We have our own topic!!!

[LyndaNotLinda]

At last - so exciting!

I feel like I'm at a private view with 100 plastic cups of wine on the table in front of me, pacing.

Ahem - I'm a single parent to a 9 year old DS (well, 9 in a few days but that's mere detail). I'm a member of DCN too but their message boards are terribly quiet so I hope we get a bit more of a conversation going here. And that no one mentions turkey basters.

So, that's me. I know there's more of you out there

OM154 thank you that's really helpful. It's likely that DD will go to a catholic school where I fear there will be less knowledge and understanding - ivf is frowned upon within Catholicism so I imagine the teachers might not be so familiar with DE ivf. But everything you've said makes sense and really helps. Thank you again

To be honest Pocket 1, teachers are teachers and Catholic families in the UK today are many and various. You may well not find any problem there, particularly if you live in a multi-faith/culture city. That said, I know plenty of DC families living in small rural communities who have successfully 'come out'.

Woo! Our own Topic!
I'm 32 and just starting my journey to be a Choice-Mum. Looking to start IUI next year when I've got a more stable job (just moving at the moment to one with better maternity benefits.. feel a bit guilty knowing why but..) SO EXCITED to have a space here with people who know what this is like. Feels like I have been going a little bit crazy keeping so much to myself for so long waves at you all happily

Just found this topic too! Did I miss the wine?

I have a lovely donor conceived 6yo DD who is currently refusing to give up any of her toys to take to the car boot sale next week, despite the promise of keeping the money and putting them towards the heeles (sp?) that she so desperately wants.

Glad to have found the thread. Should say though that I feel we have moved on so much since her conception. She's not 'the child conceived by donor sperm' but the child that loves dancing, reading, cuddling, playing on the tablet, has loads of friends and is very happy and well balance. We have talked a lot about how she was conceived but to be honest she doesn't really fully understand. she says it's ok she doesn't have a daddy and is happy with our wee family but struggles to explain to her friends how she came into the world. Guess we will just keep talking and when she manages to put all the pieces together will feel more able to talk about it with her friends.

Good luck to all of you who are pregnant or who are starting out on your journey to parenthood. For me it's been a very happy and positive one!

Glad to find this topic! I have a DC daughter (through DI). This is my first post on mumsnet (although I lurk a lot!) and I'm not going to be learning lots of abbreviations - sorry! But looking forward to chatting about raising a DC child (to which I actually mean raising a completely normal/stroppy 4 year old).

Good luck to all of those hoping to become pregnant via donors.

Hi everyone! I've just come across this thread and interested to read all your stories and experiences. Dp and I have a ds who is 3 and have tried 2yr now for a sibling for him. I had him at 41, since then I've suffered 3mc in s year and now a year of nothing and I'm now 44.5. I've been advised that IVF with de is our best option and so I'm currently looking into that. We are considering going to Spain. My concerns are around would I feel different towards de child than I do my own biological child? Would the de child feel this way too? I am very happy with ds but I just have this thing I can't describe about wanting another child. I wish I was younger but I'm not and my Amh is 0.7. I feel de is a huge step but how much longer do we go on Ttc with risks of abnormalities or another MC, de takes away a lot of those risks. Just trying to get my head around it all.
Any advice appreciated thank you x

I have a donor egg 3 month old son. We went to Quiron in Barcelona.
It worked first time for us. I also have a 10 year old own egg daughter. My pregnancy was amazing, had some wobbles in the first trimester, I guess as hormones settled down. But when I started to feel him moving about I new 100% we'd done the right thing.
I feel he is totally my baby, if someone else picks him up for a cuddle he won't take his eyes off me. The bond is amazing. He looks the same as my daughter did, they're both the image of their Dad.
We have 2 embryos left in Spain, I'm definitely going back. Good luck to everyone!

Thanks for your message Maurice that's so lovely to hear and very reassuring to me that you have that bond with your son too. My fear is I won't bond the same with de baby, but I guess like you say once you feel them moving inside you it is just amazing. Will you be open with him about his origin? And have you told your daughter or any family and friends? X

Sorry Maurice, another question I thought of if you don't mind. What lead you to de this time?

Hi Emerald
I do plan to be open and tell my son how he came to be. I guess as he gets a little older. There are some good childrens books out there explaining it in simple terms, so that would help too. I've been quite open about it with friends and family. We have 2 donor egg nieces an adopted nephew and close friend with de daughter, so it's not an uncommon thing for us. Everyone's been really supportive. But I guess our situation is a little different. We decided to go ahead with de IVF after our 4 year old son died suddenly from a blood infection a year ago. We wanted to bring some much needed life and hope in to our family. I also have a 10 year old own egg daughter who has been amazing and adores her little brother. It's the best thing we could have done. Good luck! X

So very sorry to hear of the death of your son Maurice 169. Wonderful news that you now have a 3 month old via DE…bringing life and hope as you say. I wish your family very well.

Hi everyone
Just found this topic and I hope I am welcome!
I donated my eggs last year and have a question for recipient parents, particularly those with older children.
I know that the law changed in 2006 and children can now find out biological parents identities when they turn 18, I accepted this when I donated, but I would love to ask your opinions on whether or not you think your children will want to contact the donor?
Hope you don't mind me asking!

Maurice,
Thank you for sharing your story with us and I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I have a son who is 3.5 so I just cannot imagine what you must've gone through, just horrific. Completely understand the need to bring new life into your family and so wonderful that you have your young son now and that your daughter adores him.

Gryffin hi! Great to hear from a donor and hear the other side, what a wonderful gift you have given. How do you feel about being contacted in 18yrs? Or not? I can't answer your question I'm afraid as have not gone down this route yet and if we do we are going to Spain where they remain anonymous. I do wonder though whether it's better that the child has s right to know? X

Thanks Emerald. Forgot to mention I was 45 when we had first de transfer (46 now). Own eggs tested but given only 10% chance of success. So that's why we tried donor egg.

Hi Gryffin. Yes such a generous thing to do. We went to Spain where donors are anonymous. The clinic here in London advised us the wait for a donor here could be over a year. Because of my age and our situation we didn't want to wait.
I often think of our donor, we have a little bit of information about her. Her physical characteristics, career, other children she has. I do think it would have been nice if our son had a choice whether or not to contact the donor but it just didn't work out that way. I do wonder how he'll feel about this when he's older.

In my experience it is impossible to know which children will want to have more information about and/or contact their donor. It's very individual and their feelings about this don't crystallise until they are in their late teens at the earliest. Those 'told' about being donor conceived from an early age tend to be very laid back about their beginnings whilst those who were 'told' or found out (often in poor circumstances) as teenagers or adults tend to have greater curiosity/distress/sadness. They feel betrayed by not being told earlier which colours their feelings about donor conception itself.

Egg donors are now available without a wait in many UK clinics so if people want an identifiable donor then that choice is possible these days. Choosing an identifiable donor leaves the door open for a young person to make their own choices according to their needs.

Maurice, I can imagine I would also wonder a lot about the donor, just curiosity I suppose. Even now I'm thinking there's some lady wondering around in Spain who could be our donor! Strange thought. I'd heard too the wait in uk was longer although OM says different here. With my AMH of 0.7 and age (44) we were told 1-2% chance with own eggs, against 40-60% chance with de. We haven't got lots of money to throw at it so probably will go straight to de.

Om, thank you for the information you gave I think it's best to be very open from start too. Does niggle me about the child not having a right to find out, not sure how I would feel if that were me. X

Thanks for your replies. To be honest I would have rather remained anonymous . I think like OM said that if the child has had a happy upbringing and no feelings of resentment, then I would imagine they would just want to contact me to meet me, and learn a bit more about me. However it worries me that they might not be so happy or want some more involvement from me.
I also have a daughter who is 18 months older than the donor child (also a girl) and am due another girl who will be 6 months younger. Although I plan on telling my children about my donation when they are older, obviously I can't predict how they will feel about it.
Emerald, wishing you lots of luck with your journey! I'm planning on donating again next year so I will definitely want to keep up to date on this new topic!

Thanks Gryffin! Will keep you posted. It's been very helpful to hear some experiences from both sides. Can I please ask what made you want to donate? It really is wonderful to give that gift to another woman who cannot use her own eggs for whatever reason, how lucky we are in this day and age we can have options like that. I hadn't thought about the donor telling their own children, that's another whole kettle of fish isn't it x

Yeah of course, I'm happy to answer questions, although I don't really have an answer. When I was about 7 months pregnant I saw an advert on Facebook for egg donors and it had never even crossed my mind before so I read it out of interest, and then I just didn't really stop thinking about it. After I had my daughter I kept thinking that every woman should have that opportunity and I read into it a bit more, spoke to DH etc and contacted a clinic to discuss it. Then it just went from there really. I'm really pleased I did it, but because I donated to a male couple I don't really feel that I have fulfilled what I originally wanted, which was to help a woman.
I've been open about it and told my family and close friends, but my Mum has found it difficult and initially tried to talk me out of it.

I can imagine it might be difficult for some family members to understand. I'm abit worried that my parents might not agree with me going through with de. Different for dp family as its still his Dna. Hoping they will understand though, having not read up much about it all.
Do you ever find yourself wondering about the children at all Gryffin?

Yes I do, but have found it surprisingly easy to be emotionally unattached. I've found it easier to think of it just as cells, much like giving blood. I have recently found out that the dc is a girl, and have wondered if she looks like me, as my DD is my mini me.
As I said before, I think I will donate again, and think I will avoid the photo board in the clinics reception as I'm not sure how I'll feel if I see a photo of a little girl I recognise.
I think the reason my mum has found it hard is because she is more likely to be emotionally attached.
Have you not spoken to your parents yet about it then? I'm sure they will be supportive and will care for the child like any biological grandchild, try not to worry about it (especially before you've spoken to them about it!)

I guess that's a good way of thinking of it, as cells you have given away which it is really, not like giving an actual child away for adoption. Must be hard not to look at that photo board but probably for the best. Sorry if I'm asking so many things, I'm just trying to get my head around it from all angles.
I have mentioned to both my mum and dad that that was what the clinic I've been going too has recommended now for me given my age and AMH. I thought my mum might be less understanding but she seemed to accept even though she finds it hard to get why I want another child so bad as she only had me. My dad pulled a face and said 'but it won't be your bsby'! I said it will it just won't have my dna entirely. I haven't felt able to say to him since. Told some close friends, they were quite supportive.

How did I miss a new topic?!
No dc's yet but are mid way through the donor embryo process.

Hi Grin!

How are you finding the donor process? Are you with uk clinic or abroad? Hope all is going well for you. How long is the process taking?

Hi Emerald
Im in Australia so we found a donor privately through a donation website.
It is slow going due to all the paperwork and medical tests but I not in a real rush.
You?