Relocating children abroad - any experiences?

[StillRunningOnCoffee]

I’m considering whether it would be possible for my children to spend their teenage years in my home country, where I have family and support, as I think it could offer them a better quality of life. My ExH would be very unlikely to agree, so it would potentially need to be via the courts.

Has anyone here successfully relocated children abroad in similar circumstances? I appreciate it’s very expensive and that the chances of success are low, but I’d be interested in hearing others’ experiences.

Depends on your home country

does he see his children? Does he pay maintenance? Are you in the U.K.?
yes to these questions then probably not get permission

Which country?
Dad's permission?

I don't have personal experience, but the courts will look at what is in the children's best interests. If they currently have regular contact with their dad, the court will likely prioritise that over extended family/quality of life.

Yes in the UK. Home country is Ireland. Dad has regular contact. He does not pay maintenance.

If dad won’t agree then no. Personally I think once they are teens it’s better to keep them in school / in friendship groups. I’ve been waiting years to relocate until my youngest is 18, 2 months away now. It’s hard being away from family, but your ex can say no and sounds like he will.

They’re school-aged and have regular contact with their dad during the week. I cover most of their day-to-day costs, including schooling. I think relocating could offer the children a positive change, with more family support and space to grow. I also worry that our current urban environment may become less suitable as they get older and more independent...

If they have regular positive contact you’ve got no chance

Thanks for the replies. Co-parenting has been challenging, and my solicitor has advised that it would likely involve demonstrating how the children could continue having regular contact with their dad (eg daily FT, all school holidays with him etc). It’s an expensive process so just trying to understand what’s realistic…

I think reducing children's contact with a parent is a very big step to take, and potentially infringes on their rights to a meaningful relationship with both parents, and their other parent's rights too. But obviously it depends on the specific circumstances e.g. if there is an abusive relationship.

I don’t know how much weight is given to difficulties in the parental relationship where the children currently have regular contact and seem settled. Assume that usually means relocation is very unlikely?

I’d be really interested to hear about any situations where relocation was agreed by the court, and what factors seemed to make the difference.

Why no maintenance?

What do DC want? What year groups are they?

Why would urban environment be less suitable as they become more independent? What sort of environment would you be moving them to?

Considering how close Ireland is to the UK, I wouldn't take the children away from the relationship with their father and disrupt their lives at the stage they are at now, unless unavoidable circumstances.

Never would I do this to my kids if there dad is a regular contact dad, sorry but that's unfair to them, consider it once there grown, courts won't allow you and if you started court proceedings I can guarantee that will start a bad situation that isn't needed for the kids

Have you talk to the dad? Without agreement from him you have no chance.

That would be very unfair to do. You're got no chance legally either considering they have regular contact with their father and he won't give permission.

As a side point, surely an urban environment is the best suited to teens??

I also doubt you’d be able to do this unless their father agrees. And agree with others - an urban environment is typically much better for older kids as they can have a lot more independence. Do your children even want to move to rural Ireland?

no harm In asking? They could go to him for half the summer etc?

Are you taking your child with you? Do they want to go with you

My parents moved overseas when i was 19 (without me) and it was incredibly destabilising. And it’s important to add at the time I thought it was”fine”.

I’m in my forties now and still unpacking in therapy the ways that being dropped into total independence with no home to rely on the minute I became an adult has meant for me. It’s been really damaging and has affected all my adult relationships.

I know some people did succeed: the factors were.

1. The Dads were all also originally from the home country
2. There were demonstrably better employment opportunities for the Mum
3. Not that close with Dad/away a lot

However, I dated a man for whom all the above had applied and the kids are now living and working in the (equivalent of UK in your story). He was very against moving back, and had a completely different set of reasons to stay put.

I don’t know how long you’ve been separated but the conflict can and usually does decrease.

They won't take that into account.

A friend of mine recently got permission to move 500 miles with their children - however, she was moving back to the area they moved from shortly before their split (there for her ex's work), both sets of grandparents are there, she can go back to her old job, and Dad, due to his work, mostly only sees the children EOW and during any leave since the split (before the split he saw them early mornings or late nights as well) and she committed to doing the travel to him EOW and holidays to facilitate their contact.
Even then the judge was quite reluctant to rubber stamp it as dad wasn't happy to lose the ad hoc time with the kids when he had a late start and could do a school run etc.

With respect, this seems to be more about what's best for you ('where I have family and support') than what's best for your DC. As they get older, I don't understand why they also need more family support at the expense of keeping their close regular relationship with their dad? And why would being in a more isolated, less urban environment be better for teenagers? You'd also be disrupting their schooling. Is this actually about house prices?