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Donor conception

Would donor sperm be available on the nhs under these circumstances?

37 replies

flufflesmcgee · 14/07/2019 22:09

I feel a bit daft asking this and I'm guessing the answer is no but I need to ask.

I've been desperate to have children for about a decade now but due to various reasons it hasn't happened.
I'm now financially stable enough to be able to afford a child but unfortunately I'm not in a relationship and haven't been in a serious relationship in a long time.

I wouldn't want to get into a relationship just to have children and in any case I'd personally want to be in a relationship for at least 3 years and be married before I have children with someone.

I've been thinking about donor sperm for the last five years or so but can't afford it and will have another good few years of saving to afford it and still be able to afford the initial outlay of having a baby and still have savings for emergencies and by that time I'm worried I'll be running out of time.

Would I have any chance of getting donor sperm on the nhs under these circumstances or would I get laughed out of my gp's office if I asked them about it?

OP posts:
Persipan · 15/07/2019 06:21

Single people can absolutely adopt - although it's important to remember that adoption is a way of finding a family for children who need one, not a way of finding children for people who want one.

You'd be extremely unlikely to get any fertility treatment as a single woman on the NHS unless you have a relevant infertility diagnosis (and fairly unlikely even then, tbh). You might be able to persuade your GP to do some of the initial testing that a fertility clinic will require (STIs and the like), though, which could save you a few quid.

The odds of success of a single round of IUI aren't terribly high, so I'm always a bit concerned for anyone who'd be financially wiped out by one round going for it. If I were you, I'd concentrate on building a bigger cushion of savings to have a base to build from. I appreciate you're panicking about your age but you do have time on your side here as you're still pretty young!

As others have mentioned, you might have options to have very low-cost IVF as an egg-share donor, if donating some of your eggs is something you'd be open to.

Cutesbabasmummy · 15/07/2019 07:07

As pp have said, you on the surface, don't have fertility issues which is why NHS funding is doubtful. They treat infertility rather than lack of having sperm around.

You probably need to save more money - even if you buy everything second hand for a baby you need to factor in maternity leave. I got the basic pay so had to go back after 9 months.

I would also see a counsellor to sort your head out a bit. Having a baby is hard when there are 2 of you let alone doing it alone by choice. Try not to withdraw from your family as they will hopefully be a support if and when you do become a parent

juneybean · 15/07/2019 09:54

Even European sperm banks are stopping delivery to home addresses so I stand by my original statement.

Boohooyouho · 15/07/2019 10:22

Single people can absolutely adopt, although if 1500 would wipe you out financially I would expect this to be an issue with the financial assessment for adoption.

Rachelover40 · 15/07/2019 14:07

I'm wondering if this thread was just posted to get reaction. What sort of person seriously wants to conceive a child without having a partner? I know some women end up on their own with a child but not many start out with that intention.

It strikes me as very selfish and all about fulfilling a maternal/bilogical urge, which we all have but most of us are more sensible than to give in to it.

No-one has the right to have a child.

Persipan · 15/07/2019 14:22

@Rachelover40 you know this thread is on the 'Donor conception/parenting board', right?

Lauren83 · 15/07/2019 16:16

Rachel what a stupid ignorant comment, I know loads of single parents through choice who are doing a much better job of parenting than a lot of couples

threekidshelp · 15/07/2019 16:28

We had to fund our own donor iui treatment even though my husband is infertile (produces no sperm at all). I don't know if things have changed (youngest child now eight).

goodnightsugarpop · 15/07/2019 17:09

Hi @flufflesmcgee. I really feel for you, I know that powerful desire to have a baby and the fear that the clock is ticking!

Have you thought about making a private arrangement with a sperm donor? There are websites where people post profiles - Pride Angel has the best reputation, though with all the websites there are issues with creeps and scammers, so it's important to trust your instincts and think seriously about what questions to ask potential donors. Or do you have any friends who would be up for being your donor? Since starting to try for a baby via sperm donation myself & talking to friends about it I've discovered 2 of my male friends are sperm donors, one uses Pride Angel and one is donating to a lesbian couple who he knows.

Seconding the suggestions to get a fertility check up and think about counselling. I'm going to therapy at the moment and its been incredibly helpful.

Jojo19834 · 15/07/2019 20:55

Wow @Rachelover40 what a ridiculous thing to say. There are a lot of single parents by choice. I’m one of those because I am happy being me, I have a supportive family and always wanted a family of my own. I can support a family emotionally and financially, better than I could in a relationship I was forced into just to fit the stereotype. Doesn’t fit all

Jojo19834 · 15/07/2019 20:59

Back to OP, think people have given you the answer. Other thing I would add is that spermbanks will only deliver to clinics now, I’ve just ordered mine so at home insemination won’t be an easy route unless you have a friend to help! As others have said though, do consider co-parenting/surrogacy/egg donation routes as this may help you. There is a massive shortage of assistance for same sex male couples and they would welcome your help! I know too couples desperate for help that I would gladly help later on after my birth if I can and they still need help

soapona · 15/07/2019 21:07

Did none of you watch that BBC documentary last week about co parenting? Basically like a dating agency they find someone to co parent with and have an agreed plan. Most of the men are gay. Most of the women are worried about their biological clocks. I thought it seemed great and wish I had done it. Just sign up to the dating style app and get your moon cup ready!

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