How did it feel moving into your own place after separation/having to cohabit for months while getting it all arranged?

[MarmadukeM]

People who have separated and bought or rented a new place to live in by themselves - how did it feel in the beginning?
I split with my husband almost 3 months ago and we are still living together while I wait for the purchase of my new house to go through. We sleep in separate rooms etc but get on ok for the most part except when he is sarcastic or rude. I’m used to this as I’ve been with him over 20years but it still pisses me off!
he has bought me out my share of the house so he is keeping it, I am going to a much smaller place that needs bit of work doing but it’s nice enough I think.
I have been hating still living with him in what is effectively his house, not mine anymore. Obv the moving process has been the usual stress in and off but I should be completing on Wednesday. I’m really hoping I feel some relief at actually having my own place and that I feel settled but I’m also really worried that when I move in I will freak out at the reality that ‘this is it’
what experiences have people had in a similar position? It def feels crappy living in this limbo that I’m in - he’s even already redecorated the front room and put all my stuff i am taking into the garage. It’s all very unsettling

Thanks everyone yes I will keep it going 💕

When I moved, I felt immensely sad and overwhelmed.

It felt quite unreal initially, like being on holiday in some ways. After ages being in a very high state of stress and anxiety, feeling unsafe & on eggshells, it took quite a while to come out of that way of being.
I had to learn how to relax and rest. To sit down with a cup of tea in my living room instead of hiding and keeping out of the way all the time.
Now my quality of sleep is much better.
It’s totally my own place and I can buy things that bring me joy so that it feels like home, and mine.

I have to go back to the family home a lot (2 kids) because if I hadn’t moved us out I’d still be there waiting for him to take any action. I think it would have taken years.

So the kids visit him and when I’m there I feel grief that we’re not the family I thought we could once be, but overwhelmingly relief to be out of that house, and away from him. You’ll realise so many things you did to accommodate/ cope/ bear living there that you no longer have to do.

Of course there are wobbly moments. But you will find yourself again and it will gradually become incredible, this thing you have been courageous enough to make happen.

one of the best days of my life.

The lead up was v stressful. Eggshells.

Thanks again - yes I I think that it’s going to be a mixed bag. I’ve already realised since we split how little I have been used to getting from him in terms of support etc and the load I have been carrying being responsible for everyone else. We haven’t had a bad marriage as such but I have definitely felt lonely and very unappreciated and often judged. When I became ill I got no support really, was expected to carry on as normal and even criticised for my depression making me selfish 😖
anyway, that’s going to be in my past soon and while I know I’m grieving my family unit I don’t feel that I will miss what my marriage had become as it was taking more from me than I was receiving if that makes sense.
I think part of the depression was the realisation that this was what the next part of my life was going to look like 🙁

I well remember finally driving away and the feeling of liberation,
exhilaration, relief, then walking into my new house, MY house
with my excited children, pure joy. Many happy years followed.

Not long now OP!

expect to be overwhelmed and tearful which is natural and normal,
moving house is always stressful
I sincerely hope your own feelings of liberation never leave you
no regrets

It felt absolutely brilliant. I had no money, no furniture except a bed my ex-inlaws gave me, DD's travel cot, and a chair I found in the entrance hall of the building yet I never felt so rich because I was finally away from him.

Love all the positivity ❤️

I’m 9 months into living alone after 30 years together. Tbh the first few weeks overwhelmed me. I was thrown into full blown grief.

it’s got better as I’ve made my new home more my own but for me I struggle living in the same place as I see him and his (literally half his age) girlfriend who now lives in my old house around the locality a lot which is really hard to handle. I had to stay local coz of my kids and my business.

Joyful liberation.

I felt a bit hollow tbh. Hard to describe, but I feel fantastic now I've got things a bit more organised, it's only been about 3 months and I'm tackling the decorating now.

The actual moving weekend was super stressful, STBEXH didn't get his paperwork sorted out in time and his solicitors were shit too. What should have happened was a low stress weekend of getting the keys on the Friday, moving as many boxes in my car as I could and unpacking them, before having my friends help with hire van on the Saturday then spending the rest of the weekend unpacking, all while the kids were on holiday with Ex. Instead I didn't get the keys till nearly 4pm and then had to move everything in the few house before dark, then Ex dropped the kids off at 8am on the Saturday because it was my contact weekend.

I have the best friends though who saved my sanity that day. Someone turned up with pizza at 8pm, someone cleaned the kitchen and started unpacking the kitchen and 2 helped me build my child's complicated bed at 11pm so he'd have somewhere to sleep the next evening. I'd have never managed to build it myself.

I know moving dates are never guaranteed, but were in Scotland where they are usually tied down weeks in advance, and there was plenty of time do do the paperwork, but Ex chose cheap solicitors who just didn't bother their arse

God yeah that sounds stressful. I’m glad you have good friends who helped you out.
well I got the keys today so it’s officially mine. Not moving in till Tuesday tho. I have met some of my neighbours and they seem dead nice so that’s good. I painted the garden fence as I live in Newcastle so I made most of it not raining!

well I got the keys today so it’s officially mine.
Exciting times! Hope the move goes smoothly on Tuesday 🍾🍸🍕

Thanks!

Good luck @MarmadukeMlet us know how it goes!

i hope to be in your position soon. Like @SummerFeverVenice I feel very bitter that, despite DV, STBX will do well out of the split financially after a long marriage & him being the lower earner. I will be getting a mortgage again at 58 & retirement plans are on hold, probably for 10 years. But it will be worth it to feel safe & calm. Our buyer pulled out last week so I hope another comes along soon & I don’t lose the sweet little house I’ve offered on…but there will be somewhere else if I do.

Congratulations on getting tge keys, and glad it's going well so far, Don't get me wrong, I love my house and the freedom it gives me, but its been stressful at the same time, but tbh that's probably more to do with trying to unpack, decorate and make the house a home all while working and getting used to solo parenting 2 young kids.

I'll get there, just like you will, our path just maybe isn't how we imagined it

Yeah it’s a lot to do isn’t it? A lot of admin and practical stuff. I suppose no it’s not what we imagined but I kind of think that in life things happen for a reason and im
trying to believe that this current hard time will lead in to better things and we just have to keep going. I feel for you having to look after little kids at the same time as doing all this, I’m lucky that mine are
older X

Absolutely heaven.

Hope you get another buyer x
what makes me laugh a bit about my situation is that I have taken less than my fair share of the equity o. The house (took 75,000 but the equity split would have been at least 85,000) so that husband could afford to keep it and I would avoid having to go through selling it. But he really thinks I have the better deal here as he ‘is the one with a massive mortgage’
yes, but he also has a massive 4 bed new build detached house that is an appreciating asset that he could sell at any time. I don’t bother to bring it up as I can’t be arsed, just glad to walk away. X

I’ve been moving all the big furniture and stuff today and I have felt ill all day. So overwhelmed with it all. Tomorrow I will be able to start unpacking stuff and getting things in their right place so I really hope that makes me feel a bit more settled. I massively underestimated how much there is to do 😖

Well done @MarmadukeM, and I really hope you feel better soon.