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Donor conception

Would donor sperm be available on the nhs under these circumstances?

37 replies

flufflesmcgee · 14/07/2019 22:09

I feel a bit daft asking this and I'm guessing the answer is no but I need to ask.

I've been desperate to have children for about a decade now but due to various reasons it hasn't happened.
I'm now financially stable enough to be able to afford a child but unfortunately I'm not in a relationship and haven't been in a serious relationship in a long time.

I wouldn't want to get into a relationship just to have children and in any case I'd personally want to be in a relationship for at least 3 years and be married before I have children with someone.

I've been thinking about donor sperm for the last five years or so but can't afford it and will have another good few years of saving to afford it and still be able to afford the initial outlay of having a baby and still have savings for emergencies and by that time I'm worried I'll be running out of time.

Would I have any chance of getting donor sperm on the nhs under these circumstances or would I get laughed out of my gp's office if I asked them about it?

OP posts:
Cutesbabasmummy · 14/07/2019 22:15

I may be incorrect but I would say no.

Pipandmum · 14/07/2019 22:18

Doubt it.

SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel · 14/07/2019 22:25

I don't know the answer to your question but just out of interest how much does it cost privately? I am surprised it would take you a good few years of saving and yet you say you are financially stable enough to have a baby?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/07/2019 22:34

How much is it?

juneybean · 14/07/2019 22:36

Absolutely not.

juneybean · 14/07/2019 22:37

Also they don't just hand out vials of sperm. You'd need to pay for insemination also.

Petitprince · 14/07/2019 22:45

How old are you OP?

flufflesmcgee · 14/07/2019 22:46

The cheapest I've found is £1500 for one treatment which I could afford at the moment but it would leave me nothing for emergency savings and buying things for baby if it's successful.

OP posts:
squee123 · 14/07/2019 22:47

no. A friend of mine asked. It isn't that expensive to buy, particularly from the Danish clinics

Petitprince · 14/07/2019 22:57

If you're under 35 you may be able to swap donor eggs for donor sperm at some clinics.

flufflesmcgee · 14/07/2019 23:03

@juneybean I'm aware of that and I think I've rather clumsily worded my post. I probably should have said donor insemination but I wanted to make it clear it would be IUI rather than IVF

@Petitprince I'm 28 but my mother struggled to conceive in her early 30s so I worry that I will as well.

OP posts:
ReganSomerset · 14/07/2019 23:05

If 1500 would effectively wipe out your savings I think you ought to save some more.

Boohooyouho · 14/07/2019 23:09

Also worth considering is that when we were considering using a donor we were advised to purchase the actual sperm from abroad to be used in our nhs funded treatment as the British stuff isn’t as good. Basically because there are less donors here.

Robs20 · 14/07/2019 23:10

Don’t think you will get it on the nhs. You could look at going abroad- I’ve had 2 rounds of donor iui at a clinic in Greece. It was 800 euros. If you can find cheap flights and stay in an air bnb (there are plenty of basic but nice places for £35/ night) it would be cheaper. BUT bear in mind that iui has a low success rate. We have spent almost as much on iui as we would have with ivf and I wish we had just gone straight to ivf (I am 29 and have no known fertility problems).

INeedNewShoes · 14/07/2019 23:10

I think it's highly unlikely I'm afraid, though not entirely impossible.

The only single woman I know of who received fertility treatment on the NHS had gynae issues. Even in similar circumstances now I can't imagine many NHS trusts funding treatment.

Have you looked at reputable clinics abroad? I had IUI in Denmark using sperm from the European Sperm Bank all for less than £1000 per attempt.

INeedNewShoes · 14/07/2019 23:13

Also they don't just hand out vials of sperm. You'd need to pay for insemination also.

This statement isn't true. You can buy vials of sperm from European sperm banks for home insemination, though I'd say that by the time you're going to that expense you may as well have IUI as well to give it a better chance of success.

INeedNewShoes · 14/07/2019 23:16

I didn't have lots of savings when I started IUI but I was earning enough to be able to find £1000 four times within the space of 6 months.

You need to be in a position to afford at least 3 IUIs in fairly quick succession otherwise if you weren't successful you'd be looking at paying for all the initial testing again (many clinics like test results to be within six months of treatment.)

Lauren83 · 14/07/2019 23:21

Some CCGs will fund donor sperm IVF for single women yes, you usually need to self fund 6 cycles of IUI first to access the funding as they want you to 'prove' infertility in the same way a heterosexual couple need to try for 12/24/36 months to access their funding, the CCG want to be sure they are treating infertility rather than just your circumstances

Rachelover40 · 14/07/2019 23:36

Definitely no.

flufflesmcgee · 14/07/2019 23:44

I don't know what do.I feel hopeless.
It's got to point where I'm drifting away from my family because seeing and hearing about my nieces and nephews hurts so much and I dread leaving the house

OP posts:
ReganSomerset · 14/07/2019 23:53

Get a cat? Not to be flippant, but pets can provide an outlet for the urge to nurture something. Learn more about adoption and see if it might suit you? Talk to a GP if you think there's a possibility you might be depressed?

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2019 00:01

You sound like you’re in a bad way OP. It’s definitely worth seeing your GP about your feelings Flowers

flufflesmcgee · 15/07/2019 00:22

I didn't think I'd be approved to adopt because I'm single?

I don't think I'm depressed but I think talking to a gp might be a sensible idea. I just feel pathetic going to someone who deals with people with actual problems to tell them I'm a bit sad because I don't have kids

OP posts:
InThisMultiverse · 15/07/2019 01:29

Like others I agree that it’s highly unlikely that you would be provided with donor sperm on the basis of the info provided. It’s worth considering at least with sperm from the European Sperm Bank, you will need to pay about £500 for the pregnancy slot due to caps on how many families in the UK can use one donor. If you were thinking of adoption, it’s worth noting that the assessing social worker will ask about any fertility treatment and considerations to establish your commitment to that process; that you’ve gone through any grieving process regarding lack of biological children; and that you’re unlikely to pursue fertility treatment in the short term, etc. Adoption often involves older children who have had adverse experiences and complex needs arising from abuse and trauma. Definitely not a coin toss between adopting or having your own children, although I’m not suggesting that you or anyone would take lightly an application to adopt. FWIW single people can be wonderful adopters.

MamaOomMowWow · 15/07/2019 01:55

I'm 28 but my mother struggled to conceive in her early 30s so I worry that I will as well.

Do you actually know whether your mother had a diagnosis and whether it is something that can be inherited?

You could get a fertility check up privately for a couple of hundred quid. It might put your mind at ease a bit.

I could be wrong but it sounds from your posts like you might be anxious when there is no real need to be.

If you have a check up and it turns out you do have fertility issues, you might wish to consider a co-parenting arrangement with a gay couple. They could help pay for the costs of the treatment and raising the child.

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