Will it be split 50:50?

[mumof1littlebun]

My husband and I are looking like divorce is the only way to go now. He won’t have a calm discussion and keeps saying can just leave, he can afford the house on his own and he will keep the children. Obviously this is not what I want, ideally I want them with me as much as possible but only he is their parent too and they will spend time with him as well. He can’t just have them because he can afford more than me can he? I will obviously be seeing advice from a solicitor but I’m assuming it will be a case of selling the house and dividing the money and finding two separate places to live then the children will spend half the time with us each?

How old are the children

5 and 10

Lots of factors. Did you buy the house together and were you already married, or did he already have it and you moved in? Are you on the deeds? What other assets (including pensions!) have built up during marriage? Most of those will default to 50-50 split but there are exceptions. Do you have access to all bank accounts etc?

Soon the older child will be able to have a say on who they want to spend time with.

Courts will consider best interest of children. If you can’t adequately house them that would be relevant but definitely don’t assume that outcome. I wouldn’t leave now and let him have them full time before getting advice. I’d be concerned that doing so sets a precedent of him being main carer and could enable him to get more custody. Not sure if that’s the case but would want to check.

Do you currently have earnings? If not, what are your options for earning?

Sorry you’re going through this. Don’t let him tell you what to do. Don’t let him hide info. If at all possible, take some money from a joint account into a bank account just in your name to ensure you can pay a good solicitor.

In terms of child arrangements if he wants them 50:50 and can
demonstrate how that will
work then yes he’ll get 50:50

in terms of financial settlement courts would look to achieve 50 :50 if that’s possible but could deviate in either direction depending on multiple factors

We bought the together when married. He seems to think he could just keep the house but surely it would need to be sold so we could both afford somewhere? He can’t afford to buy me out. He is saying as I’m the one who wants the split he will get the children full time and I will have to move out

Also I do work, part time

He's talking absolute bollocks.
Get legal advice.

He's wrong. Is he from Victorian England?
Sounds like he will be difficult and argumentative. So ducks in a row, gather up any financial docs, see a solicitor and up your hours at work of you can.

He is talking crap…I moved out of the family home (because I wanted too, I couldn’t stand it!) he had to sell or buy me out, he bought me out. We have dc 50:50.

you will need to start working more though I imagine

I could up my hours but they work perfectly at the minute in that I can pick the children up from school every day

The financial split will depend in

your length of marriage
income and income potential ( your ft potential earnings)
assets available inc pensions, savings, equity etc
houding needs ( same if both housing children)

it might be 50:50 but can deviate

do you have an understanding of what assets there are ?

Hey OP. It's ok. Take a breath. He's talking absolute bollocks!

In most cases, unless the marriage is short, or a few other extremely rare situations, the court will start with a presumption of 5050 for child care and finances.

I'm assuming if you work part time then he earns more than you and potentially has a larger pension. Think about things like savings or stocks and shares, and even cars. They may be 'his' but in the eyes of the law they are marital assets so you deserve a fair proportion of them (nominally 5050).

Go and see a solicitor asap and get some mediation arranged. Strongly encourage him to see a solicitor too as they will likely set him straight.

Regarding the house, you could end up with the majority of it, for example in exchange for letting him keep his full pension. It's not clear cut, and unless he can afford to fully buy you out you will need to sell the house. It's just a house. A fresh start can be a wonderful thing.

Whatever you do from now GET A SOLICITOR, and remember your stbexh is no longer your friend. His advice is to be completely ignored from this moment on.

Good luck! It's going to be a hard few months but you'll get there.

@Upsetbettyso the fact he got the family home didn’t matter? I wouldn’t get the children less than 50:50 would I? That’s what I am so worried about. If it I had it my way I’d have them all the time but obviously he had a right to them too

Agree total nonsense. But it can take time for people to process a separation and see reason.
Get legal advice but one option if he can afford the mortgage and bills himself is to move out, rent somewhere for you and dc and claim UC. You can get UC for a period while a house is sold (assuming you don’t have other savings) as the house is ignored as capital for a while. Getting through the court process and getting an order for sale may take a year.
Often people say stay in the house but the way finances are calculated these days that doesn’t usually change the settlement especially if you can’t afford to stay and it will need to be sold anyway.
There may or may not be CM payable depending on who has dc when (it’s based on nights not days). Be careful when agreeing children’s arrangements you both have an equal opportunity to work / earn and aren’t doing before or after school care on his days. You need to make sure childcare costs etc are split fairly. So each person should be responsible for a full 24 hours not one doing 8pm-8am and all the daytime costs or restrictions on employment falling on the other person.

No of course it didn’t matter, I provided a perfectly good home by myself. (A better one in fact) no you won’t get them less than 50:50 unless there’s underlying issues like drinking/drugs abuse etc? And even then they always aim to keep dc in contact with both parents tbh. He does have a right to see them yes…so in your head you will need to get used to the fact that it will be a MINIMUM of 50:50 but historically most men don’t keep up with this and it ends up being. 60:40, 70:30 in YOUR favour.

we do Mon, Tues with dad, weds, Thurs with mum and alternate Fri-Sun. So over two weeks it’s 7 each, with the longest time apart being 5days.

moving out doesn’t impact your claim to the assets in any way but could Impact any argument you make to state you need the martial home, and can impact who controls the timelines and any requirement to sell which is why it’s recommended to not move out.

weighting absolutely can be given to pre marital assets brought to the marriage but if it’s a Needs base divorce everything can be put into the pot for division

Me moving out had no impact on timelines…I drove the whole proceedings! He had to work to my dates tbh.

I said it can impact timelines - especially if the party in the fmh is obstructive . Of course that’s not always the case but it very often is. Good that it didn’t impact your case

Definitely impacted me, ex wouldn't let people in for viewings or would be in bed pretending he didn't know about it. Never cleaned or opened a window. Got a court order in the end to get him out. I moved back and we sold within a week or two

Yes well I can see how in that case it would hold things up sorry. He bought me out so no need to sell, I arranged the valuation as I still had the authority to do that. If he hadn’t paid by x date then I could force the sale etc

What equity is left in the house? If sold and split, could you get a house/mortgage in your name?

Can you afford to run a household on your current part time salary?

Probably not, that’s why I’ve stayed put

You need to start working full time? Can you do this?

I maybe could but then the children would have to go to after school club which apart from the cost means I’d spend less time with them

Such is life. And I know that sounds harsh, but you need to decide what you want. Something will always have to give, there will always be a compromise. If you can get a job where you work most hours while at DC her with their dad, then you’ll see them when you have them. Afterschool club may only be for an extra hour or so.