Childcare maintenance

[AudeKath]

My ex-partner and I are separating. We are not married and have 3 kids together. He’s asking for a 50/50 childcare arrangement. Without a financial contribution, aka child maintenance, I will struggle to raise our daughters. On the gov website, it says that if it is a strict share arrangement, nobody will have to contribute.
However, even though we might do a strict 50/50 (same number of nights), when putting myself as the “receiving parent”, on the website Will you be paying or receiving child maintenance? - Calculate child maintenance - GOV.UK, it says that he will have to pay something for the girls.

At the moment, he’s earning more than me. He’s a doctor (registrar), and not working full-time (80% only, and doing extra shifts). In order to do a strict 50/50, he had to go down to 60% to be able to have our kids.
Because I don’t know how much he will earn when going down to 60%, (he will do extra shifts to make up for 2 days off he will take everyday), I don’t want to sign anything, but he’s pressuring me to do so.

I guess my questions are: do you know if, under these circumstances, he will have to give me child maintenance?
If I end up earning more than him, will I have to give him child maintenance?

If going down the route of a mediator, will they automatically do a financial disclosure with both of us.

It’s my understanding unless there is a significant disparity in income - I’m talking about A BIG disparity here - then no maintenance is payable?

if you are splitting childcare exactly 50/50 then why do you feel you need the maintenance? How would that be to “raise” your daughters?

I guess my questions are: do you know if, under these circumstances, he will have to give me child maintenance?
If I end up earning more than him, will I have to give him child maintenance?
I think if its 50:50 no child maintenance is paid, but if you would expect more from him if he earns more, why wouldn’t you pay him more if you earn more?

Right there on the link you provided: "You will not get child maintenance if the day-to-day care of your child is equal between parents."

No, you won't get CM if the care is 50/50. The calculator is misleading. The receiving parent's income is not taken into account either.

So you want to do more than 50:50 so you get child maintenance?

No, it's true that child maintenance can be due even on 50/50 care, but this is for a large difference in income as pp says. If there is a chance you could end up on a higher income I would not even mention it.

If he is already dropping hours to accommodate childcare then his income will fall significantly and you won't get much if anything and only antagonise him.

Surely this is a good thing? You want a healthy and equal co-parenting relationship? I'm also confused why you need a contribution to raising your children when he will be doing 50/50. He WILL be contributing...in time.

Saying that, I don't know why you would be expected to sign anything about this. Yanbu to not sign any agreement saying you will not ever ask for maintenance. What's that about??!

What is he asking you to sign?

Have you taken legal advice?

If you can't afford the kids can their father parent them more than 50% of the time? You could work more hours, then, and have less to pay as they won't need heating/food etc. in your house.

Don't sign an ex boyfriends documents, that's weird of him to ask.

If you cannot afford to look after your kids then they'll have to stay with their father. You need to earn more money.

I don’t think denying him 50/50 for your own financial benefit is the right way to go about things.

No he won’t need to pay, but you need to ensure that he is paying half for any child related expenses such as clubs, swimming lessons. Ensure that clothes are purchased equally, including uniform. I’d keep a close eye on that to ensure that any child related costs are a true 50-50.

There’s a post on AIBU at the moment that shows that the info is wrong when it says one parent should pay when its 50-50.

Who is the primary carer at the moment? Who arranges dentist appointments, does school pick ups, sorts packed lunches, etc? If all those things are 50/50 now then great. Move to 50/50 care post separation and be prepared for no maintenance (barring a big income disparity).

If, however, you have been doing 80% of it and now he wants 50/50 as he sees it as a way of reducing maintenance, that’s not in the children’s best interests (reflecting the status quo as they have to navigate all the other choices and moving slowly to 50/50 is better).

Seek advice before signing anything.

50/50 means no maintenance. Getting maintenance should not be a reason to want more than 50/50, just as avoiding paying maintenance shouldn’t be a reason for a parent to seek 50/50. The childcare arrangement should be on the basis of what is in the kids’ best interests. The end of a co-habiting relationship invariably means a drop in standard of living for both parties, but more so for the lower earner.

What can you do to earn more? Because realistically, CM only lasts till they are 18 anyway and the paying party‘s income can go down for a number of reasons, which reduces the CM. You should not be entirely reliant on CM to meet basic living costs, for that reason. How old are the kids?

I think this post is misleading. A court won’t order a childcare split based on what HAS been the case, but on what the party seeking more time with the kids demonstrates they CAN do now. When I split with my ex, I’d been the primary carer, I worked part time to do that, I earned less as a result, but ex said she wanted 50/50 now and could rearrange her work life to do it (shame she never did while we were together). That’s what happened and 50/50 has worked well. It also enabled me to go back full time and earn more.

I’m not talking about court - there’s a whole host of steps/conversations which should take place before then, if it’s necessary at all. It’s about the best interests of the child. In your case a change worked out great for your DC which is wonderful, but all too often parents want to post-separation arrangements based on their own self interest rather than the child’s. That’s why it’s important to consider how different the suggested arrangements are to the current status quo. Too much of a change, especially if not made for the right reasons (I.e. genuinely spending more time with the child rather than saving money), really might be too much for a child to start off with - which isn’t to say it can’t be worked towards, of course. I just think the OP would benefit from some advice before signing something she has misgivings about.

Is it a separation agreement? This is voluntary but can be upheld by the court as a contact so don’t sign one without legal advice.

Many people are very anti using CMS but i see it as an independent decision maker that meant I didn’t have to deal with exH playing games. They do annual reviews and take info from HMRC which means I don’t have to contact him to find out if his contract or earnings have changed as that happens automatically. You don’t have to negotiate you can agree to let CMS make the decision. The only point in having a written agreement is if plans to be more generous than CMS.

keep records of who has the children when and then if things aren’t 50:50 you can provide a list to CM and ask for a review. I would be doubtful a registrar is going to manage 50% childcare

make sure 50:50 is days and nights so both of you have equal opportunity to work and each is responsible for 50% costs eg childcare or activities etc on their days. If the child is ill or school closed for snow etc who is responsible for coming out of work on which day? He will need to buy in childcare if necessary not expect you to drop your work and step in. How will school holidays be split?

If there is a big financial difference between you then you may be able to make a financial claim under schedule 1 children act even though you aren’t married - this can include lump sums, property orders or ongoing payments for the children’s benefit. Again you would need specialist legal advice on this and knowledge of his assets. Also you need to think ahead to school expenses, trips, uni costs all of this needs discussed.

Depending on the age of children they may also have a say where they live. Not all dc want 2 homes - mine were mid teens and were clear they wanted one base.

Well, if I can’t afford a place near the school where all of our 3 daughters will go, it will be a struggle for me. He will end up living near the school himself, they will be registered at his place and I might end up in the middle of nowhere, and my kids might not want to stay with me. I might be overreacting but I’m just worried and trying to get some clarity about my options.

That’s exactly what I don’t want to end up doing, so I need to be careful about what I ask when meeting with a solicitor and/or mediator

No, I would like to have them more than 50% but he’s refusing it, and tells me he would take me to court if I ask for more.

I don’t want to deny him 50/50. He obviously has a right to see them as much as me. But main worry is about the childcare arrangements. He’s a registrar and I don’t think that a true 50/50 is feasible in the long term.

Put simply you need to increase your income he will need to take on 50% of the costs no sharing no picking them up on his days to facilitate him working be enthusiastic this is a good thing you will have your life you can enjoy it just dont get trapped into being the parent who does all the boring stuff the dentist the homework the studying you will be fine

Maintenance with 50/50 is absolutely not straight forward. Where a large disparity of income exists it can be payable, for me exdp earned about 2.5 times my salary so it was payable based on gov.uk calculations and I am lucky that he is not a prick and does pay without issue albeit we agreed a lower figure than than the calculated one.

However, if it goes to CMS arbitration then you will need to prove that although time with each is 50/50 the parenting load is not. So if all life admin for them I.e. docs/dentist/optician/sorting uniform/homework help etc is all dealt with vy you then they can rule it is payable. However the burden of proof is high and it is not an easy option

Our eldest is 4 yo and her twin sisters are going to be 3 yo.
As I said, I would ideally like a 60/40 so I can see the kids an extra day a week. The schedule agreed would be him having the kids Monday-Wed midday, and me Wed midday until Friday. We would then alternate weekends. But when it’s his weekends I will barely see my kids and right now I’m struggling with this.
I don’t expect the difference to be huge at the moment, but what about when he will be a consultant? I’m afraid the kids will want to spend more time with him.