Will it be split 50:50?

[mumof1littlebun]

My husband and I are looking like divorce is the only way to go now. He won’t have a calm discussion and keeps saying can just leave, he can afford the house on his own and he will keep the children. Obviously this is not what I want, ideally I want them with me as much as possible but only he is their parent too and they will spend time with him as well. He can’t just have them because he can afford more than me can he? I will obviously be seeing advice from a solicitor but I’m assuming it will be a case of selling the house and dividing the money and finding two separate places to live then the children will spend half the time with us each?

Unfortunately that’s the reality of divorce.

lives and lifestyles change. Unless your husband is a very high earner you’ll not get spousal maintenance and if he shares children 50:50 there don’t be child maintenance either.

so you’ll need to work out his to pay your own way

Yes you may have to work full time, and yes less time with the kids but needs must when you’re a single parent. He won’t get more than 50% custody or more than 50% of the house. Whether he likes it or not, if he can’t afford to buy you out, then the house will he sold and you’re likely get 50-50.

No one can say what the asset split will be as there is no information

You won't automatically need to work full time. I work part time 0.5 FTE and get the rest topped up with Universal Credit. It's actually better financially for me to work part time as the kids get FSM.

It's worth looking into all your options. Obviously it doesn't help with a mortgage application having less hours but did help when I went (and was granted) a Mesher Order so I could keep the house until my youngest is 18 years old.

I don’t think mesher orders are granted very easily anymore tbh.

That is a myth.

My lawyer said they are the bread and butter of divorces. Mine was granted in 2024, plus spousal maintenance, child maintenance (even in 50/50 childcare) UC, wages, a contribution to the mortgage each month.

You need to assess all you avenues for finances.

Speak to a Divorce Coach to guide you through the process (around £70 an hour) compared to a lawyer (who was £360 an hour).

Also, could the mortgage be stretched to make it less to pay back each month and spread the term?

There would have to be a huge disparity in earnings and provisions for that to happen in the first place

@ChineseAlan8910 its not a myth. They are increasingly unlikely , and only happen in a minority of cases in England and wales and usually only where huge income disparity and means to pay without impacting other party or as a last resort to house minor children

og course they can and do still get awarded in some cases but this doesn’t mean they are a good thing necessarily

and yes, op wont be forced to work or but get financial settlement be based on the presumption she can. If she chooses not to then it’s pt plus uc if she wants to rely on taxpayer

without knowing any of the financials no one can say what it would look like but a divorce should mean becoming responsible for oneself.

and in case of true 50:50 childcare it will be zero and cms can overturn any court award after 12 months unless it’s a global maintenance payment

What do you want the financial outcome to be?

This is a really going point, you need to pick a lane and focus on that. For me it was house over pension so I went full focus on that. It's like a cake that can be divided up many ways, I wanted cash now and the house, I have another 20 years to sort the pension out. Pick your battles.

Just to mention, as I don’t think you’ve said yet where you are, most of the advice here will assume UK law and a UK legal marriage. If either of those is not the case it could be quite different.

Mesher orders are an option. They are just never really a good option for any of the parties except in some limited circumstances. Which is why people are steered away from them.

The starting point will be 50/50 both in terms of finances and children arrangement. Unless there are safeguarding issues. Finances mainly dependent on your needs and that to house the children adequately as a priority. A judge could or not consider that you could work FT.

I do already work 30 hrs

I think if you can demonstrate what you do this would be helpful, eg if they are used to doing drop offs with you and you’re the only parent who does appointments etc you can show you’re the main carer. If you want them more
however do you think he would /could do. 5050? Do you want to trial it now? Eg you always do Monday and Tuesday evenings he always does Wednesday and Thursdays and you can alternate Friday- Sunday weekends. You’re in charge totally of uniforms clubs drop offs food pack lunches laundry etc on your nights. Trial it now and see how he gets on?

Use universal credit calculator to find out what you will be entitled to based on your current income. UC will pay upto 85% of childcare if needed.
They can help with rent too.
Do you have equity in your home? Savings?