Could this really work?

[TeddyBearrs]

No judgement please just looking for thoughts.

Im a lone parent to 4 kids, all kids are autistic to varying degrees, oldest being most severe and also just been diagnosed with severe adhd, to say life is rough is an understatement. I haven’t had a single night to myself in 10 years she doesn’t sleep and is up all night and I still have to look after 3 younger kids in the morning after having zero sleep. Ex hasn’t been around or involved for years so I’ve been doing it all alone. I can’t manage days out as quite frankly it’s too hard (to give more context the local authority provided 2 support workers to come and take her out to give me a break and they quit after 2 days!!) anyway to get to the point, ex has got back in contact and wants to see them again… the reason he stopped seeing them is because he only wanted to see them in my house he wouldn’t take them to his and wouldn’t take them out, people told me he was taking the P and I should basically stop the arrangement as it isn’t fair on me him coming round playing happy families then leaving and me never getting a break, I put a stop to him coming here but now I’m starting to think that was a mistake, he has been gone for 3 years but wants contact again so maybe I should actually just go along with this “family” thing, so at least I would have an extra pair of hands here helping
Out and he could help me take the children out, and I really want to take them on holiday but I could never manage that alone but with my ex it might actually be a possibility with an extra person for support, my other children are missing out not being able to ever go abroad, he use to stay over and I use to find it uncomfortable as it was like we was acting like a couple still (nothing happened and he slept on the sofa) but people told me it was weird and it shouldn’t be happening and tbh it was quite hard having my ex here after we split and acting like a family, I just wanted a normal co parenting situation where the ex comes to take his kids and I get a break but that’s never going to happen and I have to accept that but now im starting to think I could actually use this as a positive? What would you do if you were me?

It wouldn’t be a break for me no, but I don’t get one anyway so having an extra pair of hands to help me take them out would be how it would benefit me as right now I can barely manage days out and the other children are suffering not being able to live a normal life, they are also feeling very resentful to her and often tell me how they feel she ruins everything, I wish they were more understanding but their feelings are valid too and they are autistic themselves. I’m not autistic at least I was never diagnosed or suspect growing up. He wants contact again but we have not had a proper discussion yet as it’s all through email for now.

And as I said my other children are getting very angry and resentful towards here, I took them out today thought we’d have a nice day out and she was just horrific, had to come straight home.

Yea sorry I misread the post, I haven’t had a single day to myself in 10 years so I don’t have any hobbies or interest, everything I do the kids have to come with me and dd will often act up and we have to leave, ive done nothing for myself in 10 years. I attempted a beach trip today dont even know why I bothered she started as soon as we got there and another mum was telling her kids to stay away from my daughter (I don’t blame her and am not judging her) but just reminded me of how isolated it feels, we left after 45 mins and was a complete waste of time and my other kids were angry and upset with how far we had traveled. I certainly won’t bother again.

I understand how you must feel isolated. Its really not necessarily simple for others to just advise on how you could spend your time. You clearly have time for your children which probably absorbs every bit of you.

I think you need to seriously consider the impact of the father reappearing and weigh up its benefits for you and your children. He would be last in line for consideration.

I hope you can resolve this to yours and your children's benfit. Good luck.