Conception via Sperm Donor

[supercee]

Hi all,

I don't know if this is the right place to put this but hopefully someone will help.

I am 37 and single and starting to think about the road of conceiving via sperm donor. I wanted the 'husband and kids' thing when I was younger however life didn't pan out like that and haven't met anyone even close to go down that road with. I don't think I am very good at relationships.

In recent years I have been resolutely against having children although I guess having one as a single person didn't seem like an option to me at all.

Something in me is starting to change however and thoughts have started entering my head about maybe regretting not being a mum and all that entails. I don't have a good relationship with my own mother so that's always blighted it.

I literally have no clue about how much it costs, how to go about it (I'm very much in the entertaining it in my head stage, nothing else), is there a way can I check to see if my eggs are even viable? I understand at 37 I'm leaving it quite late.

Basically, is there anyone else in my situation and age who has done this alone and could share their experience/knowledge? Thanks.

Yes I’m now nearly 11 weeks pregnant, also aged 37. Happy to chat.

Yes you can definitely get your ovarian reserve tested, through either a scan or blood test or both. Any private fertility clinic should be happy to do this for you. Whereabouts are you based?

Thanks @TwinkleInMyEye2020

I don't even know where to start. I'm in Scotland. I guess my first step would be researching private fertility clinics near me to get checked then take it from there?

Did it cost you a lot? Do you have a big support network around you? Are you/will you be upfront about the paternity? Did you get to 'shop' for particulars, like the type of man/height/hair colour etc?

Really appreciate any insight you can give.

You’re welcome. I was about to say the same about starting off researching clinic options near you.

Unfortunately it is quite a pricey process. I was at a Central London clinic which had a three cycle insemination package for £2500, with sperm around £500 per cycle on top of that. Yes you can choose your donor’s characteristics within reason and advice these days is definitely to be upfront about paternity. Do you know about The Donor Conception Network? Their website is worth a look at.

Yes I have just come across the Donor Network, will have a good read of that thanks. I thought that would be the ballpark figure, it's a lot but then so will being a parent I guess!

Hi,
I would also second having a look at the Donor Conception Network. Also, this may not be possible as you are in Scotland, but the Fertility Show is on at Olympia on the 1,2 3rd November and it is a great place to get free fact to fact meetings with clinics and attend specific seminars on becoming a solo mum via donor conception. Good luck!
www.dcnetwork.org/

www.fertilityshow.co.uk/london?gclid=Cj0KCQjwgNXtBRC6ARIsAIPP7Rv_8rpiXntikq1w0eHvsFomRM9pjGxE6e5dHUVsOU7DjOt8sH42HA4aAkHzEALw_wcB

@supercee I have two children conceived using an anonymous donor. Happy to answer any questions!

I would suggest that your first step is to find a doctor/clinic that you like and have a fertility mot. You'll have information about your egg reserve and quality etc which will help you decide which form of treatment to start with. I was 36 when I conceived my daughter by IUI which is less invasive and less expensive than ivf

Thanks @Carajillo I'll see if there's anything for December as I'll be down that way then.

@Camsie30 That's great, thank you. Looks like a fertility check up is my first starting point.

Supercee,

It is worth having a look at the websites of the main clinics as many of them have free seminar/meetings where they will go through treatment and costs etc and are available for questions and answers.

Look at the clinics in Scotland as well as the CARE group who have clinics all over the country. London Women's Clinic also have clinics regionally as well as London.

The HFEA website lists all the clinics in the country on their clinic search facility.

GCRM has an open evening tomorrow!

www.gcrm.co.uk/about-us/open-evenings-seminars/

Good spot @Carajillo! My one is fully booked though. The next date I'm on a late shift. I might call up anyone in the event a space becomes free.

Not sure where the rogue 'anyone' came from.

I may be wrong but I think the NHS laws in Scotland are slightly more relaxed than ours...it might be worth looking into it? I am also 37 (nearly) and we’re just starting our journey. It’s certainly a minefield!

Hi all I am 37 and I have gone through all the tests, I have been suggested to go through IUI but have been looking for months for a donor sperm. I have been on lots of websites. I don’t really want to buy from abroad. I would like to start trying as this year I have no stress. A few friends know but family doesn’t. Any help would be greatly appreciated

Just wanted to jump in here. I've just turned 40 and am currently 26 weeks with a donor baby conceived through IVF. Happy to answer any questions you may have. I feel very fortunate to be in this position and to have the financial stability to both have and make the child on my own.

I am 36 and recently has a fertility MOT and will be using donor sperm. I'm excited but because no one in my network has ever had fertility issues no one literally wants to engage in this convo with me.

I have so many questions. Do you ever think about the donor ie what he looks like. If your child will have his personality traits or looks or health. Also how did you have that convo with your friends

@Sabz36 are you having the baby on your own or with your partner? (I ask only because the answers probably differ and also because most of us only have experience of one!)

On my own

@Sabz36 have you chosen a donor yet? I've chosen someone who looks as much like me as possible (ie same colour hair, eyes, skin) so that the baby will look as much like me as possible and so I don't have to field the questions 'doesn't he look like his daddy?'. I have spoken openly with most people about my plans from the start. With hindsight that maybe wasn't necessary as it took me quite a long time to keep a pregnancy (I got pregnant quite easily but had a lot of early losses). I tell people now (I'm 28 weeks) as it generally comes up when people ask about my partner.

Happy to answer any specific questions you might have. PM me if you like x

@Sabz36 I have two donor conceived children and honestly never think about the donor. They both look so much like me and have my character traits. When there is no dad to compare them to, all anyone sees is mum. Best of luck to you!!

Does anyone no any great doners
That I could use. I’ve met with 1 or 2 and didn’t quiet feel it. Please get in touch. X

Or where is the best place to find a good doner please please pm Me. X

I choose the London sperm bank for my donor

Mine is from the London Sperm Bank too. I have never considered meeting a donor or knowing who they are. I don't have a photo of mine (think it's illegal in the uk) and I'm very happy about that. I picked someone with as many physical characteristics the same as mine to increase the chance of the baby looking like me. Good luck.

Unfortunately due to my ethnicity (black) I was limited to one donor. ESB had more options but even that was limited. I think clinics here are no longer accepting xytek