Don’t rush it. There will either come a time when having a baby definitely matters more to you than the genetics, or not. The thing about DE is there is no ticking clock. So take your time. Take a year - or more - back in normal life, away from clinics before you decide.

Please consider getting in touch with the Donor Conception Network charity ( www.dcnetwork.org ) .They can help you with the questions you have and even put you in touch with other families who have used donor eggs (who have been through the same worries you are right now).

If you do decide to go ahead with donor eggs in the future, the charity can help you with how to tell the child about their origins, and how to tell close friends and family (obviously you must tell the child early/as soon as they can understand but DCN has books to help with what age appropriate language to use, and you can explain the difference between secrecy vs privacy to your child).

The important thing is to take your time and do the research/ask for help to feel comfortable and confident with your decision, whatever it is (and then hopefully any future child will feel the same way).

I'd first of all ask your clinic what they plan to change for your next round of own egg IVF. At your age quality may well be good even if quantity is not. I also have low AMH but AFC can vary quite a lot from one menstrual cycle to another so that would be my starting point.
Are you in the position that you need to decide if your NHS round is own eggs or donor eggs?
If you do have treatment with donor eggs you may be lucky enough to have additional frozen embryos.
In the UK there is implications counselling for people using donors to help you think it over.
I have said on another thread though that it's not compulsory, some people decide it's not for them. I mean plenty of people say it's not for them hypothetically but you can only really know when it becomes an option for you, whether through failed IVF, not wanting to pass on a genetic condition, infertile due to chemotherapy... People end up with this dilemma for a variety of reasons and not all of them will choose donor treatment. But you can certainly find out more, there are some really helpful threads on here where people shared their reasons.

Yes, at least one Donor implication counselling session is mandatory if you go down the donor egg route at a UK clinic. But it isn't exactly like traditional mental health counselling - they just want to make sure you fully understand the implications of using a donor (eg. the need to tell the child about their origins as early as possible, reminding you of things like the child can find out the donors name/details at 18 in the UK, potential for donor siblings, how would you feel if your child wanted to contact the donor or donor siblings in future? etc).

Have you posted about your situation on the infertility boards here on Mumsnet @Lightningrain ? People on there may be able to advice you about IVF protocols that might help for future rounds (for example from reading the boards I remember some ladies with low AMH and low AFC apparently had success with mild or natural modified IVF - the idea is to use lower drug doses, possibly over multiple cycles to try to retrieve just a few good quality eggs to fertilise rather than a larger number). Good luck!

I had 3 failed Ivf rounds. Donor eggs were suggested as it was my only chance. I had all the same questions as you but ultimately I desperately wanted a child so I did it and I have the most amazing twin girls who are almost 7 who are my world. We told no one (and still haven't) as we didn't want anyone elses opinions or comments however well meaning and I didn't want them to have a label "Donor egg twins" How they come into this world is for our information but I understand others may do things differently. My experience of DE has been wonderful and my girls are my world. Good luck with your decision

I feel exactly the same. I didn't say anything about ivf to anyone as I struggled with my own expectations let alone people constantly asking questions. Unless you are in the situation I don't see how anyone can really understand the heartache that comes with infertility and donor eggs. I also didn't (and still don't) want others well meaning questions and opinions. I also don't want people talking to my girls about it and potentially giving mis information or their opinions to them. I will tell them honestly when I feel they are at an age to understand. The best advice I can give is to make the decision that is right for you. Seek help and info from those that have been there or are trained professionals x

@Lightningrain it sounds a bit like my NHS treatment which was very "one size fits all" but I paid for tracking scans and could see that antral follicle count varied so was able to start the treatment on a cycle where there were more follicles to be stimulated in the first place. When I was with a private clinic this was also their approach.

I understand you are a think ahead type of person but it's only wheh you have the next IVF cycle will you be in a better position to know if donor eggs will be your reality.
The UK implications counsellor suggested some picture books for children that explain donor conception in a way they can understand (and also said these can be useful for grandparents etc as not all will read in-depth information).

I know this doesn’t address your question, but my first IVF attempt was similar to yours. I was 35, with a mediocre AMH and a total AFC of 8 or 9. I didn’t even make it to egg collection, as one follicle absorbed all the drugs and grew too fast, but none of the other follicles grew at all.

During my second attempt, I was booked in for egg collection and told to expect up to four eggs. The doctor actually collected six, of which four fertilised and progressed to the blastocyst stage. One of those is now my DD and the other three have been frozen.

So, every IVF attempt is different, and quality is more important than quantity. Wishing you all the best!

I think that only a few clinics specialise in Mild/Natural modified ivf @Lightningrain (like Create), so it might mean changing clinics if you did decide to try that route for future rounds. But as pp have mentioned, because the number of follicles naturally changes each month, you could find that your next cycle at your current clinic works much better (even on similar stims).

But if there are no changes/better results with the second round, I'd personally consider changing clinics (or at least insist on dramatically changing the medication regime).

Don't let them push you to Donor eggs before you are ready though. Understandably Clinics have to consider their published results/stats - so just as they encourage IVF over IUI, they will encourage the use of Donor eggs if they think there is an egg problem (because from their practical point of view statistically Donor IVF is more likely to work, but this doesn't take into account the emotional situation for the patients).

Oh and try not to stress about the diet and supplement stuff on other threads. If you are doing what the NHS recommends (taking Folic Acid and Vit D3 and no alcohol, caffeine or nicotine) and have as reasonably a healthy lifestyle in terms of diet/exercise/sleep as you can- I think you are doing all you can be expected to do!

Unfortunately there is little proof special fertility diets/Accupuncture/Reproflexology/Dhea/Ubiquinol etc works for everybody (or even most people) or we'd all be doing it. I understand why people try these things (I'm trying Ubiquinol myself), but I'm beginning to suspect it's just luck as much as anything whether a particular cycle works!

I haven't tried mild IVF myself, I only wanted to mention that I'd read other women with low AMH had success with it in case you needed some hope! Like you said, it can be hard to stay positive sometimes on this journey. I completely understand it would be a hassle to change clinics though @Lightningrain , and there's something to be said for sticking with where you feel comfortable and they know you.

Fingers crossed your next round will be successful but in a worst case scenario, hopefully your current clinic will be willing to change the med protocol (either higher/lower or different type) to see if something different suits you.

Oh, and I think the occasional coffee or weekend glass of wine is fine! It's going lower sugar I struggle with myself but personally I think going completely cold turkey on anything just makes you crave it more and raises stress which doesn't help either!

I definitely remember thinking I couldn't possibly use donor eggs. My donor egg baby is seven months old and asleep on my lap right now!

I think most people go through a lot of inner questioning before considering it, and to be honest I think that's quite appropriate and right - donor conception is fantastic but it's something you do need to think through.

The thing that tipped it for me was reading the accounts of parents of donor-conceived children who basically said that they were ultimately glad for everything that brought them to that decision, because they now couldn't imagine being the parents of some other, different child than theirs. That resonated with me when coming to a decision to go for it, and I absolutely feel that myself, now.

My baby... kind of does look like me, actually. Definitely people who don't know about the donor eggs comment that he does, which to be honest I find quite funny. I told everyone I'm close to, anyway, because I imagine that as he gets older he may mention it himself occasionally, so they may as well be aware. Never had any negative reactions (and I cannot describe how excited my dad was to be a grandparent). A certain amount of genuine curiosity from friends, about certain things (like, how you choose a donor).

I was lucky in that the cycle that resulted in my son also produced four frozen embryos, so there's the possibility that he could have a full sibling one day.

One big positive about the option of donor eggs is, it gives you time. There's no great rush to decide, and go ahead, right this minute. It's something to sit with, to think and talk about, to explore. You might decide it's for you, you might not. But your initial thoughts are really normal, and it can still be bloody brilliant.

Hi @Lightningrain I am a similar situation to you so I wanted to comment. I did two rounds of ivf and had a poor response, few eggs collected and no embryos. I then had my testosterone tested and it was on the floor so I took a 3 month break, took DHEA and melatonin and cut out sugar/dairy/gluten, ate tons of veg and high protein. Religiously taking supplements. No alcohol no caffeine. It was tough but the next round I had a better response and got two blasts a 5AA and 4AA so ‘top quality’ (on morphology). I was on highest dose of Stims - and Menopur as it’s less synthetic to gonal f which I didn’t react well to.

I am now doing x3 rounds of embryo banking and I got 3 blasts 3AA x2 and 5AA on my last round. The difference this round was letrozole was added in alongside the high dose of Stims.

So what I would say to you is take a 3 month gap to give it your all. For me I felt like if I couldn’t make blasts after all that then I would know I’d done absolutely everything. Definitely have your testosterone tested as DHEA may help and then you will know you’ve given it all your all in your next round.

Unfortunately it’s not all good news as we sent off the latest 3 for PGS and got one abnormal, one in determine and one no result so we may not be making genetically normal embryos in which case we are going to move to donor eggs after these two final rounds of embryo banking if we don’t get anything PGS normal.

We’ve decided we want to be parents and it will be my husbands child and the main reason I wanted to have children was to have our child so if it’s 50% him and I will carry it then I am hoping I will feel the same.

I am sad about that eventuality though but I think that’s as we all set out thinking let’s have a baby and that it’ll happen for us, then thinking IvF will work and we go through so much it’s probably natural to be sad that it wasn’t all easy and we never managed to have our own babies but that’s different to potentially being so in love with a donor egg baby, seeing your DH so happy and having a family and all that entails which all sounds so wonderful and rewarding.

Good luck with it all. I’m also 34 with low AMH and AFC.

OP, you may find greater success with another clinic, as the private clinics can offer a lot more of a tailored protocol than the NHS ones tend to, so don’t necessarily extrapolate likely success from experience thus far.

Another thing is that egg quality matters more than quantity, and there’s much you can do over 90-120 days to improve egg quality. I’d recommend reading ‘It starts with the egg’ by Rebecca Fettes, which rounds up all the latest research on what to avoid and what to eat/take/do to maximise egg quality. You can potentially make quite a shift here.

If it does come to donor eggs, it might be helpful to consider how epigenetics comes into play during pregnancy and life. The egg carries half the genetic blue print for the child, but the environment in the womb, and everything that happens in life after birth have a huge epigenetic effect on which genes are switched on or off. The child you had from a donor egg would be an entirely different person to that which would grow from the same egg if it was gestated in the biological mother’s body and raised by her. Maybe something to mull over.

@Lightningrain I’m in Ireland so I have to pay for everything. I fly to the U.K. for treatment. DHEA needs to be used properly so having testoerone check every 3-4 weeks and levels monitored - dose increased or decreased but it’s definitely made a difference to me. Trust me I never thought I could give up sugar but two failed cycles down I suddenly found the motivation. I’m a sugar addict - I’m ashamed to admit today I’ve had a full packet of Oreo’s and x3 teacakes and a fudge!!! But once I got the first week over me (cold turkey awful headaches!) it was ok to keep going. If helped that I had an end date - kept telling myself I’d eat whatever I wanted once I had the round done.

Good luck.

I should add I’m not doing another round for 3 months so I’m off the diet for a few weeks post egg collection! Back on it on Monday!

If you do use donor eggs, I wanted to second the idea of getting some materials from the Donor Conception Network to help with talking and telling. They have some really useful stuff, both aimed at you and to share with the child in age-appropriate words and pictures. A good way to tell can be talking to your child about it whilst they are still a baby and can't understand. Then you can keep practising the words and the story, and by the time they do understand, they will have 'never not known' their conception story. So it will never be a surprise or a shock. My 5 year old understands that sperm donation was how she was conceived.
The child might share their story with other people later and that might be hard for you in terms of privacy - I understand that. But then you might weigh that against the benefit to the child of you being open and honest with them from the outset.