Single woman wanting a baby

[Lou3329]

Hi all, I appreciate there are many posts on this already but some are a bit outdated and laws have recently changed etc. I’m 33 and a single female in the UK. I am wanting to have a baby so badly. I’m looking into having IUI using a sperm donor. At the moment I feel very overwhelmed with it all. For the starters the UK costs are extraordinary... specially at the thought of requiring multiple attempts to be successful. I have done some research into IUi abroad as the cost is significantly cheaper. So far I have narrowed it down to 2 centres. There were multiple others with great reviews that I considered however most of those are legally unable to assist in the matter as I am a single female. I just wondered If anyone had any feedback or experience of using Newlife Thessaloniki or Urvistahermosa in Spain for IUI. I can see multiple reviews for ivf but again feel very confused and feel I should start with IUI and then move on to ivf if required. Does anybody have any feedback or advice. Also anyone ever faced the struggles of attempting to conceive as a single woman? In the UK self insemination is no loner legal using a sperm donor & also please don’t say go out and have a one night stand. I just wish it were that simple but all of us on this thread know it’s not x

Thanks is advance x

@Lou3329 I don't have any advice for the Spanish clinics, but just wanted to let you know that if you're able to travel to Shrewsbury, there is a clinic there where you can self inseminate using sperm from SellmerDiers. They charge an admin and storage fee totalling £500. Sorry I cant help with the abroad IUI!

Thanks so much Mac89. I’ve looked into this but think they have now stopped it. It’s been removed from their website aswell. X thank you so much for your advice though x

Hi @Lou3329 this journey is hard and once you’ve made the decision to do it you want to be pregnant yesterday, at least I know I do!

I made the decision that I wanted to do this years ago but living circumstances made it impossible at the time. When my circumstances changed I made a decision to start trying. People will criticise me for this but it was a decision I made and, if successful, I’m the one that will have to deal with any consequences. I joined several websites co-parents etc where there are guys willing to donate sperm. There are guys on there just after sex but I have also met some genuine men who just want to help.

I have been trying now since November 2018, unsuccessfully, with the exception of a chemical pregnancy in March last year. I think some of this in the early months was due to incorrect timing as I had no idea what I was doing!

I’m now 39 and the odds are stacked against me so I’m going to keep going the way I have been but am also looking into going for IVF abroad, if not successful, when covid restrictions aren’t lifted. I’ve made the decision to jump straight to IVF due to my age. I think also because I know I’ve been mistiming my attempts and with IVF I know I’m already half way there when they put the embryos back whereas with IUI you’ve still actually got to hope that the speed and egg meet.

If time is on your side then, of course, IUI is far less invasive and I absolutely see why you would prefer that route.

Sorry, I don’t have more to offer in terms of experience with clinics but I wish you luck in your journey.

@Waiting2BAMummy I really appreciate your honesty and I completely understand where you are coming from. I wish you every bit of luck on your journey to becoming a mommy. If you plan on doing IVF I highly recommend ( well only by reviews) the 2 places I mentioned above their success rates are great and It’s not too costly. Keep us posted on your progress x

@Lou3329 they definitely still offer it as I had it on Tuesday 🙌🏼 you're able to pay £150 to have it as a nurse led procedure (she puts it in instead of you) which is what I had! I never actually managed to find out the information about the ICI on their website but if you drop them an email or call they are the loveliest bunch of ladies! I had my first lot of ICI back in August which resulted in a chemical pregnancy, but my experience was SO much more positive and relaxed than when I had IUI with Create back in March! Definitely worth looking into if they're an option for you!

Omg@Mac89 this has made me so happy! I looked into this option before with SellmerDiers. I will contact NFS next week to find out more! I really hope it all goes well for you this time x could I just ask did you go through all the testing beforehand? If so is there somewhere in particular you recommend? If I’m honest I don’t feel it’s necessary at this stage. No person attempting “normal” conception would undergo the testing beforehand.

@Lou3329 glad I could give you some positive news in these rubbish times 😂 They're also still operating throughout lockdown as they're required to stay open as Shrewsbury Hospitals over flow for blood tests etc 🙌🏼

I had 6 months worth of tests when I was Create, spent hundreds of pounds as it was required by Create. Even though there was no reason to believe there were any problems (perfectly healthy 6 year old from a previous relationship) NFS dont require you to do any tests!
I did pay a little extra (£50) each time for a scan when I arrived to check I hadn't missed ovulation! The first time it was spot on and this time I was a bit early, so I checked into the Premier Inn for the night (5 hour round trip for me otherwise) and went back the next morning, did another scan and timing was perfect 🙌🏼

@Mac89 I can’t thank you enough, you have no idea how much you’ve just made my night. I was starting to feel very bleak about the whole thing. Yeah I think I’ll just attempt without all the testing to begin with. If things don’t work after a few attempts then I’ll review the situation. I think it’s defo worth paying the extra for the USS and insemination itself. Do you mind me asking how many vials you bought from SellmerDiers at a time? I’m thinking 3 at a time or is that excessive?

@Lou3329 are you sure it’s illegal? That would criminalise a lot of women and how would anyone know?

I have one friend who used a known donor/ friend, one who found someone via informal donation abs natural conception and I’ve had several iui in Uk. We’ve also had successful treatment ( not iui) in Prague and I looked into iui there - it’s about £300 or so.

Hope that helps! Good luck!

@Angliski, that’s so weird. Prague was actually my first choice as the reviews are so good but they defo told me they can’t legally treat a single female. I’ve just copied a link from another forum in stating the same thing

www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=243822.20

Either way I’m so happy you had successful treatment. I think I’m gonna have a go with SellmerDiers. Think it’s probs best with the world as it is at the mo and not knowing what travel restrictions etc we may face in the next few months x thanks so much for your advice though x

@Lou3329 Ahh that's so nice to hear 😌 I bought 2 both times. The first time I arrived bang on ovulation so i had 1 put in then, and the 2nd put in the next morning. This time I was a bit early when I arrived on Monday, so when I went back the next morning I had fully ovulated (and the new lockdown was announced monday night) so we just whacked them both in so I could get home 😂 if you order 3 would you intend on 3 seperate attempts or just want more for each attempt? Just an FYI if it's for 3 seperate attempts I'm not sure if you'd be able to store the extra vials with NFS, they dont count as a 'storage facility'. So although they're happy to 'hold' it for you until your next cycle, if you arrive and you've missed your ovulation, they dont call it 'storing' as I think that incurs different policies/laws maybe 🤷🏼‍♀️ Although I could be entirely wrong 😂
When you speak to Sandra she'll be able to tell you everything, she's SO informed! I first dropped her an email on a Friday evening and had a response first thing Saturday morning asking me to call her, so don't feel like you have to wait until after the weekend to get in contact! I think I spoke to her on at least 4 different occasions before I fully committed as I just kept thinking of more questions, and she was so helpful!!

Ooooooh I’m starting to think I might use this method a couple of times before moving to IVF. At least I’d know everything was being done at the right time.

Thanks you @Lou3329 for starting this thread and thank you @Mac89 for all your great information.

Wishing you both happy, healthy bundles of joy x

Congratulations on trying to make this choice. I have a friend who made a success of this. No advice on clinics I'm afraid but I can share two pieces of info. 1 I met her through Nct classes. We were all so very supportive of each other in general, you may find the same. 2 I have never thought of her child as missing out. He is so lovely as is she and I've never seen or heard her faced with any negative judgement. I think those times are more or less past us all hopefully. Or maybe it's the circles we run in.

Side note: even if you aren't religious, it may be worth considering godparents. I know she used to speak highly of their involvement which also offered support.

Best of luck!!

I have had a baby as a single woman through donor iui 2 years ago and am now hoping to have a second. I do not regret my decision at all. I feel lucky and blessed. Can i ask why you are thinking you will not have luck first time? If you are healthy with no medical reasons not to be able to conceive and sperm is the only missing thing you stand a very good chance of iui working.

@Ttc2017 that’s such an inspiring story. I guess I’m just trying to be realistic as to my expectations. They say there’s only a 20% change of success per cycle. You’re story gives me a lot of hope though. Where are you planning on having IUI?

It does seem a low percentage but it's same percent chance a healthy couple stands each month ttc in the 'normal way' crgw have a look on there website they also have an in-house sperm bank alot cheaper then ordering from other countries or banks

OP - where did you see that it was illegal to self inseminate in the UK?
I’m sure you’ve got mixed up in that you can’t buy sperm online anymore to self inseminate at home in the UK.

@Lifeonmars12, absolutely I need to correct that part. I meant illegal to self administer at home. I know It’s obviously legal through a fertility centre.

Aww, I'm so pleased you've found a way which works for you! Mumsnet at its best.

Good luck!

I dont think the self-insemination is illegal, it's just illegal to supply sperm that does not meet UK standards, or to an unregistered centre. Basically, what it means is that you would not have any of the protection provided by the law, in relation to your treatment, the quality of the sperm or you/your child's rights. NFS is a private clinic that does a variety of things, from cosmetic surgery to fertility treatment including 'supported self-treatment'. They have links with the Danish sperm bank Sellmerdiers, so presumably, they are simply offering to supervise you self-inseminating with sperm you've acquired yourself. It's outside the law, rather than illegal, and they are not registered as a fertility treatment centre.. If I were you, I'd check reports on FertilityFriends to find out what others' experiences are.

My understanding is that sperm banks can no longer, legally, deliver sperm to home addresses as they cannot know who is using the sperm. This issue is eradicated by using NFS as they can check the identity of the woman receiving the sperm, even if they still inseminate themselves. Though I think if I were going to make that journey I would probably get them to do it as they’re likely to do a much better job!

Perfectly put @waiting2bamummy

I spoke to them today and it was more expensive than I was expecting. £550 for each vial of sperm and £500 for use of the facilities for self insemination or £650 to have them inseminate. If I'm going to spend over £1000 for an attempt then I might as well go for IUI.

This is why we use private donors. If it was as simple as one go and bam you're pregnant then I'd pay that in a heart beat but it could take several goes and it makes me balk.

@bitheby - Thanks very much for letting people know the costs. While that is still ridiculously expensive, it's actually less money than I thought it would be - particularly for the sperm. Was the £550 per vial of sperm for a known (eg. identifiable at 18) Danish donor?

To be honest, £1200 is still cheaper than the £2000 average at a UK clinic for Donor IUI. However I don't know if ICI is a lot less successful than IUI to make the price difference worth it or not? On the plus side I would guess that the cheaper ICI with a syringe (even if done by the nurse) should be less physically uncomfortable the IUI with the speculum and catheter

It's a minefield, I really wish people were still able to order sperm for home use!

@bitheby I had IUI with Create in March last year, including the Sperm (0.5ml of Motility 10) it cost me just over £3000 and took 6 months from my initial consultation due to the amount of tests they want you to complete (and pay for) before hand.

My first round of ICI with NFS took 3 weeks from my initial decision to use them, no tests, 4 times the amount of sperm (2mg of Motility 20), a scan to check for ovulation and 2 seperate ICI procedures 24 hours apart, for just over £2000. I've just done the same again.

All of my procedures have been unsuccessful unfortunately (Augusts procedure resulted in a chemical), but the ones with NFS were so much more positive for me, they were relaxed, they were friendly, they were totally focussed on what worked best for me and went above and beyond to accommodate me.

It's always going to be an expensive decision. And both have really low success rates, so I would always choose the one that made me the most comfortable 🤷🏼‍♀️