How did it feel moving into your own place after separation/having to cohabit for months while getting it all arranged?

[MarmadukeM]

People who have separated and bought or rented a new place to live in by themselves - how did it feel in the beginning?
I split with my husband almost 3 months ago and we are still living together while I wait for the purchase of my new house to go through. We sleep in separate rooms etc but get on ok for the most part except when he is sarcastic or rude. I’m used to this as I’ve been with him over 20years but it still pisses me off!
he has bought me out my share of the house so he is keeping it, I am going to a much smaller place that needs bit of work doing but it’s nice enough I think.
I have been hating still living with him in what is effectively his house, not mine anymore. Obv the moving process has been the usual stress in and off but I should be completing on Wednesday. I’m really hoping I feel some relief at actually having my own place and that I feel settled but I’m also really worried that when I move in I will freak out at the reality that ‘this is it’
what experiences have people had in a similar position? It def feels crappy living in this limbo that I’m in - he’s even already redecorated the front room and put all my stuff i am taking into the garage. It’s all very unsettling

I am at the very beginning of the process although it is very different.
A few days ago, I got access back to the family house after fleeing DV and filing a police report. My DH has been arrested for the DV, admitted to it and is in detention until his court date.

It is really unsettling to be in this limbo. I have to find the money to file for divorce. It’s not going to be amicable. Based on what I have read, I will still most likely be giving him half of everything that I worked hard to build. I think only if he’d killed me that it would be different.

I will have to take out a mortgage to buy him out of his half of the house. At my age, I dread having a mortgage again. I will have to give him half of my pension savings. I was so happy to finally be mortgage free.

I don’t think it’s fair really. I know it is usual for things to be split evenly in divorce but it is also usual that the higher earner is also the abuser. I did not choose this, it’s been forced on me because he is dangerous. So why should he walk away with a big lump sum payout after what he did to me?

I was in your situation and moved just before Christmas.

It is honestly lovely. Not to share your space with the wrong person. No atmosphere, no uncomfortable silences, no snide remarks.

Just me and my lovely little peaceful home that is ALL MINE for the first time in my life.

It took me 3.5 years to finally sell the joint property- he refused, then it took a year to sell. I didn’t cohabit for the full time. But there was shared space with nested kids. The first night in my smaller house, that was just mine was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had! I just walked around and thought, ‘I’m finally free and I got out!’.

Bliss. Relief.

Slightly different situation for me in that we rented and he moved out after several months in limbo where I knew it was over and he gradually came to accept that.

Those 2 years living on my own were absolutely wonderful. I still miss it now!

I moved out after 3 months of separation. At first I felt completely alone and quite emotional. It lasted a few days before I decided it was bloody amazing living alone. Good luck to the start of your new happier life.

AMAZING!!!!

There have been a few times I felt a bit lonely but nowhere near as lonely as the lonely of being in such a horrible marriage.

Thanks everyone for the replies - it’s what I needed to be hearing ❤️
@SummerFeverVenice that sounds awful and very unfair. I hope you end up with something more in your favour, there should be rules on things that make someone exempt from being entitled to things - what a bastard 😡

Have a listen to the song from matilda musical called my house
Warning tho might make you cry with happiness

Good luck op

I moved into my place 16 months ago in a town 100 miles away from my ex husband. I have still very mixed feelings. I am getting used to living alone but starting again in my 60s hasn't been easy and I do struggle mentally with the fallout of the divorce and loss of my beautiful house, garden and a reasonably comfortable lifestyle. I don't know anyone here so am having to try lots of different ways to meet people and settle. My new house is tiny but comfortable and I am planning interesting trips away etc. For me it's been a mixed bag.

The most intense relief, happiness and sense of security. I put a chain lock on the door and didn’t leave the house for nearly a week.

Fabulous - freedom.

I’ve found it utterly totally mindblowingly wonderful. I moved into my new house less than 2 months ago - from a lovely old listed building to a new build - and it’s such a joy. I was terrified I’d be lonely, have panic attacks, cry myself to sleep each night. Reality is the total opposite- there’s no foul grumpy bastard here, just me and my dogs…it is heaven. The house is bright and cheerful and it makes my heart sing knowing this is my space and i can do what i want and there’s no one to criticise me. Honestly, it’s heaven. Go out there and love it!!

It's lovely. It's like having your favourite meal, or a big vase of cut flowers, or having your own programme on the TV. It's the little things that bring the greatest joy so it's not so much as you owning your own house but knowing he can never come in. Never sit on your sofa. Never watch his football/golf/F1 on your TV. Never dump his dirty pants on the floor. It really is priceless.

Bliss - relief - bought a bottle of champagne and a vibrator

Love it!!

Ha ha I like your style

I can see how that would be difficult, it’s a lot moving away from your familiar surroundings x

So I complete Wednesday and move in a few days later (got to get rewire first 😖)
i feel quite anxious as I’m so fed up of being in this house - I am so glad that most people have said it’s amazing having your own place. My next question is, how did you feel in the last few days before you moved in? Were you anxious and unsettled, like worried about the uncertainty?

Liberation. That’s the word I’d use

As above.

I left in 2022, lived with my mum for a year and bought my own place in 2023.

I dreamed of my own peaceful space, no navigating what the mood is now or in the next five minutes. It was challenging living alone to start with, first time living as an adult at 55. I moved in with a deckchair and campbed waiting for delivery of furniture. I was still very much knowing I wanted this but still didn't ease the massive anxiety which faded away.

The here and now is i am more comfortable as me, I have to remind myself that I am doing this.

I wish you well with the house purchase and would say finally, be true to yourself and don't expect to be feeling totally OK straight away, it takes time, its a new life. Enjoy every moment xx

Thank you xxxx

😀❤️

Lots of luck @MarmadukeM - will you keep the thread going and let us know how you get on?

Wishing you all the best as you settle into your new life. Three years on and I’m so much more chilled. Had my first ever solo holiday at Easter and am kicking myself for not doing it sooner. Make sure you maintain friendships….its easy to become isolated otherwise. But so lovely being able to come and go as you please and not need to explain yourself all the time which had been my experience for a very long time.