Not married - house and children

[CoffeeloverNo1]

My ex left over a year ago without warning. Children now 12 and 9. We own the house jointly and equally. We also jointly own a 2 bed flat purchased a few years ago which we rented out but he know lives in.

children remain with me full time and don’t want to stay overnight with him. They do still see him regularly each week though after school and during the day on one weekend day each week.

he wants his share of equity which is approx £140k but I’ve spoke to mortgage advisor and been advised that a sole mortgage for me, max I could borrow means I can only give him £90k. He is saying that’s not good enough and won’t be able to get him a house for him and the kids. He has £50k in savings and earns £80 a year. I just increased hours to full time so I now earn £35k a year.

what I want some advice on is if it went to court and we couldn’t agree between us, what’s the likelihood I’ll be forced to sell. Or do I have any rights to stay there until children are adults? I receive DLA for one and the others is with CAMHS because of the trauma this has caused and him leaving suddenly. Thanks

the point I was making is that couples need to talk about money. Calling it mean and unromantic isn't helping anyone. I would not even contemplate having children, getting married or living together without that conversation.

We need to stop telling women to aspire to part time jobs, unpaid labour and being reliant on someone else for financial stability and security. Many woman on this board are forced out of home owership or pension security because they don't earn enough. Being married doesn't change that because there isn't enough wealth in the marriage to compensate for that.

Most marriages don’t have enough wealth for two equal houses! How can they? Women, in case you hadn’t noticed, want to work part time. They don’t want to be forced into working full time when dc are young. They want to make choices. Some love to continue working when highly paid, but paying for child care can cost more than some earn. I suspect @LemonTT you have no idea about family finances or that women want to spend time with dc. They don’t want to be away for 10 hours a day and never see them. They have not signed up for that. Most people sort out work and children in a way that suits them and don’t deserve to be berated by other women for somehow failing as a woman.

My solicitor advised a meeting with a barrister to see if they thought i would he successful in court and for advice about the particulas of mysituation. They advised shuttle mediation.

Why don’t I know much about family finances? I have financial independence. Which would imply I know a bit about it.

Most people would like to define the hours they work, the type of work they do and how much time they spend with their children. But it comes with compromises and dependence.

Vast numbers of women do define the time they work and see dc by working part time! Msny don’t earn enough to be independent before they married. I’m assuming you don’t live in London? You seem to think everyone can and does earn shedloads. Reality is far from that.

I was about to say this. Unmarried you may have equitable rights but an under sch1 Children’s Act. You really need some advice from a solicitor OP

@OhDear111 i didn’t want to work part time , neither did any of my female friends. We all
worked full time . Of course in some cases it’s a choice , in others finances dont afford that choice, and one that should be made within the family and what works best, but if you don’t have a career pre marriage or children, then opt to work Pt in low paying job after, you can’t claim career sacrifice as there never was one! And many women walk away with assets from
divorce that they’d never be able to amass on min wage jobs.

oh and I’m fully conversant with family finances and family life raising two children and the choices and outcomes that come with it.

none of this helps the op however .

@OhDear111 and you just validated my point

@millymollymoomoo All of mine did work part time or not at all. Of course many need to work end of course it friends on family circumstances. However the idea that all women, by working and looking after dc are somehow going to be financially independent after a split is not realistic. I’m sure my DD will carry on working after dc but she earns a lot of money so will have a nanny. Others cannot afford childcare or need grandparents to do unpaid nannying. Many women cannot have it all or do it all.

With 288k equity to be divided equally between the 2 of you it is very unlikely that you would get a mesher order.

Yes it would be very different if married as you would be able to claim against his savings and pension and agree to offset the equity from the house against those. Leaving you more likely to keep the house

Cutting to the chase, the likelihood is you will need to sell the house. You are both entitled to 50/50 split of house and flat as they are jointly owned, and essentially if you can’t get a mortgage to enable you to buy him out, then the house will need to be sold (unless he agrees not to, which sounds unlikely). His earnings, pension etc are not your business as you are not entitled to anything there. Get legal advice, it will be worth it.

What would legal advice say other than he takes what’s his and op has what’s hers?