I’ve just been left for another woman after 22 years… where do I go from here, I can barely think straight. Just joined because I don’t know where else to turn…

[brearleysoon]

Any advice/experience welcome. Please be kind, I’m still in shock x

No experience but saw your post at the top of my list and wanted to give you a gentle handhold. I am so sorry but I want you to know I have seen so many women on here come out the other side and they are genuinely so happy 🌸

Would it help to talk about in general terms what happened or where you are at now? I am sure people here can help you with the more practical side x

You’re in the right place. There will be lots of support and advice here. But first, breathe. It feels like your world has imploded but you will be ok, take it a day - or an hour - at a time. There’s no rush to make big decisions at the moment. Treat it like any other bereavement, which this is, and be kind to yourself.

I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it? There’s loads of advice on here about the Script that men will follow. You need to get your ducks in a row and see a lawyer asap. X

And yes, although he’s already left, there may be elements of The Script that will emerge over the next few weeks and months, so reading that (and Chump Lady) may be a useful way to ground yourself. Seeing how predictable these men are, and being prepared for the next bombshell they drop, can be helpful, if a little depressing. Sending hugs to you @brearleysoon

I’m so sorry @brearleysoon. My advice is to tell your family, best friends and work - they will be emotionally and practically supportive. Don’t hide his secrets for him. This is his shame, not yours. Remember though, no matter how good your relationship with his parents or siblings they won’t side with you and may relay back to him anything you tell them. You may find yourself struggling at work and getting emotional or needing need some time off for solicitor’s appointments, so at least let your manager know so they can support you appropriately.

See a solicitor as soon as possible- your Ex will have had plenty of time to get his ducks in a row before he headed off. You’re playing catch up but you can get going now. At least you do know where you stand - rather than having suspicions but no proof.

You will get through this.

This with bells on. Good legal advice. One day at a time

Oh bless you. This is a horrible time, but I promise, you WILL get through it. Please talk to your family and friends, don't hide anything to shield him. This is the time to put you front and centre.

Sorry my lovely. Happened to me in 2013 after 26 years of what I thought was a really happy marriage. I'd advise you not to get into emotional arguments with him. I went round in circles with him until I thought I was going insane. Until the penny dropped and I realised that all those years together meant nothing to him. He wasn't my friend any more. That was one of the hardest parts to come to terms with. Sending you love and strength. You will get through this.

I’m so sorry @brearleysoonthis must feel overwhelming right now. But you will get through it.

You’ve come to the right place, there are lots of lovely posters who will be along with good advice and who have been there themselves. Take care x

Are you married?

I’m so sorry. The first thing is to make your health and wellbeing your first priority as you’re still in shock, ensure that you eat, drink and try and get some sleep as you’ll be emotionally exhausted. Talk to your close family and friends and ask for their support, you will need people around you and sometimes you’ll need time alone with your thoughts.
Try not to get into any tricky conversations with him because he’ll be on the defensive.
Take the next few weeks a day at a time and you’ll find your way through this.
Just remember that you will get through this.

Friends just been through this after 30 years.
Do your best to eat and sleep, look here on MN and in real life for support.
Get the best solicitor you can find.

It’s all about the financials now, try and concentrate on that as hard as it is. Do not agree to anything without advice and find some anger,

Do NOT contact him.. don’t do the pick me dance. Sleep. Talk to your friends. Breathe. Been there, done that at 23 years married, 30 years together.
You will be feeling all kinds of emotions but now is the time to take control. You won’t want to, you won’t feel strong enough to.. but YOU ARE.
I know it feels like things will never be the same again. And they won’t be…. They will be better. You will be stronger, happier, more peaceful.
For now, focus on getting through the next hour, the next day. You can and you will get through this x

Hi, This happened to me 1 month ago after a 23 year marriage. Completely unexpected and the shock really took its toll. Whilst I'm still not in a great place that acute shock has passed. I have 3 kids age 12,15 and 18. He told me impulsively with no planning 2 weeks before his massive 50th birthday party, now the whole village knows and we have had to cancel our dream holiday to florida. Eldest is in the middle of Alevel exams. He pretty much disappeared for a month and then came back saying he was going to live in our garden in a yurt ( the garden is huge) I said no yesterday, which caused the kids more upset. You will have alot of ups and downs, but nothing is as bad as those first few weeks. The loneliness is crippling in the beginning but again that does ease. DM if you like hun. You will go though every emotion multiple times, you can't avoid it, it's horrible but it won't be this bad for too long, I promise. Xxxxx

@brearleysoonHope you have someone with you. The mist will clear but you are going to be in shock for a while and will need friends/family to support you. Take care x