Egg donor clinic recommendations/ success stories?

[TheGlitterFairy]

Hi, after an unsuccessful 4th round of IVF - cancelled over the weekend due to my low ovarian reserve/ poor response, DH and I are looking to move to DE.

I’ve been scouring the boards looking for info on the best places to go, and know that anonymous donor vs non anonymous is probably the starting point for the discussion but I’d be grateful if anyone could share their story and/ or if anyone would be able to recommend the clinic they used?

I’ve seen lots written about IVI Spain/ Alicante and clinics in Cyprus too - and have been looking at egg donation friends. Equally, my clinic in London offer this too so lots of info but great to hear from others.

Thanks in advance!

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

IdeRuben, well, it turns out I was a bit shit about waiting for him to catch up. I ended up getting quite cross and upset at the weekend about it because although he's been saying that he's ready to think and talk about things, he's not actually appeared to be doing so! We did ultimately end up having a positive conversation though. I think he was just happy bimbling along and taking his own sweet time to come to a conclusion; until now, I really don't think he understood how urgent and all-consuming this feels to me because I've been trying to keep a lid on it. Of course it's about both of our needs, not just mine, and we do have to find a way to balance that. Anyway, we cleared the air a lot with that conversation, and things have felt really good between us since. He's since been doing some of his own research and we've booked in some time this weekend to discuss properly and see how we both feel.

[IdeRuben]

It is good you have cleared the air and are talking about it. All good. I understand how you feel about time pressure. Hope it all works out.

[totalnamechanger]

Hello I've been MIA for ages but thought I had to pop by to say - how exciting Glitter! It sounds like your match came at just the right time for you to not get too disheartened. Is there any more news? Are you happy with Altrui? I'm guessing it could all move quite fast now? I'll be thinking of you and look forward to your updates!!!

How's everything going Cocorocky- if you're still following this thread?!

What's the latest with you IdeRuben? It really seems like with this (and probably after years and years of excrutiating waiting) that suddenly things really take off.

Tryingtofigurethisout I have a 6 year old conceived without any problems but have had 4 years of secondary infertility. I hope because it is secondary this doesn't sound trite but so much of what you are saying rings true. Having to have conversations most people never have to have with their partners/ not feeling the same thing at the same time/ feeling like you are the one looking at all options/ engaging with hypothetical situations when you don't know what you will do in the end and how exhausting that is and even then being worried about whether it would even work. It's very difficult. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are in this situation.

I've continued to do nothing. I seem to be doing all the talking about this and bringing it up with my husband. I'm not sure what he wants to do. He's worried about money. I'm worried about money. I know I need to make a decision quickly and am thinking again about egg-sharing although I think that might be less likely to work.

Anyway I'd like to keep in touch with this thread and everyone's progress if you all don't mind? From what I have seen with other similar threads, the chances of this working if you are in it for the long game are very good.

[IdeRuben]

totalnamechanger, welcome back. Thanks for your message. I know what you mean about the money.... I'm still in the game spending again. We had our 4th IVF 3 1/2 years ago and thought that was then it. We had never any frozen so had full ISCI cycles each time and it was costly. We are not big earners but decided to give it one last go with donor. We just could not reconcile to being childless yet. Maybe we will if this does not work. I think if you can make the money work ..do. No regrets for not having tried. Give hubby a push.

If you can go with Donor then look at where you can get the best stats. You will be spending big so give yourself the absolute best chance of success.

We have our next appointment in a few weeks and hopefully be ready to transfer in October. Too nervous to think beyond the next step. Not thinking about anything beyond next appointment.

Discovered that I may have a blood clotting disorder as well recently after my clinic asked could I be screened for thrombophilia. I have tested positive for Lupus anticoagulant. It needs several retests to confirm but taking mini aspirin in the meantime. It can be an issue with miscarriage. I asked my UK - Oxford clinic about clotting issues when I had IVF's and they were very dismissive. Happy to know that my current clinic are looking at every possible issue to ensure that nothing can reduce our chances.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

Hi totalnamechanger, what you say doesn't sound trite at all. Infertility is a heartbreaking experience whatever form it takes -- to know that others share similar thoughts and feelings is a comfort and a support to me, so thank you for your kind words.

IdeRuben, I totally agree with what you say about the money aspect! I finally had The Conversation with my husband last night, and we both concluded that although it won't be easy financially, neither of us wants money to be the dealbreaker. In the end, it didn't take long to talk about things and we have decided that we are going to go down the donor egg route ! While I have been agonising for weeks and months over the various nuances, my other half has a simpler approach ... he basically just thinks if we still have a chance of a family, we should try this. Can't argue with the logic! Perhaps I've been more preoccupied with the details because it will be my eggs being replaced not his sperm. But I can finally see a way forward with this, and I'm excited and happy (if terrified) to move on with the next phase.

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

IdeRuben, sorry to hear about a potential disorder, but it must so reassuring to know you're being properly checked out for it. I identify with your need to take things one step at a time: that's how I've been with both my ivf cycles to date, especially the first one. It can get overwhelming, can't it? Focussing your energies on each stage seems like a sensible approach, and I wish you every luck with it.

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

Does anyone have any tips on researching the stats for UK clinics? Obviously I can use the HFEA site as a starting point, but it'd be useful to know about any other good resources that are out there. We went with Oxford before, but Bristol is probably our nearest. Prepared to travel though, so somewhere like London wouldn't be out of the question.

Right, will stop bombarding you good people with posts now and leave you to your Sunday morning

[totalnamechanger]

Hello again IdeRuben you sound like you are in good hands! What you are saying is probably one of my biggest frustrations with this whole process. I have had two UK consultants (one who was highly recommended and both are very personable) dismiss my questions on immune issues and the advantages of hysteroscopy or hycosy completely. Both consultants, and they are from different clinics in different areas, said it is all down to egg quality. I accept especially at my age now that egg quality won't be good but I'm not sure that it was that bad when I started ttc no 2. My AMH was very good for my age then, hormones all seemed to be good, very regular periods. They still are. It could still be that my egg quality was bad but I felt like other possible problems would not be explored at all.

I always wondered if it could be something else too which might also get in the way should I use DE. It has been really frustrating that when I wanted to be treated in this country -my job means holidays are not flexible- that I couldn't look into the types of thing that are standard in other countries. I had thought at length about having exploration work done in Greece or Spain and then coming back here for actual treatment. Now it would be because I would prefer donor ID. Is it a coincidence that the rates of success seem so good in Greece and Spain?! Sorry for the rant it's just I sometimes find the UK tunnel-visioned and when it comes to fertility you wonder if you are missing out because of it.

I'm glad you and your husband seem to be thinking in a similar way now, Tryingtofigurethingsout that must be a real weight off your mind.

I think the clinic success rate is difficult to get for sure. Some clinics seem to fare well with particular groups. However you never know if they are skewing stats (by discounting particular groups in the first place or doing cunning things with averaging out statistics over their various clinics or vice versa). I think the top clinic for non DE IVF is the ARGC in London but that is very expensive and involves being monitored every day I've heard.

I met someone who had her non DE IVF at ARGC and because she was so unhappy with her DE IVF clinic when she was ttc her second child, she moved her embryos to the ARGC and they did it there for her. That was successful and she has a daughter. But I don't think ARGC work with any DE agencies or egg banks so you'd have to make private arrangements and then bring them there.

Maybe look into the reputations of various doctors and see where they are based now. I'm not sure if that helps? Wishing you all the best.

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

Thanks, Totalnamechanger. You're right about the stats, it's tricky to get a clear picture from these as you say, you don't know how they might be being manipulated to produce a particular result. And the HFEA website also notes that a lot of clinics have pretty similar stats, so suggests looking at other factors, such as the results of inspections and patient surveys. So, at the moment we're looking at perhaps BCRM (which is one of the clinics that works with Altrui) or the Bristol branch of London Women's Clinic (which is partnered with the London Egg Bank not sure how I feel about frozen versus fresh eggs though, I'm sure I've read somewhere that the success rates are lower). There are some open evenings coming up, so I thought it would be useful to sign up for those and go and get a feel for these places. A key thing for us is feeling more supported this time around -- although I can't fault the medical care previously, there was little in the way of support available; it all felt very impersonal.

[IdeRuben]

How is everyone doing?

We are soon to start - waiting in Donor news. I have a prescription which my GP needs to rewrite for me so I can get it in the UK. Should be talking to them tomorrow to see the procedure. Hopefully it will be easy.

Also anyone who has done this before....how do I find a place to get lining thickness scans done? The one I contacted said they don't do it? Any ideas? Will ask the GP tomorrow but any experience would be useful. Thanks all.

[IdeRuben]

that should have said - waiting on Donor news! Hoping in the next couple of weeks.

[TheGlitterFairy]

Hello everyone - just checking in to see how / if things are progressing?

totalnamechanger - thank you! The match did come at the right time and has enabled us to move through some tricky waters with the in laws and their pregnancies (BILs girlf and SIL now - unexpectedly). I’ve been very happy with Altrui and the way things have been to date. My only “criticism” I guess would be that it feels as though there is little info coming your way at times BUT they do tell you about this before hand and stress that there may be things going on behind the scenes

As for where we’re at now - well, the donor had her screening tests etc a couple of weeks ago and are waiting for these to come through. Could be another couple of weeks. So yet more waiting!! Then hopefully once that’s done and all ok, she can crack on with the treatment. Altrui reckoned it would be November time that she would be doing her round, which at the time (August) seemed crazy but given time is ticking, I’m thinking they probably know what they’re talking about. So please keep your fingers crossed!!

Did you decide where / what to do now to move forward or still looking at the various options. It’s hard to make the call with what ever it is you decide.

IdeReuben - have you received your donor news yet and found a place to have your scans? I hope you GP was helpful?

tryingtofigurethingsout - how’re you getting on with it all? Re the fresh/ frozen egg - that’s correct; stats show that there’s a higher success rate to get to embryo stage with fresh rather than frozen - though not sure on the specific data itself.

Hope everyone is doing ok x

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

Thanks, Glitter, all's ok with me. Went to an open evening at BCRM recently and have decided to go with them. The next step is getting hold of all our notes from previously, so I've requested those, and then we'll make an initial appt with them. I'm away on a much-needed holiday at the moment, but finding it a bit hard to relax really, as I just want to get on with it! Although I know I should make the most of it while I'm here, as it sound like there will be plenty more waiting around to come! Wishing you all the very best of luck and keeping fingers crossed for you

[TheGlitterFairy]

Hi everyone - wondering how things are going for all? Trying hope you were able to sort your appt out and get going with things.

Lots of waiting still over here. Donor passed her screening tests and had coordination appt last week. Hopefully will be able to do the treatment cycle before the end of the year which seems ages away!!

Hope things are moving forward for all!

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

I think waiting is a bit of a theme! Took us a while to get hold of our notes from previously and a while before we were able to get an appointment with the consultant we wanted to see. However, we are now booked in for our initial consultation with her next week, so things are starting to move. It's going to be finding the donor the takes longest though, I guess, so we need to get the ball rolling with Altrui asap after our appointment next week.

[TheGlitterFairy]

Agreed - waiting is the theme! Everything seems to take about a month or so as far as we've experienced other than finding the donor which took about 4 months in the end. Great you've got your appt booked with the consultant - at least that's something and very positive!

Good luck with the appt and speaking to Altrui too! Alison and Kate there are great!

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

Well, we went for our initial consultation at the new clinic this week, and it felt really positive. Our consultant is lovely and supportive, and even remembered meeting us at the open evening we went to in September. Now we need to make a decision on donors: we were planning on going with Altrui, but the waiting list is apparently only 2–3 months at our clinic. It's a mix of altruistic donors and egg-sharers apparently, and you do get to see pen portraits of those rated as a possible match. We're going to make a decision this week, but that waiting list is definitely shorter than I was expecting, so it's a promising option.

How's everyone else getting on?

[TheGlitterFairy]

That’s great that your consultation went well - imperative to have someone you trust.

Good luck with your decision this week on the clinic vs Altrui. We waited for about 4 months to be matched with Altrui but I’m told this is quite fast (though didn’t feel it!). Our donor is looking to start her treatment cycle at the end of the year so we’re hoping to be able to transfer soon after that.

Good luck everyone!

[Beeskeeper]

Hi All,
This is the most helpful thread. I had a very similar experience with Guys and St Thomas' as a previous poster- they rang me out the blue whilst I was at work to tell me that my tests showed I had early onset menopause and told me that egg donation was my only option, and that the NHS could offer no further help. A horrible way to receive such devastating news.
Anyway, that was in February and my partner and I are now finally in a place where we feel ready to look for a clinic. The UK seems prohibitively expensive, so we're thinking about Spain. I'd be really keen to get any recommendations from anyone who has experience using a Spanish clinic?
Thank you all for sharing your experiences, this is incredibly helpful.

[Carajillo]

Hi,

I have 13 year old twins using embryo donation in Spain and I would advise not only counselling before using egg donation, but also thinking very carefully about the opportunity for you child either to have an ID release donor or at the very least, as much information on the donor as possible. Most Spanish clinics give very little information and my children only have the age and blood group of their donors. Despite being told early and often about their conception, they lack of information does affect them more and more as they grow older. You may like to know that Portugal now has ID release donors which may be an option? If you can't stay in the UK, then you can shop around with clinics to find out how much information you will get. I am happy to talk over any issues at all if you wish. Best C

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

Hi all, I hope everyone's doing well. We're moving on apace with our new clinic: second consultation, various tests/scans and implications counselling all done, and we registered with our clinic's donor waiting list at the end of November. We were not expecting that they would find us a possible match after just two weeks, but we received a call in December to say just that! In the end, we declined the donor she sounded lovely in many ways, but didn't 'feel' quite right for us (probably me more than my husband). So there's been a gap over Christmas and now we've just had the second call! This donor sounds like a slightly closer match for me in terms of physical characteristics (although the first one was also fairly close) and her pen portrait description of herself shows a good few personality traits and interests in common with me. However, I'm still not sure I'm 'feeling' this one either. Part of me thinks she ticks a lot of boxes and that I might be overthinking this decision (very much something I would do!); the other part of me feels like I should have a gut instinct about this, which I'm not sure I do. People have said to me, when it's the right one, you'll know. But what if we turn this one down and we never find 'the one'? Also, I constantly feel like the clock is ticking, as I'm already 43.5, although I'm aware I shouldn't rush something this important. I'm not expecting anyone to solve this for me I know I have to figure it out for myself! But I would be interested to know other people's thoughts on it because if anyone gets it, you lot will

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

P.S. Hello and welcome to the newbies

[sequinednostrils]

Hello everyone, can I join? I am on the journey of both egg and sperm donor. I chose a clinic in Spain and they have let me know my embryo is ready and I have started medication. I'm so nervous and excited! I'll be going over for transfer early feb if my scan goes well. Can't believe I'm finally here!

I've had many mc's so in the end DE was the best choice for me.
Good luck everyone!

[TheGlitterFairy]

Hi - I'm so pleased the thread is still going and helping others too. Welcome to the newbies!

Beeskeeper sounds a horrific way to find that out; hopefully the info on here from others will help with your coming decisions - and it's great that you're now in a place where you feel able to move forward.

Tryingtofigurethingsout amazing to have been offered 2 donors in such quick succession as well as so fast too! Which clinic is that with? Is this an egg share or would the donor just be for you?
For me, when we got the call from Altrui last August, I think the reality of having a donor there (or who has agreed to do something for you) is quite different to the concept of having a donor and so when reality kicks in - then I think it's scary to actually say "yes lets do it". Do you think it might be that thats holding you back a bit? I think it's important that you feel totally comfortable with whoever it is that has been suggested for you and if that means holding your nerve a bit longer to have "that feeling" then maybe thats the thing to do? Or was there something specific with the donor that you wren't happy with in terms of age or similar?

As people will know from here - we were expecting our donor to start her treatment at the end of last year - unfortunately, this hasn't happened as yet though we understand that it will be imminent - so really hoping that we will be in a position soon to think about when I will go ahead with my treatment. It feels as though it's been a long time coming and I've been struggling with it a bit this week (also possibly because 1 x SIL is due any day and other SIL is due in a few weeks time too - heightens the fact I'm no where near!)

sequinednostrils thanks for sharing your experience so far - thats fantastic news that your embryo is ready and you've started treatment too! Good luck!

[Tryingtofigurethingsout]

Glitter We're with BCRM. Got to say, we're so much happier with them than with the last place. All very supportive and positive so far. We accepted the second donor in the end, after taking a few days to figure things out. True to say I didn't have a strong gut instinct about her, but there were a lot of positives and nothing at all not to like and I wonder if I was just having a bit of a wobble in terms of accepting we'll be using a donor's eggs and not my own? Like you say, there's a difference between accepting it as a concept and actually going ahead with it. I mean, I thought I was pretty much there in terms of dealing with that, but we all know that unpredictable feelings can pop up and bite us in the arse sometimes with this stuff. Anyway, a few days on and I'm feeling very comfortable with the decision. In answer to your question, the usual situ with this clinic is to egg share (minimum guarantee of five) but you do have the option to pay more to be the sole recipient. Given that we were initially thinking we'd be going via Altrui, the extra money isn't a dealbreaker and so that's the decision we've made: both to give ourselves the best chance now and to keep options open for a potential sibling. Although the latter feels pretty impossible to wrap my head around right now when we don't even have one! But who knows what the future holds, what's going to happen and how we'll feel about things further down the line! Our donor was due to start treatment this week, so we've been told to expect egg collection around end of February or start of March, so we could end up going through this process at a similar time to you, I guess? Sorry to hear you've been struggling this week, the waiting is SO hard, I know. Hang in there, your time is coming soon.