Co-parenting-Doctors/dentist appointments

[Marielou101]

I want some dads honest opinions on this and also women who may have similar experiences

me and my daughters dad may not be friends but we co parent healthily I would say. He’s a great dad however he’s made it clear on multiple occasions that doctors appointments he will attend but dentist he will not as it’s not worth taking the time out of work. We have both coming up soon they are 4 weeks apart from one another and he’s said he will happily take the time for doctors but the dentist he doesn’t need to be present, keep in mind the gp surgery and dentist are round the corner from one another

my mind is boggled by this what is the difference surely they are seen on the same level, I am happy to attend and take her to both but I also work full time the same hours if not longer so I can’t understand or see why you would attend one over the other

Don’t see the point in both parents attending dentist or doctors unless doctors is for specific long term issue. Whoever’s day it is, takes her?

Do you mean you expect him to accompany you to the appointments? I don't think that is at all necessary. I don't think my children's dad has ever been to the dentist with them. I didn't even consider him tbh, I just went after school with them. He went to a few doctors appointments. If you are co parenting then only one of you needs to go.

I think he’s being ridiculous, but I’d just make sure I always scheduled dentist for ‘my’ days with child to get job done.
currenly my ex on his six figure salary cant be bothered to buy larger school trousers for his house, so he sends them in with bums hanging out and the poor things struggle to get them on and off.
i, on my tiny income, trawl Vinted so I can replace the trousers at both our houses for correct size and get rid of the too small ones when they come to mine. Poor kids.

This, are you meaning you want both of you to attend, or he’s saying attendance at the dentist at all isn’t important so he wouldn’t take them at all?

I wouldn’t expect both parents to attend either type of appt unless there was an expectation of a bad important diagnosis. I would expect that both parents would share the appts equally so if you did one dentist visit he would do the next.

Completely understand the confusion when we began co parenting he asked to be involved in all the appointments. Therefore I invite him to them all he however has said he wants to do the doctors appointments but never the dentists

so he asked to be made aware of all appointments so he can attend and be actively involved, I invite him to all of them however he has stated he only wants to attend doctors as they are more important and that the dentist is not an appointment he feels he needs to attend therefore I can attend them, but my issue isn’t with him wanting to take doctors and him wanting me to take dentist my issue is how come I’m not able to attend them both and he can’t do the same at times so for example take turns between the 2

Yes and I agree however he is saying that he will do doctors every time and I will do dentist, my issue isn’t with one parent going at a time my issue is with him feeling one is more important than the other

Yeah he’s saying he will attend all doctors appointments and that I don’t attend those and that because the dentist isn’t as important I can take those, my issue isn’t with us splitting it’s more why can’t we take turns between them both.

No no I never think that’s necessary however he’s made it clear that he’s to be involved in all the appointments therefore I make him aware of them but he has made it clear that all doctors appointments he will attend and I can stay back, when I invite him to dentist appointments he says no I can take them as they aren’t as important. My confusion is why there is a difference between the two

Well one is more important than the other isn't it.

Dentists are usually routine check ups.
Whereas a child might not see a doctor for several years unless they have an ongoing health problem.
If I were you I wouldn't find non issues to be annoyed about.

Technically it’s both our day but he wants to be involved and invited therefore I do, however my question was why is there a difference of importance between the two

Just to clear it up I’m not annoyed I’m asking for others perspective on the matter.

Think of it this way, if you were together, would you both take dc to these appointments? In my mind you only need one of you to take them but you can alternate who does it

So who is making these appointments? It sounds from your posts that you are making them, your ex wishes you to inform him, then he takes them to the doctor? So if you are making the appointment you take them otherwise he makes the appointment and he takes them.

Doctors appointments for children do tend to be more important for children in the UK at least, as they are generally in relation to an active illness. Dentist appointments are more routine generally.
However, as a parent BOTH types of appointments are necessary for your child's overall wellbeing.

I'm a divorced dad and I wouldn't expect to attend dentist's appointments unless my ex had arranged it for my day and I had to take our daughter. Doctors appointments I would attend as it's very rare my daughter would ever be at the doctors unless there's something wrong. Dentists I would put in the same category as eye tests etc. They're usually just routine checkups so no need for both parents to be present (divorced or otherwise).

@Brainstorm23 So do you arrange anything? Or wait for ex to do it? Just wondering.

@Brainstorm23 unfortunate that your dentist office only allows your ex to arrange appointments.

This is weird! Unless there’s a massive dripfeed and your Dc has an ongoing medical condition requiring multiple doctor visits, surely they only see the GP when they’re ill? My DC had GP visits maybe once a year! With dentists, it’s a 6 monthly check up lasting 5 minutes.
As a divorced parent, the parent whom the child is with at the time they are ill should take them to the GP. With dentist appointments, which are booked months in advance, either take turns or the person booking the appointment makes it at their convenience. I always made the dentist appointments at the time as my dentist appointment!

Doctor’s appointments are usually more important than Dentist appointments for kids?

So generally, children go to the doctor when they are actually ill. Dentists are just routine check ups and not indicative of there actually being a problem. That’s presumably why your ex is making a distinction.

But then I’m not in the UK and in my country it is not unusual for neither parent to attend dental appointments once the child is in primary school. The dental van visits the school and pulls the child out of class. The parent doesn’t even know when it is going to happen. (Well they can call and ask, but no-one does.)

A dentist app is usually every 9mths for a check up unless toothache etc

doctors are when poorly

no point in both being at a dentist for a check up

can understand why dad wants to be there for doc but equally doesn’t need 2 parents and unless serious /very poorly then whoever day it is should take and Inform other parent

Yes unfortunate indeed. Since you and @OhDear111 asked so nicely I'll tell you that I arrange all her activities and work part time to take her to most of them. But you just couldn't resist the urge to make snide remarks could you?

Actually it wasn’t snide. Most women make all appointments and ex men do nothing. If he wants to go I’d probably say he makes appointments but if you have a lot more time then you just have to do a bit more. Seems odd to be arguing about this.