Son wants nothing to do with dad after us separating, can I get him removed from school communications?

[Happyandfree974]

Hi everyone, im sorry if this isnt the best board to write this question on. Please advise and ill move it if so.
My son is 15. To put it simply I am in the process of divorcing my husband, mainly over how he treats our son amongst other things.
I dont want to get in to the details on here but due to how his dad is with him and him also having adhd he acts up a lot in school.
He leaves school in just over 12 months time.
I have always done all the communication with school and rightly or wrongly kept husband out of the loop of most things because of his reactions . For example I have been in for some meetings that husband doesnt know about. This is because I have been trying to protect my son from his dad's reactions.
Anyway, now we have split, son doesnt want any contact with his dad , and his dad is happy with this. This has not been done through the family court, just our own decision that can be changed at any time .
I want to get husband removed from the school email list etc but is that possible as he still has parental responsibility?
Most of the time school email me directly but things like end of term reports and parents evening invites go to both parents.
I am doing this to protect my son. Any advice?

No, you can’t.

he has parental responsibility and without a court order you cannot tell school not to send them to him .

Surely if a 15 year wants to, the school should consider this.

I'd just explain son and dad are now estranged and you're divorcing. You've amicably mutually decided that you only are the RP. So please can ex be removed from contact details. That son does not wish father to be involved in his education.

The school can't override the law.

Its difficult because that is obviously the law, but if my husband receives negative communication about my son it is my son that suffers big time and thats the main reason we are separating.
So by the school still sending to husband, they are essentially causing potential emotional abuse etc to my child

As above, you can't remove him but your husband could ask to be removed.

An alternative is that your son could talk to the school, explain that he is Gillick competent and that he wishes to manage his own data privacy with his father for matters of well-being or safeguarding.

This second option would trump the PR, if it came from the son himself. I think as it is his right under GDPR.

If your son doesn’t want any contact with him and he doesn’t want any contact with your son, it doesn’t sound like there will be much opportunity for your ex to berate him?

Husband would not ask for this himself as he would like to continue That element of control even if not seeing him face to face .

What does your Ex do to your son if he gets “negative” feedback?

Yes she can if the son requests it and he's old enough to make the decision, which he is

They can - fathers are often removed from contact lists when there is a social work or early help plan and the father is not involved with the child and where there is a risk to the child of information being shared.

School should support your DS with this. School should listen to your DS and carry out his wishes.

Clearly I meant in the OP's case.

The principle is exactly the same. It's possible for the school to do when there is a good reason.

Not without a court order in the OP's particular case.

No, schools can restrict information shared with a parent on safeguarding grounds and the age of the child makes this an even stronger argument.

Then they would have to prove there's a real safeguarding concern.

And be prepared to be challenged on it.

The school's primary duty is the safety and well-being of the child, which outweighs a parent's right to receive school reports or letters.

Therefore if the child speaks to the safeguarding lead, then they will be able to assess the risk and make the decision based on the evidence.

The school would need to discuss this with the father - they cannot just act on one parent’s say-so.

Ah ok fair enough. If it's true he has no interest and simply ignores the schools request for consent would that mean he'd be left on? Or removed?

I guess if he ignores all school stuff anyway and always has them they may never be able to reach him.

Either my husband or I can simply log in and change the contact info on our school portal. In theory, one of us could log in and remove the other as a contact or pickup person.

This kind of behavior could be used against someone in court though. So someone with an adversarial or vengeful spouse who might actually notice would be unwise to do something like this.

If your son isn’t having a relationship with his father, what form would the emotional abuse take? Can he block his phone number etc?

Yes I will get him to block his number etc. There are things we can do. I just thought this step would make it alot simpler. As I say he finishes in 12 months anyway.

So second question, going forward if he went to college , could I leave dads name off for that?

At college your son will be asked to provide an emergency contact. He can choose whether or not to include his dad.

From gov.uk

Under the principles of the UK General Data Protection Regulations 2018 (UK GDPR) and the Data Protection Act 2018, a child or young adult can assume control of their personal information and restrict access to it from the age of 13.
However, until they reach the age of 18, their parent is entitled to request access to or a copy of their educational record even if they do not wish them to access it. Nonetheless, a parent is not entitled to information the school could not lawfully disclose to the child under the UK GDPR or to which the child would have no right of access under the Education (Pupil Information) (England) Regulations 2005.
A local authority with parental responsibility for a child is also entitled to inspect or receive a copy of the educational record of a child who is the subject of a care order.
Example A non-resident parent who has limited contact with their child contacts their school to find out how well they did in their exams. The child and the resident parent do not wish to share that information, and notify the school of this. The school refuses to release the information on the basis that the child is old enough to control access. It has therefore breached education law by failing to provide information to which the non-resident parent is entitled.

There is a load of other info here https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/dealing-with-issues-relating-to-parental-responsibility/understanding-and-dealing-with-issues-relating-to-parental-responsibility