollymix thanks for the tip, so she's 165cm and 42.6 kg.

No hair loss but very cold hands for sure!

@Valleyofthedollymix well I just had a FaceTime call with DD while she ate her snack at lunchtime. It was upsetting as she was crying and didn’t want to eat it and she was conscious of the time she was taking (although we’ve cleared it with her teachers if she’s a little late for her lessons after break and lunchtime). But I’m hoping her being at school outweighs the distress she feels eating there. She’d be just as unhappy doing it at home. So we will see how it is when I go up to school for her lunch. 🤞🙏

@Mogtheanxiouscat When I found out that DD had been restricting to 500 calories or less a day I weighed her and she was 39.46 kg and she is 157 cms. She hadn’t had a period for over 2 months (usually regular as clockwork), was cold all the time and was having dizzy spells. I actually took her to A&E to get checked out and they admitted her for refeeding on the paediatric ward because of her severe restricting and because her heart rate was very low.

Would you have any idea how much your DD is restricting what she eats?

Like others, dd hasn't had a period in nearly a year. That plus the freezing cold hands were the only signs for us.

If she's exactly 12 years old, she's 86% WFH, if she's 12½ she's 85% WFH, and if she's almost 13, she's 84% WFH @Mogtheanxiouscat. Just as a guide, 85% is when they start talking about missing school, and they wouldn't allow PE, etc., at that WFH even if they were at school.

@Rollergirl11 looking back, I would think she's been around 1000 Cal's a day for the last few weeks. She does eat, and expresses liking food. It's any sort of snack or treat that she cutting out. And no more McDonald's etc.

Thanks @Lougle that's useful to know. Reality check time

Thanks to everyone whose replied too.