Anyone starting the journey for a second DE baby

[GreyGoose1980]

Firstly I hope this thread doesn’t sound insensitive to those still in the process of trying for their first DE baby - I was in that place for a number of years.

I thought it would be helpful to create a thread for anyone thinking about whether to go for DE baby number two / in the process of trying. Just a hand hold really. I’m currently at the early stages as need a hysteroscopy this month due to changes since DD’s birth and am also feeling like my age is now more of a factor. Looking forward to hearing from anyone in a similar situation.

Equally if anyone is starting a cycle for a first DC baby and wants general support and someone to chat with, do join too .

Hi @GreyGoose1980 - we are on the journey for first DE child, but as a sibling to our DD who was IVF conceived with my eggs and is currently 2.5 years old.

Do you mind sharing your fertility story? And are you using the same donor/have embryos on ice from the first round?

Hi Ladies,
I’m on the first journey with DE treatment, but we do have a genetic daughter conceived naturally and spontaneously.
We are in a donor search stage and I wanted to ask how much important to you is donor’s height? I declined two offers because they are much shorter than me. Not sure now if that was a good decision?

Hi, I'm starting the cycle for my second DE baby this month. Had my baseline scan and have my follow up one on Thursday. I'm feeling quite stressed about it all as before my round for my little one I had spent over a year doing things like eating healthy, taking various supplements and having accupuncture and this time round I'm constantly exhausted from having a toddler and don't eat as well.

Hi all
hope you are well!
@loulamay - happy to share my fertility journey. I had 7 transfers with my own eggs and one failed transfer with DE before becoming pregnant with DD at 42. DD is now 2 and I have two embryos left. I had implantation testing prior to my cycle with DD and am in the process of undergoing this again. I have to wait a couple of months for the results so will probably transfer Sept time all being well. @Overlyanxious I feel the same. I’m currently exhausted and a think things have impacted me more physically recently than last time round. I’m also at the stage of wanting to start talking to DD about being donor conceived but am finding that goes to the bottom of the priority pile at the moment which I need to sort out. :-)
@GingerFox2021 My clinic did pen profiles from the donor and i wanted to take these into account along with approx height and build (didn’t initially consider hair and eye colour as DH and I are complete opposites here). In the end I went with one who wasn’t as tall but whose profile I clicked with. My clinic provided basic advice as to whether we looked alike and they said she was not the strongest physical match, but an okay physical maych. I think that’s probably true as we don’t really look alike albeit she looks a lot like DH anyway. DD has the same colour eyes as me though and it’s nice (but not important to me) to have a similarity.

@GingerFox2021 I didn't worry to much about height. Ilooked for hair and eye colour. But in the end the main deciding factor was how I felt about the donor when I read the profile. They just felt like the right person

Thanks @GreyGoose1980 - wonderful that you have 2 more embryos! We had 2 euploid embryos from the round that conceived our daughter but both failed to implant which we were gutted about - and also makes me nervous going into another transfer. But I tell myself that my body has done it once and can do it again!

@Overlyanxious I do know what you mean, but I am reminded that people get pregnant in all sorts of situations unexpectedly when they are not eating well, smoking, drinking and everything else! I think that the best that we can do is make sure that the uterine environment is receptive - lining thick enough, no polyps or scarring etc and then hope that we have good-graded embryos to transfer. Those two actors play the biggest role.

@GingerFox2021 I'm 5ft9 and our donor is 5ft5.5 - my side of the family is quite tall but my husband's is shorter. I tried to look at the choice of the donor as the same scenario in that our kids could easily inherit more of their dad's genes (this is true of our daughter, who looks more like him than me) than mine and so even if we picked a donor who matched me exactly, the child could still take on the characteristics of my husband!

I suddenly feel stressed ! They offered another match of 2 of my height /body build. It feels both scary and exciting at the same time.

@GreyGoose1980 fingers crossed for September. Have you seen the books you can get from the donor conception network on telling little ones? I don't know if they are any good, but I was hoping to use that to tell my little one when the time comes.

@loulamay that's very true. I'm being particularly rubbish eating lots of chocolate. The pressure of it all ends up getting to me.

@GingerFox2021 that is very exciting, but totally understand the stressful part as well. It's all a very strange process.

How is everyone getting on? I am in the 2WW with our DE embryo (4AA which we were delighted about!) and they also managed to freeze FIVE more! So feeling a little better that if this one doesn't stick, we have more tries (although finding the money for them is another matter...)

@loulamay really happy to read this update from you!!!! ❤️ Let's hope the frozen ones you will use for more siblings and current one sticks!

Not a happy update from my side, we decided to stop our ttc journey for various reasons. Unfortunately couldn't move forward. 😔

Please do post the updates, I am still checking some for positive news xx

Hi all, I've come across this page having literally just started the IVF process and I think DE is probably going to be suggested by the clinic due to my age (turn 45 next month). It's been very helpful reading your comments of how to choose your DE and what was/wasn't important to you. X

hi @Rainbows121 and good luck on your journey. what are your next steps? 🙂

Hi @loulamay,
DH & I are waiting on final test results but with low AMH and a total of 4 follicles the nurse didn't feel me confidence. It was her that said maybe DE would be a better option but to wait for the results and review with the Dr.
I suppose what I'm more worried about is later down the line when DE child is older. How to explain to child, when do you explain. How do family members react etc etc. I have read on some forums of people never telling child they are from DE.

@Rainbows121 Yes I totally understand. There are lots of wonderful resources out there which can help better than I can I'm sure! There's an amazing Mum on Instagram called Becky who is under the handle @definingmum and she has loads of videos, Q&A, links. There's a podcast called Three Makes Baby which I also found interesting and a site called the Donor Conception Network where I've ordered one of their books from.

When I told my parents initially, there was obviously some lack of understanding but we had a long chat and I explained that because I would be carrying the baby, I would be considered the biological mother, and that helped them I think. Plus the epigenetics is very interesting - although that baby won't share any of my DNA, the fact that they are growing in MY body instead of anyone else, shapes who they will be and that is unique to us.

Lots to think about I know! From my reading, donor-conceived children fare better when they can find out who their donor is, so the non-anonymous options are the UK, the US, Denmark and Portugal. That isn't to say that anonymous isn't the way to go at all, but we chose the UK for that reason.

If we're lucky enough that it works out we plan to be open from the very beginning.

xxxx

Thank you so much @loulamay I'll definitely look to follow her on instagram.

Hi all
How is everyone getting on? I had a bit of a break from mumsnet as wasn’t able to move forward with TTC due to waiting for test results / a hysteroscopy. I’m now undergoing an implantation testing cycle so still not at ET stage!@loulamay, Sorry I didn’t see your message about your recent TWW, thinking of you whatever your outcome was. @TT82 sorry you can’t move forward and hope you are coping as well as possible. @Rainbows121 how are you getting on? @GingerFox2021 @Overlyanxious How are you both doing? Hope all is going well for people.

Hi @GreyGoose1980
I have a meeting Monday with the consultant to discuss test results and for them to recommend the next steps.

How is everyone doing? Our transfer failed sadly (not even a hint of implantation over the last three FETs now which worries me) but my lining responded so poorly to the oral estrogen that I almost wish I'd told them not to go ahead.

They wouldn't let me go ahead with another transfer straight away, so am waiting on my period now and then prep for another transfer - this one will include the evorel patches from the start which I'm really hoping will help, and they also want me on prednisoline this time, as well as the baby aspirin, clexane, lubion and progesterone pessaries.

Have to keep reminding myself that it took four transfers to get our daughter, but I also had a chemical and a miscarriage on #2 and #3 before her so that felt more positive in a way.

Hello ladies.
My first DE transfer in July was unsuccessful. We are trying with another clinic now, so I feel a bit better that i‘m trying smth different. I’ve been matched with a donor now.

hi @GingerFox2021 - sorry to hear about the failed transfer. What are your next steps? Are you happy with the donor match?

I have my DE FET tomorrow. Bit nervous given the first transfer failed but we have 5 more embryos and I had my lining scan and it was 7.1mm a week ago which is a better place to be in (last time was only 6.4mm). Hoping it might have grown even a bit more for tomorrow.

@Overlyanxious @Rainbows121 @GreyGoose1980 how are you all doing?

Hi @loulamay
My fertility journey is over I'm afraid (unless by some miracle it happens naturally)
My BMI is too high for IVF something that the clinic didn't tell before starting and paying for all tests & consultations. It was only during my consultation about DE that they told me I would need to loose weight first. I am trying but at now 45 I think my dream of a 2nd child is over.

Good luck to you & everyone else on this journey xx

I'm so sorry @Rainbows121 - how are you holding up? x

Hi @loulamay, I was very upset and I'm sad, but I need to accept it and focus on the gorgeous little boy I have. I'm sad I can't give him a sibling but he'll be fine. x

Hi everyone

@Rainbows121 - I’m really sorry to hear your update and hope you are bearing up as well as is possible.

@GingerFox2021 Sorry to hear that your transfer in July was not successful - I know how hard that is. How are things progressing with the new clinic?

@loulamay I’m thinking of you and have everything crossed for you. The two week wait is so tough.

I’m finally moving forward with a FET cycle once my day one starts sometime next week. I had my implantation testing and have been put on steroids and prontogest. I’m not that positive about the results as I took these meds for my unsuccessful OE ivf cycles and they are different to the meds the implantation clinic previously prescribed for my successful cycle resulting in DD. However my consultant explained that a person’s profile can change over the years so I’m trying to remain positive!

Got a v faint BFP on 5dp5dt and has been getting darker the past two days... almost can't believe it really!!!! There was a point at which I thought I would never see two lines on a pregnancy test ever again! The clinic said not to test until the 2nd Nov (ha!) but if tomorrow's is showing progression still and looking unlikely to be a chemical, then I will let them know and ask about a beta blood test.

4th transfer. Wild. This was my first one on prednisolone so I'd love to know if that was a factor, but also my lining was actually decent for a change, so that might have also helped?