Childcare maintenance

[AudeKath]

My ex-partner and I are separating. We are not married and have 3 kids together. He’s asking for a 50/50 childcare arrangement. Without a financial contribution, aka child maintenance, I will struggle to raise our daughters. On the gov website, it says that if it is a strict share arrangement, nobody will have to contribute.
However, even though we might do a strict 50/50 (same number of nights), when putting myself as the “receiving parent”, on the website Will you be paying or receiving child maintenance? - Calculate child maintenance - GOV.UK, it says that he will have to pay something for the girls.

At the moment, he’s earning more than me. He’s a doctor (registrar), and not working full-time (80% only, and doing extra shifts). In order to do a strict 50/50, he had to go down to 60% to be able to have our kids.
Because I don’t know how much he will earn when going down to 60%, (he will do extra shifts to make up for 2 days off he will take everyday), I don’t want to sign anything, but he’s pressuring me to do so.

I guess my questions are: do you know if, under these circumstances, he will have to give me child maintenance?
If I end up earning more than him, will I have to give him child maintenance?

If going down the route of a mediator, will they automatically do a financial disclosure with both of us.

I honestly hope that everything will be okay. I would like an amicable separation. Things are quite conflictual right now, for lots of reasons. We failed as partners, but I hope we will succeed at parenting.

My exdp was a dick with me when we first split (my decision) but as a co-parent he has always down right from a financial perspective. When I was made redundant he would do things like a food shop of basics and the odd treat for my house when he was doing his shop, would transfer a bit extra at Christmas etc and has always split all activity costs and school related trips/uniform etc 50/50.

Over the years our friendship has repaired itself which I am glad of and me. Him. Dd, and dss & dsd with him (his older kids) are still a family. Him and my now dh get on really well and we all do big events together.

As others have said, get proper legal advice and for the love of God do not sign anything without having seen a lawyer.

Yes, I’m not signing anything without seeing a solicitor. Reading my initial message, I’ve just realised that I might have come across like someone greedy, which I have never been. I’m just scared of how I will raise 3 young kids by myself. As he will eventually end up having a better life style than mine, I’m worrying they might choose to stay with him when they will be older. I’m doing well for myself, so I think I might be overwhelmed and overthinking. I’m worried because I’ve always been the main carer since the girls were born. I work in marketing and WFH, while he always had a different schedule every week, working long days, and sometimes weekends. I love my kids and always looked after them, I’ve been doing (happily) school drop offs, pick ups, medical appointments (as a doctor he doesn’t have the flexibility I have with work and work longer hours), and household stuff. He is a good father and always helped with the girls on his days off. He has managed to secured 2 days a week off, which I good for him and the kids. But I don’t know how long this arrangement is going to be for, and I don’t want to have to change the house schedule for the kids every 6 months. I want stability for the girls, they might struggle with changing days-house every few months.
Sorry that was me ranting, but it gives a bit more context about my question.

I did 50/50 with my ex (one week in, one week off) and after dreading it, it actually works really well. It enabled me to progress in my career and have some ‘me’ time.

what you don’t want to do is get involved or solve his childcare issues. When the children are with him, it’s his responsibility to arrange and pay for childcare. He can’t just expect you to cover this for him.

Very often ‘some’ men will want 50/50, but when reality hits and they have to do all the leg work such as buying school uniforms, making packed lunches, taking time off to look after the kids when they are sick, also having to arrange childcare during acho holidays the often want to reconsider.

if you do go down this route, don’t step in to help, it’s his responsibility to cover all eventualities when they are with him.

I don’t imagine his job will lend itself to being a single parent (albeit for 50% of the time) very easily

I have had a couple of friends where 50/50 was agreed.
DONT DO IT.
So many reasons why it hasn't worked, but it all comes down to the fact that the dads didn't want to pay support, therefore asked for 50/50 yet it never actually works out like that and the mum is constantly out of pocket and having to fight for things to be split 50/50 (like uniforms / extra pairs of glasses when they are lost at dads / spare shoes because they always get left at dads / duplicate everything down to PJS and wash stuff. School trips / days out with friends etc.

Just don't do it .

But when filling out the questionnaire, how do I know who the paying parent or receiving parent is? I went to a Citizens Advice office where I live, explained the situation to the person I had an appointment with, and he's the one who told me that even with similar-ish incomes, I was eligible for CM. I always assumed I wasn't, which is now very confusing. We have agreed on seeing a mediator to help us write our parental plan, and now I just don't know what to put in it.

There's a lot of confusion around this, but I'd suggest having a read of this thread (and thread 1 on the same topic) for the purposes of a cautionary tale about believing you're entitled to CM.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5340011-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads-part-2?page=23

No do not sign anything you absolutely should not need to sign anything to separate from a boyfriend. He’s trying to shaft his own kids out of financial support if he isn’t doing 50/50 in 2 years you won’t be able to do anything about it because you have signed to say your not wanting it. You don’t know what will happen in the future whatever he says now the children need to be cared for and financially supported until they are adults at points this takes flexibility and adjustment don’t sign anything.

I just read some of the comments in that thread. That's exactly what I don't want to end up doing. I think I will go back to my solicitor to get some clarification about my rights, and depending on their advice, I will then draft a parental plan based on what I am advised to do. Thanks everyone!

Get yourself a recommended family law solicitor. If he wants to take you to court over 50/50, let him. He will have to prove to the court how he will accommodate a 50/50 arrangement. The courts are very much in the favour of what is best for the kids.

My kids didn’t even notice when my STBXH moved out, that’s how little he was around. Now that we’ve split, all of a sudden he wants 50/50. Funny how they want to be involved in their kids lives when money is involved.

I think I might agree on a 50/50 for now, but if I see that he relies too much on me or his parents/friends/colleagues I might ask for more. I want the kids to see their dad, I just struggle very much with the fact they won’t be with me 50% of the time 😩