Am I too old to start again and still have children?

[BunnyLover92]

I'm 33, almost 34 and my husband has been stringing me along for years about having kids. We've been together 14 years and married for almost 4. Ultimately he keeps pushing it back, and whilst I've tried to be understanding of his reasons it's making my life unliveable - if I ask him for reassurance he gets angry and gave me an ultimatum that if I don't stop asking for reassurance he wants a divorce. That for me was the nail in the coffin.

Am I too old to meet someone and have a baby? I know things move quicker in your 30's but I obviously don't have years and years. I'd love to hear some positive outcomes of anyone who's gone through similar.

Well ultimately no
but you need to take positive steps right now. That means divorce

its positive you recognise it and don’t waste any more years with empty promises. Start today - take him up on his word of divorce

I was slightly younger, but I left my ex at 29, met someone new at 30 and had our first baby exactly 2 years later. I had known fertility issues that meant I had very little time left to start a family and DH was on board despite that.

If I were you I’d struggle to be happy and continue a life with someone who had strung me along about having kids.

You're not too old, OP but as PP said, get rid of the manipulative liar now and find someone who wants the same things you do.

Definitely not too old but get out of your marriage now.

You are not too old but don't dwell too much about that because no one can predict what might happen in the future. Instead think about how life would be if you stayed with him and from what you have said it doesn't sound good. If there are no positives to your relationship then you have your answer.

Regardless of whether you’ll have kids with someone else, I couldn’t stay with a man who had treated me like that

@BunnyLover92 after 14 years with you he doesn't want children. If you stayed with him you won't have them so you don't really have anything to lose by leaving if that's your priority.
And you then you at least have the chance with someone else.

Yes I believe it's very possible in theory. But that would be based on divorce imminently now, and wasting no time going on lots of dates. But divorce isn't easy and emotionally would you be ready to do this right now. I believe there's still time. I was almost 41 when I had a baby and while I conceived very quickly, I did go through two miscarriages first. I would also say that if you meet someone and have a baby relatively quickly, I would also prepare myself for being a single mum.

I absolutely love my daughter but it has also been the hardest five years I have ever known, no one could have prepared me for how difficult I've found it, keeping all the plates spinning. I'm just adding this in, as I do believe people that choose to be child free are just as happy, if not happier if I'm honest. I know this isn't the question you asked, but I just wanted to add this in if your marriage and married life is otherwise great.

I do believe all of this can still happen, there is still time. I wish you all the best, I hope this all comes true for you x

Nah you’re not too old. But get going on the rest of your life right now. My xh did me the great favour of having a vasectomy so I had to accept that he was never going to suddenly want children. I left him at 31, met Dh at 34 and was very quickly pregnant. I’m not going to say that was the best ever series of life choices but I think of my darling ds and I don’t have a single regret.

It’s much better to be single, your own person and miss out on kids because of life, than stay with this guy that you have outgrown and be bitter. Tbh I wouldn’t bother having arguments, just tell him it’s over and to see a lawyer. He’s wasted enough of your time.

One of my friends was jilted aged 34 - she went on to meet somebody else, and have two lovely children with him (she did have to start trying fairly quickly, and did have to have two fairly close together, but so what).

Different situation for me, but I got divorced at 31. Have various gynae issues and currently 34 and needing surgery. I think I’m going to freeze my eggs. 35 is considered a bit of a cliff edge for clinics and you seem to get better deals if you do something pre 35.

I don’t think you’re too old, but for peace of mind, if you have the £ or can get it, is it worth thinking about egg freezing?

Oh OP I am so sorry you are married to a pig of a man. My friend had a similar situation. She divorced, went seriously on the dating game. Got a complete upgrade of a man and has a beautiful son. But you go today and start that journey. Good luck

I think he is a lost cause, what a git to string you along so many years. You are better off without him. My advice would be to freeze your eggs, then divorce your husband. Then you have a bit of breathing space to decide if you want to be a single parent or see if someone comes along that would be a good dad and partner.

i actually feel quite complete as iv chosen to have children as a single woman. If you can manage alone could that be an option?

No but don’t waste anymore time. I left my husband at 36 and now have a new partner and 2 children.

No, not too old at all. My wife amd I met when she was 32, me 38 . Had our first child a year later, then 2 more within next 3 years. Worth it, I am an older dad but our ' kids' keep us up to date and feeling younger than our years. Go for it !

You might squeeze it in. I did, but only via adoption. But I did it because I was miserable and have never regretted it. It's 30 years ago now.

LTB now, have minimal contact with your ex and prioritise getting over it and dating is your best chance, and will be a good thing for you even if you don’t have DC in future.

your current H wouldn’t be a good man to have DC with.

Your not too old but you need to get on with the it now. You don’t know how your fertility will decline and some people find it difficult from your age.

You're definitely not too old to have a baby.

Meeting a decent man without serious red flags to procreate with quickly enough is a lot less likely though.

Divorce the useless waste of oxygen. He is no good for you.

Use a sperm bank and pay for a few goes at IUI without the baggage of trying to get a stable relationship set up first.

When you are feeling ready, post-baby, you can date again but do protect your child from any kind of string of temporary "uncles" "mummy's friend John" etc - only let boyfriend meet child if you are 95% certain he's definitely "the one" (at which point if the dynamic between child and boyfriend isn't great, ditch the boyfriend)

Your not to old. But you need to get a move on. Time is not on your side.

You aren’t too old but you do need to find someone fairly soon. I had my first DC just before I turned 35. I had my second when I was 36. First pregnancy was IVF but I’d been trying for several years before (didn’t know reason for difficulties). Got pregnant twice after first DC naturally in the first month of trying. I know quite a lot of older mums but age does play a factor and statistically makes it harder the older you are. Good luck OP.

This.

And yes, I know at least two women who met men in their late thirties and went on to have kids with them ( both married the man). They both have two kids with the man. In both cases they progressed the relationship quickly due to their ages ( the men wanted kids too). I would say that in one case I have no doubt the man is autistic and the marriage now strained.

There were also two 40 year old first time mums in my NCT group but I never asked when they met their husbands, so I don’t know if they met their partners in their mid or late 30s but it’s definitely feasible they did.

Definitely not to old. Met my DP at 39 had my first at 41 and second at 44.

My DH died when I was 35, met my now DH just over a year later (wasn't supposed to be anything serious) had DS at 41.