Using married or maiden name

[Mumto21234]

Not legally divorced yet, and still use my married name for everything. I feel reluctant to start using my maiden name again as I currently share my surname with my kids which I really don't want to give up. Also all my uni paperwork/general life paperwork is under my married name. However part of me feels strange using my married name as we are now separated. Can anyone else advise how they navigated this?

I kept my married name after my divorce because it was my name.

And also my kid's name.

I didn't feel weird about it at all.

Well I've been divorced 20 yrs and still kept my married name. There's no right way it a wrong way.

Thanks both. I didnt know it was strange to keep it, but I don't want to have a separate name to my kids so that's reassuring.

I’m the same and plan to keep my married name. Like you, the name is the same as my kids, they’re still minors and I’m not giving up my now family name because of my ex. My whole life and documents are around it, so no way in hell I’m going through the process of changing it at this point. Was married for 18 years so there’s a lot tied to the name.

It's your name OP and no-one owns the deeds to it, so just do whatever is best for you.

My parents divorced over 30 years ago when I was a child and my mother kept her married name to have the same surname as her children. I also have friends who have kept their married name until they have remarried. It’s a personal choice and no right or wrong

I’m going to use my mums maiden name, but I don’t have kids so I can understand wanting to keep the same name as them.

It's YOUR name - it became yours when you changed it. It wasn't borrowed.
So do what suits you best.

You could add your former surname. or Mum's birth name , or whatever if you wanted and if it sounds good.

Not divorced but if it ever happened I would keep my married name, simply because it’s beautiful

I reverted to my maiden name. It's my name.

My children have their name. I never needed the same surname as them to be their mum.

Friends have gone both ways with the decision.

One of my friends has been divorced 30 years. She was married 10 years. She kept her married name because of her kids. In her words " they grew up, it mattered less then. But I'm stuck with it now, as my career was made with that name"

Another friend disagrees with her.

Only you can decide what's right for you.

Use whatever name you want OP, it’s completely up to you.
I reverted to my birth name, all my documents are in my birth name.
My DD is going to change her name to match mine as soon as possible.

I'm so pleased I kept my maiden name all along! But OP i know loads of divorced people still using their married name, I don't think it's uncommon

My mum kept her married name when her and my dad split up. One of her friends said she should change it because it's sexist to take a man's name anyway.

Mum pointed out that she would just be changing her name back to the man's name that HER mum was forced to take so what's the difference!

I had double barrelled my name, so I dropped ex’s name after we separated.
I have kids, we have different names. I like having my own name. My kids have never minded.

Why in the UK women change their name? It seems weird that in a country where women seem so emancipated, the majority of women take their husband’s surname. In Italy we all maintain our maiden name even after getting married.

My friend changed her name to a new surname altogether for all the reasons listed above-she didn’t want to go back to taking another man’s name (her dad’s) so she chose her own!

My aunt kept her married name even though he left her for someone else who he married so there was a new Mrs H - 35 years later she still uses her married name even though her children are grown up. My mum never understood it as she was still close to my grandparents as adults & my mum thought she should use their name as she was only married 2 years. I found it strange she goes “Mrs married name” when she isn’t but it’s not my name.

i took my husbands surname even though i don’f like it as it’s our family name. He wasn’t bothered whether i changed my name or not but i didn’t like my maiden name either as not close to my dad so i changed it & now it’s MY name. My career was in that name although my degree is maiden name. My kids have it & i like having the same name. If we got divorced (nearly did) i’ll keep it but won’t use “Mrs surname” i’ll just go back to Miss but the name is mine now. Married at 23 & been married 19 years so in a few years i’ll have had this name longer than my other one anyway making it feel like mine (especially if we are still married) all the more.

It’s just a name at the end of the day so use whatever you prefer. Theres no right or wrong

I picked a whole new one.
I didn't want his name, but it felt wrong to move back to my maiden name. So I took a name that was within my family and took on my grandmothers maiden name.
Felt very fitting and love the feeling of resurrecting a surname that would of died with her mother and father.
I've said if I were to marry again id adopt their surname on a casual basis but retain all legal and official stuff in my original format.

I’m keeping my married name, I want to have the same name as my kids and changing it back would be a faff! I had a Christmas card from a friend who used my maiden name which felt weird (I’m separated)

I’m keeping married name, at least for now. Divorce was only finalised recently and I have a young child.
I might change my mind in the future but have opted to use Ms marriedname instead of Mrs.

My mum kept married name and she got divorced in 1996.

I kept mine. Changed it when I remarried. It’s your name and you get to decide, so if you’re okay using it, carry on.

I changed mine back via deed poll the day he left. I agree with @Globules that I never felt the need to have the same name as my DC. They changed their names to double barrelled with mine when they were teens.

It's very much individual choice though.

Im not yet divorced but have reverted back to my maiden name. Initially planned to keep my married name because of the DC. But it has honestly never felt like "my" name, and my ex has an odd idea that i am somehow his possession while ever i use HIS name. And reads into ir that i must still want to be married (i dont)

Just found this thread as I’m considering what to do with my name when the divorce is finalised. For those of you who kept your married name, what title do you use? Can/do you still use Mrs?

I changed to Ms, and started using my maiden name for very contained things where it didn’t have to be my legal name eg. Like name in the programme for amateur dramatics (but not that). I don’t want all the inevitable nosiness and questions if I change it at work and don’t want to get confused and come unstuck with passports and travel