We have our own topic!!!

[LyndaNotLinda]

At last - so exciting!

I feel like I'm at a private view with 100 plastic cups of wine on the table in front of me, pacing.

Ahem - I'm a single parent to a 9 year old DS (well, 9 in a few days but that's mere detail). I'm a member of DCN too but their message boards are terribly quiet so I hope we get a bit more of a conversation going here. And that no one mentions turkey basters.

So, that's me. I know there's more of you out there

Posting whilst feeding - most of my MNing is done from beneath the demanding youngling! Exciting that you're nearly there, GYC. FWIW I laboured alone by choice and it was good not to have to put up a brave front for anyone I knew. The midwifery team were all lovely, and it all happened very fast for me. I don't regret it at all and would do it solo again if I decide to have another (unlikely - don't think I could afford two!)

As for coping; I'm not quite by myself - have family living very nearby so am often trading baby cuddles for dinner or a shower! In some ways I think it might be easier on my own - don't have to worry about making sure someone else has had enough sleep to be up for work, or about eating meals when the rest of the household want them, and no arguments about whose parenting theory is better. Which isn't to say it's not hard - sometimes would be lovely to have someone else take him for five minutes, or to be able to have a nap on my own terms, but it's been bearable thus far, and he's such a gorgeous little thing! Might be less enthusiastic once he starts teething/crawling!

OM - fab. I saw that in the last mag and forgot about it. Cheers.

Congratulations karou!

GetYourself - forgot to answer you the other day. The only time I've felt the weight of responsibility heavily on my shoulders was when DS was I'm hospital as a baby and I had to authorise a course of treatment.

Since then though, it's not been an issue. I do seek advice from friends oftern and I've had to learn to be a lot better at asking for help (it doesn't come naturakkt !)

Karou, sounds like you're doing brilliantly. I think I'm just having last minute nerves! I'll be alone in labour too but that part doesn't bother me much. I just see it as a means to an end.
Lynda, thanks for that insight. I do need to become better at asking for/accepting help!

Glad you could figure out what I was trying to say. Naturakkt? Is my tablet Finnish? :o

In a lot of ways, things are easier because you have the final decision on everything. Schools, where you live, where you go on holiday, screen time, when to move to cot, when to potty train, what your position is on sweets - all those hundreds of things that you make decisions on as a parent.

But yes, do ask for help. In my experience, friends and family are very happy to support you

Thanks for the tip re the Archie Nolan book. I've just bought it. We've got a couple of others already - the DCN Book called "Our Story" and another one called "Just the baby for me". Both are nice but they are little children's stories and it's time to move on to the next level. If anything I'd like to get my children talking about their origins a bit more - it's so normal to them they never talk about it but I do want them to be prepared to manage questions at school etc.

Hi Backingvocals
Not sure if you are a member already or have ever thought of joining DCN. Membership can be a useful trigger to talking from time to time about DC matters. Lots of families come to one of the two family conferences a year just for this reason. A chance to stimulate talk with their children. There is always a creche for children up to 12 and a special group for 8 - 12 year olds to talk about 'DC stuff' as the kids call it, in a fun and age-apprioriate way.

Hello there. My dp and I are parents to DS who has just turned 1 using donor eggs and have just had a successful FET and am currently 8.5 weeks pregnant with number 2! Donor was UK so will have the option of finding out identity of donor when he is 18 which was an important consideration for us when deciding when and how to proceed with donation.

I must have a look at the books you can get from DCN. We have been open with our parents and siblings but not with my teenage step children yet as me having one baby was a shock enough. We plan to tell them when we tell them about this pregnancy but I am not really sure where to start! Any advice on this one?

Hi greenlizard, much may depend on what your relationship with your teenage stepchildren is like, but the truth is that this is your family and your confidence in the decisions you have made is likely to guide their response to the information you give them. Keep it simple and matter of fact; tell them you and their dad are both very happy with using egg donation and that you are open to questions (up to a point as this is YOUR private life). You might want to refer them to DC Network's website for further information. You might also want to talk with them about how open you want to be about the information. Say you will be 'telling' your children (their half-sibs) but if you would prefer the information not to be spread around widely then ask your step-children to seek your permission before telling anyone else (if this is how you feel about it). Of course you can't actually control what happens to the information once you have told them, but you can let them know your wishes in the matter. You may find the DCN booklets Telling and Talking with Family and Friends and Our Family (to give to family members) helpful.

Marking place here, so glad to see this area on Mn. I've experienced quite hostile views towards donor conception on mumsnet so haven't chatted about it for quite some time. But I had a successful donor egg IVF last year and have a four month old ds now. I found it fairly easy making peace with moving to egg donation but do fret about telling him and how he will feel about it. We used uk donation so the option to find out the donor identity will be there. I'd love to keep chatting on here. Our parents and siblings know, as do my group of mn friends (from ttc days) but I haven't told wider family or friends. I can't really explain why. I do want to but feel a bit clueless as to how to do it now and wish sometimes I'd been upfront during the pregnancy. But it was a very difficult pregnancy and we were sure if he was going to be ok (a story for another day!) so those conversations didn't happen. Ok baby awake, will post more soon!

Hi goldenlemon, very many congratulations on the birth of your son. Enjoy being a mum for now, but I can promise you that if you start 'telling' your son from a young age (people start chatting to their babies and young children at different times) then he will accept the information without any qualms at all. It will just be part of his story. Have a look at the DC Network website for Telling and Talking books for parents of children of different ages and Our Story books for children - there is one specially for children conceived by egg donation.
I am sure others will be along on Mn to help with their ideas too.

Hello. I have been reading and researching for ages on this topic now! I am single and hoping for a baby. I'm 39 so not sure if odds are against me but planning to give it a go.
Interested to hear thoughts on this. Have looked at Cryos International for sending home ICI - anyone know anything about them/success stories. Or would it be better to go through a clinic with IUI?
Also, I'm in Scotland and clinics are few - anyone got any reviews?

Cryos are exploiting a loophole in UK regulations by sending sperm directly to women in their own homes. They are the only international sperm bank to do this. The others will only send to a licensed clinic. If you feel you must use their service then do make sure you choose an identifiable donor (complying with UK law) and have some counselling beforehand (this would be mandatory in a UK clinic). What you cannot control is how many half-siblings from the same donor there will be around the world. If sperm is imported from abroad to a licensed clinic then that donor can only be used for ten families in the UK, although there are likely to be others across Europe, Australia and the US. The fact of many half-sibs may be disturbing to your child in the future. Think about what you are going to tell your child about how they came into being. You want them to be able to be proud of their story.
Think about joining DC Network to be in touch with the 600 or so single women who are members. They are all at different stages of thinking, trying, pregnant or parenting and have lots of good advice to share.

OM154 thanks for your thoughts. I did kind of think they were the only ones doing this. I'm just trying to work out the best options for me. The anonymous sperm does raise questions as I am thinking of how to tell a child at a later date.
I've read a couple of online stories of women who just got it home delivered and were successful.
Perhaps either a UK clinic or finding someone who would offer the required stuff would be better. Need to think some more.
Any other thoughts would be much appreciated.

Oh and user 1548 was me - I changed my username!

Hi ragdoll
Be very careful with donors you find on-line. The worst will want you to have sex (they call it NI, wrongly claiming that results better this way). Prolific donors do tend to get themselves tested for STIs regularly but tend to be rather spooky guys and there is the issue of very many half-sibs and what you tell the child later. Remember they need to be able to feel proud of their beginnings. Also, for single women, the donor will be the legal father of any child conceived outside of a licensed clinic. Problems down the line are not uncommon. ALWAYS seek legal and counselling support before entering into any agreement with a known donor.

OM154 - thanks for your thoughts. I think I'm going to approach a clinic. It will be private as no chance on NHS where I am. Decided too many unanswered questions if I choose online and have it sent via DHL to me (which is what Cryos do).
I do wonder what my chance of pregnancy will be via IUI - anyone got any thoughts? I'm going to start using one of those ovulation predictor kits to check if I am actually ovulating!
Watched the Back Up Plan last night which was rather funny given what I am considering doing.

Hi ragdoll, you could ask your GP to do a blood test to show ovarian reserve which will help you understand your chances of conceiving via IUI. At 39 you have no time to lose. A clinic will do basic tests before they advise you on what sort of treatment would be best for you anyway.

They will, but these are expensive (£650.)

I do wish sometimes we could help our children feel proud of their beginnings without parting with thousands!

Thanks Lynda .

Hi All - this is a grand idea! Nice to know where to come to find you.

I may end up lurking as I'm not very good at name changing and don't want to inadvertently out myself for unrelated reasons. Have two DC one via DE. Do get bit fed up with those threads that turn infertility and reproductive choices into a blood sport (and am a bit bewildered by those folk who get very judgey about donor conception choices,). So this is great.

I came to DE after multiple miscarriages. Am grateful every day to have had this route to completing my family. We talk all the time about my DC child's special heritage.

Would be good form for anyone posting here who is representing an organisation, to be 100% transparent about this. Sure you have masses to offer, so let's start off on the right foot disclosure-wise!

Hi Annarabbit: you are right about disclosure. I am a founder of the Donor Conception Network, mother to two sperm donor conceived adults. But I'm not here to promote the organisation (although it has a lot to offer) but simply as a mum who has a lot of personal experience of DC parenting and has talked to loads of others who have taken the DC road. OK?
Olivia

Hi all! I'm 32, been ttc 8 years, severe endo caused POF so tried own eggs once then moved onto donor eggs, cycle 4 worked but lost twins at 8.5weeks last year. I'm usually on FF donor boards

Hello!! Nice to meet so many other donor successes. My gorgeous son turns three on Tuesday, conceived by egg donation with ICSI at Care. He's the light of my life. He was also the only embryo we ever got in four ICSI cycles (three with own eggs) so I marvel that he's here every day.

Hi,

Joining in here as I've just registered. I'm considering going down this route as my last partner died and I don't think I want to ever be in a relationship again. I am desperate to have children though. I am starting to look into egg sharing.

I don't think my family are going to approve of it at all and that worries me. Also, I have a serious mental health issue and I need to discuss that plus single parenthood with a doctor just so I know where I stand.

Looking forwards to getting to know everyone,

Finch (not my real name, but I am not "out" about all this yet..)

Wow what a great thread. So happy to have found you all.

I'm married and we have a beautiful DD who's fast approaching 3. She was conceived using DE as mine were old and knackered (I was 46 when she was born).

We've told a few close friends and family but have pretty much kept things very private. I feel that it's DDs story to tell if and when she's ready.

I'm really nervous about how and when to start telling her - i know that the advice is to do it sooner than later but I'm wary of how cruel kids might be in the school playground if she's different.

Any suggestions or advice hugely appreciated. TIA

Hi Pocket1
I think lots of parents fear their child being picked on for being donor conceived but in my personal experience and that of many others I have talked to is that this is unusual. We told our daughter (now 29) from a very early age but the first time she talked about it in school was when she was 9 and very proud about and comfortable with being donor conceived. We had told each year teacher in primary school and when our daughter spoke up, the teacher helped her explain to the class and they then moved on with the lesson. When a girl in her class said something about 'not wanting to be made that way because you might catch germs' our daughter laughed in her face at such a silly idea. If children are confident and comfortable because you have told them early and in such a way to help them feel good about it, then they can handle the odd 'off' comment that comes their way. My experience, and again that of many others, is that IF younger children mention anything about being DC, other children simply don't understand and change the subject because it's boring. Personally, I think it's a good idea to tell teachers so that they can believe and support your child as necessary. Teachers are very used to lots of different kinds of family and DC is just one of many variations.
Also, in my opinion it is better for children that those in the close circle of family and friends know about DC, so that if a child chooses to talk about 'the nice kind lady who gave mummy an egg to help make me' they can respond supportively and without surprise. It is adults who worry about the 'difference' of DC, children conceived this way don't care who knows. In fact, they could think there was something odd if people around them - particularly family - didn't know. As children get older of course then the information should be handed over to them to do with as they choose, but that may not be until around secondary school age.