Page 2 | Just found evidence

cornettotrilogy · 2026-05-30T05:39:04+00:00

Anyone awake for a hand hold? I’ve been up all night and I’m driving myself crazy waiting for someone in my family to wake up so I can tell them that I’ve discovered my husband has been cheating on me. I woke him up, presented him with the evidence and told him to leave (which he did). I don’t know the details yet. I’m almost certain he was trying to minimise and lie in the little he admitted to before he left. DD woke up and overheard. She’s devastated but back asleep for now. I think I feel totally detached from the situation, or maybe ‘numb’ would be a better descriptor. I don’t know.

Raciney · 30/05/2026 11:22

OneKhakiTurtle · 30/05/2026 11:18

You’ve added your own context to the context provided by the OP. You don’t know that it wasn’t the person whose shown himself up to be a complete tosser who woke up the daughter with his behaviour. You are finding ways to hold the OP to an incredibly high standard without holding her husband to any.

It comes off as lacking empathy towards women when women do this to other women.

Edited

Show quote history

Oh give over. I’ve said he’s a cunt.

What’s happened has happened anyway - now op needs to focus on her and her daughter. My point stands. This is a pivotal moment in her young girl’s life.

OneKhakiTurtle · 30/05/2026 11:24

Raciney · 30/05/2026 11:22

Oh give over. I’ve said he’s a cunt.

What’s happened has happened anyway - now op needs to focus on her and her daughter. My point stands. This is a pivotal moment in her young girl’s life.

Show quote history

No you give over. You’ve criticised and expected perfection from a woman going through the worst thing in her life, show some empathy towards the OP stop blaming, criticising women for mens behaviour while in the same breath having zero expectations from the husband who has caused this. If you are triggered by showing your lack of empathy for the OP then don’t be such an arse in the future.

Raciney · 30/05/2026 11:36

OneKhakiTurtle · 30/05/2026 11:24

No you give over. You’ve criticised and expected perfection from a woman going through the worst thing in her life, show some empathy towards the OP stop blaming, criticising women for mens behaviour while in the same breath having zero expectations from the husband who has caused this. If you are triggered by showing your lack of empathy for the OP then don’t be such an arse in the future.

Edited

Show quote history

‘Triggered’? Are you some kind of Reform dictionary. You’ll call me a snowflake next

researchers3 · 30/05/2026 11:42

cornettotrilogy · 30/05/2026 10:14

That’s what I said.

Show quote history

Don't even ask him for the truth. You won't get it. When you're in shock it's normal to be vulnerable to gaslighting.

You've read anniversary for yourself so you know it's been a year at the least.

Don't believe anything he says.

OneKhakiTurtle · 30/05/2026 11:46

researchers3 · 30/05/2026 11:42

Don't even ask him for the truth. You won't get it. When you're in shock it's normal to be vulnerable to gaslighting.

You've read anniversary for yourself so you know it's been a year at the least.

Don't believe anything he says.

Show quote history

Yes absolutely true and there is a tale as old as time when cheaters try to rewrite a script and turn the situation back on the partner they’ve cheated on.

Somethingbland · 30/05/2026 12:07

Raciney · 30/05/2026 10:26

You need to protect your daughter more. How on earth did she ‘overhear’ such a damaging and traumatic conversation? That’s awful

For heaven's sake.
Nothing like a bit of victim blaming.
I'm sure OP feels bad enough about her DD waking up and hearing the conversation without being lectured about it

professionalcommentreader · 30/05/2026 12:18

@racineystop being a dick, even if you think it, why verbalise it, how do you think you’re helping.

Allthegoodonesareg0ne · 30/05/2026 12:20

Raciney · 30/05/2026 11:15

This is not domestic abuse so your point is not valid. Op should have waited till her daughter wasn’t around to show him ‘the evidence’ not woken him up, had a shouting match and thrown him out.

I feel very sorry for the op, I’ve been in a similar shitty situation. But adults will get over stuff like this eventually, children are way more vulnerable. How parents navigate and behaviour during divorce has a huge impact on their future wellbeing.

For me, this is the biggest issue in the op’s post. The husband can fuck off. She needs to look after her and her daughter

Show quote history

I disagree. Betrayal is abusive.
I don't think op can be held responsible for her actions in what is very likely to be one of the worst moments of her life.
The response to such a trauma is largely outside of our control. It's not an argument about who did or didn't do the dishes. It's like someone pushing you down the stairs and expecting you not to squeal or bang the walls on the way down.
What will make the difference to her daughter is seeing how she responds now that disclosure is out of rhe way. Watching her strong Mum go through that kind of pain, stand strong for her, and set boundaries that protect them both.

Hybird · 30/05/2026 12:24

OP is desperately upset. But now her thread looking for support is being derailed by two posters having a spat. Pack it in.

66babe · 30/05/2026 12:26

Raciney · 30/05/2026 10:26

You need to protect your daughter more. How on earth did she ‘overhear’ such a damaging and traumatic conversation? That’s awful

That’s really not helpful
Victim blaming here has no place in supporting this woman going through a shit time

millymollymoomoo · 30/05/2026 12:29

No one is victim blaming but op does bare some responsibility to how she handles this fir her daughter. And her daughter does not and should not be dragged into it

however what’s done is done and op needs to talk to her daughter to reassure her it’s ok and ensure she keeps all talk about their marriage and her dad away from
her child.

Op, you’ll be in shock right now so just take things one step at a time and give yourself a bit of time before you start thinking things through

Raciney · 30/05/2026 12:39

millymollymoomoo · 30/05/2026 12:29

No one is victim blaming but op does bare some responsibility to how she handles this fir her daughter. And her daughter does not and should not be dragged into it

however what’s done is done and op needs to talk to her daughter to reassure her it’s ok and ensure she keeps all talk about their marriage and her dad away from
her child.

Op, you’ll be in shock right now so just take things one step at a time and give yourself a bit of time before you start thinking things through

Thank you. Exactly.

op, how are you doing?

ImDoingItImDoingDoubleDenim · 30/05/2026 13:01

Raciney · 30/05/2026 11:15

This is not domestic abuse so your point is not valid. Op should have waited till her daughter wasn’t around to show him ‘the evidence’ not woken him up, had a shouting match and thrown him out.

I feel very sorry for the op, I’ve been in a similar shitty situation. But adults will get over stuff like this eventually, children are way more vulnerable. How parents navigate and behaviour during divorce has a huge impact on their future wellbeing.

For me, this is the biggest issue in the op’s post. The husband can fuck off. She needs to look after her and her daughter

Show quote history

Are you the one putting stupid AI crap on other threads just to wind people up?

Sounds like you’re at it again.

If it’s such an issue for you that the OP’s daughter heard then maybe just leave the thread. You’re not helping.

Original poster

cornettotrilogy · 30/05/2026 13:09

I don’t know how I am, really. This feels like the longest day.
There is a long history of gaslighting and lying. More than a decade.
When I first read the note my initial response was to do nothing until the morning, but when I went upstairs, I just couldn’t stop myself from saying something about it.
He immediately tried to downplay and lie, telling me it was a joke message and nothing had gone on. He makes me feel like I’m losing touch with reality.
I’ve spoken with my daughter this morning and she asked what her dad had said to me today on the phone - I said it was his story to tell her in his own words. He hasn’t been in touch with her yet.
I’m navigating this the best I can.

OP posts:

NameChangeAgain48 · 30/05/2026 13:12

cornettotrilogy · 30/05/2026 10:03

Thank you, everyone. I spoke to him on the phone and I still think he’s lying. He says he didn’t have sex with her, it only lasted a month, and ended over a year ago.
l’ve asked him to stay away from the house and I’ve just taken the ring doorbell off the wall so he can’t watch me coming and going.
The note said…
Happy anniversary (name)
I can’t wait to share my life with you
Your (name) x

Edited

I wouldnt flog a dead horse. You know he's a liar and a cheat. Youvwill never get the truth. He will minimise and drip feed you information giving you just enough to placate you. You know you've had suspicions for 2 years. You know the love not said happy anniversary suggesting this is over a year. You know he's go some woman imagining a live with him. While he's married to you. Id start by having a STI test because I dont doubt he's been having sex with her and putting your health at risk. If your in the UK divorce is no fault anyways lroving more than you know is unnecessary. Unless, you want to stay.

OneKhakiTurtle · 30/05/2026 13:14

cornettotrilogy · 30/05/2026 13:09

I don’t know how I am, really. This feels like the longest day.
There is a long history of gaslighting and lying. More than a decade.
When I first read the note my initial response was to do nothing until the morning, but when I went upstairs, I just couldn’t stop myself from saying something about it.
He immediately tried to downplay and lie, telling me it was a joke message and nothing had gone on. He makes me feel like I’m losing touch with reality.
I’ve spoken with my daughter this morning and she asked what her dad had said to me today on the phone - I said it was his story to tell her in his own words. He hasn’t been in touch with her yet.
I’m navigating this the best I can.

Absolutely @cornettotrilogy it is such a shock for you and it is appalling to be treated as you have been treated. I am so sorry for what you are going through, it is so early in the process for you and it is a very overwhelming stage but you will get through this.

DelphiniumBlue · 30/05/2026 13:30

The fact that he's kept the note in his wallet shows that he is emotionally involved. It's clearly been going for some time, he may or may not tell you the truth in due course, but as you can't trust a word he says anyway, you'd be better to focus your energy on practical issues.
Does he use a joint account, do you have access to bank /credit card statements? Those should give an indication of what's been going on. I'd get as much financial info as you can now, if he hasn't already cut off any access you might have. You'll need details of any pension/savings/income.
OP, this a horrible thing to go through, hopefully you've people IRL you can talk to for support. It's very hard trying to keep it together for DD, but in a way, now she knows the worst has happened, the rest is just detail, and you can reassure her that she's safe with you and that you will always prioritise her wellbeing. She'll be worried about moving house, whether she will see her Dad, how she will cope with a very sad Mum. You might not be able to answer the first 2 just yet, but you can demonstrate that you are not going to be a burden and that you will let her know of developments as and when they happen.
Wishing you strength through all this.

Raciney · 30/05/2026 13:33

ImDoingItImDoingDoubleDenim · 30/05/2026 13:01

Are you the one putting stupid AI crap on other threads just to wind people up?

Sounds like you’re at it again.

If it’s such an issue for you that the OP’s daughter heard then maybe just leave the thread. You’re not helping.

Show quote history

Eh? What are you talking about here….

Raciney · 30/05/2026 13:35

cornettotrilogy · 30/05/2026 13:09

I don’t know how I am, really. This feels like the longest day.
There is a long history of gaslighting and lying. More than a decade.
When I first read the note my initial response was to do nothing until the morning, but when I went upstairs, I just couldn’t stop myself from saying something about it.
He immediately tried to downplay and lie, telling me it was a joke message and nothing had gone on. He makes me feel like I’m losing touch with reality.
I’ve spoken with my daughter this morning and she asked what her dad had said to me today on the phone - I said it was his story to tell her in his own words. He hasn’t been in touch with her yet.
I’m navigating this the best I can.

Good for you. Your main message to her needs to be that this doesn’t change the fact that you both love her just as before. And don’t paint him as a bad man to her. Even if he is to you.

Endofyear · 30/05/2026 13:37

Sending you a handhold OP 💐 this is the worst day but you will get through it. Don't trust a word he's saying, he has gaslit you and lied to you but from now on you know it's not you, it's him. Gather your real life support and take it one day at a time. One day this will be a distant memory and you will be happy again x

Mycatchyusername · 30/05/2026 14:01

💐 I am sure you know this, but in my experience men will minimise & lie in situations such as this. Denying till they are blue in the face, swearing on everyone’s lives, crocodile tears for months until actual proof can be found. Trust your gut and know your worth. 💐

Miyagi99 · 30/05/2026 14:17

researchers3 · 30/05/2026 11:42

Don't even ask him for the truth. You won't get it. When you're in shock it's normal to be vulnerable to gaslighting.

You've read anniversary for yourself so you know it's been a year at the least.

Don't believe anything he says.

Show quote history

Exactly, unless she’s young enough to celebrate a month’s anniversary which doesn’t bear thinking about.

RainbowLife · 30/05/2026 14:40

Raciney · 30/05/2026 11:15

This is not domestic abuse so your point is not valid. Op should have waited till her daughter wasn’t around to show him ‘the evidence’ not woken him up, had a shouting match and thrown him out.

I feel very sorry for the op, I’ve been in a similar shitty situation. But adults will get over stuff like this eventually, children are way more vulnerable. How parents navigate and behaviour during divorce has a huge impact on their future wellbeing.

For me, this is the biggest issue in the op’s post. The husband can fuck off. She needs to look after her and her daughter

Show quote history

I agree with you up to a point and I can see you have empathy and experience of betrayal.

I hope you can accept that abuse of trust, deliberate significant deceit and infidelity are abusive behaviours. Also that the trauma of deceit and break.up of the family as it has been - it seems likely the teenager has been deceived as well - is the relevant trauma not overhearing parents arguing.

Having said that I imagine a lot of people will agree with you, as I do, that the gold standard is to work together as adults to resolve differences and continue to support the children as co-parents. For me this has meant do the best I can to 'keep my side of the street clean' whether the other parent does likewise or not.

RainbowLife · 30/05/2026 14:47

cornettotrilogy · 30/05/2026 13:09

I don’t know how I am, really. This feels like the longest day.
There is a long history of gaslighting and lying. More than a decade.
When I first read the note my initial response was to do nothing until the morning, but when I went upstairs, I just couldn’t stop myself from saying something about it.
He immediately tried to downplay and lie, telling me it was a joke message and nothing had gone on. He makes me feel like I’m losing touch with reality.
I’ve spoken with my daughter this morning and she asked what her dad had said to me today on the phone - I said it was his story to tell her in his own words. He hasn’t been in touch with her yet.
I’m navigating this the best I can.

Today is a very hard day but it will pass.
I can remember just getting through 5 minutes at a time some days, especially when there had been horrible revelations, infidelity, financial deception, all sorts of lies.
I felt stupid, didn't know what to believe, felt I had based my life on illusions.
Future you will be grateful for every bit of self care and care for your daughter you manage today and in the coming days.
A huge number of people are reading this with nothing but sympathy for you ❤️

ImDoingItImDoingDoubleDenim · 30/05/2026 16:00

Raciney · 30/05/2026 13:33

Eh? What are you talking about here….

Show quote history

Your weird posts on the thread about the most recognisable person in the world.