Single woman wanting a baby

[Lou3329]

Hi all, I appreciate there are many posts on this already but some are a bit outdated and laws have recently changed etc. I’m 33 and a single female in the UK. I am wanting to have a baby so badly. I’m looking into having IUI using a sperm donor. At the moment I feel very overwhelmed with it all. For the starters the UK costs are extraordinary... specially at the thought of requiring multiple attempts to be successful. I have done some research into IUi abroad as the cost is significantly cheaper. So far I have narrowed it down to 2 centres. There were multiple others with great reviews that I considered however most of those are legally unable to assist in the matter as I am a single female. I just wondered If anyone had any feedback or experience of using Newlife Thessaloniki or Urvistahermosa in Spain for IUI. I can see multiple reviews for ivf but again feel very confused and feel I should start with IUI and then move on to ivf if required. Does anybody have any feedback or advice. Also anyone ever faced the struggles of attempting to conceive as a single woman? In the UK self insemination is no loner legal using a sperm donor & also please don’t say go out and have a one night stand. I just wish it were that simple but all of us on this thread know it’s not x

Thanks is advance x

@Mac89 so sorry to hear it’s been unsuccessful. I was wanting to message you to see how you got on. I honestly believe that things will work out the way they are meant to and when they are meant to. It still doesn’t make the feeling any better though I know! I’ve been in contact with Sandra thanks to you. I’m planning to have iui in April. I too had a chemical pregnancy last month so am just waiting for my system to sort itself out again. What are your thoughts on IVF? When I contacted the clinics in Spain & Greece they suggested I just go straight for IVF instead as success rates are higher. X

@Lou3329 thank you! I feel completely the same, what will be will be. But I also know I have the luxury of feeling that way because I already have my son!
I honestly haven't considered IVF. I kind of felt like if it didnt work after these 3 goes then I'd give myself a break and some time to regroup and reasses. Also I think if i started looking into treatment abroad at the moment I would just get more and more frustrated about plans being constantly put off for covid!

Amazing that you've got your plan in place now! Sorry to hear about your chemical! It's a tricky one to process isnt it, I was obviously gutted that it didnt stick but felt really positive that SOMETHING had happened at least!

Have you started looking at donors yet? That was the bit that took me the longest!!

@Mac89 Lovely that you already have a son. My feelings at the moment are that I’ll probs try iui twice if no success IVF x i found a donor through Sellmer Diers but at present with Brexit they haven’t managed to establish regulations on getting sperm into the UK yet. Fortunately NFS have their own sperm bank which I didn’t actually realise until last week. It makes the process a lot cheaper in that we won’t be paying the additional transportation costs etc. I’m going to call them this afternoon about donor preferences to get the ball rolling from that side of things x

@lou3329 that's interesting, I didnt know they had their own sperm bank as well! Do you get to browse the donors like on Sellmers or do you give your preferences and they match it up? Would love to hear how you get on with finding your donor, I found when I was looking at uk sperm banks there was a really limited selection so hopefully NFS have cracked it!

@Mac89 Thanks very much for the information. Can I ask how much the sperm cost from Sellmiediers (via NFS) , and if it was from a known donor (eg. information released at 18)? Also wonderful to know you found the experience more relaxed - did you pay extra for the nurse assisted insemination? (and do NFS defrost it for you even if you don't pay extra for the nurse help?) Sorry to be nosy - I'm trying to plan for the future if my current treatment doesn't work.

@Lou3329 - Thanks so much for starting this thread, sorry about leaping on the discussion, I'm just so curious. I've tried donor IUI a few times without success recently (and I found IUI painful because of the speculum). I'm interested in the idea of trying ICI instead, so this thread is very helpful. Can I ask if you know how much Sperm costs from NFS own sperm bank? (I had no idea they had one either!).

@iamnotwhouthinkiam ask away!! I couldnt find anyone who had used NFS back in the summer to ask questions and had to take a total leap of faith, but pleased that I did! Sellmers prices for an ICI vial is €649. That's for 1ml of Mot20+. I paid more than that from Cryos for 0.5ml of Mot10+ for my IUI! Remember you need to add VAT and delivery on top as well! My total for 2 vials, delivery and VAT was £1800 (exactly the same price that I paid for one 0.5ml IUI vial from Cryos).

I paid an extra £150 at NFS for Nurse Assisted, and I would imagine they still check its defrosted properly if you're self inseminating. But they really are the loveliest bunch, if you drop them an email or give them a ring they're more than happy to answer any questions you might have 😊

@iamnotwhouthinkiam and yes known donor (once child is 18), that's the only type that's legal to use in the UK now, so when searching on Sellmers make sure it states 'UK Compliant'!

I don't know if the price quoted was for their own donors but she did say that there is no need to reserve as they have plenty in stock. She sent me a form which has height, race, eye and hair colour preferences.

So I thought it would be choosing a Danish donor from the website but it appears not.

I'm feeling so thoroughly despondent about the whole thing.

I went to CGRW in Wales around 4 years ago and had all the tests. I then had to wait for an operation to have a polyp removed and got stuck on an NHS waiting list for 18 months.

Then I spent the period between then and now, trying with two donors.

So I don't know if I'd need to go back to redo all the tests.

I'm turning 44 on Sunday. I'm completely distraught that I'm childless at my age. I might have to hide the thread because it's making me too upset and stressed to read it.

@bitheby I was told £500 per vial. In total including 2x vials , the nurse insemination and uss it’s around £1700. A huge difference to the cost of other fertility centres. Do you mind me asking why you feel despondent? Completely not here to judge, sometimes just helps to vent to someone who may understand x

@bitheby so sorry, just read your second post. I’m also sorry you’ve had such a difficult time with this. It’s absolutely none of my business and I agree perhaps hide the thread if you want to. The bottom line for me is that I’d love a child. If I have no luck with IUI I will consider IVF but I don’t want to lose myself and my happiness in the process. If within the next 2 years I have no luck I plan to adopt. There are so many children desperate for love out there x I’m sure you’ve considered this already but just thought I’d share my thoughts / plans with you x

@Mac89 - Thankyou so much, that's very helpful to know and well done for your leap of faith!. The Sellmerdiers prices sound fairly similar to UK sperm bank prices once you include international delivery and the VAT (I paid £950 per vial including delivery to clinic, but that was for only MOT10+ I think and I'm not sure how many mls!) And at least the ICI itself is cheaper and it's really great to know you found NFS so friendly and helpful.

@Lou3329 - Thanks very much for letting us know the costs. £500 sounds very good value, but can I ask why you needed 2 vials - do NFS want you to have 2 for each insemination? (so £1000 on sperm per "go").

@bitheby I'm really sorry you are feeling so despondent. I do understand how you feel as I'm starting to feel the same - I'm 40 and childless and all the blood tests and scans have come back with no obvious reasons why I can't conceive. But I've had several goes at IUI now and not even a chemical pregnancy so far to show that it could work, so it does get you down.

Just to say @bitheby, happy birthday for Sunday, as far as is possible in lockdown. I'm sorry you're having a tough time of it.

Hi @Lou3329 Wow you're thinking of going to Newlife! That's where I had my gorgeous 4 year old via sperm donor. I loved them and would recommend them to all... (In fact I do!). I am more than happy to chat through it all with you if you want. I have to say- during all this I have found a real lack of support or guidance for solo women wanting to start a family, so i have set up the Solo Project to inspire, inform & empower women towards solo motherhood. I hope you don't mind a shameless plug, but I have a group coaching programme starting in June that might be useful to you: www.thesoloproject.net/soulsisters for women thinking about solo motherhood, to find their tribe and feel connected. Anyway... do get in touch if you want more info about Newlife or just a friendly ear or hand to hold. All the very best - Sophie xx

Hi @Lou3329 Wow you're thinking of going to Newlife! That's where I had my gorgeous 4 year old via sperm donor. I loved them and would recommend them to all... (In fact I do!). I am more than happy to chat through it all with you if you want. I have to say- during all this I have found a real lack of support or guidance for solo women wanting to start a family, so i have set up the Solo Project to inspire, inform & empower women towards solo motherhood. I hope you don't mind a shameless plug, but I have a group coaching programme starting in June that might be useful to you: www.thesoloproject.net/soulsisters for women thinking about solo motherhood, to find their tribe and feel connected. Anyway... do get in touch if you want more info about Newlife or just a friendly ear or hand to hold. All the very best - Sophie xx

I'm an SMC with a 5mDD and I'm currently in my 2ww for DC2.

I did everything officially and had a blast transfer - very expensive I know.

I got my sperm from California - it's about £1,000 per vial, but you get so much choice!

I know cost is important, but you mention how you might have many many attempts. Bearing in mind your age then unless you have fertility problems you don't mention, it's unlikely that you would be doing this lots and lots.

Statistics about things working are based upon people who overwhelmingly have fertility issues and are mostly older. My first IVF transfer worked, and, I was told by the clinic it probably (but only just probably!) would. That's the big difference bt fertility stuff when you don't actually have fertility issues.

Best of luck with it all.

Hi random post incoming! I'm 28 and single and gay. I've been wanting to have a baby for past few years. Does anyone know if the nhs can help with funding treatment in England.

@Cml92 - it depends on your specific area funding authority (CCG). If you meet the age, weight, non smoking, child free etc criteria, then some will fund an IVF cycle or two for single women/lesbian couples, but you generally have to prove infertility first. This could be something like blocked tubes (proven via a scan), so Doctor's can say you have no chance of conceiving without IVF. But for many women it means having 6 IUI's (or even 12, it depends on the CCG) and not conceiving on those - they usually consider that similar to het couples trying naturally for a year or two without success. I don't know if you could try with a private donor for the same amount of time and still qualify, as I suspect you would need "proof" you are trying - but it might be worth asking?