What happens to the paid-off marital home if we divorce?

[WhatCanIDoHere]

I'd like to know what happens to the marital home in this situation if you divorce.

Jointly owned, both our names on the deeds. Mortgage is fully paid off. DH works; I haven't worked since having children and am 24/7 carer for 2 ND teens (both under 18). Both receive DLA and I get Carers Allowance. I have no money in my own right other than Carers Allowance; everything else is jointly owned. I have a few years of pension contributions from a previous job, but we've been working on the basis that I would benefit from DH's (generous) one, which I would get a large % of if he died.

If we were to divorce, would we have to sell the home to split the value of it between us?

DC would really struggle to cope with another home. They have some quite specific needs and this house meets them all. It's very unlikely I could find another house which meets the same criteria. We couldn't rent since one teen has violent & challenging behaviour which includes property damage. (Yes, we are having help for this and it is gradually improving but it is not likely to completely stop any time very soon.) It would be impossible to buy a house around here with 50% of the money from the sale of this one. We don't want to move away from the area due to friends etc for the DC.

I have no idea how splitting marital assets works in a situation like this.

I would seek legal advice. It sounds complex.

I should perhaps add that some of our specific requirements are safety-related (DC able to lock themselves away from the other one, me able to lock myself away from the DC and being able to keep potentially dangerous objects locked away from both of them.)

How reasonable is dh? It's quite common for mum and DC to remain in the family home until youngest is 18.

You'll likely get half his pension.

This is all decided upon divorce, you do need legal representation unless he's extremely reasonable and you feel you are worthy of an equal share - I'm not sure you sound like you feel this. Recognise what you gave up to allow your dh to go to work and to accrue that pension.

its actually not common anymore for mum to stay in house until children are 18

hete there could be a case for it. Will depend on

can dh house himself elsewhere ?
are you over housed - ie could you sell and split proceeds and if you took higher share of equity ) possibly offset with lower pension offset) could you house yourself and children?
does dh agree to defer his share ?
wil dc ever be independent ?

you need legal advice

I think he'll be fairly reasonable. One of the DC would probably refuse to see DH if we split, and certainly wouldn't be willing to stay overnight at his. The other DC would probably not want to stay at dad's on a routine basis, so DH wouldn't need a comparably-sized house if we split.

Does anyone know what usually happens in this situation or similar?

We are more than amicable - still very close.

He is reluctant to divorce - despite having been separated for a while.

My house is fully paid for and in my sole name. This was our marital home.
His house abroad is fully paid for and in his sole name.

Neither of us needs or wants anything financial from each other. Does that make it clear cut if he will agree to divorce?

In practical terms it would be very difficult to house DC and me elsewhere, even if it works on paper. DH would probably agree with this.

He should be able to find somewhere to live as affluent family have offered to pay a deposit / pay rent for him if he moves out. If all else fails he could move to live with family, though that's not ideal as one of the DC needs him local to be able to access activities outside the home.

Not sure really yet whether DC will get to the point of being able to live independently. One might manage in supported living. I'm less sure about the other one but things might well improve enough that they can live at home and I can earn a bit (that's not currently do-able).

It actually sounds as if you can’t afford to divorce in your circumstances. Not everyone can.

Sorry but no court would expect a settlement that gives you the majority while your ex cannot afford anything without family assistance or his family having to pay housing. Their wealth is not relevant and your ex is due a share of the marital
assets ….. if he cannot afford to rent or expected to stay with parents /friends etc that is not an acceptable outcome for a settlement

Although it might be possible you get the house and he takes all the pension depending on values of these.

how much is the house, what size of pension is there ? How much is he currently earning ?

Regardless of the details you likely would have to sell. The split might not be 50/50 but a portion of the equity in the home is his and he will need it to house himself.
Staying in the home until the children are 18 is less common, and with a mortgage free home you actually would have a lot of options vs it still having a 70% mortgage or whatever.

Yes it’s very likely the house will need to be sold. You will probably get more than 50% (maybe up to 65/70% depending how good your solicitor is) but your husband also needs to be housed. Presumably you’ll be able to work when your kids get a place at a special needs school? That should help you afford a small top up mortgage if you can’t find anywhere suitable within budget of your portion of the equity. You should get a slice of his pension as well. How long have you been married and how old are your children?

If you divorce a judge starts by 50/50 of all marital assets including pension sharing. I think expectations are house is sold and you both get half value. Your DH needs to be able to move on and get a new home too. If you got to keep home where would he live? If DC stayed with you your DH would have to pay child support via CMS for DC until 18 or leaves education. Your DH might agree for you to remain in house until youngest is 18 but he does not have to and it would mean he couldn't really move on and buy anywhere else for himself as no deposit as his equity would still be in house you were living in.

Will your children be able to live independently at some point?

You mentioned safety needs being one DC can lock themselves away from other one and you lock yourselves away from both. Surely any house can have locks put on all bedroom doors. Therefore specific needs to that particular house don't make sense.

Some people in this situation buy another smaller property, and take turns looking after the children in the marital home whilst the other one stays at the flat.