Teen Eating Issues/Disorders Support Thread 2

[myrtleWilson]

Our first thread is almost full. Here is our second - a place to seek and share advice, to lament and scream with rage and sadness, to celebrate each other's successes as we navigate the choppy waters of supporting our children with eating disorders.

All are very welcome, whether you're at the start of this journey or a more seasoned traveller.

I'll link this thread to the first one and then I thought it may be helpful if on joining this one we did a quick precis of our current situation.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4016379-teen-eating-issues-support-thread?msgid=104736115

Does she get she can only go to school if she eats Scribbly? I think the message is slowly sinking in with my dd but like with everything else it's all on her terms 😕 It does sound like your dd is trying.
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Lougle* are you using loads of hidden calories/fats? As you know I add butter or double cream to pretty much everything dd eats!! I've discovered avocado oil as well which is now going into lots of things. Good luck with the weigh in tomorrow.

The saddest moment today was when I saw dd looking longingly at an Oreo Easter Egg in a shop, Oreos are her favourite biscuits 😢

@Scr1bblyGum the question I asked the psychiatrist was "Do you think DD1's mood is something that will get better on its own as she eats more, or do you think it's going to need a bit of help?"

In terms of antipsychotic medications, olanzapine works for AN because it increases appetite. DD1's new psych favours Aripiprazole because it works by reducing the distress around eating. It 'quietens the noise' in the head to allow the eating to happen.

Olanzapine can be a little sedating at first, but I think that starting slowly helps.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies
Lougle are you using loads of hidden calories/fats?

I don't need to hide them with DD1, which is good. Today about 50% of her calories came from fat (80g). I use gold top milk and double cream in her smoothie. I butter both sides of the bread lavishly (30g butter between the 2 slices) in her toastie, and 30g cheese. She has extra creamy yoghurts. Deep frying chips, etc., and adding more oil to dishes like meatballs and spaghetti. The problem isn't so much what she'll eat, it's getting enough into her before she feels full and unwell. Then, it seems, making sure it stays there.

She did have 1850ml of liquids today, whereas she normally tries to get away with teeny amounts (less than 300ml per day if she can). So that's an improvement.

Hey,

Sounds like we are having similar problems @Scr1bblyGum. DDs KW meeting didn’t go great because KW doesn’t think she should go back to school. DD was devastated at first, but is now doing the “it’s not the law, it’s only advice and you can’t stop me going back.” Using the 80% WFH thing she has less than 2 weeks to put on 2Kg, but is railing against this weeks additions to her plan (a sponge pudding and custard after her evening meal).

I couldn’t even talk to her about it in the end, I’m just so tired of it all (and knackered this morning after the worst nights sleep and up at 4am!) I think I’ve decided to let her go, because she was at school at doing PE etc when she was much worse than she is now, but I don’t know if that is just me giving in to stop the stress.

@Equimum thank you for your story, it gives some hope

@Lougle I’m impressed with your calorie counting - I can’t keep it all straight in my head. I don’t count for DD at all, just try to stick to the plan as much as poss and assume that the EDT have done the counting for me.

Hi Eve guess who is up having had no sleep too!!😩

What did you mean by letting her go?

Hi. Letting her go to school. She wants to go back, she’s very academic and whilst she has done brilliantly during lockdown, she needs to be back if she is going to get the grades she’s worked for (she’s Year 11).

Our hospital/ CAMHs are contacting school, I don’t think they’ll allow it and we’re all worried re how little she’ll eat in school/ monitoring it. 😩

It’s a bloody nightmare as a catch 22 situation. We’ve got until next Friday to show improvement.

Off to drag myself to work now. I’ll be tripping over the bags under my eyes.

I feel you Scribbly. I am so bloody tired - and have a day of looking after other people’s kids instead of my own. (Actually I shouldn’t complain - tbh it makes me forget how shit my own home is right now). Wow. Proper down day for me then...time to slap on a smile x

myrtleWilson I’m glad it help to hear that people do get better. In terms of making friends when I restarted sixth form, I won’t lie, it was hard. BUT, I think that was largely because I was still so unwell, and ultimately cared more about losing weight than making friends. Other students were very accepting of the fact I was older, and some who clearly recognised I was struggling really tried to reach out to me. Had I been emotionally in a better place, I think it would have been fine, and I really hope it is for your daughter.

When I went to university, my age really didn’t matter as there were students of all ages and who had all sorts of life experience.

@exLtEveDallas "@Lougle I’m impressed with your calorie counting - I can’t keep it all straight in my head. I don’t count for DD at all, just try to stick to the plan as much as poss and assume that the EDT have done the counting for me."

I use My Fitness Pal. It's reassurance to me that I am getting the right number of calories in to her (or not ). I got really stressed with the whole 'what is a spoonful' thing and I don't do well with woolly rules, so I thought it was better to do something solid.

I'm sorry you've all had rubbish sleep. I feel knackered, too. It's the emotional exhaustion from cajoling and negotiating, worrying and thinking.

I had a nice but firm email from DD1's teacher. She thanked me for the update and wished me well for our appointment today, then said 'I do not expect to see you on Zoom tomorrow.' I think I'm going to just go with the flow with DD1 right now. Her head is just not set for school work and she's still only 70% WFH so it's probably not surprising.

I want to pin down what the exercise rules are for her. She's been in bed all day every day, bar a 5 minute car ride to Mum and Dad. I want her to get at least a few minutes of fresh air, so if they still want minimal exercise, I'll get a wheelchair, I think.

DD1 has weigh in today, but it's after lunch, so I can't see how that's all that helpful. She's going to seem to have put on weight, just by virtue of having food in her belly.

I'm really conflicted about school, I think Camhs will say dd can go back as she weighs more now than last term. I just feel like once she's back I lose all control over how much she eats and how much exercise she can do 😕 even with supervision she can be very sneaky.

I'm also scared she will lose the weight I've worked so hard to get her to gain!!

I take my hats off to you for managing to work Scribbly and Eve. I'm signed off at the moment and am not planning on going back for a while, the last week I worked (about 3 weeks ago) I was a wreck and crying numerous times a day. I was no use to dd or work really 😕 that said I don't want to be off for months on end.

God this illness is hell, I keep thinking back to a time when my life and dds wasn't completely controlled by food!! She used to be excited if I picked her up a treat in the supermarket whereas now that would cause a meltdown 😢

Thank you @Equimum for sharing your story and congratulations on your pregnancy. Very reassured to hear that your fertility has been clearly unimpaired.

I'm sensing a build up on stress for us all with the schools going back. Lockdown is a bubble and now we're forced to confront a different reality.

Our news is that DD got her period. She was absolutely thrilled, texted me from upstairs 'got period. no cap' and when I hadn't read it came down and announced it excitedly, much to the horror of her brother.

This is of course good news. BUT, she is taking this as proof that she's a healthy weight, can stop with the eating plan, doesn't need to put on any more and it validates her identity as a 'naturally skinny person'. I'm rather surprised they've come back so quickly as she's only now at the weight she was last October, when they'd been MIA for three months. I guess it's not about her weight so much as her nutritional intake. All that dairy.

Anyway does anyone have any advice on how to persuade her that she needs to continue eating and putting on weight despite this? She's third centile, which unhelpfully comes up as a 'healthy weight' on the NHS calculator but really she needs to put on at least another 3kg, I think.

Could you tell her that her body needs to repair the damage, so she needs to eat (and the weight gain will just be an unmentioned side effect)? It might shift the focus from her weight to her health?

Lougle I've been trying to tell my DD that she needs to eat more to feed her body, that her body is struggling to cope on the little amount she is eating. I am not getting very far with that though.

I hope that when we see the nutritionist she might take the comments on board.

On school, I don't think I can let DD go back as she will be moving around too much and burning too many calories for what she will be eating... I'm hoping she can go back after easter if we can start to move forward with a good eating plan and get her body used to eating properly again.

Girliefriendlikespuppies my DD asks me questions such as your daughter did all the time. Eg would you rather by smart or thin? etc

and she is constantly saying she is ugly &fat... grabbing at the skin on her body claiming it to be fat

DD told me last night she doesn't have AN as people with that just drink coffee for breakfast a breadstick at lunch and nothing for dinner.....

Valley I would play it right down and say 'it absolutely proves nothing and you've still got a way to go to fully recover' My dds been having periods regularly now for 4-5 months but is still way off recovery. The dietician said even with periods returning they're unlikely to be a normal period and even less likely that dd would be releasing an egg.

However inwardly I would do a little cheer that things are going in the right direction!!!

Good to have found others here who understand life with an exhausting E.D. Can be so damned isolating too. Just sorry there are so many of us going through this. Maddens me to see the impact of L.D on referral stats. Totally relate to your sentiment there **Girliefriend about longing for the things we used to take for granted .. DD squealing coming home from school when I'd made her fave mince.
DD(13) is currently 3 months into her first inpatient stay in a specialist unit half an hour from our home. She deteriorated v badly towards November after some improvement & false hope over first lock down. Became ill afed 11, at end of yr 6 ( 2 years after her triplet brother was recovering from his own E.D ) so having missed most of yr 7 in her new school an attempted return in yr 8 triggered huge anxiety and a rapid descent into her A.N again.
I had absolute nightmares about her being admitted to an IP unit where she was the youngest ( she's v impressionable, naive and historically v clingy with me ) but for the first couple of months these didn't materialise - the older girls were v sweet & supportive and took her under their wing a little which i was really thankful for. Now however her friendships have evolved and she's been heavily influenced by another patient who has alot of serious issues and are together getting up to a fair bit of mischief ( defiant sleepovers, being rude to night staff etc.) So my anxiety's headed back into orbit as we're watching DD undergo an overnight transformation to late teens.. Her team are responding to the sit thankfully and keen to create distance between her and the cohort so suggesting we switch her to day patient from nxt wk for renainder of admission. Guess at least it begins the transition from life in hospital bubble to life outside again so perhaps a blessing in disguise. Just praying we can deal with the behaviour here as home visits have been explosive to say the least......
DD is being weaned off olanzapine & on low dose 25mg sertraline. A few of you were asling about experiences on olanzapine. I agree that if needs must, then worth a try. DD was put on it prior to IP admission when wfh was 69% - so was zombified on x3 daily regimen. But it served a purpose as her level of pacing was off the scale and distressed aggression v diff to cope with. Meds aren't forever - and can be instrumental in the short term while longer term changes are worked on.
Sorry for huge waffle....thnks for reading!

And yes, thank you Equimum...def inspiring to hear of your recovery. So happy for you. Can be so damned difficult to see the light after what feels like an eternity of this.

@Roolet12 jeez it sounds like you've had a terrible time of it. I hope you're managing to look after yourself a little bit too. Triplets for starters.

The suggestion of moving her to a day patient sounds very sensible and a good balance. Best of luck with it.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies that's interesting that your DD's periods are back but she's still in the grips. I thought I'd be so pleased but I now wish she'd put on a bit more weight first.

I'm still confused as to how they decide what wfh someone should be. It feels like a blunt instrument. I don't agree with DD's naturally skinny assessment, but on the other hand she's always been in the bottom 10th which means she's got a different frame than others. I wonder whether 90% is too ambitious.

Welcome roo it sounds like you've had a stressful few years bless you and yes having triplets, even without throwing an ED into the mix, must be crazy!! Welcome to our little group.

Valley the dietician did a lot of work on dds growth and weight charts to work out her wfh, have they done that with your dd? On the fb page some parents said they didn't see improvement in their child's mood/mental state until they were 110% wfh 🤯 that feels like a mountain to climb!!

How much food do you all let your child leave on their plate? Here's a pic of what dd left after a lunch of poached eggs and avocado on toast. I did get a few more mouthfuls into her by threatening a shorter walk this afternoon but it's still a fair bit not eaten 😕

I know Eva Musby reckons they should eat everything on the plate but that feels impossible plus I've never pushed dd to clear her plate historically...

I don't let DD1 leave stuff unless she has something to replace it, right now. So for that, I'd offer ½ yoghurt or some Fortijuice. If I start letting her leave stuff, it will just get more and more.

I'm feeling quite upset this afternoon. We got to the specialist CAMHS. The man said they have their own reception. We get there, it's in darkness. Lights come on as we walk in, and a sign saying that they don't man the desk now, due to Covid. Take a seat, they will come for you, but if they don't, phone this number.

Ten minutes later, a lady came in and said 'Oh you're not who I'm looking for, but who are you here to see?' She went away to see if she can find her. When she returned, she said that the Dr was ill, they had sent an email (to what address? Not mine, as I don't have it) 'in the last few minutes' to tell me.

We're 30 minutes from the clinic. Even if they did send it to the right address, we'd already have been getting a parking space. Apparently, they will rebook... But she doesn't know when or how. I told her phone would be a better idea, because then they'd have known that I got the message.

Roolet12 wow the stress you must have been through. I can't think of being in that situation, I don't know how your coping.

DD just had a psychology session and the psychologist was telling her if you can eat normally and be happy about it then maybe DD is right and she doesn't have AN. We all hope that is the case etc but we are here to support her either way.
DD came out of the zoom meeting and ate a fried egg and some fresh red peppers and then 3 cookies..... she says now she doesn't think she is fat etc
5 minutes later she was crying.... wouldn't say why though. I am worried she will start hiding her feelings etc. I will just keep giving support and try hard to keep her open and responsive to me.

Lougle that is very deflating and DD was probably a bit worked up about it too.

Hi @Roolet12 welcome...if that is the right word...your life sounds v tough.
@Lougle how demoralising (putting it mildly). We have these appointments as little beacons in the week and to have it taken away must be v distressing, I hope you get a new appointment soon.
@Girliefriendlikespuppies I don’t let DD leave anything really. She started trying to hide stuff under her knife and fork and get up to clear her plate really quickly but I have got wise to that....she always leaves a little dribble of milk in the cup, a small amount of pastry, a little bit of bacon etc etc but nothing more.
My DD has not started her periods at all so I have no clue when and if they will happen. She started developing boobs and a bit of hair but then it all stopped last summer which in hindsight was prob when her weight started to drop.
He goal weight (c 44.5kg) is heavier than she has ever been. I don’t think she has been at a truly healthy weight for a while. As she is an athlete she has prob sailed very close to being under weight most of her life. As a baby she was 9th centile but she is over that now and no periods/ growth etc, so we are aiming quite a lot higher.