Donor egg from fair hair, blue eyed women to match our family visually

[Gaston25]

after a very long painful reproduction journey and one blue eyed blonde child we are now considering a donor egg, but it seems no very hard to find an egg donor who is (of course healthy) but visually would also match our family’s look and therefore were a blonde (fair hair) and blue /grey eyed type. Last thing I would want is the child on top of coming from a donor egg also being questioned its entire life, why it does not look like any of us and if we are the real parents. If anyone has seen egg banks with that profile could you please share here? Thank you.

this post has made me really truly uneasy.

I’m blonde and my husband has brown hair. One of our children has red hair.

This really seems like a strange thing to focus on.

i wouldn’t get massively hooked on that aspect. Parents and sister dark hair and eyes…me blonde and blue. I would be looking for someone whose features are similar (not even sure if that is possible!) not hair and eye colour. I look like my partners and my sister just different colourings

That was an amazing thing to do

I think that was amazing too

But it's a nonsense really, you never know what you are going to get.

Myself and my three brothers are blue eyed blondes, still very blonde as adults. We look Scandinavian. My mother was a brown haired, brown eyed Italian. My Dad a blue eyed, brown haired Brit. The blonde/blue eyed actually came from the Italian side, my mother's father and brother both having been blue eyed blond, we think ancestors came from Slav or Germanic routes originally.

DH is black haired, blue eyed celt. As stated I am blond hair, blue eyed. I have one blond haired blue eyed child, and one brown hair, brown eyed.

OP, sorry so many posters think they need to explain genetics to you! I'm assuming you already know. 😅
I understand why you want to at least try and match your kids although I'm sure you will be happy with whoever you get.

I've got none matching kids who also have a different accent to me. The all match each other but thanks to my husbands super strong genes they are a different colour to me and have very different features. We lived overseas during their childhood so they have foreign accents.

I was a reasonable young mum to four kids so it was often assumed I was the nanny.

Sorry, I haven't actually got any advice. 😂

They have my mannerisms though.

The child has the right to know their full biological history.

A quick search on the London Egg Bank website brings up several that match you.
Good luck!

I'm ginger, dad is black haired Asian .... My son's blonde and blue eyed 🤣🤣🤣 no idea how but did a ethnicity DNA test, has a bit of scandi in him so maybe thats why

This. It’s really immoral to lie to your child about something like this ☹️

I was a reasonable young mum to four kids so it was often assumed I was the nanny.

I was older but have been mistaken for the Nanny or Aunty more than once.

Child needs to know their genetic history. It should not be a dirty secret

It’s not “hugely unlikely” .
Its impossible!

Eye color is not an example of a simple genetic trait, and blue eyes are not determined by a recessive allele at one gene. Instead, eye color is determined by variation at several different genes and the interactions between them, and this makes it possible for two blue-eyed parents to have brown-eyed children.
https://udel.edu/~mcdonald/mytheyecolor.html

No, you don’t.

Its not impossible

I don’t care per se about the guaranteed eye colour as it were, it can be grey green whatever really. It is just statistically less likely to be brown. As natural blondes typically are blue/ green /grey eyed or along that colour spectrum. I am keen for a phenotype that’s matching me closest possible and i am blonde and blue eyed. So I wish for the donor egg person to be closest possible phenotype to me, if her eyes were green or grey is of less relevance. My husband is also blonde but blue grey eyed. So is our biological child. So I am looking for a the closest possible match in the non biological sibling or donor egg mother. I am unbothered how uncomfortable or comfortable other people are about it on this thread. I am here to find out where are more of these phenotypes in clinics worldwide. Just like people can wish for a boy or girl I am wishing for this. I am indifferent when it comes to the sex of the child as it is not a visual pointer whether the child is biological or not. I am interested in similar phenotype to our family from the get go (as in donor mother) what will become of it is not in our hands. And of course I will love the child whatever it will be ultimately. Someone lectured me about the child’s right to know they are non biological- whilst I agree with the right in principle, it will be us who will decide when to reveal that and not pointing jokers about “brother from another mother” who might not think much into it. Anyways thank you to all of you who offered great advice!

Look at Prince George - brown eyes, two blue eyed parents.

OP, speaking as a donor conceived adult, I urge you to think again firstly about pursuing donor conception, especially if you already have a biological child. Lots of DC people from mixed families report that they knew they were different from their parents’ biological children even if they weren’t told - because the parents treated them differently. Please read up about how donor conceived adults feel in general.

If you do choose to go down this path, please tell your child the truth. I have several half siblings who discovered their origins in their 40s and it was deeply traumatic for them.

Kate has hazel eyes not blue.

Ah ok yes they look green if anything. Maybe that has more brown in it. However the point is, you don’t always need one brown eyed parent to have a brown eyed baby.

OP, I'm adopted and ds is adopted. I don't think it matters if people clock us biologically related or not. I'm still adopted. My son is still adopted. It doesn't matter if we " pass " or not as biologically related. We are " real" family whatever that means.

I think you need to really consider how comfortable you are not being the biological mom. This child has a human right to know where they come from. This child will not be biologically related to you no matter how much he looks like you. Are you ok acknowledging that?

If they share this with people are you ok with that? Do your friends and family know your plans?

Agreed!

Honestly I don't think any of this should matter as a parent.

I laughed at the Norwegian suggestion!!DH and I both Norwegian. I have red hair, he has blond. DC have black and brown hair. 3 of us have brown eyes. DD with the black hair has green eyes. Norwegians have a lot of different hair/eye combos. My full Dsis are blonde blue eyes! We've even done 23andme and are 90-98% Scandinavian, and the rest Northern European.

OP, you seem naive about trying to control your genetics.